[Thanksgiving]
Sebastian stretched back in his chair, his waistband uncomfortably tight on account of the festive meal he had just consumed.
"That was amazing, Mrs Turner," he said to Alice's mother.
"No problem at all honey, and please, it's Samantha."
Sebastian blushed.
It was Thanksgiving and he was celebrating with Alice and her family at their house in Georgia. After finding out he had spent Thanksgiving all by himself the year before, Alice had threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't go home with her.
Alice's sister was there with her husband, as were several aunts and uncles, Alice's cousins with a band of children high on candy-corn, a grandmother who kept dozing off, and a great-aunt who kept referring to Sebastian as Alice's 'gentleman friend'. Alice hadn't told them about Brody yet, and although she kept telling everyone Sebastian was just a friend, it didn't really seem to register. He was accepted as one of the family, as they assumed he might soon be one of them officially.
As the family got up to start clearing the table, Sebastian stood too, reaching for an empty dish.
Samantha tapped his hand away. "No, no, Sebastian you're our guest, please, sit and relax."
"Oh no, Mrs...Samantha," he stammered. "Please, let me help."
"God, you're a dream!" Alice's sister Jess said doe-eyed. She hit her husband who was snoring lightly next to her. "Why aren't you like that?"
He jolted awake and glared at her. "What was that for?"
Jess rolled her eyes.
"Mom," Alice said hastily. "I thought I might take Sebastian on a walk after lunch, can we go now?"
Alice's great-aunt cooed and gave them unsubtle winks.
"Sure honey. You kids wrap up warm," Alice's mother said.
Alice's great-aunt winked at them again.
Alice rolled her eyes and beckoned Sebastian to follow.
"Sorry, I needed to get out of there for a bit," Alice said to Sebastian as they made their way into the hall. "I mean, I love them all, but they're so loud ! And Auntie Martha is really just being a pain."
"I think they're sweet. Are we really going for a walk?" Sebastian asked sceptically. "Because I don't think I could, after eating so much."
"No, silly," Alice said, wrapping a scarf around her neck and sliding her feet into her boots. "You're my cover story, I wanna call Brody."
Once they were wrapped up to protect from the elements, they headed out of the house and down the road. Alice pulled out her phone and dialled her boyfriend.
Chuckling, Sebastian pulled out his phone too. He knew Kurt was spending the day with Blaine and Sam but he might be able to talk for five minutes.
He pressed the call button and held the phone up to his ear, waiting for Kurt to answer.
"Hey," came the familiar voice of his friend.
'Hey ,' Sebastian responded in French. 'Happy Thanksgiving, can you talk? '
Kurt glanced at Blaine and Sam, who were watching the Thanksgiving Football. He couldn't care less about the game, and he was fairly sure Blaine didn't either, but Sam was heavily into it.
'Just a second ,' he replied.
Kurt took his phone into the bedroom and dropped down on the mattress. He wouldn't be missed, anyway. He lay down on his back and propped his legs up against the wall.
'Okay, here I am ,' he said, sighing. 'Thank god you called, I'm bored out of my mind. Tell me about your day.'
'Well, we had a really chilled morning, just the four of us; Alice ,her parents and I. Then the rest of her family started arriving. They're great, but…we're taking a little breather outside right now, ' Sebastian said happily, glancing sideways at his friend.
' 'm glad she dragged me along. We've just escaped the crazy house so she can call Brody, and I thought I'd see how your day was...what are you up to?'
'Hmm… ' Kurt let out, staring at the ceiling without really seeing anything. ' Not much. The boys are watching the game, and I was thinking about taking a bath. I'm makeíng dinner, but I don't expect them to move from the couch.' He sighed. 'Two years ago, Rachel & I spontaneously hosted a kiki for Isabelle and her posse at the loft. Back when Rachel was with Brody…'
'Kiki? '' Sebastian asked intrigued. ' That sounds like an amazing idea! '
'It was! We had a wonderful time. Isabelle and her friends were great! But that was when we had the loft…'
Kurt heard cheering from the other room. It was before Blaine and Sam moved to New York, too. He sighed.
He'd been blown away after Blaine had sacrificed his gig for him... but he wasn't enjoying the price he had to pay for it. Blaine expected him to live in a bubble of gratitude, from chores to extra BLAM nights, and it was exhausting.
'I don't know, Thanksgiving was never really my thing, ' he said darkly.
Sebastian bit his lip, Kurt didn't sound like he was having a good day at all.
'We always celebrated it, but we never made a big deal out of it ,' he said. 'It always felt a bit eccentric to celebrate a US holiday in France. But today was good so far.'
'What did you have for lunch? ' Kurt asked, clearly wanting to change the topic.
'Um, well, turkey, obviously. With green bean casserole...oh! And these mashed potatoes with garlic, god. I think I ate almost all of that by myself. It was amazing. Alice's mom made it with fresh potatoes, not those horrible instant flakes they had at Dalton, you know? And it was just to die for. All I wanted, honestly, was some cheese with it. But - ' he sighed deeply, 'I guess you can't have everything in life. The deserts more than made up for it, though...apple crumble with deliciously thick custard and a cheesecake that would have had you salivating at the mere sight of it.'
Kurt listened to him talk, closing his eyes and imagining his friend trying everything with his critical gourmet taste. He smiled as he could see Sebastian's satisfied expression when he tried something he really liked – and his offended look when something tasted bad. Kurt didn't know anyone who'd go into detail as much as Sebastian would, but that was why he asked. He liked cooking, and talking about home-made meals.
He was still thinking about all the times he'd watched Sebastian enjoy food when Sebastian asked him a question.
'Are you hitting the Black Friday sales tomorrow? '
'God, yes, it's the only thing keeping me alive ,' Kurt sighed dramatically. 'Well, and this... ' He crossed his legs against the wall. 'This is nice, too .'
He liked speaking French. It made everything sound better. And Sebastian didn't laugh if he messed up. He'd just correct him and continue. Beggars couldn't be choosers, Kurt supposed.
Sebastian smiled. Yes, this was nice. It felt good to be chatting in French again. It was one of the many things he liked about Kurt.
'Will you go shopping with Alice? ' Kurt asked.
'Probably, ' Sebastian said resignedly. 'I'm not overly keen but she's told me my job will be to hold the line while she runs around like a mad woman .'
'Someone's got to ,' Kurt agreed. 'I kind of miss Rachel at such times. I mean, the old Rachel. She's really taken to this every man and woman for themselves attitude of NYADA .'
Kurt grinned as he remembered something Sebastian wouldn't know yet. 'She used to wear old lady pantsuits in school, you know. There was a time before the thigh-highs and the fake lashes... ' The memory made him smile. The make-over he had given her for Finn had been mean, but hilarious.
Before he could let it depress his mood too much, he quickly added: 'Well, I got you now, though, and Alice and the others.'
"You'll always have us, Kurt," Sebastian said, switching back to English so that he could be sure Kurt understood him. "We're not going anywhere."
"Yeah, you said," Kurt said, touched. He knew he ought to feel embarrassed about his breakdown in front of them, but he somehow didn't. "Maybe next year, we'll have a kiki," he said, only half-joking. "We'll rent out Satire! You won't have to tend bar...and neither will Marc, because I want to dance with you both. We can get Mr Clean to mix our drinks, I'm sure Isabelle's friends will go crazy for him."
"Mr Clean?" Sebastian laughed. "You mean Danny?"
"Yeah. You know that's what he looks like!" Kurt replied.
Sebastian snorted. He'd never noticed, but now that he thought about it, Danny really did look like the cleaning agent's animated mascotte a bit.
"Name the time and place, babe and I'll be there, whatever you want," Sebastian said, smiling at the thought of spending Thanksgiving with Kurt. He knew it would only ever be as friends, but that was enough.
Quite some time later, Kurt emerged from the bedroom and found Blaine and Sam just as he had left them. There was another game on - Kurt vaguely registered different jerseys- but it seemed to be just as fascinating as the one before.
"Hey," he said, testing if they had even noticed he'd been gone.
"What?" Blaine replied, glancing over his shoulder. He frowned. "Did you take a nap or something?"
"I lay down for a bit, yes."
Blaine looked like he was going to say something, but then someone scored, and Sam sat up and wrapped his arms around Blaine happily, and Kurt watched Blaine hug him back, with closed eyes and everything.
"I'm gonna check on the turkey," Kurt suggested.
"Oh yeah, how long will it take?" Blaine asked, reluctantly letting go of Sam.
"Another hour at least," Kurt said, eyeing the chips in front of them. They'd have no appetite left, but it wasn't his problem. He wasn't their mother. He shrugged and walked into the kitchen, humming a French lullaby.
[Christmas]
Christmas had always been Finn's favourite time of the year, right from when he was a little boy. He'd sing the songs at the top of his lungs, write letters to Santa, and lie awake at night wondering about the magical reindeers. As a teen, Carole could always tell when he had finished his christmas shopping - the excitement in his eyes, the anticipation. More often than not he couldn't hold back and already told her what he had gotten her.
This was her second Christmas without him. To say that Carole wasn't struggling would be a lie. Last year, Carole had kept herself busy with work. She had taken every shift that she could to keep her hands and mind busy, though when she was asked, she had said she'd wanted to give the nurses with young families a break. Really, she was just giving herself one.
She couldn't do that this year. Kurt and Blaine were home for the holiday and she had to put on a brave face. Kurt was her son now too, and she couldn't ignore him while she mourned her other son.
"Oh Kurt, they have a karaoke machine! Let's do our Christmas duet for the shoppers! They'll love it!" Blaine said.
Carole watched as Blaine danced around her step son excitedly and didn't miss the way Kurt's shoulders drooped. Apparently she wasn't the only one struggling this year.
"Blaine, this is Ohio, not New York. I don't think..." Kurt looked around, searching until his eyes found his father.
Carole followed his eyes. Was Kurt holding back because of him? Burt had told her they'd had their differences, but the way he told it, that was all in the past.
She looked back at Kurt and Blaine, and heard Blaine go on about christmas traditions and being 'out and proud'. It irritated her. Kurt was out and proud, and to imply that he wasn't just to get him to sing seemed like a cheap line. Still, it seemed to work, as Blaine was already at the machine picking a song.
"Oh how about this one!" Blaine said, already pressing play and handing a microphone to Kurt.
Carole frowned a little. Blaine hadn't even given Kurt the chance to help pick the song.
A familiar tune rang through the speakers and people stopped to watch.
Carole watched Kurt slip into a stage persona and plastered a smile on his face as he and Blaine started to sing.
"I know I stand in line until you think you have the time to spend an evening with me," the both of them sang, Blaine looking overly devoted. Kurt smiled at him, cocking his head and swaying with the music.
"And if we go someplace to dance I know that there's a chance you won't be leaving with me..."
Carole watched Kurt closely. Blaine had turned his back and was now dancing on tiptoes towards a group of elderly ladies, and Kurt allowed his face to rest, his showy smile fading. She wasn't sure if it was the song, or just the general mood of the day. Kurt had been quiet since they picked them up from the airport. Blaine had talked for two, telling them all about some old lady who had apparently wanted him to do a show for her; Carole had kind of tuned him out in the car.
Blaine bowed to the women as he sang and they all smiled warmly at him.
"...like I love you," he sang, kissing one of them on the hand.
Carole watched as Blaine fawned over the women and moved on to another group. It was as though Kurt didn't exist.
Burt appeared at her side and placed a hand on her shoulder. She glanced at him to see if he was as troubled by the performance as she was, but he was smiling.
"I'm so glad they worked things out," he said quietly. Carole frowned and glanced back at Kurt, who was looking a little uncomfortable as he watched Blaine flirt with everyone around him besides his fiancé.
"And though it's just a line to you for me it's true and never seemed so right before..."
Carole didn't know what to think of it. Kurt had given up waiting for Blaine's attention and was now copying him instead, singing to bystanders in his sweetest voice.
"I like this Christmas tradition of theirs," Burt continued. "A singing Kurt was always a happy Kurt."
Carole frowned at her husband. "Do you not think that Kurt seems a bit...down?" Carole edged carefully.
Burt shrugged. "I don't know. He seems fine, but then he always had a way of keeping things to himself. I guess that's what I get for sending him to a theatre school!" He wrapped his arm around Carole. "He promised me we'd talk, though. You know, back then. So he knows he can come to me if something's up."
Carole hummed and leaned into him a bit. Blaine had finally rejoined Kurt. She watched carefully as Kurt smiled at Blaine. It didn't quite meet his eyes.
Maybe Burt doesn't see it because he doesn't want to , she thought to herself. How long had she failed to see Finn's unhappiness when he came back from the army? What could she have done differently? It haunted her at night.
The song came to an end and the gathering of people clapped. Blaine bowed deeply and blew them all kisses.
Kurt bowed his head to the people applauding and handed Blaine his microphone. As his fiancé brought them back to the karaoke station, Kurt took his phone from his pocket. Carole watched him tap the screen and smile. It was the first genuine smile she'd seen on him all day, and she wished she could see what had had caused it. But whatever it was, it had improved his mood instantly. Unfortunately it was not to last.
After dinner, when Burt asked Blaine if he wanted to watch The Deadliest Catch with him, Kurt's crestfallen expression at not being asked reminded Carole of that afternoon at the mall.
"Kurt, would you like to help me with the dishes?" she asked.
Kurt blinked and tore his eyes away from his dad and Blaine retreating to the living room. "Oh, sure, sure," he said, and began to clear the table.
Carole watched Kurt load up a stack of dishes on his hand and the rest on his arm, place their glasses and cutlery on top and carry them through to the kitchen. It always amazed her how he could carry all of that and not drop anything - but then he did work as a waiter. She threw a glance at her husband over her shoulder and followed Kurt through. He was already stacking the dishwasher.
"Leave that be for a moment, honey," she said, setting her own load down on the counter and wiping her hands on her apron.
Kurt looked at her and raised an eyebrow, but he didn't argue. Instead, he closed the dishwasher and looked at her expectantly.
"I was wondering," Carole started carefully, "if you're having a good time so far."
"Oh, I am," Kurt replied immediately. "Dinner was lovely. And it's Christmas, happiest time of the year, right?"
Carole nodded slowly, the response seemed to come so easily to Kurt it sounded rehearsed.
"In theory..." she said quietly, unable to keep the thought of Finn enter her mind. "Forgive me for overstepping but...are things alright with you and Blaine?"
Kurt paused, a little taken aback. "Sure," he started. "I mean, he's...we're getting married. Some day."
Carole frowned, but said nothing. Another automatic response. She wondered if Kurt even realised he was doing it.
The longer she remained silent, the worse Kurt felt.
"I guess I have been feeling a little...underappreciated lately," he admitted. "But I've been very busy, with school, and work... holiday season is big with the tourists on Broadway, and Vogue is deep into the spring fashion week preparations...I think it's ok that Blaine moved on to fun stuff without me. It's all in my head." He shrugged. "We're just in a bit of a funk. It's nothing to worry about."
Carole bit her lip and and nodded a little, trying to formulate a sentence that wouldn't scare Kurt away.
"Did Finn ever tell you about Darren?"
Kurt thought about it. "I don't think so," he replied, a little curious.
Carole nodded. "Well, he was quite young back then," she started. "After Finn's father died, for a while, I had a... boyfriend. He used to spray paint the lawn, with his radio blasting. Finn loved it. Darren would let him help paint the grass and they'd sing together...We were a little happy family again. And I held on to that a lot longer than I maybe should have..."
Kurt swallowed. "What happened?"
"Nothing at first," Carole said with a little shrug. "He was the perfect man. He'd help around the house, take Finn to ball games and bring me home flowers once a week."
She paused. "But...over time those things started to slip away, he'd stay out till the early hours or go away for days at a time and when I asked him about it he'd get upset and accused me of not trusting him. So after a while, I ignored it and stopped asking...I didn't want to lose the family that we'd built."
Kurt felt his throat tighten. He suspected he knew how the story would end. There was no one called Darren in their family when he met Finn.
"And then?" he whispered.
"And then, one day, I saw him driving down the street with this pretty young thing by his side, and when I called him out, he left me," Carole finished.
Kurt felt a little sick. He'd known what was coming, and yet...
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "How did Finn take it?"
Carole shook her head. "He was devastated. He didn't understand...how do you that explain to a 10 year old?"
She shook her head again.
"I blamed myself...I was holding so tightly to that feeling of belonging that I ignored all the signs that things were wrong. I felt like such a failure."
Kurt chewed his lip. He understood where she was going with this, but he couldn't tell her about Blaine. He didn't want her to tell his dad.
"I'm really sorry," he offered again. "But we're ok. It's...not like that." Not all the time , he added in his mind. They'd get better.
Carole looked at him pensively but nodded. He clearly wasn't there yet.
"I'm glad," she said quietly. "It's good that you're trying to make it work, but if it doesn't work there's no shame in walking away. You're still so young..." She took his hand. "Sometimes, our first loves don't have to be our only loves." She glanced at the living room and smiled softly.
Kurt swallowed hard. He looked down on her hand. "I know," he said softly. "And my friends keep telling me -"
"Hey Kurt," Blaine said, poking his head into the kitchen, "would it be okay if we watched Love, Actually some other time? I know it's your Christmas fave but your dad and I kind of want to watch this special on NBC sports..."
Kurt let go of Carole's hand. "Oh. Yeah. Sure," he said.
Blaine smiled at him and then went back to the living room.
Kurt looked at Carole and shrugged. "I watch it every year anyway."
Carole watched as Kurt shut down and turned back to loading the dishwasher. She knew any further attempt to get him to open up would be futile. It broke her heart to see him so defeated but knew from personal experience that the more people pushed someone into doing something, the longer they'd put off doing it.
She hoped that Kurt would come to the realisation himself one day, and above all, hoped that when he did, it wouldn't be too late.