Author's Note:

Hey all! As always thank you for the continuing support of A Mission's Wake. That's always the number one thing that keeps authors writing. Comment, critique, and always, always, ALWAYS let me know what you want to see. I completely missed that yesterday was the four week mark of this story!

Disclaimer still stands.

-C

For maybe the first time in her life, Kensi had no idea what to do. Everything came so naturally to her. The only other time she was faced with a situation that was unfamiliar was when Jack returned from battle with post-traumatic stress disorder. Then she resorted to tons of research and about as much knowledge about it as the doctors treating him.

But Deeks didn't have PTSD…well, as of now at least. And when normally Kensi would have turned to him for help, she couldn't since she needed help with him. She decided the best thing to do was to leave him alone for a few minutes and then go check up on Deeks. So she busied herself by cleaning up the dishes. Since he was half OCD, there wasn't a whole lot for her to do. Just as she was about to knock on the door to his bedroom, it swung open with him leaning against the frame.

"I was just about to come and check up on you," she stuttered, brushing her bangs back.

"Thanks," Deeks pulled her into a tight hug. Kensi found herself returning it with just as much strength, not ever wanting to let him go. "For everything," he whispered, breath tingling her ear.

"Look, you can talk to me or not. It's completely up to you. Just know that I'm here."

Deeks pulled away from her, stepped back, and motioned her to come into his room. "Then let's talk." He made his way over to the made bed and lounged against the head board. Kensi joined him on the right, moving close into his side.

"I hate how I'm being so affected by this, Kens. I hate it, but I don't know how to stop it. It's consuming me, and I know it shouldn't. My dad always physically and verbally abused my mom and I. So I learned to shut it out and then finally struck back. I've seen so much in my cop days so why is this getting to me? Why does it have to be this that's pulling me down?"

"Deeks, everybody has a breaking point. We can take the pain all we want, but if we keep it in, there just comes a point where something sets you off. And I think this was it for you."

"But why now?"

"We can never really find the answer to that. It's just a matter of how far our resilience goes. You could have turned out a criminal. Like Ray or your abusive father. But you didn't. Instead you put people away."

"I still feel weak. That's the one thing I've never wanted to be."

"I think of a lot of things when you come to mind. Weak never has and never will be one of them. You've overcome everything thrown at you. This too, will pass. Trust me when I say that I'm with you every step of the way."

Kensi turned her head to get a better look at his eyes, her cheek resting on his shoulder.

"You know why I like your eyes so much?"

Deeks cocked his head in surprise at the change of subject, staring back into her own orbs.

"Because it doesn't matter if we just took down a suspect, saved the world, or one thing or another. Your eyes are always the same blue that's like the ocean at dawn. Always full of light. And you know what I see in that? Strength."

A soft smile spread across his face as he caressed her cheek. "You give it to me, Princess."

Nate was tentative about returning to Los Angeles when he first got the call from Hetty. He felt as though he were about to walk across a balance beam several stories off of the ground. It had been almost a year since he had last seen the team and even longer since he performed duties as an operational psychologist. Whether he would have liked to admit it or not, the classified mission he was working in eastern Europe really couldn't have been afforded his absence. Especially when Hetty softly explained the circumstances Nate would be returning to, his usual cool confidence rapidly dissipated.

But in the end, he was on the next flight homewards.

Nate inwardly knew that he was great at what he did, however too modest to admit it openly or to himself. This is who he is. Helping people…delving so deep into the minds of others that he could deduce information that even they did not know. He could only hope that he could help both Deeks and Sam.

Working from the Office of Special Projects had already proven how much Nate could stomach, swallow, and just accept as what mad men did. Transferring to the outer banks of human civilization…to submerge himself in the darkest levels of criminals that could only be described as evil…Nate saw a lot that would haunt him forever. But for it to happen to his friends surpassed that in several ways.

And he knew it was much worse than he anticipated after talking to Kensi. So, lounging on one of the couches in the boatshed, Nate realized that there was absolutely nothing he could do to prepare for it. Of course, he had interviews with all of the team members today, but he was the most anxious about Deeks. With the sound of the door opening, Nate shook himself from his thoughts. For now, he needed to focus on Sam.

"Good to see you again, Nate," the Navy SEAL shook his hand strongly.

"Same with you, Sam. Please, take a seat."

"I don't need a psych evaluation."

Nate shrugged. "Just think of it as talking to a friend." Sam looked unconvinced, but he continued. "How are you doing?"

"Better and better. The kids are keeping me plenty occupied," he smiled.

"How old are they now?"

"Alex is nine, James eight, and Rosaline five. They're growing up too fast for my tastes."

Nate chuckled and then turned serious again. "Not physically speaking, how are you feeling?"

Sam shrugged. "I'm fine, really. But some things I said to Deeks about during the operation I feel guilty about. He saved Michelle's life while Sidorov was interrogating after all."

"What did you say to him?"

"In front of the entire time I said I needed Callen to have my back during this operation. His whole appearance spoke volumes about his character, and I thought that he would give up Michelle. I apologized for it, and he accepted, but I still feel like it isn't enough."

Nate leaned back against the couch. "You and Deeks come from completely different backgrounds, but you'd be surprised how much you have in common. He's an honorable man. Although I haven't known him as well or as long as you, Callen, or Kensi…I can tell that he meant it when he accepted your apology. The best thing to do is offer him your support and back off a little."

"You don't have to tell me that last part," Sam smirked. "Thanks, Nate."

"Leaving already?"

"The kids are putting a play on at school. For once, I can be there. Some night this week we'll catch up over drinks with the rest of the team."

Taking his hand once more, Nate wished him a good time at the play. After checking his watch, he could ascertain that the LAPD Detective would be there any minute. When finally Deeks walked through the side entrance, Nate was surprised at how good he looked.

There were some remnants of scaring left, that was for sure. However, he wore his usual rugged look with jeans and a simple green t-shirt. It was almost as if nothing had happened, and the detective very well might have liked to pretend as such.

"Hey Nate," he greeted, digging his left hand into his pocket and shaking his hand with the other.

"Deeks."

He promptly took a seat in the oversized armchair next to the couch. Deeks looked relatively calm. In fact, it was quite unusual for somebody to have just been through a trauma to retain that part about them.

"How are you recovering?"

Shrugging, Deeks answered. "Fine, I've been told. The doctors were reluctant to release me so soon. And I can't wait to get back on solids."

"And what about the…"

"Emotional aspects? Ups and downs mostly. But I have somebody really amazing to talk to at the end of the day." He averted his eyes for a moment before a smile spread across his face.

Nate raised his eyebrows curiously. "That's better than what I was expecting to hear, actually. So this…confidant. Are they around much?"

"Oh yeah. It's impossible to get her away from me. Which is great, don't get me wrong," his smile grew even wider.

"Are you in a relationship with them?"

"You could say that. It's a love hate kinda thing."

Nate let out a small laugh before continuing. "Kensi was telling me yesterday that she was worried about you and that you weren't telling her everything."

Deeks's grin faded a little and then answered calmly, "It just comes and goes. Like I said, ups and downs. At first everything was downhill, but I've been coming back from it already. I can feel it."

"Are you having any nightmares?"

He furrowed his eyebrows and nodded slowly, as if it were hard to admit. "Every night."

"About the torture?"

"Sort of." Deeks focused on twirling his thumbs in front of him. The rising strain was duly noted by the operational psychologist in his voice. "I have the viewpoint from where Sam would have been sitting. But it's not me in the chair. It's Kensi."

"And does this scare you more than recalling your own trauma?"

"Well anything's easier than seeing her in pain; real or in a dream."

Nate leaned back in realization and breathed deeply for a moment. "She's the one you've been talking to."

Deeks bit his lip, as if he were a little embarrassed by admitting it to a colleague. "Yeah. We were talking last night about my father and about the man I could have become and didn't. About how strong she thought I was. At first I was angry that this was affecting me so much."

"And what did she say other than the part about your strength?"

"She was saying that everybody has a breaking point, and I had just hit mine. It hit me at some point during the night why. When my father went on his abusive rampages, I didn't tell anybody. I thrive off of resiliency and keeping it in. And now that I have Kensi to lean on and she won't disappear…I think it all just spilled over."

"Kensi was right, you know. Believe me when I say that having her will help you more than any medicine could. Better days will only come if you find something to spend it for."

Deeks only smiled, as if he had already embraced this. It was in this moment where Nate knew that he would overcome this rapidly. Sure there would still be scars, but he could tell by the look in his eyes how much he cared for his partner.

"Do the others know about your relationship?"

He shook his head. "I'm not sure if she wants them to find out just yet. With Hetty being Hetty...well, she has to have her suspicions?"

"True. Especially because, and don't take this the wrong way, it was about time."

Deeks chuckled, fully embracing how true that was.

After work, Kensi wasn't sure whether to drive home to her apartment or head over to Deeks's place. Maybe he needed his space since he met with Nate today. It took a moment with the key resting in the ignition before making up her mind. So in fifteen minutes, she was knocking at the door.

Monty wasn't the only one who nearly pounced on her when the door was opened.

"Hey Kens."

"Hey Deeks," they exchanged out of habit as they made their way over to the kitchen.

"How was your meeting with Nate?" she inquired tentatively.

"Great, actually."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"It made me realize something today. Just how lucky I am to have you in my life."

Kensi moved closer to him, touching his muscular shoulders lightly with her fingers. "I wouldn't have made it this far without you either."

"Remember what you were saying last night about my eyes? Well, yours are the same for me. Mismatched, beautiful, and so strong. Just like us."

They both pulled the other into a passionate kiss, only breaking periodically in between to gasp in air. Kensi and Deeks could have stayed there forever. And both of them knew that this was the beginning of something really great. Their unidentifiable thing had finally become the comfort and love they reached for and always received.