A/N: I do not own Fairy Tail

Chapter Twenty - Over It

Over it. Two little words that contained so much. Gajeel was looking at me expectantly. I was unsure what response he thought he would get to that question. It wasn't like Bora and I had simply gone through a bad breakup. I couldn't play a few sad love songs, eat a ton of chocolate, have a good cry and move on. There was no 'getting over' something like that. So I hadn't. I'd gotten stronger instead. It was that or let what happened break me. I don't know what Gajeel-kun thought he should have done differently. Hell, most guys tossed into a situation like that would have run in the opposite direction. There was a reason that I wouldn't be telling Gray-sama about what happened to me, even if we improved our relationship. People accepted on a superficial level that shit like that happened but when presented with the reality of it, most couldn't handle that kind of darkness. I didn't want Gray-sama to know anything about it. I didn't even want to see the expressions on any of the girls' faces if they ever found out. I wasn't some pathetic victim to be pitied and I refused to be defined by that part of my life.

Which was exactly why Gajeel-kun had been so perfect. He was different. He'd always known darkness, long before I showed up in that alley with him. I didn't get pity from him. Nor did he relegate me to 'damsel in distress' status. I got a damn good friend and a new start. Not once, but twice. Each time better than the last. I wouldn't trade what had happened with him and Phantom Lord for anything in the world. Apparently, he didn't feel the same. It had never occurred to me that the choices we'd made in the past might have been eating away at Gajeel-kun. He'd always been so quick to tell me not to think about it, to move on, to remake myself as someone stronger. I wondered if he was asking that question more for himself than for me.

"Juvia?" Gajeel-kun gently squeezed my knee, "Answer me."

"Of course. Juvia is fine." It was the truth. Mostly. I still hated thinking about it, absolutely loathed talking about it but I wasn't wandering around crying my eyes out everyday either. I wouldn't give Bora that power over me. "Gajeel-kun doesn't need to regret anything. Phantom Lord was the place Juvia needed to be."

Honestly, being in a gang was never going to be the highlight of anyone's life. I wasn't proud of the way we'd lived our lives, especially now that Gajeel-kun and I had to fight so hard to keep our new life untainted by the past. Yet, Phantom Lord had given me a strength I never thought possible. Other people would probably never understand how important it was for me to feel in control of my own life for once. In Phantom Lord I'd firmly held the reigns of my own destiny.

Gajeel-kun dragged a hand over his face and mumbled "I've got some serious doubts about that. Back then, I should have looked after you better."

"Oh please, Gajeel-kun. Don't be melodramatic. Juvia had no food, no money, no home." I'd also been pretty damn close to falling completely apart mentally but we really didn't need to go there. "Gajeel-kun saved Juvia. Everything Juvia had was from Gajeel-kun."

"Yeah including an introduction to a criminal lifestyle."

I scoffed, "Juvia knows this isn't about that."

Gajeel rose and paced across the room, "Yeah, it's probably not. Hell Juvia, if you woke up tomorrow and asked me to rob a bank with you, I'd be all in. Not that I'd want to, but I would because you asked."

"Is that meant to be a compliment?" I'd been trying to lighten the mood with a joke but Gajeel-kun was having none of it. He just stared back at me, not even blinking. "Stop looking at Juvia like that."

"I can't help it. Watching you tonight, all year with Gray, before with Totomaru… Sometimes… I talk to Levy and she's so damn smart. She's knows all this stuff that doesn't make much sense to me. Except some of it, clicks, with you and all that bullshit. I just think-"

It was awkward watching him struggle for words. He had to be so uncomfortable having this conversation with me. Heart to hearts weren't exactly his forte. "Gajeel-kun, whatever it is, just say it."

He shrugged and looked away from me, "I wonder if you'd be this messed up if we'd never met."

My heart forget where it was meant to be and leapt into my throat. I sucked in a deep, slow breath. Repeated it. And again. Yet, the horrible twisting in my stomach didn't settle. "Juvia is not messed up." Gajeel-kun couldn't think that. To hell with what everyone else thought. He alone should never doubt me.

"You have issues with men."

"Juvia does not."

"You don't respect yourself."

"Juvia does."

"You-"

"Stop it!"

I jumped up from the chair sending it slamming into the desk behind me. From across the room Gajeel-kun locked eyes with me. The world felt out of sorts and off-centre. All we seemed to do recently was disagree. That was not the type of friendship we'd had before and I couldn't pick a moment when everything had changed. I wanted it to stop. For us to go back to where we were before.

"How Juvia feels about Gray-sama has nothing to do with anyone or anything else. Juvia is over what happened before. No matter what psychology bullshit Levy reads in one of her stupid books." A slight twitch of Gajeel's eyebrow was my only indication that I was probably pushing the boundaries of his silent tolerance but this needed to be said. "Gajeel-kun shouldn't have to ask over and over again. Juvia's fucked up a bit recently. Juvia knows this. Juvia is sorry. Juvia will make everything right again. If Gajeel-kun can't trust Juvia's word anymore, then..." I swallowed hard. Forget robbing banks together, I didn't know what it meant if we could no longer take each other's word at face value.

Gajeel sighed and ran a hand over his eyes, "Shit. I trust you Juvia. I never meant to suggest I didn't."

"Then let this stupid idea go. Juvia is not broken. Juvia is strong. Just the way Gajeel-kun made Juvia."

"Not me, Juvia. That's all you. From that very first day, it was all you." The frown on Gajeel-kun's face let me know I wasn't quite off the hook yet. "I need to know that everything that happened this weekend isn't some throwback to unresolved issues."

He didn't say the words but I heard them anyway. The silent assertion that if my behaviour this year with Gray-sama had anything to do with Bora, Gajeel would think he'd in some way failed me. I could imagine him blaming himself for every bad decision I'd ever made out of some misguided belief that his fifteen year old self should have done something different with the broken girl he'd picked up off the street. My heart twisted. People could think what they wanted, I knew Gajeel-kun had a heart of gold.

"Gajeel-kun, trust Juvia. It was one stupid mistake that got out of hand. Juvia handled it. We handled it. It's done," I sucked in a slow breath, "And Juvia's behaviour with Gray-sama is done too."

There was half a minute of silent stillness, then he nodded, and just like that our relationship slid back into normal territory. That place where there was no doubt, only ironclad trust and faith in each other. He could have kept pushing, demanding reassurances about the past, promises about the future but that wasn't how we worked. I said what I had to say and he took my word at face value. The edge we'd balanced on receded into the distance.

I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around his waist. He huffed out an exasperated sigh even as his arms encircled me. I laid my head against his chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart. I couldn't resist a smile when I felt him rest his chin on top of my head. "Oi, don't cuddle me."

Gajeel-kun pinched me and I leapt away. He pointed a finger at me, "You're getting real sassy lately. Watch yourself."

I laughed, pleased at how I'd turned one of his favourite phrases against him. My smile faded as I looked again at the bruises on his face. I caught his hand and wiggled my fingers between his. "Thank you, Gajeel-kun. For everything."

Another stoic nod was all the reply I got. Really though, I didn't need words from him. Tacit understanding was a strong point of Gajeel's I frequently relied on. Hell, I relied on him, period. So, although I still desperately wanted to at least send Gray-sama a text I didn't resist when Gajeel bundled me back into his bed. I wasn't entirely okay with how this day was turning out, especially since everything I'd planned with Gray-sama was completely thrown out of whack. Still, I had to start sorting out my life somewhere and re-establishing my most important friendship back on solid ground seemed as good a place as any. I sunk back into the pillows and a wave of tiredness washed over me. Mavis knew this weekend had been rough as hell. Sleep was guaranteed when the first few notes of Gajeel-kun's guitar drifted through the room.

I raised my heavy eyelids, not really sure when my eyes had closed and watched Gajeel. He sat on the edge of the bed, his face a mask of concentration as his fingers coached magic out of the strings. Hard to believe he'd learned to play so well on his own. Then again, he was a man with quite a few hidden talents. He hummed a few bars and I couldn't resist another small smile. Many talents but singing was not one of them. I nudged him with my foot, "Can Juvia get the instrumental version?" Gajeel scowled but relented so only the soft chords remained to lull me to sleep.

Sometimes I wished women came with a mute button. Don't get me wrong. I like hearing a girl scream my name as much as any other guy. But, even that has its limits. Carmen, the girl who'd blown up my phone at a scarily convenient moment, had unsurprisingly, not been interested in having a legit conversation with me. Which was fine with me because, really, we had nothing in common apart from the usual overdose of teenage hormones.

It'd all been going so well. A more perfect distraction I couldn't have thought up. Well I could but the whole point of this hook up was to not think about a certain girl with a sad smile. So I didn't. I forgot about thinking and just felt. It was easy really. I'll be the first to throw my hands up and admit this girl knew exactly what the hell she was doing. But there, was a point when she became mildly annoying.

For starters, Carmen was loud. And not in a good way. Hence, my keen wish for a mute button. I'm not sure who she thought she was performing for. There was no one out here to hear us. If the soundtrack wasn't bad enough she also kept doing one of the things I hated the most. Her lips skimmed over my shoulder and there it was again. Yet another graze of her teeth. I twisted away, feeling more than a little annoyed. This silly girl kept trying to mark me. I didn't do love bites. A bruise like that said possession. A declaration of ownership. And no girl in this lifetime would ever be able to call me hers. Leave that shit for the lovers.

Despite her faults, this is what I wanted, what I needed when my thoughts started drifting to unwelcome places. It was these feelings that grounded me in the here and now. The physical connection so much more concrete than any whimsical emotional tie. So I put up with Carmen's theatrical screams and her vampire-style desire to nibble on my neck because I knew what the end result would be.

Minutes later, both Carmen and the thoughts in my head were blissfully silent. Nothing left but that familiar mindless buzz and the slight chill left by the sweat drying on my skin. I rolled onto my back, putting a few inches of space between us. The heat of Carmen's body receded to the point where I could pretend she wasn't there and everything was as it should be. I felt… Nothing. And everything. The softness of the sheets, my heart beating a little too fast, the sound of us both trying to catch our breath. I ignored Carmen's disjointed breaths and focused on my own. In and out. My pulse started to settle down and the awareness of my body heightened. My bruises from earlier hurt, there was a small scratch on my left side, probably from that girl's nails, and my stomach muscles ached in that subtle way I never quite got used to, still a little tense from the release I'd just found.

For the first time since the events of the weekend I felt completely relaxed.

I loved this moment. The afterglow or whatever you wanted to call it. Don't get me wrong, the sex was good. Sometimes it was great. But it still required thought. Not a lot, just enough so that whoever I was with had a good time. I wasn't a complete asshole, screwing girls with no thought of how it was for them. So sex was a shared experience but those few minutes afterwards were all mine. When I was aware of nothing but my own body and everything else faded into nothing. My mind was blank, too caught up in the post-sex rush of endorphins to worry about anything. I just, was. There, in the moment. No memories, no concerns for the future. Simply existing. It was my own personal nirvana.

It also couldn't last. I felt Carmen shifting next to me and took that as my exit cue. I opened my eyes and sat up. I knew from past experience that the feeling would linger for a while, sometimes grounding me for days if life wasn't too complicated. And nothing complicated life more than a needy woman. Thankfully, I'd become quite good at avoiding entanglements.

Next to me Carmen rolled over so she was facing me. "Hey you," she said with a flirty grin.

I rested my hand on her waist then skimmed it over her smooth skin to the gentle curve of hip before moving to give her ass a gentle tap."Thanks," I murmured as I climbed out of the bed. I felt her fingers grasping for my arm but pulled away. Enno was the only girl who had even half a chance of convincing me to lie around in bed. Well, at least she used to be.

I found my jeans at the end of the bed and pulled them on, not bothering with any boxers. A breeze whispered through the lake house and set the wind chime on the porch off. Thank Mavis that Jellal was so ridiculously wealthy. He'd brought it, or should I say, Ultear had let Jellal use some of his inheritance to buy it last summer. I'd convinced him to give me a spare key and had been bringing girls here ever since. Most of the year, the place was deserted and girls seemed to get a kick out of it. Like I'd brought them on some romantic escape or something. The reality was this place was easy to get to and even easier to walk away from.

"You're leaving?" Carmen asked, even though it must have been obvious.

I swiped my shirt off the dresser and slipped my arms through the sleeves but didn't bother with any more than three of the buttons. Crossing the room to the bed, I stared down at her. She arched her back, an invitation most guys would find hard to turn down.

I wasn't one of those guys. My lips skimmed over hers, a goodbye not the start of the offered round two. "You have a good time?"

"Yes," she replied with a pout, "And you're still leaving."

Smart girl. She rolled over onto her stomach, lazy and content, her feet weaving through the air. "Well, at least the rumours about you are true."

What was up with these rumours? The women I slept with were talking way too much these days. "Shut the front door when you leave alright? It'll lock by itself."

"Mmm, call me."

"Maybe."

Carmen gave me a sardonic look that said she knew exactly what 'maybe' meant in real terms. We probably wouldn't meet again. Fortunately, that worked fine for both of us. Seemed like my judgement of girls wasn't completely out of whack. Juvia was clearly some bizarre anomaly.

Now, why the hell had my thoughts gone straight back to that hot mess? Just like that, I could feel my sense of contentment evaporating. I paused in the doorway, suddenly unsure if I'd really accomplished what I wanted when I accepted Carmen's invitation. I hadn't even made it out the bedroom and I was back to ruminating over Juvia. What had that girl done to me? Sex had always been a failsafe way for me to burn off stress. Yet, Juvia managed to butt into my thoughts almost immediately afterwards, undoing my time with Carmen like it never happened.

My hesitation didn't go unnoticed. "You can go," Carmen said, "Or you can stay. Makes no difference to me. Although I think it's obvious which choice will be more fun." She lifted one shoulder in a casual shrug, a subtle movement that none the less drew my attention to her breasts.

I weighed my options. Go home, try to study but worry about Juvia instead for no god damn reason. Or forget it all with soft curves. It wasn't really a choice.

My shirt landed on the floor by the door, my jeans at the end of the bed. Carmen grinned, likely thinking she'd scored some great victory. Really, it was easier for me to be with her than try to come up with a solution to what I'd come to think of as 'the Juvia problem'.

I froze with one knee on the bed. Shit. This didn't count as part of me ignoring Juvia to avoid dealing with how I felt about her. Correction, not how I felt but how I saw her. She was hot, I wanted to bang her. That was all. In which case, this was a great idea. I could sleep with anyone else but her. In fact, it was probably better that I get in a little extra time with some other girls. It'd make it much less likely that I'd be tempted to do something stupid like kiss Juvia. Or worse.

Or better. The memory of how Juvia looked when I placed all those tiny kisses over her skin in that closet at school. Mavis above, the way she reacted to me was phenomenal. Such a turn on. No doubt she'd be so into it. Probably let me do anything I wanted with her. My recent hook up with Carmen did nothing to subdue the rush of heat that thought triggered. God damn it.

"Everything okay?"

I blinked down at Carmen. She was beautiful, naked and extremely unlikely to inspire any weird feelings in me. In other words, she was exactly like a dozen other girls I knew. For the first time it felt like maybe those three things weren't enough. It was probably that bastard Gajeel's fault. I barely held in a groan as the memory of his words crashed into my fleeting sense of peace. Juvia and Gajeel were clearly a well matched pair. The two of them had me royally fucked up. "Wait here a moment."

Confusion flitted across her face but Carmen didn't say anything as I left the room. I padded down the stairs and into the living room. The wooden floor was cool and smooth under my feet. Outside, a stone's throw from the beach house, the water lapped gently on the shore of the lake. It was a peaceful, quiet day. Quite unlike the busy rush it would be when summer came around. I crossed the hallway to the living room and within minutes was flicking through the address book on the coffee table. It was filled with Erza's neat handwriting and the occasional childish doodle by Wendy. And right where it should be was Juvia's number.

I'd resisted calling her earlier but the compulsion could no longer be ignored. I obviously couldn't simply forget about it like most of my other problems. I had to know for sure that she was okay. I thought of the cuts and bruises she'd been left with on Saturday night and felt that old anger flare up again. Who knew what new injuries she was sporting after her midnight jaunt with Gajeel? My hand lingered over the telephone number pad, indecisive in a way that never happened with any other girl. Coward. Gajeel's accusation bounced around my brain. I dialled the number before I could bail out of it. The desire to hang up occurred almost instantly. It competed with the knowledge that this was something I had to do. If for no other reason than it being the decent thing to do. Plus, I deserved a little piece of mind. Maybe if talked to Juvia I could get her out of my mind. Then I could go back upstairs and get lost in Carmen's soft body.

I chewed on my bottom lip as the phone rang. And rang, and rang. The worry I'd felt earlier bubbled over with startling intensity. Tension thrummed through my whole body when minutes before I'd been so relaxed. How could that girl do this to me? I was about to hang up and hunt Juvia down in person, Gajeel's opinion be damned, when the call finally connected.

"Hello?"

I blinked, "Who is this?"

"Gray?" Asked a now all too familiar voice, "Why are you calling Juvia's phone?"

"Why are you answering it?" I shot back, still trying to figure out what was going on.

On the other side of the phone line Levy sighed, "I thought it was weird that someone was calling from the lake house number. What are you doing there?"

"It's quiet. For studying."

"Let me guess, you're studying human biology."

I could imagine Levy rolling her eyes. I don't know why I even bothered to lie. Maybe my brain hadn't yet adjusted to hearing the wrong voice answering Juvia's phone. Juvia. A warning shiver ran down my spine. "You didn't really answer me. Why have you got Juvia's phone?"

"You didn't exactly answer me either," Levy grumbled then said, "I was washing some of Juvia's clothes and her phone was in the coat pocket."

"Right," I said slowly, "Because it makes perfect sense for you to ditch the study group to do the laundry."

"Look Gray, I don't know what's got your panties in a bunch but don't take it out on me. I'm stressed enough as it is."

Okay, maybe the sarcasm wasn't necessary but I knew Levy had gone to meet up with Gajeel. In fact, I was certain that Levy had been at the boys dorm with Gajeel the same time I was there. How that morphed into this situation was beyond me. I wasn't going to waste time figuring that out. "Where's Juvia?"

Levy's answer was as direct as my question. "With Gajeel."

I blinked. "What?"

"I left her at the dorm with Gajeel. It wasn't that long ago so she's probably-"

"You saw Juvia?" I interrupted.

"Yeah."

"With Gajeel?"

"Yes, I just told you that."

"At the boys dorm?"

"What is up with you, Gray? How many times do I have to say yes?"

There was a moment of tense silence before I murmured, "I'm going to kill that bastard."

"I want to kill him!"

It was once again the arrival of Levy that roused me from my sleep. And exactly like the first time, she was in a bit of a state. I propped myself up on one elbow and watched as she paced across the room. Behind me, Gajeel sighed but didn't move. Perhaps this was a side of Levy he was used to. I could only watch in a sort of awe as she paused to throw a couple jabs at an imaginary opponent. Her form was terrible and it all seemed so ridiculous. Her tiny fists pummelling the air before her and her face twisted into a scowl. I couldn't help it; I laughed.

"It's not funny!" Levy snapped, "I've never been interested in all that dojo stuff but right now I sure wish I knew how to kung fu that stupid boy's ass!"

Wow. Levy swearing and advocating violence? I shot Gajeel a look over my shoulder. He shrugged then yawned. The aftereffects of the weekend were still with us and we'd spent the afternoon sleeping. A quick check of the clock on Gajeel's desk let me know it was early evening now, a few hours since Levy had left us. I couldn't fathom who had managed to annoy her so much in so short a time.

"Little one, where have you been?" Gajeel-kun finally asked. Even though it wouldn't have been my first given Levy's state of mind, it was still a valid question. If all she'd done was walk back to the girls dorm, Levy would have been back with new clothes for me within half an hour.

Levy had resumed her pacing, "I threw everything in the washing machine, then I tried to study. You said Juvia needed rest and I didn't want to hover over the two of you like a mother hen." Her hands flailed aimlessly through the air and I almost preferred the fists. The last thing we needed today was any more emotional outbursts.

Gajeel, typical man that he was, didn't seem to notice that Levy was gearing up for a meltdown of epic proportions. "And, who has got you so riled up?"

"That ridiculous man-whore!"

Gajeel scoffed but I frowned. "Who?"

"That arrogant ass, Gray!" Levy glanced my way and added, "Sorry."

I pursed my lips and resisted flying to Gray-sama's defence automatically. I was determined to show Gajeel-kun that I wasn't that broken girl. There was nothing wrong with me and I could totally handle a normal relationship with Gray-sama. After this weekend I, of all people, knew Gray-sama had his faults.

"I'm getting really tired of that guy," Gajeel said.

"He insists that you're dragging Juvia into 'dangerous situations'. Can you believe it?" Levy resumed her frantic pacing. "Oh, he's so lucky I'm such a nice girl otherwise... Otherwise I'd..." She frowned, obviously trying to come up with a adequate threat. "Otherwise I'd get my boyfriend to beat him up!"

Levy's triumph grin had a decidedly wicked edge to it. I was mildly scandalised that the thought had even occurred to her. Gajeel-kun, however, only laughed, "Been there, done that."

I shot him a glare, sure he was joking but his reaction told me otherwise. He shrugged and glanced away from me, one hand raising unconsciously to skim across the bruise on his face. My body went cold. Gajeel-kun and Gray-sama wouldn't... Or would they?

"Gajeel-kun, what happened?"

"Juvia, trust me. Let this one go, alright?"

I sat up and stared down at him. And kept staring until he shifted uncomfortably under my gaze. Finally he mumbled, "He threw the first punch."

"Gajeel-kun!"

"Oh, come off it Juvia. He's not a baby! I gave him fair warning and plenty of time to change his mind."

"Juvia cannot believe this!"

"Well you better. Its done."

"You know, I was only joking," Levy added softly. "When did this happen?"

"Before. Don't worry about it. Come here."

Levy came to stand by the side of the bed. Gajeel wrapped a hand around her wrist and pulled her into the bed, right over my legs. She let out a little squeak of surprise but Gajeel wasn't deterred. He tucked Levy's body against his in what could only be described as spooning.

My mouth would have dropped open if I hadn't been so cross with him. What ever happened to the Gajeel-kun who kept his relationship on the down low?

Levy blushed and murmured, "We shouldn't do this in front of people."

"Juvia is not 'people'," Gajeel said and raised one sardonic eyebrow at me.

I understood him then. This wasn't a careless display of affection. It was a olive branch, and a test. An olive branch because after our fight Gajeel-kun wanted me to know he still trusted me with what was arguably the most private part of his life. A test because he'd just admitted to some kind of brawl with Gray-sama and now wanted to brush it off like nothing. But it wasn't nothing. I couldn't have my best friend and my -whatever Gray-sama was- getting into fist fights.

"Gajeel-kun didn't have to hit him."

"Do you trust me?"

"What? Of course." With my life, literally.

"I had to hit him."

I opened my mouth to deny it then swallowed the words. This was so much harder than I thought it would be. As much as I wanted to, and quite frankly needed to, I couldn't completely ignore the kneejerk reaction I had to anything involving Gray-sama. I still hadn't spoken to him and Mavis knew what I was going to say now. It was one thing to know Gajeel didn't really like him, and quite another for them to hate each other enough to get into a actual fight. A tight band of pressure wrapped around my chest. So much for Levy's idea that I had space in my heart for both of them. This wasn't going to work out. It never would. Yet, how could I possibly chose between them?

"Juvia," Gajeel said and I fully expected his next words to be a demand for me to breath. "Trust me."

It wasn't the words I thought to hear but they had the same effect. Gajeel-kun had never let me down. Ever. He had all the power in his hands to break me, yet never would. I breathed.

"Stay, tonight." He continued, "Tomorrow, do what you like."

A compromise. I could do that. "Okay," I mumbled and gifted him with a small smile.

"Cool. Now we can sleep."

"All of us?" Levy asked, "In the same bed? This better not be some twisted fantasy of yours!"

Behind her back Gajeel laughed and winked at me. I rolled my eyes and barely resisted kicking him. Honestly, boys were all the same.

Tuesday, 1:37am

Her room looked exactly the same as it had earlier. Yesterday. Or whenever I'd last been there. I didn't even know. For some reason all the days since Friday had blurred together into one big mess as Juvia progressively and systematically drove me crazy.

So here I was. Crawling into Juvia's bedroom window at gone one in the morning. Trying to ignore the memory of Gajeel taunting me by asking who was stalking who. Bastard. Fuck him. I could do whatever I wanted. And what I wanted as it turned out was not to argue with Levy or fight her boneheaded boyfriend or even screw Carmen.

I wanted to speak to Juvia.