Summary:
What if Coin convinced Haymitch, Plutarch and the tributes to save Peeta instead of Katniss during the Quarter Quell? What would happen?
" But Katniss… This is Peeta! You know him… He wouldn't do that! "
" Oh yeah, I know him. I do. He totally would. "
She laughed and turned away from Haymitch.
Chapter 21 : I have to be other there
As he made his way out of the cafeteria, Peeta felt sleepy, and his head was hurting. He growled and put a hand on his temple, trying to avoid the pain he was experiencing at the moment. His feet leaded him to his room, where he took his pajama, a towel and his tiny grey bathing essentials bag. He walked towards the closest bathroom and settled his grey towel over a door. Turning on his heels, he faced himself in a mirror, but couldn't quite recognize himself. He was skinnier than ever, had big bags under his eyes, and his jaw didn't seem to be able to relax. Sighing, he opened his shower door but a hand on his shoulder made him jump and turn around.
" Hey there Peeta, I didn't mean to scare you! "
" Oh, Haymitch, that's just you… "
" Well… I don't know how to react to that to be honest, ha ha. " Laughed Haymitch.
" Sorry, sorry. I'm just exhausted. "
" Well boy, just try to catch some sleep tonight, alright? I know it might be annoying to hear people telling you that, but that's all we can do to help you. "
" Thanks. Did you want to talk about something, maybe? "
Peeta looked in his ex-mentor's eyes, and could see this man's soul was older than it should be. The Games destroyed him. The blond boy remembered when Katniss and him learned about their mentor's Quarter Quell, where the were not 24 but 48 tributes. The survivor of this massacre was standing right in front of him, trying to act as if he was still living. Something broke in Peeta's heart as he realized he was going to be the same. Not that he didn't respect Haymitch, but his train of living wasn't normal. And the man's mind was a mess, reducing him to drink until drunk every day for the rest of his existence. Peeta shivered, waiting for Haymitch's answer, patiently.
" Well, since the Order of the Mockingjay doesn't meet anymore, I wanted to keep track of how you guys were doing. I could know this yeah, but I stay in the kitchens most of the days, drinking what the cooks can give me. "
" I see, it's okay, don't worry. I talked with Coin today, and I'm getting my soldier rank's back, I'm glad. "
" That's good news! " Nodded Haymitch, patting Peeta's shoulder. "You deserve to be part of this army, boy. "
" But when I came up with the topic of rescuing Katniss, Annie and Johanna, the President didn't seem quite happy with it. I don't think she will let me go. "
" Then you'll stay with me. I'll be there! "
" But I have to be over there. You know that, Haymitch. I swore to protect Katniss, and she's in Snow's arms, like a pantomime. I have to do something. "
" I swore this too. And I failed her. Did you ask for some help, to be recommended? "
" Sure, Gale will converse with the President tomorrow. I'm not sure it will be well seen by her, but it's nice of him. "
" He's a good boy y'a know… A really good guy. True to himself, willing to help the weak and the poor. "
" Gale sure has good goals and ambitions. He's much more better than me. "
" Don't say that boy. Don't say that. " Haymitch said, shaking his head.
Peeta gave his ex-mentor a weak smile and nodded, knowing he wasn't believable. He knew he would never be able to accept himself again if something bad happened to Katniss, the only person he had left.
" I think a lot about that time, on the beach in the arena. "
" Oh, this one time with Katniss, and the medallion? "
" Exactly. This day, she told me I had to live. She told me she needed me. I don't think she does anymore. Maybe she didn't even need me once. Well, only for surviving matter. "
" You shouldn't think about that Peeta. " Haymitch said, brushing some invisible dust away from his eyes. " It's no use. "
" I know. But I keep dreaming about this scene. And maybe she was telling the truth, maybe she did. But I need her more than she needs me. "
" There's no way to know that. "
" Yeah, unfortunately. "
" Don't lose faith Peeta, don't ever give up. Even in your darkest hours. Know that there are people that actually care about you. "
The blond boy didn't say anything, staring at his feet covered in those ugly grey shoes. Haymitch laughed and made Peeta look up at him.
" Yeah, I know! You think I'm talking nonsense because I'm drunk, but boy… Drunk people tell the truth, they really do. You have to be strong, for all of those people looking up to you. And I'm talking about Katniss' mother, Prim, Finnick, me… We believe in you, boy. "
" Thank you Haymitch. "
" Never forget this conversation we just had, and focus on the tiny bright side that you can see, that you want to reach. "
" I will, I promise. " Peeta said, nodding slightly.
" I'm sure you will boy. Well, I'll let you shower, there's a bottle of alcohol waiting for me somewhere behind some dirty boxes! Take care Peeta! "
" Sure, take care of you too. "
" I can't say I will, but I'll give it a try. "
Haymitch winked at Peeta and turned around, walking his wavy way out of the bathrooms. The blond boy sighed and looked at himself in the mirror once again. He shouldn't be punishing himself for what happened, he had to make a change, just as Gale said. Blaming himself would lead him nowhere, and he would just end up thinner and weaker.
Peeta enjoyed his shower more than he ever did in 13. The warm water making his blond hair stick to his forehead and temples. He took the bottle of shampoo and took a small amount of it in his hands, rubbing them together. A nice white foam formed and he applied it on his wet hair, whistling as he continued to shower. He ran his hands on his torso, over his disappearing abdominals, and over his thick leg. He had to take a moment to wash the shower gel that was staying over his fake, substitute one. He rinsed himself properly and dried as fast as possible. He got in his pajama and exited the cabin with his toothbrush between his teeth, and his wet towel over his shoulders. He brushed his teeth and left, throwing his dirty uniform in the basket on his way. Life in 13 was now quite normal to the blond boy, that rubbed his towel over his wet hair.
He made his way to his room and fell on his tiny bed that creaked under his weight. The boy stared blankly at the ceiling of his room and tried to remember how his life was in 12 before the Hunger Games. He spent most of his time in school, with a couple friends, that he didn't really care about. And every time he cached a glimpse of Katniss, he could only stare as he remembered the day when he threw her some burnt bread. Remorse and sadness ran through him every time he saw the girl's face. He was kinda fascinated by her. Not only by her looks, that were impressive for a girl that young, but also by her courage, and her will to take care of her family. Peeta didn't know what it meant to take care of a family, as his parents did it for him and his brothers. From this rainy day, the boy had seem to be unable to forget about Katniss. He didn't think he could call it love, but he knew there was something about her that would never leave him. He fell asleep without even realizing it, completely exhausted.
He woke up screaming and shivering, covered in sweat. Pulling on the grey sheets, the muscles in his arms didn't seem like they could ever relax, and his heart was completely crazy. The boy closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing, slowly letting go of the handful of sheets he was holding. He put a shaking hand on his forehead, he was burning. Images of his nightmare were printed in his mind, and he couldn't throw them away. He was with Katniss, probably in the Capitol, they were talking but he couldn't remember what was the topic. Then a group of tracker jackers started bitting him on his neck, face, hands and feet. He screamed Katniss' name, telling her to go away, but when he looked up, Katniss had turned into President Snow and was smirking at him.
He tried not to understand the meaning of that nightmare and took a fresh towel with a new pair of pajamas. A look at his wrist told him it was 3 AM, so he was sure that he could walk without running into someone. He left his room, the sliding door closing behind him. Covered in sweat, panting, he made his way to the bathrooms. He turned the light on, a clicking sound revolving in the empty room. Peeta put his towel over the grey door of the first cabin and entered it. He turned the cold water faucet and stood under the water, with his eyes wide open. There was no time to be wasted, they had to get the girls. He thought about Finnick, and knew that his friend wasn't doing any better than him. There was both his lover and friend in Snow's hands, so the boy was for sure not having a fun time in 13.
He exited the shower in a new pajama and sighed, staring at his sick reflection in the mirror. A surprised scream escaped his mouth as he saw someone standing behind him.
" F-F-Finnick! What are you doing here? " Peeta stuttered.
" I could ask you the same question, here. "
" You scared me… "
" Sorry about that. I couldn't sleep, and it's too hot in my room. What about you? "
" A nightmare. Nothing to worry about. "
" You should take a look at your face. You look sick, Peeta. "
" I know. " The blond sighed back.
" You'd better go back and try to sleep until morning. Okay? "
" Sure, good night Finnick. "
" Thanks, you too. "
Finnick bowed his head and left the bathrooms, his steps not making a single noise on the grey floor of the district. Peeta sighed and avoided his reflection as he left too. His room wasn't far away, but it seemed like an eternity as his fake leg made a single, metallic noise every time it hit the ground. He slid the door of his room close and settled under his grey covers. His small bed was feeling too big as he stood alone in it. Katniss and him took a habit of sleeping together every night since that night on the train. That night, when he promised her he would always stay with her.
Peeta was struggling, trying to hold back his tears. Too tired to fight against them, he let the salted drops roll over his cheeks and end on his sheets. He didn't make any noise, didn't move as the drops kept flowing. The boy stood like this for hours, blinking only when the tears blinded the pattern on the ceiling of his room.
The clock on his tiny nightstand said 7 AM. He had to get up and head to the cafeteria, he had to move, to do something, anything. He growled, his throat hurting after another nightless sleep. He sat up on his bed, his available leg shaking as he put on his shoes. He got up, his back hurting because of cramps but he headed towards the cafeteria anyway.
Prim was already there, her hair tied up in a ponytail. She smiled and waved when she saw him entering the room, almost empty at such an early hour. Peeta answered with a heartwarming smile and took his ashtray to the table, seating in front of her.
" Already awake little Prim? " Peeta said, smiling.
" Yes, I have another set of exams today, and I wanted to read my notes once again. "
" You're such a good student. Your mother must be really proud of you. "
" She really is, and she's very supportive. She asks me questions before I go to bed, concerning my lessons. This way, I remember things quicker than by reading it on my own. "
" That's nice, and it looks like it's helping you. "
" It is, it is… But Peeta, you seem down these days. And you lost weight. Are you okay? "
" Don't worry about me. I'm going to be a soldier again. " Peeta simply answered.
" Oh, and you're happy about it? "
" Of course I am. "
Peeta smiled to the blonde girl and took a piece of dried peach from his plate. He chewed on it, and was ravished by its taste, totally opposite from the banana's. The boy cracked a laugh when he thought about the fruit once again.
" What are you laughing about? " Prim asked, surprised.
" I was thinking about the banana disaster the other day. "
" It sure was disgusting. I never knew bananas could taste that bad, and be that sticky! "
Peeta stayed with Prim for an hour in the cafeteria, helping her with her lessons. Katniss' mother didn't stay thought, having to head back to the hospital of District 13. When 8 AM came, Prim had to go to class, and left Peeta alone on their table. Gale didn't show up at all, and the blond boy wondered if he was actually with Coin, discussing his departure with the squad. He swallowed hardly and put his empty ashtray away. He looked at his schedule, and saw that he had a mathematics lesson followed by an economics one. He sighed, stretched and stopped by his room to collect a notebook and pen.
He sat on a table in the back of the room, and looked to his left, where windows should be showing the outside. How depressing living underground could be. He shacked his head and followed the lesson, participating so the teacher would leave him alone for the hour and a half left. He kept focusing on what the teacher could teach him and left completely tired and not willing to go to his next appointment. He yawned and wondered if Gale had already finished debating with President Coin about him being a part of the squad going to the Capitol to save the girls. Peeta knew that he wasn't really fair to Coin as she was already sending two important figures of the revolution there, Gale and Finnick. It was a big risk for her to send him too, but selfishly, he wanted to go.
He entered the classroom where the economics lesson will be given, and noticed Prim. He sat next to her and tapped her shoulder gently. The girl jumped and laughed when she realized it was just Peeta.
" What are you doing here? This is the first time I see you here. "
" Well, my teacher told me we could take optional lessons, so here I am. "
" You love studying, don't you? "
" I do. I love learning things. " Prim nodded, blushing.
Peeta smiled and was about to talk to Prim when the teacher came in the room, followed by Gale. Peeta and Gale's eyes met and Gale just nodded silently as he made his way to a free table. The smaller boy smiled, hoping that he interpreted Gale's gesture in the right way.
After an hour oh studying, Boggs came through the door.
" Excuse me for disturbing your lesson, but can I borrow you Mr Mellark? "
" Sure. Mr Mellark, go on. "
" Oh, take your things with you. "
Peeta nodded and followed Coin's secondhand in the corridors. He was sure she was going to be upset because he used Gale's help in order to go to the Capitol. Maybe she won't let him go, or won't give him his soldier rank because of that. This was a thing Peeta didn't want to happen. He was anxious as the elevator's doors opened and Boggs motioned to him to go ahead. The boy nodded and stopped in front of the Commandment Center. He gave it two strong knocks and the doors opened instantly, with Coin behind it.
She looked tired, yet she still had this look in her eyes that made her intimidating. She stepped to the side, allowing Peeta to enter the empty Commandment Center. He sat on a chair and waited for the impact.
" You wanted to see me, President? "
" Yes. Your little friend, soldier Hawthorne and me talked about you for two straight hours. I must say that it was exhausting, this boy has a lot of persistence. "
Peeta couldn't find anything to answer so he kept staring at Coin. She looked as if she was waiting for something to happen. Did she want him to apologize and take back his request? That was not going to happen. After a minute of tensed silence, the doors opened behind them, and Beetee rolled in on his wheel chair.
" Oh, Mr Latier, thank you for coming so fast. "
" No problem, President. Should I start now? "
" Sure, go on. " Coin said, in her usual mechanic tone.
Coin motioned to Peeta as Beetee nodded and rolled towards the blond boy that had no clue on what was happening before his eyes. He swallowed as Beetee took a toolbox from under his wheel chair.
" May I ask what you're going to do? "
" Giving you your soldier rank back, Peeta. "
Peeta, that was all tensed up, relaxed in his chair as Beetee connected his bracelet to a tiny box. He was so relieved, that Coin didn't change her mind about that. The silver haired woman was standing still on their sides, watching carefully what Beetee was doing. The black man didn't seem to care about this pair of frozen eyes looking down on him, as he kept doing things with a lot of tools Peeta never saw before.
" President, I need your card. "
" Sure. "
The woman opened her jacket, and looked inside a secret pocket. She took out a golden card, weird for a district so grey, and handed it to Beetee. The man thanked her and took out a big machine, where he scanned the card. Coin was already waiting to have it back, her palm open in front of the mechanician. Beetee put the card there, and Coin quickly put it back to where it was before. Peeta couldn't help but wonder what such a card could do in the district.
" While Mr Latier keeps on working on your grade, I want to keep you in touch with what's happening backstage. "
" Sure. "
" The nuts' expedition will be launched two days from now. So, be ready because I'm sending you there, with Mr Hawthorne. A bunch of soldiers will go with you too. Promise me you won't do anything stupid. "
" Like what? " Peeta asked, cocky.
" Mr Mellark, just promise. "
" I promise you I won't do anything stupid. "
" Good. " Coin said, nodding.
Beetee kept working on his bracelet, and after a few minutes, he sighed and crossed a hand on his sweaty forehead. He disconnected Peeta's bracelet to the machine and rolled back. He closed his toolbox on his knees and put it back under his wheel chair.
" There, it's done President. "
" Thank you. You can leave now. "
The doors opened and closed as Peeta looked at his bracelet, where he could see his soldier rank was finally back. He had to work hard now, in order to not lose it again. He was now wondering what next was about to come, as Coin stared at him intensely.
" So, thanks to Mr Hawthorne, you'll be going to the Capitol. "
" Thank you so much. "
" You should thank him, not me. "
" I will do that, obviously. " Peeta said, bowing his head.
" I accepted, but if you mess with the district just a tiny little other time, you'll stay. Did you understand Mr Mellark? "
" I did. "
" Now, you may leave. "
" Thank you. "
Coin rolled her eyes as she followed Peeta to the door. He thanked her again and she closed the door just in front of his nose. The boy sighed and stretched. There was only fifteen minutes left in his economics lesson, so he wasn't going to go back there. Instead, he headed to the cafeteria, where the first inhabitants started to gather. He sat on the table he shared with the Everdeens and the Hawthornes, and smiled as he looked at his plate full of mashed potatoes and soya.
The odds were finally starting to be in their favor.
NDA: I'm really, really sorry.
I moved out of my home, started college and had a lot to do these last weeks.
So I want to apologize about the lack of chapter, and can't promise it will be better in the coming month.
I'll try to give you the 22nd chapter before September ends, but I'm not saying I will.
Thanks you for reading me,
See you in the next chapter!
Bisous.