This is a long chapter and is rated M (yayaya)

One more chapter and an epilogue to go after this :)

Hope you like it!

Chapter 21

It's strange how one person can come to mean so much in our lives that the lack of their presence burns a hole through the heart.

It had been almost two weeks since Emma had seen Killian in the parking lot. Since then they had talked sometimes – mostly just texting as he let her know the progress Arthur was making with Shira and TMZ and she thanking him.

One of the Kardashian's had just turned 18 and apparently been gifted a Ferrari so all the focus drained out from Emma and Killian. They both had been contacted numerous times for comments or even TV interviews but they both refused. It was still a strange sensation for Emma to be sometimes recognized, but the more it happened, the less she cared.

Her work, in the midst of all this bullshit, had been amazing. Kathryn was a fabulous boss and Emma's new case – twins who lived all alone – was starting to see perhaps a happy ending as Emma was close to finding their father who didn't even know they existed. It was fun working for big corporations (the money was impressive), but working in cases like these brought another kind of immense joy and good feeling.

Emma was debating on how to ask Killian to meet up for dinner – she missed him like hell and maybe if they just talked, things could go back as they were before. She wasn't angry anymore (well not that angry), not at him; he's been doing everything he can to fix this.

Friday is when Emma gets the text and after getting the thumbs up from Kathryn about leaving two hours earlier than usual, she drives to her friend's.

The last Emma had seen of it, the Starbucks had its logo thrown off, and all the furniture from inside was gone – a ladder and couple of boxes of paint the only thing left inside. But as Emma parks her bug on the street and gets out of the car, she turns to see the Starbucks logo back on and new and better furniture being moved inside. Mulan was standing outside as she had promised, pulling Emma into a big hug as soon as she spotted her.

"I can't believe it Emma!" Mulan babbled excitedly, "I looooove him – he just bought the franchisee for this place and is opening it up again and he made me manager!"

Emma smiled as she walked inside, carefully avoiding the movers who were carrying tables, sofas, and equipment. She spotted a patch of dark hair – he was standing beside Smee and David, the two men listening intently to him talk as he pointed at something on a piece of paper.

Once he was finished, Smee hurried away from the back and David talked a bit more – gesturing towards something outside when both men spot her. David tilted his head and sighed, while Killian's eyebrows shot up and a smile creeped up his lips.

David nodded at Killian and walked towards Emma. He patted her shoulder and after offering a little smile, left.

/

At the same moment both Killian and Emma walked towards each other.

Killian stared at her, his eyes raking all over her face. He missed her, god he missed her. She was blinking a bit rapidly and her lower lip was trembling slightly and Killian knows what this means having spent hours mapping her face with his fingers. Watching the different emotions on her beautiful face whenever they talked. The blinking and slightly shivering lips tell him she's nervous.

So is he. As if on accord, his hand came up behind his ear to scratch as he stops at an acceptable distance from her, watching her smile as she notices his little quirk. She knows him too.

"Hey" she whispered softly, and Killian smiled muttering a breathy "hey" himself.

"You bought the Starbucks…" she says and its more of a statement than a question. She fixed her gaze on the single coffee maker just beside them.

"Aye" he replied, nodding his head.

"Why?"

"How could I let this place go, love? It's a desperately important location" he smiled, "I met you here"

Emma's eyes widened and snapped to his as her eyelashes fluttered. Killian recognizes this look – it means she's overwhelmed with her feelings and surprised and happy.

Her lower lip trembled again and her eyes started to water up.

"Emma…" Killian whispered, taking a step forward and brushing his thumb over her lips to stop the wobbling.

/

A shiver ran down Emma's spine when she feels his finger lining her lip and later his palm cradling her cheek as she leans into his touch, missing the way her body burned in all the good ways at it.

"Can we talk?" she finally finds her voice and he took another step towards her.

"Of course" he nodded, "Let's get some coffee first?"

/

Maybe choosing his penthouse to talk was a bad idea –

- because as soon as Emma entered inside, all the memories made inside his house come rushing back to her. Specifically the one where they first made love and images of Killian kissing her neck, fondling her breasts, and slowly entering her while breathing her name flood her vision and she feels a bolt of heat shoot down.

She turned and finds him staring back at her, his pupils a stormy grey now and his lips parted slightly and Emma knows he's thinking about the same thing.

She missed him, she misses him.

And it's not like they can't talk later because if she doesn't touch him right now she might combust.

His breathing quickened to match hers as their hearts pound and as soon as Emma' eyes flickered to his lips, it's like a spell has been broken and they both latched onto each other. Lips crashing together, his hand circled her waist, pushing her tight, very tight against him and she grabbed the lapels of his suit. She parted her mouth to allow his tongue to slip in, his hands travelling down to her ass to squeeze.

She walked him backwards using her hips to push until his back was digging on the kitchen island where so long ago they shared breakfast together after their first time.

Emma released his lower lip for a moment and Killian was certain she was going to leave, making up some excuse or demanding more time (he would of course respect her wish even if it killed him).

But it seemed she just needed to catch her breath as in an instant she started unbuttoning his shirt furiously as he pushed his suit back and eventually his shirt. She ran her fingers over his chest greedily, diving back in to kiss him. All the emotions and memories of these past few months came rushing back, setting Killian's body on fire as Emma now sucked on his pulse point and pinched his nipples.

Killian brought his hand down to the hem of her blouse and lifted it up, Emma reaching behind her to take her bra off. He palmed her breasts, kneading the flesh as his thumb brushed against her erect buds and she cried out his name.

He let out a surprised yelp as Emma bit down on his neck and cupped him on hsis trousers. She pushed him back slightly and unbuckled his belt, unzipped his fly, and yanked his pants within a minute as she just needed him so bad.

"Fuck Emma" he breathed, his mouth latching onto her breast, and she cupped him, spreading the precum all over his cock and pumping him. Wanting to touch her too and find out just how wet she was for him, Killian turned her around and pulled the zipper of her skirt down along with her panties. Emma stepped back for a moment to impatiently kick her clothes away.

She stood in front of him naked and let her gaze rake over him, stopping a tad bit too long at his arousal. He looked her up too, remembering her body from her long legs, her bare mound, her toned stomach, heaving breasts and of course her beautiful face. She met his eye and they both grinned at the same time.

Before Emma could pounce on him again, Killian circled her waist and pushed her back against the double-door fridge. She whined softly as soon as the cool of the fridge hit her hot and scorching skin and bit on his earlobe, causing him to grunt.

Killian ran his fingers against her core, "I knew you'd be dripping, love" he grinned, gathering her arousal on his fingers and circling her clit to which Emma moaned. God, how he missed the sounds she made.

She reached between them, flicking her fingers over his tip before she took him in her hand and pumped. She moaned out loud when Killian slipped two fingers inside her, curling them as his thumb teased her clit.

"Fuck" Killian groaned as Emma's pace on his cock increased making his own fingers increase in speed thrusting inside her and his thumb flicking hurriedly on her swollen nub.

"Killian..shit.. just need you, please" Emma pleaded, her eyes half shut as she couldn't help but rock against his touch. Since their separation, Emma had to resort back to her own hands and toys for a while, but every time she imagined it to be him doing this to her, relieving the memories and cursing at how she wished it was him giving her the release she needed.

Killian pinched her clit one last time before he brought his fingers up to his mouth to clean by licking off her arousal and Emma groaned, pressing her lips to him as soon as he was done. He brought his hands under her thighs and lifted her up effortlessly, Emma circling her legs around his waist and keeping her palms flat against his shoulders.

She bit on his lip hard as Killian slammed into her without warning, stretching her to the hilt. He pulled back out and slammed again, Emma biting his chin to suppress the insanely loud scream stuck at the back of her throat.

He thrusted into her, deep and long thrusts that Emma felt all the way to her toes. She missed him, missed this, the feel of him inside her, the touch of his skin against hers as they got lost in each other.

He lifted her up slightly to reach that one spot inside her he knew that made her see stars and scream out his name out loud. Emma's back dug into the water dispenser of the fridge behind and ice cold water dispensed onto her back making her yelp in surprise as her skin was on fire right now.

They both laughed once Killian felt the water, ice cold against their burning skin. His eyebrows shot up for a moment and keeping his tight hold on her he slipped out and whirled around, setting her onto the island. The granite was cold under her skin, but she moved back a bit, her entire upper body laid out on the island as Killian turned and she whined.

She already missed the feel of him inside. Desperate for release, she brought her hand down to rub her clit and smiled as she heard Killian curse under his breath once he'd turned back to her.

She saw two cubes of ice in his hand as he smirked, lifting one eyebrow in question and Emma rasped, "Yes yes just come here"

He grabbed her right leg and placed it on his shoulder, turning her sideways slightly as he slipped inside her again, thrusting into her at a maddening pace.

Emma removed her hand from her clit to squeeze her aching breasts and screamed once she felt the ice against her swollen clit. "Emma" Killian smirked and ran the ice cube along her slit, watching her back arch and her body shiver.

"Give it to me" Emma stretched her hand out and he handed it to her. She touched it to her aching nipples as Killian's mouth sucked onto her clit, making Emma even more desperate with need.

She pulled his hair until he looked at her, "Just fuck me"

"As you wish" he said and grabbed her right leg, placing it on his shoulder and turning her sideways slightly. He thrust inside her, deep strokes that were met by her own rutting hips. The ice cube left her hand as she needed to grab her breasts to hold onto something as Killian thrust into her at a maddening pace.

He circled her clit and the room was filled with their moans and the sound of skin slapping against each other, loud. Her thighs shivered as she felt her release threatening to spill any second now.

Killian increased his pace on her clit, rubbing furiously as he kept thrusting into her and holding himself back to ensure she came first.

With a few more powerful strokes and desperate flicks on her clit, Emma fell with a cry of his name, clenching her walls around him which triggered his own release inside her. Once he was completely milked inside her, he let himself fall over, his head on her thigh and smiled as Emma's fingers came to caress his hair as she always did.

Once their erratic breathing slowed down, Killian lifted his head, looking up at her with his chin digging on her thigh, "Let's go to bed, my love"

My love.

Emma smiled and nodded, although she wasn't sure she could even stand on her legs right now. Before she could try her to get up as she was already so sore, she felt Killian's arms come under her back and her knees, lifting her up. She brought her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. He always knew what she needed.

"You alright there, Swan?" he asked as he gently laid her down on her side of the bed.

Emma smiled stupidly again, pulling him down to kiss him softly. They had been a bit rough today, letting their emotions and arousal make them lose their control. Killian was a gentle lover (well, most of the time. She has seen his rough side come out more than once before and knew he loved it when she went rough). But it was so him to make sure she was comfortable and fine, and her heart clenches because this entire scandal must've hurt him so much too.

He smiled against her lips and after kissing her once more, disappeared into his bathroom and emerged with a washcloth. He cleaned her gently and after disposing off the cloth, slipped into the covers beside her, automatically reaching the center of the bed where she was already waiting for him.

Emma nuzzled her head in the crook of his neck as he brought his arms around her, his lips pressed to her forehead and their legs tangling amongst each other.

She listened to his heartbeat, and let herself just feel him for a moment. His naked body pressed against her just after he ravished her oh so thoroughly. He must know right, surely he must know?

"Hey Killian?" she asked softly, and got no answer. He had dozed off which was understandable as their previous activities were really intense.

She kissed his cheek before letting sleep take over her.

/

They're sitting in the balcony of his penthouse, Killian in his boxers and Emma in one of his shirts.

"These past weeks have been worse than anything in my life" he confessed, sighing deeply. He doesn't remember the details of his mother's death, or rather how he felt when she died – just that she did in her room while coughing due to her sickness. His father's abandonment had soon been soothed by the presence and utter stubbornness of Liam.

Milah was what truly hurt him – watching her die in front of him, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop. But even that wound had slowly healed as he lost himself night after night in alcohol and women.

But Emma. "Since the moment I've met you Emma, you've gripped me" he said, Emma lifting her head from his shoulder to look at him. She ran her thumb over the scar on his cheek, "You too"

She straightened up, turning to look at him, as she spoke, "I shouldn't have accused you or Smee behind this, I'm sorry. I was being irrational and getting angry at you for thi-" she got cut off as Killian grabbed her hands.

"No need to apologize, love" he smiled, "It was obviously very difficult for you and that's okay"

She smiled, "I promise you I'll never push you away again"

He smiled back, "I swear as well"

"Next time though – anything happens, we talk before we get mad at each other. Deal?" she raised her eyebrows in question.

"Why, love, you're insinuating there will be a next time?" he teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

She smiled sarcastically, "Ya, I think I'll keep you around"

"Why is that?"

"Well, I do love you" she muttered, smiling at how easily the words came out. The only time she'd said them were to Neal, and after her first night in jail and learning that she was pregnant, she had vowed to herself that she would never say them again.

A vow she was more than happy to break.

Killian's face broke into a huge grin as he pulled her towards him and kissed her breathless.

"I love you too, Emma" he whispered against her lips, foreheads still touching.

"I know" she stood up, and sat on his lap, straddling him as the kiss deepened. A slow and sensual kiss which was full of emotions.

(Emma was glad they couldn't be seen in his balcony and hoped no one heard her screams)

/

Emma reached out to him while it was still dark outside, trailing kisses along his throat, down to his chest, down, down and down until Killian woke up with a start and just muttered her name, like a prayer as she took him in her mouth.

In the morning, it was his turn to wake her up with his head between her legs. They took it slow and lazy in the then, kissing, caressing, and tasting every inch of each other's bodies as they repeated the three words now exchanged between them with every kiss, before Killian entered her softly, moving slowly and languidly inside her, trying to prolong this moment for as long as they could before they both fell again.

/

They were just finishing up the breakfast they both cooked after their showers when Killian's cell phone rang. He downed down his coffee and excused himself, taking his lawyer Arthur's call.

Emma watched him as he spoke on the phone. He was still shirtless (a request Emma had made to which he had saucily smirked and wiggled his eyebrows before he bowed down and instead handed his shirt to her to wear). His biceps flexed as he moved back and forth slowly, the lines on his forehead creasing as he bit his lip and replied with "hmm", "okay", "send me an e-mail" and finally a thanks and goodbye.

"Who was that?" Emma asked.

"Arthur" Killian replied, retrieving his MacBook from the coffee table. Emma nodded, he had told her about the new lawyer he had hired to take care of this entire Shira mess, not wanting to get his company's lawyers mixed up in his private affairs.

"What did he wanna talk about?" she questioned. The Shira incident was as good as closed - she and TMZ were almost sued for an insane amount of money payable to Jones Consolidated and herself for the emotional trauma they caused. Emma wasn't too happy receiving the money – she had enough to cover her basic expenses plus her better than average lifestyle. Her boyfriend on the other had insane amounts of money so it shouldn't ever be an issue. If she does get married to Killian, hypothetically, emphasizing the if, she would never have an issue with money. (No she was not thinking about marriage, it was too soon. Yup, too soon)

She had already thought of what to do with the settlement. She was going to donate the money – to some of the foster care group homes, women's shelters, cancer research, and anything where she could help out.

Killian moved her empty plate and set his laptop in front of her. She raised an inquisitive eyebrow at him to which he scratched behind his ear.

Nervous, all right Emma thought, unsure of why he should feel this way. They made love (three, or maybe four, or was it five?) times since last night and finally declared their feelings. She wasn't going to run away.

"Killian what is it?" she covered his hand, making little soothing circles with her thumb.

"Emma, I'm afraid I haven't been entirely forthright with you" he smiled a bit nervously.

She exhaled a long breath, "Just tell me. We'll figure this out, I promise"

"Alright, love…once you told me about your baby, not when it was in the tabloids but when you told me before" he paused, "I knew how much it killed you to not know about his whereabouts so since then I started to look into what happened to him and Arthur just finally found him"

Her grip on his hand tightened as all the color from her face drained. Killian brought his other hand over hers and squeezed gently, "He sent me all the information he could gather up on him and it's in this email" he tilted his head towards his laptop, "If you'd wish to see it…" he stumbled off, gulping hard as Emma was staring back at him blankly, "I just thought you'd get closure"

Emma had tried effortlessly to find her son, or any information on him once she'd gotten out of jail, met the Nolans and had enrolled in college. She was finally getting her shit together and maybe, just maybe if her son had her ill fate and was still in the foster care system, she'd try to adopt him and raise him. But she had chosen for a closed adoption and no matter how hard she tried, no one told her anything.

"How did you even…the information…how?" Emma babbled, shaking her head to just focus.

"Arthur is a bit of a shady man. He had connections and it took some, well, let's just say some pretty generous monetary gifts to get this information" Killian explained, moving closer to her and rubbing her back soothingly.

"If you don't want to know, Swan, that's fine. I can just delete this email and we never have to talk about it"

Emma let out a whimper and Killian moved closer, rubbing her back soothingly. She wants to know, she has wanted to know so badly but she's terrified. She'll be ecstatic if his son found a nice family and is now happy but what if he didn't? What if he was stuck in the system like her, being tossed from one house to another? Would she go get him? Would he even want her, knowing she never even held him before she let him go? What about Killian?

But if she didn't find out, it would eat her alive.

(Deep inside she knew if her kid didn't have a home, she'd do anything to adopt him and bring him back to her)

"Okay" she nodded, brushing the tears she didn't even know stained her cheeks, "I wanna know"

"Are you sure, Emma?" Killian asked, his eyes boring into hers.

"Yes" she nodded firmly, "I can't live not knowing what happened to my kid and if he's happy or not"

Killian nodded and moved to open to e-mail titled "Emma's son" but stopped, pulling his hand away, "Swan, what if he…what if he hasn't found a home?"

"I don't know, oh god I don't know" Emma felt tears slip down her cheek, "I wanted to find him so bad myself but I could never get around the officials"

Killian took a deep breath and turned her chin around to face him, "If your boy doesn't have a happy home" he paused, keeping her gaze as he stated firmly, "We'll adopt him"

Emma's eyebrows shot up, "Really?" her voice was small and soft, "You think we could?"

"We may not be ready for a child Emma but his is your boy and we won't let him grow up alone" he stated firmly, "You and I both know that it's the worst fate imaginable. No one knows this better than you – at least I had Liam, but you, god you had no one"

Emma pursed her lips to stop herself from crying out loud, "You'd...you would do that for me?" her voice broke.

"Of course, love. I'll do anything for you" he smiled, brushing her tears away, "If your boy doesn't have a happy home, we'll adopt him and raise him. All a child needs is loving parents Emma and I'm damn sure we both can be that"

Emma took a deep breath and clicked open the e-mail.

It had all the information about her son. Just two weeks after being born and sent to an adoption agency, a married couple had adopted him.

The couple, a Robin and Regina mills – a social worker and mayor respectively had adopted him naming him Henry. Henry Mills, Emma smiled, a picture of the family popping up. A brown-haired man with a kind smile, standing with his arm around a gorgeous woman who just looked bold. There were two boys kneeling in front of them: a little boy with the most adorable dimples and the description said that that was Roland, their younger son born four years after they adopted Henry.

Henry on the other hand had unruly dark hair (like his father, Emma thought) and deep big brown eyes that were crinkling with excitement. He was cute, her little child and from reading all the information possible about the couple (their job descriptions, family history, lack of criminal records, taxes, taxes), it was evident Henry was in good hands and happy.

Emma leaned back on the chair and sighed, a little smile forming her lips as she looked over the picture of her kid and traced his face with her finger.

"Emma?" Killian whispered, his hand stilling at her back and she turned towards him.

Taking his other hand she brought it to her lips, lightly kissing it as she murmured, "Thank you so much Killian. Thank you"

"Of course, love" he smiled back, his hand travelling up from her back to brush her hair away from her face.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Emma took a deep breath and nodded, "Yes. Finally I know he's good and happy and found a home, that's all that matters"

"Aye" he said standing beside her with his hand buried in her head.

"Just like I found mine" she whispered, leaning her head on his body.

"I found mine too" he whispered back, bringing his arms around her.

/-/

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