A Thousand Butterflies

Ed knew where he was. He knew that he was dreaming, or more accurately, he was looking at a memory. It was something he didn't ever talk about…the thought made him shiver.

He watched his younger self boldly step up towards the Portal of Truth and slap it with his fist. Truth watched on, their head cocked and a smile arrogantly beamed across their face.

Ed had been so sure that he had found the answer to defeating Truth. He had believed that he had found a way to give Al's body back to him. And after Al had started to black out more often than not, Ed knew that he had no choice but find a way to bring Al back. When Al had blacked out and wouldn't wake up, the older Elric brother hadn't hesitated to perform human transmutation.

Ed had a life. He wouldn't give himself up for his brother- he wouldn't put his brother through that pain. But if cutting his lifespan by 10 years, and the memories and experiences he would forge, in return for bringing Alphonse back from the void was worth it. They would never use a Philosopher's Stone or anyone else to recover what they had lost through their own foolish mistakes.

In the end, Ed had known they would be the ones to sacrifice anything to bring the other back.

He loved Al so much and he didn't deserve the pain.

Ed had hypothesised that Al's soul was returning to his body and when he had blacked out for good, Ed believed Al's soul was standing at the Portal, drawn to his body. All the Fullmetal Alchemist had to do was change the connection point from Al's soul back to his body and bring Al, whole and complete, out of there.

Truth had watched Ed make his exchange and agreed happily to allow the younger Elric brother to leave the void.

Ed had been relieved to have his brother breathing and seeing the world with his own two eyes again. That was the only time Ed had properly sobbed since being fitted with automail.

But as the months went on, Ed knew the proposition he had made with Truth was far too simple. Life wasn't a straight track from start to end; life was a complex maze where there were traps and dead ends. Edward couldn't allow his brother to die. And Ed would have given more than an arm to make that necessary.

In truth, he wanted to wait until they came to a solution together. But the brothers had run out of time and it had been the only way to save Al.

There had to be another way…

It was too late for that though. Al had been returned to him, whole and safe. Ed however…

He excelled at hiding how he felt. And ever since that day he had performed the human transmutation, he had felt disassociated from the world around him, as if part of him was trapped in a dream. He had not changed as a person- he was still Ed. But he found that after a passionate outburst, he would be weary; when his automail was exposed to the heat, he could feel his metal limbs dragging him down in ways he could ignore before. It seemed that in return to reuniting Al's connection to this world, Ed's own connection was severing.

He was a fucking fool for waiting to tell Al and Winry and the others. Ed shivered…what if Al insisted on restoring Ed's connection by returning to the suit of armour? He couldn't allow that happen to his baby brother.

Except that the brothers weren't children anymore. They had not been children for a long, long time.

There had to be a way.

The present-day Ed watched the conflict and turmoil swirling in his mind. And that didn't even begin the fucking torment of being unable to save himself or Al from NoName.

Ed suddenly saw the Gate in front of him. The doors gaped open and the Fullmetal Alchemist remembered the feeling of being unravelled and having the knowledge of the Universe poured into him. The ability which made him able to transmute without a transmutation circle, first free a soul from the Portal and then an entire body and soul. He had done it.

A part of him intuitively knew there was a way…he had to keep searching for it.

He had to keep fighting and find a way to get over this wake up wake up-

"Wake up!"

Ed could hear someone calling to him, but there was no touch present there (don't touch me) and he opened his eyes slowly. That had been one of the few restful sleeps he had had, even if he had dreamt fitfully. He woke shocked, but well-rested.

He glanced up in the direction of the voice. Winry's voice was instantly recognisable. She sounded conflicted.

"I'm alright, Winry," he said apologetically. "I just had a dream."

"You were thrashing about," Winry admitted guiltily and Ed could sense her presence come closer to his. She smelt of grease and the countryside. This place was in the East, but it wasn't Resembool. She had looked beautiful in the field of daisies, her blue eyes gazing around wide with wonder-

And even if he could not see that again, he had to find a way to protect her smile.

"Actually…I've come to a realization," Ed claimed and he straightened up, despite the lancing pain that shot up and down his spine. "I don't deserve you and Al and Granny and the bastard-"

"That's not true, you dummy!" Winry cried. He couldn't make her shed tears yet. All he wanted was for her to smile when she saw him and Al with their original bodies. And if only half of that promise was true, he realized now that he wanted to fulfil that with all of his heart. He would fight.

"You didn't let me finish!" Ed retaliated and he could imagine his mechanic flinching in response to his sharp tone. "It's going to take a long time until…" he gestured down at his body. "And I can tell you everything. But I will tell you and Al this.

"Where is Al?"

"By your side, as he always is, idiot," she laughed and Ed felt the air move around him. Winry was reaching out for him. He smiled and took her hand (don't touch me but this is Winry she's the one I lo-) and he allowed Winry to guide his touch to Al.

Al…with his real body. He would have given up so much more to bring Alphonse back. But Edward had risked his own life in the process and had broken his promise with Al. They should have gotten their bodies back together. Ed wasn't going to be a coward forever.

He rested his head on Al's shoulder, listening to his gentle brother's heartbeat and quiet breathing. His heartrate increased as he began to wake up and Al's body wriggled in that state between consciousness and unconsciousness. Al sighed and buried his head into the side of Ed's neck and Ed reached up to rub Al's hair. It was soft like a feathery nest.

And despite how parts of his world had crumbled to ash, there was still so much beauty to it.

Ed wanted to shake his head; he was the last one to be poetical.

"Winry, I need you to write down what I tell you and show it to Al. You deserve to know everything, and I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be," she whispered and before Ed could flinch, she kissed his forehead and retreated backwards. He could hear her laughing.

Hawkeye had to do everything in her power to remain neutral as Kimblee returned to the office with a hooded individual.

The 'stranger' uncovered their hood and revealed their face. She looked into the eyes of the alchemic doctor, Tim Marcoh. There was no mistaking him. He quickly lowered his gaze and stared at the floor and muttered a quiet greeting. She had seen it in his eyes too. The accumulation of guilt of causing the deaths of countless innocent Ishvalans. Riza had her motives to fight; she would likely never know his. But the Civil War still tormented him too. The souls of the restless dead would bring nightmares to them for the rest of their lives.

Kimblee remained unfazed by the death and destruction he had caused. She was not too familiar with the alliances made in Ishval between members of the Amestrian military, but she was aware there had been communication between the former Crystal and Crimson Alchemists.

She wondered how Kimblee had managed to find Marcoh, who had been known to become a recluse after the war. However, Armstrong had already voiced her thoughts:

"Dr Marcoh. It is a pleasure to meet you," he took her extended hand shakily and Viola nodded to herself.

"I understand you are acquainted with Major Kimblee here. I want to hear your perspective on the matters…alone," she glared at Kimblee who was taking more interest in blowing away a dust speck that had appeared on his suit.

"It is alright, there is nothing I need to hide," Marcoh attempted to make a joke, but he coughed and the effort was an awkward lapse of silence for a moment.

Riza listened to the account that the doctor made. She knew that the colonel was in the adjacent room listening to the conversation, and she had to admit she was proud of him for not interjecting. She had expected balls of flame to be blasted into the room by now. Her superior officer was finally learning patience.

She glanced in the doctor's direction, and memorised the words he spoke, but her attention was divided to the actions of Kimblee that she saw in her peripheral vision. The man had stopped inspecting his jacket and instead one of his hands was fumbling about in his pocket as if to check if something was there. He made frequent peculiar swallowing motions too. And he had a wide smirk about his face.

Lieutenant Hawkeye was called the Hawk's Eye not just for her ability to be a sniper, but because she could notice every minute detail. Kimblee's body language betrayed his cool demeanour; he was in an anticipatory mood.

"I retired in the West Area to be away from Ishval," Marcoh said. "An acquaintance of mine had heard about Kimblee's release from prison and wishes to make amends with the other soldiers present at Ishval. The Major has been nothing but kind and generous to me. He has had a change of heart."

Lies, Hawkeye thought. And from the tense position of Viola Cadence, it appeared that Marcoh's claim was not fooling her too.

"Can you explain the unprovoked attack on my hospital then?" she snapped and Marcoh's eyes widened.

"It was a hasty decision, we cannot doubt that. However, Major Kimblee could not risk the possibility of letting his brother run free if he was present here," Marcoh claimed, his left knee rising up and down rapidly. It must have been a nervous tick he had developed. She found herself biting her lip and slowed her breathing. Her colonel needed her, but Lieutenant Colonel Hughes and Sergeant Fuery were missing in the tunnels. It was unwise to pursue them when the risks associated were huge. But she knew that Colonel Mustang would do anything to find and protect them. The tunnels had become this expansive, forbidden place that the staff at the hospital refused to talk about, like a place of legend. Hawkeye knew that Einar Kimblee's plan to become a deranged alchemist had been successful and the tunnels were his domain, but she couldn't remain at the hospital for much longer.

Her mind was torn between the urge to run into the tunnels and rescue her allies and remaining by the side of her superior officer as she had promised. Damn that leg.

Damn that bastard Kimblee!

She straightened her already-perfect posture on the chair and blinked when the eyes of the room were focused on her.

-How can you expect to protect the people you care about when you cannot even protect your own back?-

I was thinking.

-There are many things you won't think about. Why don't you remember the truth, you fucking murdering bitch?-

I've. Had. Enough. I've had enough of you.

-Reality never goes to plan, we are afraid, Lieutenant Hawkeye. Take this advice: get a grip, and fast, before we take over.-

Never, she cried into her mind and stared blankly at Marcoh.

"I'm sorry, Dr Marcoh. Could you repeat yourself?" Hawkeye asked, and she realised she was biting her bloodied lips again (stop it).

"Of course. This is a lot of information to process, I'm sure," he said sympathetically. "The acquaintance I mentioned earlier is here with us. Together we should be able to treat the Flame and Fullmetal Alchemists, as well as Fullmetal's brother and anyone who has been injured thus far."

There was a slight thump on the wall to the side. Riza started talking without thinking about it.

"How is that possible? Even with alchemy, their wounds would take months to heal-"

"Anything is possible, Lieutenant Hawkeye," Kimblee said simply and he rose to his feet. "We'll give you time to think about our proposition."

"What do you want, Kimblee?" Viola growled, her hands on her hips, her presence filling the room.

"Just your cooperation," he muttered vaguely, waving his hand with his hat and escorting himself out of the office. Marcoh rose to his feet slower and nodded at the two women before exiting the room too.

Until Riza and Viola could see that the two alchemists had vacated the property and were travelling back to their base across the lawn, the latter slapped her fist on the wall. "Colonel Mustang, if you thought you could snoop about my mansion, you are mistaken!"

They stepped out of the office and into the next room where they were stopped at seeing this strange sight. There was Mustang leaning forward in a wheelchair with his body angled towards the wall (obviously to snoop) and his hands had Major Armstrong pinned to the wall.

"Apologies for the noise. Major Armstrong noticed my absence and sniffed out my trail," Roy said neutrally as if the situation was the most normal thing in the world. And the team had seen a lot of strange things.

Speaking of, it took Alex Louis a total of thirteen seconds to remove his shirt and embrace his relative tightly, tears and sparkles accompanying him.

When the Major could finally be calmed down, Hawkeye resumed her position by her superior's side. His fists were clasped, and it was clear to her that he was thinking about having his broken leg healed with alchemy. Kimblee had seen the state of the Elric brothers' bodies and if he and Marcoh were confident that they could be healed, then Mustang's leg should not be a hindrance for them.

And then they could come up with an action plan.

"How do you think the shop is coming along?" she asked. How are the other team members faring?

He rubbed his greasy hair out of his eyes, "Kate and Maria must be exhausted having dealt with the angry customer all day. Jacqueline is on leave and she's bored out of her socks."

He did not need to explain. She knew.

The colonel wanted nothing more than to stand up and walk on his own two legs to help his team. But only if he could help the Elric brothers.

"What are we going to do then, Mustang?" Viola had managed to cease Alex's demand for affection. Major Armstrong turned to face him too.

Mustang took a deep breath and announced in his authoritative tone reserved when giving orders, "I am going to take the offer of the Crimson Alchemist and Doctor Marcoh. Unfortunately, I am not in the position to refuse. Not when there is much to do."

Viola nodded her head in acquiescence and Armstrong wiped his teary eyes with one of his beefy hands. The former grabbed the hulking man by the arm and paced to the door, "I will inform them of your decision.

Hawkeye closed her eyes for a moment, exhaling softly. They would be able to carry on with their mission.

"Lieutenant, do you think I am a fool?" he said, face expressionless.

"Yes, Sir."

"You're meant to support your superior officer, Lieutenant!" he cried suddenly, his hands rising above his head where he held them.

"I have better judgement than you, Sir."

"…Very well, Lieutenant. Answer me this then. Is the desire to save one man a selfish one, even if it means consorting with the enemy?"

"Yes, Sir," she answered, and he finally met her gaze. "Permission to speak freely, Sir?"

"Granted."

"You are an idiot, but I know you will find a way through this. We believe in you, Sir," she said softly, her chocolate-coloured eyes warm.

"Let us find the Elric brothers then," Roy smirked. "I have a plan to set in motion. Stay by my side, Lieutenant."

"Always, Sir."

"Goddamn you, Brother!" Al shrieked. The hospital staff tried to ignore his refute and carry on with their duties like normal, but when the Elric brothers arrived anywhere, pandemonium quickly followed.

"Al…" Ed began.

"Y-you're such an idiot! A dumb idiotic brother. H-how could you sa-ve my lairfe and nauht care abourt your owngh?" Al shouted, and the fact that he couldn't hear Ed only aided in making the young man's voice bellow even louder. His efforts to enunciate his words became lost as he vented, and Ed had to shake his head and mouth carefully:

"I can't follow you, Al. Write it down and Win will read it," Ed mouthed as he heard Al harrumph.

"Brother. Idiot. Not…alone. Burden not yours…alone. I will…body back…get," Al struggled slowly but Ed understood his brother and words didn't have to pass between the two of them.

"I know, Al. I'm so sorry," Ed gulped waiting for Al to hit him or kick him or do something but then he heard his brother's voice choke as he started sobbing.

"Ed…"

"You're incredible, Al. Don't forget that," Ed said soothingly, and even if Al couldn't hear him and he couldn't see Al's beautiful face, they were alive and they were broken but they would do their best to fight.

They remained there for a while until Winry returned. She had phoned Granny with her to help with the repairs and had left to pick her up from the train station. Winry had initially been reluctant to leave Ed and Al. However, after teasing Winry about a particular incident that happened earlier, she had picked up her bag and left without another word. Ed couldn't help but smile at the thought.

He could not wait for Granny to get to the hospital, even if she was being a reckless old bat disregarding her own safety. But Ed was aware more than others that she would trek across the desert for him, Al and Winry. Ed could only hope to rival her stubbornness. Winry was his mechanic and Granny assisted when both his arm and leg required repairs. The designs and mechanisms were of Winry's creation though. Granny's coming was like a false promise- a part of him thought that when Granny arrived, they both could help cure his ravaged body.

They couldn't cure Al instantly either.

Ed was aware that he had warred with Death's touch for a while. He was not as perturbed as he should have been. Maybe it was because he had endured the worst and come out the other side. Nothing had been more painful, mentally and physically, than having the alchemic voltage run through his veins. Kimblee pain agony-

He sighed. The pain was barely noticeable anymore. He had habituated to it.

That was a good sign, but he was still constantly weary- if he left his back free and defenceless then he could-

"Hey, Fullmetal," the bastard said cockily. Ed didn't have to see his face to know the damn colonel was smirking.

Ed jolted at the noise but quickly calmed himself, "what do you want, bastard?"

The colonel stepped towards him, "I need to talk to you about Tim Marcoh."

Ed recognised that name, but before he could reply, he could hear the colonel's footsteps again. Wait- how could the colonel walk.

"Marcoh is here with the Crimson Alchemist," Ed was grateful that the bastard hadn't called him by his surname; otherwise Ed's mind would begin to shut down. It was pathetic, but that was the way things were currently. They would change. He would make it so when he was ready.

One step at a time.

"He healed your leg," Ed guessed. When the colonel grunted in the affirmative, Ed could feel the tingles rushing up his spine. Could he be cured? Could he stand on his own again? Could he get back his eyesight?

"But Marcoh wouldn't…" Ed started but his voice trailed off. Marcoh had changed his name and disappeared off the military's radar, and when he had met the doctor, it was clear he no longer wished to have any affiliation with the military. He had renounced his title of Crystal Alchemist and had instead chosen to live a reclusive, solitary life in a small town in the East. Ed was only acquaintances with the man, but he was sure he wouldn't be dragged back into military life that comfortably. Something wasn't adding up.

"I'll come to what services they can offer you in a moment, but first, I wanted to point out that Marcoh had help with the transmutation. Marcoh did nothing technical," Mustang heaved himself down beside Ed, keeping a respectful distance. "I was wondering if this Marcoh could perform alchemy in the first place."

In the past Ed would have hurled insults at his superior for suggesting such a far-fetched thing, but after all that he had seen and endured, he merely nodded. He had accepted that anything was possible in the shadow world, a world which he had been trapped in for six torturous weeks. And it seemed that the shadows were not finished with him after all…

-We are here.-

I know. Now fuck off.

"Al and I have met him," Ed replied, lowering his voice to a whisper. "He shouldn't be here."

"Don't be so carefree, Fullmetal," Mustang scolded and Ed could imagine his irritated scowl. But Ed understood- it was likely that the enemy had surrounded him.

"Yes, Sir," Ed answered mockingly and then rolled his blind eyes, "so your leg is healed. You're such a bastard."

"I knew you would initially be against me using the help of the Philosopher's Stone," Ed's head turned sharply to face Roy when he said that so casually, "Marcoh and the other doctor made me aware. They also told me the Stone was a product from the Ishvalan Civil War. However, I have sworn my services to Ishval…and I will repay the souls back for their generosity."

"Damn righteous bastard," Ed repeated, hoping the 'bastard' part had been emphasised for the colonel.

"So what will you do, knowing that the Stone is most likely an enemy's weapon? I need to find my men, and I'm running out of time. What will you do?" Roy said

There were so many options for the Fullmetal Alchemist to choose from. He had the option…of being freed from this grey-black-white-hellish void. Every waking moment he had subconsciously hoped and prayed for a lease. And now he was being given a way, literally dumped on him when he had done nothing at all, he clasped his fist, his body shaking pathetically. He would…see. But he had done nothing. He had been the one to allow NoName to use the alchemic voltage. There was nothing damn equivalent about it!

If Edward had the say for Al, he would force Al to be use the Stone to its full capacity, so that his little brother did not even feel aches. However, Al was his own person and had to make his own decisions.

The future was infinite, and Ed thought of the Butterfly Effect. Change one thing, and a whole string of consequences could unfold. Just like what he did when he brought Al's body back. He didn't think. He acted. And while he was renowned for being reckless, he should not have been, especially when it involved human lives. Ed understood that he could not simply have everything handed back to him; he needed to earn it.

Was his eyesight fixable anyway? It had been taken in exchange, along with much of his willpower and spirit, for the alchemic voltage.

The alchemist's mind was working unconsciously. The alchemic voltage was a new branch of artificial alchemy, but it still had to follow the laws! Equivalent Exchange-

It was a hypothesis, but if he and Al were able to channel the alchemic voltage into themselves, they would be able to exchange that for their sight and hearing! Ed started laughing, and the action fucking hurt, but he kept on laughing, his voice becoming louder and less controlled as it reached a climax.

"Who knew you could think about anything, Fullmetal," Roy said seriously and Ed wanted to hit the man. This was the first fucking time he had truly felt euphoric since he had watched Al eat that ice cream when they arrived in Turinene. And the bastard was ruining it.

"I can, bastard," Ed seethed, throwing an insult at his superior officer, "what were you doing in that time?"

"Explaining to Alphonse the situation. He's staring at you and trying his best not to laugh right now," Roy replied, and from his side, Ed could hear Al snigger. It was disguised perfectly and if he had not been paying attention, he would not have known. He had assumed that his brother was asleep!

Goddamn you, Al.

"Bastard," Ed said as Roy coughed some incomprehensible insult before Ed continued, "make sure Al gets this message.

"We should use the Stone, but only to help the wounds inflicted by…him. We don't need this damn festering skin and be riddled with infections," Ed attempted to lift himself and failed miserably, slumping back to the floor once again. "We agreed not to use the Stone to restore our bodies, but this wasn't our fault."

Ed waited in anticipation as Roy 'translated' Al's reply for him.

"He agrees with you. But he is worried about using other lives for his own."

Ed turned to face his brother directly and reached out. A hand found his immediately, "Al…we cannot live like this. We have so much to do. Places to go, people to help. We've decided to dedicate our lives to that cause, and the Ishvalan people will understand that."

It felt that seconds had passed when Ed was being gently moved towards a transmutation circle that the doctors had sketched, he was assured by Mustang.

The man had left through the tunnels with Hawkeye and Havoc to find Hughes and Fuery as soon as he was deemed fit to go by Viola. They were the ones pursuing NoName, even though it was Ed and Al that had led to their involvement. Edward was powerless to change the past, although he was far from hopeless; he had control of the future. While Ed was the one to resort to action and Roy the one to work behind the scenes, it appeared that their roles had reversed.

But Edward had his own work cut out. Why was Kimblee here? And why had he likely brought an imposter with him?

Those questions would not have to wait much longer after the transmutation was completed. However, his heart was racing and the voices around him sounded like the scurrying of rats in sewers, like in the room he had been chained in.

Someone might have asked him if he was ready and he may have nodded but he did not know all that he was aware of was the pounding of blood rushing into his skull-

There was a crackle as the transmutation started.

Alchemy could accomplish amazing feats, but not without its price.

-Alchemy was what led you to losing your brother's body.-

I got that back!

-While breaking yourself apart in the process. How naïve and selfish you can be, boy.-

Don't call me little!

-Do not insinuate such frivolity. We are surprised you agreed to the transmutation, considering Kimblee swayed you off ever using alchemy again.-

Kimblee.

Kimblee…

KIMBLEE! He was coming for him and oh fuck he could hear the transmutation crackling what was the bastard going to do this time who will he hear the screams of dying. Fuery was only the first one who would be next. How would he defend them if he was chained up?

Edward thrashed violently, kicking and punching with his bleeding and broken limbs that remained. He would break Kimblee's neck and the men who had fucked him. He was a dirty whore who deserved to die but HE DIDN'T WANT TO DIE GODDAMMIT!

He wanted to fight but he didn't know where Kimblee was he never could tell where that man was. He stared and watched Edward become weaker and weaker. The golden sunshine didn't care as he hurled his body wildly at the sounds that darted towards him from all angles. He had to save Al! Ed had no dignity remaining after he had been used and clawed by those filthy men (he may not have been awake but the marks on his back were there there there). He had pissed himself in fear when he had been attached to Fuery's radio and the alchemic voltage's wildfire had scorched his insides.

When would this end?

Please.

-We did not leave. We stayed, to give you some company.-

Please, end this.

-End this or end you?-

Please.

But even Edward Elric became too weak to think. He shivered and braced himself for the punch that would break his jaw or the fiery bite of the poker being imbedded into his stump or the touch of Kimblee's hand caressing his face-

Stop.

But it ensued.

Even though he was blind, he could feel the blood-red touch of the transmutation licking his soul and he heard the burns and screams of the people that the Stone contained-

The sounds suddenly stopped. Edward curled into a ball and prayed to God that it was over and Al was safe.

I loved writing this chapter- especially that little EdWin bit :) The crew cannot sit around any longer as they have work to do. The next chapter 'Ignite' will be up soon!

Hope you enjoyed.