This Is Not My Life Chapter 21 A Long Way To Go, a twilight fanfic

A/N:I was very honored to be rec'd on TLYDF website yesterday. Thank you FantasyMother for your kind words. To all my new readers, all outtakes are posted on my outtakes companion story on my profile.

Just wanted to say we won't be following the recovery ala Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, etc. Specific points will be covered at length. I know everyone is anxious for the B/E storyline to develop, but that takes time, if I want to create a healthy, non-co-dependent, equal relationship. It skips unneeded angst later on. Remember the slow burn? Still applies.

And I just wanted to mention to all of my faithful readers that keep coming out of the woodwork via Twitter, ADF, and other various forums, if you're getting impatient for some lemontastic scenes, skip over to my beta's profile, EdwardsBloodType, and read I'll Be Your Lover, Too, or her current fic, High Anxiety, which is very close to my heart, for reasons only she knows. If you like me, you'll love her.

Chapter 21: A Long Way To Go

EPOV

After dinner, it became obvious that Bella had reached her threshold of pain and patience, and Emmett took her upstairs quickly, much to Lily's chagrin. After the crowd dispersed, I realized that for the first time in over a month, I had Lily at home. My parent's really, but it was a second home to us, and I had grown up here.

I can tuck my baby in tonight. In her own room.

I couldn't keep the grin off my face as I tossed Lily over my shoulder and carried her upstairs to her bathroom.

"Shower or bath, Princess?"

"Why are you smiling so much, Daddy?" she grinned back at me.

Happiness is catching.

"I'm just so happy to have you back home. Now, we've got to wash that stuff off your face, and you need to get clean after a long day in the car. So, shower or bath?"

She pondered it over seriously for a moment.

"Bath. With lots of bubbles. And I want the Rubber Ducky song."

I raised my eyebrows at her, and she caught herself.

"Please."

I went to work, filling the bath water at just the right temperature, pouring almost an entire bottle of pink bubble bath in. There were more bubbles than water, but that was the way she liked it. It made washing easier, but rinsing was a bitch. She undressed behind me quickly, jumping into the bath with little grace, splashing me with water and pink bubbles.

"Aah! Lily! You need the bath, not me, honey!"

She giggled, not at all sorry. "Oops. Sing to me, Daddy."

I remembered with pride the way Bella had spoken to me, calming my fears of not being enough of a father to her, telling me how easily she could see my love for Lily. The softness and sincerity of her voice had floored me, saving me from wasting energy worrying, when I could be doing this, enjoying bath time, showing Lily my love.

"Sing! Sing, Daddy!"

I began, using my best Ernie voice.

"Rubber Ducky
You're the one
You make bath time
Lots of fun!
Rubber Ducky
I'm awfully fond of you!

"Rubber Ducky
Joy of joy
When I squeeze you, you make noise
Rubber Ducky
You're my very best friend
It's true

"Every Day
When I make my way to the tubby
I find a little fella who's
Cute and yella
And chubby
Rubba dub dubby!"

I dumped a handful of bubbles over her head, making her giggle.

"Rubber ducky you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
Rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of
Rubber ducky I'm awfully foooond
Of you!"

"Again! Again!" she demanded, and I couldn't deny her. I sang it, over and over, the entire time I was washing her. I pulled her out of the tub, drying her off with a big, fluffy, purple towel, rubbing it over her head until her curls were dry and puffy, sticking out in every direction.

Maybe it's a genetic thing.

I guided her out of the bathroom, pretending to slip and slide all the way. Alice had brought over her favorite Ariel nightgown, and she pulled it over her head with a huge smile.

"Will you read to me, Daddy? I want the pigeon book, and make sure you do all the sounds!"

Before she had been taken, I had considered hiding that book, or possibly throwing it away altogether, just to be free of reading it again. I would never feel that way about this book again.

"Alright, get into bed."

"Wait! Where's Snuffles?"

"On the bed, Lily."

"Oh. Can I say good night to Bella?"

"She already went to bed, Princess. You'll have to wait and see her in the morning. She'll still be there."

"Okay," she sighed.

She crawled in, snuggling under her giant comforter, pulling Snuffles up to her body.

Without even having to glance at the pages, I read Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, complete with sounds and voices, for the bazillionth time. She always giggled in the exact same spots, and clapped her hands when I finished.

"Again! Again!"

"No, Lily. It's time for bed now. I can read it again tomorrow. You've got some water here, do you need anything else before I turn out the light?"

"Daddy? Can you make sure you check on Bella? She has bad dreams sometimes. I know you said I can't go in there, but can you? Please?"

My chest tightened as I heard my little girl worry for Bella, and for the millionth time I wondered what Lily had witnessed in spite of Bella's attempts of shielding her.

"I'll check on her, Lily. I promise."

"You're not leaving, are you Daddy? You'll be here when I wake up?" she asked frantically.

I frowned, crawling into bed beside her. "Lily, of course I'll be here. And I know I said no sleeping with Bella, but if you wake up from a bad dream and you need me, you call me, okay?"

"Oh, I won't have bad dreams, Daddy. Look!" She reached under her pillow, pulling out Renee's worry dolls. "New Nana Renee gave them to me!"

I smiled at her, trying not to make a sarcastic comment regarding Renee's craziness. "That's good. But just in case they don't catch all the bad dreams, just know you can come get me if you need me. If for any reason you can't find me, you have permission to go to Bella, okay? It's important to me that you try to sleep in your own bed, but you won't be in trouble for needing someone or being afraid. Alright? Do you understand?"

"'Kay, Daddy. You can go now. Night-night."

I choked on a laugh at being dismissed by my four-year old. "Night-night, Lilybug. I love you."

"Love you too, Daddy. You forgot to give me a hug and a kiss!"

I smooshed her, lying right on top of her.

"Oh, my favorite pillow! I love my Lily pillow! But she's so squirmy and lumpy!"

"Dadd-ee! I can't breathe!" she giggled.

Sliding off the bed and kneeling beside her, I hugged her and kissed her head, trying to keep myself from blubbering like a baby at the sight of her at home.

"Kiss Snuffles too, Daddy."

I obliged, pecking her polar bear, then pretended to cough up a furball.

"Good night, Lily."

"Night."

I turned on her nightlight and left her door slightly ajar, padding silently down the hall and stopping in front of Bella's room. Her door was closed, with a little light shining through underneath, but I didn't hear anything coming from inside.

If I knock, she could wake up. And bite my head off.

If I open without knocking and she's awake, she will definitely bite my head off.

I think I'll wait a bit.

Promising myself, Bella, and Lily silently that I would check on her once before going to bed, I headed downstairs to talk to Jasper about the sleepover idea. It sounded good to me, but Jasper had the degree. I found him reading on the couch in the living room.

"Hey man. Got a minute?"

He looked up and nodded, scooting over to make room on the couch for me.

"What's up?"

"A couple of things. One, earlier. Lily's fit about sleeping in Bella's room. I get why it's not a good idea, but Bella suggested something and I wanted to run it by you."

"Shoot."

"She thought, and I agree, that if Lily did well and obeyed all week, going to bed in her own room like she should, we could have a family sleepover as a reward."

He nodded absently, listening intently. "I think it's a good idea in the short-term to help her get acclimated to sleeping alone again. I'm assuming she was in bed with you at the motel?"

"Yeah. I was just so excited to have her back, I couldn't say no," I rushed to explain.

"Relax, don't get defensive. It's fine. It's just a slippery slope, man," he laughed. "If you're not careful, you'll end up having to bribe her to behave every time you turn around. But for now, you make her go a week, get a sleepover. Then maybe push it to ten days. Then two weeks, you get the picture. By the time she's to six weeks, the behavior should be reprogrammed, and it shouldn't even be an issue.

"I'm glad Bella was able to speak up like that with you, and I was really impressed how she held her own against Lily trying to work you guys against each other. I'm assuming you talked with her about what we discussed?"

I nodded, exhaling heavily. "Yeah, yesterday in the hospital after her…attack. Probably could have gone about it in a less direct way. I called her Mommy. Kinda freaked her out."

"No, you're kidding," he deadpanned.

I elbowed him in the side. "I know, I know. I just told her what we talked about, about her being a permanent part of Lily's life, and she wanted to."

"So she just agreed? Just like that? No questions?"

Rolling my eyes, I slid down the couch a bit. "What were you doing, watching on hidden camera? Jesus. Yeah, she had questions. She asked about Tanya. Wanted to know how that would work whenever I get married."

"And what did you say?"

"Well, it turns out she kind of already knew about Tanya because your loudmouth cousin let it slip in Lily's earshot one day."

"Oh shit, you're kidding me."

I huffed bitterly. "That's not my idea of a funny joke, man. Lily knows Tanya didn't want her, but…I'm not sure it's entirely a bad thing. I would have liked her to hear it from me, when she was a bit older, but maybe I was just delaying it for my own reasons, you know? Bella…it's like she knew just what to say to me. She told me how Lily gave her all the reasons why it was okay she didn't have Tanya for a mom, because she had me, and I was enough."

"So almost five years of us trying to tell you that, and it takes one conversation from Bella. I think I may have found your Achilles' heel, Edward. I'm saving this for future use. How did you respond to the marriage thing?" He eyed me carefully, making me shift uncomfortably in my seat.

"I kind of ignored the question."

He smirked at me. "And why is that?"

I shrugged, suddenly wishing I hadn't started this conversation.

Wait, I didn't start this conversation. I had questions, and he started his shrinking. And I walked right into it. Sly motherfucker.

"I don't know, what do you want me to say, Jazz? That I'm a fucking douchebag perv that's taken more cold showers in the last week than I can count? That when she said 'married' I saw her in my parent's gazebo in a white dress? What?" I spat out, really fucking irritated.

"Settle down, Edward. I'm just fucking with you, 'cause I've noticed the way you've been lookin' at her lately. It's not a crime to have a crush. You also call the girl beautiful about five times a minute, so…"

"What? I don't call her anything…" I trailed off, trying to remember a time I had.

He snorted, shaking his head at me disbelievingly. "Really? Because I think I've heard you refer to her as Beautiful at least twenty times today alone. And how that poor girl didn't choke on her own tongue when you called her love a couple of days ago, I'll never know. She's either as oblivious as you are, or she's brushing it off because she doesn't think you mean it."

"Shit," I breathed, completely stunned. "I had no idea…"

Jazz nodded, contemplating. "I hate to do this, but I have to ask…"

I rolled my eyes. "Of course you do, Jazz. Ask away."

"I just want to make sure you don't have these feelings because of some misplaced sense of gratitude towards her for what she did. If you really like her, then great, terrific, that's like kismet or fate or some shit. But can you tell me what it is exactly that you like about her?"

I clenched my fists into the cushions beneath me to resist the urge to punch him for suggesting that all there was to her was her heroism. Cracking my neck, I started spouting off all the reasons I couldn't stop thinking about her.

"It's everything, Jazz. She's like the whole package. Yeah, I'm fucking grateful to her for what she did for Lily. I'd be an asshole to not be. But she left me speechless the first time I saw her in that grocery store. Even if this whole fuckery hadn't happened, I think I still would have tried to ask her out or call her or something. And that's fucking huge, 'cause I never date, you know that.

"Have you read her books? She's so fucking smart and creative. And, God…It goes without saying how fucking beautiful she is. And it's a huge fucking turn-on watching how natural she is with Lily. I always knew if I ever got lucky enough to find someone, they'd have to love Lily as much as I do, which isn't even really possible, but she comes as close as anyone ever could.

"Add on top of that how loyal and brave and honest and kind she is…and fuck, man. Is that enough of a reason to like her?" Not pausing for him to answer, I continued.

"It's just…it's the way she fits into every facet of my life without even trying. It's seamless, the way she completes the family, like she was the piece in the puzzle I never knew was missing."

I met his eyes finally, and he was just staring at me, completely wide-eyed. "Edward, that sounds like more than just a crush. You're going to have to take it slow."

"Jazz, I don't even know if she feels the same way."

Renee and my mom's hysterical giggles rang out from the doorway of the living room, where they had clearly been eavesdropping.

"Oh, Edward. You are such a man," Renee cackled.

Feeling more than a bit awkward at the impromptu discussion of my lack-of-love life, I tried to deflect. "Last time I checked, yes I was, Renee."

She walked over to me, shaking her head all the way. "Alright, smartass. What I meant was you're just so blind if you don't see the way my Bella looks at you. I may be weird and kooky, but I do know my daughter very well. I won't speak for her, but don't be afraid to put yourself out there when the time is right."

More serious, she sat down beside me and took my hand into her own. "Just don't ruin your chance at having something beautiful by jumping the gun. She is so tough, she's going to shock you all. But I know she needs some time to regroup herself. She's not one to lean on others, she likes to figure things out for herself. I trust you with her, Edward. And for the record, I think you two would make a beautiful couple.

"But Charlie is another story. Good luck there, sweetie." She patted my cheek and walked away with my mother, whispering conspiratorially on their way out.

"Never a dull moment with Renee," Jasper noted. "Anyway, I think she's right. Bella and you seem to have a really natural way around each other. Just take it slow and let it happen as it's meant to. Wasn't there something else you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "But now my mind is too warped to remember what it was. I think I'm going to head up to bed. If I remember, I'll catch you sometime tomorrow. Thanks for the talk, man."

"Anytime, Edward. I think me and Ali are gonna call it a night, too. Rose and Em already took off, I think. Charlie disappeared with Carlisle and Phil. I'm pretty sure they're cracking into some Vitamin R. We'll see you tomorrow."

"G'night Jazz."

"Night."

I wandered my way through the house back upstairs, trying to avoid running into the meddling mothers conspiring in the kitchen. When I was just outside my door, I glanced at Bella's, where the light was still shining through.

Shit! That's what it was, I was going to ask him what to do if either of them had a nightmare.

Ambling over, I pressed my ear to the door to see if I could hear decipher the sounds coming from within.

Maybe she's on the phone with a friend?

"No, please stop. It hurts. It hurts. No. Not Lily. Not Lily!"

The words that had been muffled grew louder, until she was crying out as if completely awake and in pain. Without a second thought, I threw the door open to see a sight that tore at my heart.

Bella was thrashing in her bed, sweating profusely, and crying real tears.

"No, James. Stop. Don't. Don't! No! Help! Charlie! Edward!"

Hearing her call out my name for help, not knowing what torture she was imagining, whether it was a real memory or dreamed terror, caused physical pain in my chest. Striding quickly over to the right side of the bed, I shoved her laptop out of the way to lie down beside her, bringing her close to my body in an attempt to comfort her.

I know you're not supposed to bother someone who is sleep-walking. What the fuck about sleep-talking?

"Shh, Bella. I'm here. Edward's here. You're safe. Lily's safe. He can't hurt you. He-J-James is gone. He's gone. You're safe. Shh. Shh, love."

"Edward. Edward. No! Not Edward!"

My heart sank as I heard her order me away in her dreams, until she continued crying out.

"No, James! Not Edward! Me! Take me! Please!"

Even in her subconscious she's selfless and brave.

"James can't hurt me. I'm safe. Please, Bella. Please, love. Hush now."

"Edward."

"Shh. It's alright, love. Shh."

"Edward."

"Shh. Shh."

"Edward! Why are you in my bed?"

"Oh shit!" I jumped up, jostling her roughly, completing my asshattery for the night. "Fuck! I'm sorry, Bella. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she wheezed. "But seriously, what are you doing in here?"

"Um…you were having a nightmare, I think. I was trying to comfort you? I'm so sorry. It was totally out of line to come in here when you were asleep. I think your mom is still up. I'll go get her…"

"No! I mean…Will you stay? Just until I fall back asleep. I don't remember dreaming anything but…I feel weird. I'm sorry, it's stupid, it's probably just getting used to a new place, you know? Never mind, I'm sorry I disturbed you."

"Bella."

"Yes, Edward."

"Please shut up."

"Yes, Edward."

Lying back down beside her, she smiled tiredly at me, a few tears still wet upon her face. I wiped them away gently and cleared damp strands of hair away off of her forehead as she closed her eyes.

"Edward? How did you know I was having a nightmare? Did I say anything?"

Ooh, shit. Lie, Cullen.

"No, nothing. I just heard some crying and wanted to check on you."

"Edward? I wasn't loud, was I? Do you think Lily heard?"

Does she ever worry about herself first?

"No. I could barely hear you from the hallway by my door," I lied. "Lily sleeps like the dead anyway, trust me."

"I do."

She looked so tranquil as she said that, like her trust in me was such a simple thing. But to me it wasn't. And I cherished that gift, more than she would ever know.

"Thank you, Edward," she mumbled sleepily.

"Good night, Beautiful." I leaned forward slightly and kissed her forehead before I could even catch myself.

It's really not my fault. Her forehead is entirely too kissable.

I watched her sleep, waiting for the talking to begin to ensure she wouldn't have another nightmare. I would have to speak with Jasper and my dad tomorrow about a possible sleep aid. When she began slurring about 'rain' and 'green' and 'fish', I decided it was safe to leave her, but left her and my doors opened slightly, just in case she woke again. After I dressed for bed, I decided to check on Lily once, just to make sure her own sleep was peaceful.

Pushing her door quietly, I was relieved to find her snuggling Snuffles tightly, her head at the opposite end of the bed, with her little bottom sticking straight up in the air. I covered her with her blanket, even though I knew she would just kick it off within moments.

But how long will her sleep remain calm? When will the nightmares come for her?

Despondently, I trudged back to my room, where I lay for hours staring at the ceiling before sleep took me.

* *

(August 20th)

Morning came too soon, the rain pounding against my window waking me. The clouds were dark outside, completely overshadowing the sun, bringing a morose and ominous feeling to the day.

Fuck, it's only six. Charlie's probably up.

I started to get up, only to feel myself weighed down by a certain small person who had slipped into my bed sometime during the night. I slid her off of me gently, and she never stirred in her sleep, sighing peacefully.

I'll talk with her about that sleepover later.

Slipping quietly downstairs, I did indeed find Charlie in the kitchen, sipping on a cup of coffee. I filled one for myself and sat down across from him, realizing his haggard appearance for the first time.

"You doing alright, Charlie?"

"Been better, I suppose," he said gruffly, his voice still thick with sleep.

"D'you sleep okay?"

"Slept fine. Woke up when my phone rang. Jonathan called. They want Bella to come in to make her official statement. I imagine you'll be getting a call about Lily soon as well, if you haven't already."

"I…" I pushed back from the table quickly, trying to find my phone. It was in the cushions of the couch I had talked to Jasper on last night, and I flipped it open with my heart pounding in my chest. "Four missed calls," I read as I stalked back to the kitchen. "Two new messages. Fuck."

Calling my voicemail, I waited with baited breath for the messages to begin.

"First new message. Sent August 19th, at 9:58 p.m.

"This message is for Edward Cullen. Hi Edward, it's Detective Marcus Scotts with the Seattle Police Department. I was calling to schedule a time for you to bring Lily in to give her official statement. Please call me at your earliest convenience. (206) 555-1212.

"Next message. Sent August 20th, at 5:30 a.m.

"Hi Edward, it's Marcus again. It's early, but I hadn't heard from you so I thought I'd give you another ring. I'd like to discuss the details of Lily's statement with you if it will help ease your mind at all. Once again, my number is (206) 555-1212.

"End of messages. To hear your messages again, press-"

I hung up the phone and tossed it on the table, where Charlie still sat, stirring his coffee absentmindedly. Throwing myself into a chair, my mind flooded with images of Lily trying to discuss her ordeal with the therapists at the Olympic Medical Center, and I cringed.

"I take it he called, then?"

Not even looking up, I responded. "Yeah. Not Jonathan, though. Marcus."

"Makes sense. Technically he's your detective."

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I gritted out. "Is there any way to avoid doing this? I mean, is it really necessary? James is dead, or soon will be. Why does she have to go through with talking about it when it's over? It doesn't make sense to me."

"It's just what's got to be done to close the case. And it helps them in future cases like it, and for that reason alone, I know Bella'll agree to do it, but I don't like it any more than you do, trust me."

"There's no way either one of them is going to be able to talk through the experience without losing it."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, that's probably right, but at least your daughter'll listen to you when you tell her it's time to stop. Bella's so goddamn stubborn she'll want to do it all at once, and get it over with."

"Could we just not tell her? Wait until she's a bit more healed, or had some time to go to therapy?"

He shook his head. "The sooner after the fact, the fresher it'll be in her mind. She's a grown woman, I have to at least tell her about it. She's not one to be molly-coddled, and she'll pitch a fit if she finds out I'm hiding something from her. Especially if she thinks it would help other people in the same situation."

"Will I be allowed in there? With Lily?"

He nodded quickly, assuring me. "Oh yeah. It'll be a lot like how I hear they did at the hospital in Port Angeles, you know with that doll? They'll have her on video so the therapist can just ask her questions and talk with her as naturally as possible. It probably won't even be at the police station, they'll most likely have you go to the child advocacy center.

"They'll get her comfortable in a nice big room full of toys and books and puzzles, and start talking to her about stuff she likes until they've got her trust and she's talking freely. I've witnessed a couple of them over the years with domestic violence cases. You can break it up if it gets too rough, and go back and finish it later.

"I'm not saying it'll be easy for her, but it shouldn't be too long in there. She's a kid, they're not going to interrogate her."

"What about Bella? Are they going to interrogate her?"

He huffed through his nose. "Not if I can have a say in it. And I know if I tried to be in there with her, it'd mess everything up, 'cause she wouldn't want to upset me. So I've come to the conclusion I'll just have to listen from outside the room, and not tell her about it 'til after. If I have to break down the door and drag her out by her hair, so be it. I won't let herself get put back in the hospital 'cause she's too damn determined for her own good sometimes. You're gonna have your hands full with that one, Edward."

He met my eyes when he said that, making me wonder if there was an underlying warning there. Clearing my throat, I continued the conversation without acknowledging his statement.

"So…did you already set up a time?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm waiting for Bella to wake up first. You gonna call them back today?"

"I don't have much choice, do I? Yeah, I'll call them. I'm going to go upstairs and get dressed first, though. See you in a bit, Charlie. Uh…if you want, I could go with you to the station. If you need somebody to be there," I told him as I stood.

He smiled sadly up at me. "I'd appreciate that, Edward. I don't think Renee could handle it, hell, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it, but I've just got to, you know what I mean?"

"I know exactly what you mean, Charlie. You tell me what time and I'll be there. I'll schedule Lily's after you've spoken to Bella."

"You're not just using me to delay the inevitable, are you?" he joked.

I grinned back. "Eh, like sixty/forty. It's mostly 'cause your old ass can't get Bella inside the police station by yourself."

He tossed a wadded up napkin at me, missing by a foot. "Old, am I? We'll see how old I am when I take you shooting for the first time. I've got the reflexes of a cat, young cocky one."

Smirking down at the napkin on the floor, I retorted, "Reflexes, maybe. But your aim sucks." I picked up the napkin, tossing it back at him as I ran from the kitchen before he could retaliate. Joking with Charlie and knowing I could wait a little while to call back Marcus lightened my mood considerably. After I'd showered, I was dressing when I noticed the clouds were starting break apart, and the sun was coming out. I hoped that spelled good things for the rest of the day.

That hopeful feeling didn't last long. After getting Lily up for the day, I took her down to the kitchen to feed her some breakfast. I walked in on World War III. Charlie and Renee were screaming at each other, while Phil stood behind her, looking clueless. Emmett and Bella were arguing heatedly back and forth, but I couldn't make out their angry words over the commotion in the room. I didn't see my parents or anyone else, but the noise issuing from those four alone made my head pound.

"Hey!" I shouted, causing Lily to bury her face in my shoulder. "What is going on in here?"

Emmett laughed maniacally. "I'll tell you exactly what's going on here! B's got it in her head that she's going to go in and give her statement! The day after she got released from the hospital! And, wait for it, here's the kicker, she wants to go alone! I'll tell you what, B, you can go alone if you can get there by yourself."

Bella's face flushed with anger, and if she had stared at me with such contempt, I would have probably run for cover. But Emmett lived with Rose, and he had had much, much worse.

"You can glare at me all you want, Baby B. You're not going. And that's final."

"Emmett-" she was cut off by Charlie.

"Excuse me, Emmett. But don't you think I should be the one making those decisions? I'm her-"

Bella pushed herself up out of chair, trembling as she found her balance. Everyone silenced in shock around her.

"I am perfectly capable of making decisions for myself. Charlie, I would appreciate if you would take me to the police station in an hour after I'm dressed and ready. You will not be coming into the interrogation room with me. Renee, neither will you. I will call a cab if you won't take me, Dad. Emmett, I appreciate your concern-"

He scoffed, and her shoulders sank. He had the grace to look sheepish for his rudeness, at least.

"I do, Emmett, truly. If I start to get tired or upset, I'll stop."

"I don't believe that. And if you start to get worked up, you might not be able to calm yourself down. I don't want you to end up back in the hospital," he whispered sadly.

"Emmie, I know I wasn't too keen on the idea of talking about what happened before, but Jasper really helped me understand why I need to. And you heard my dad. This could help them with other cases. I have to do this. Delaying it is pointless. I want to get it over with. I'll take my medication before I go, I promise."

"Then you need to drink a shake, too. You can't go on an empty stomach."

She smiled tentatively at him. "Deal," she replied softly.

"And sit your ass back down before you break the other leg."

"Ooh, Uncle Em! Bad word!" Lily scolded, as my parents and Jasper came in through the back door of the kitchen carrying bags of food.

"Oh good, you guys are all up now! Dad and I went out to get breakfast. Who's hungry?" My mom smiled at each of us in turn, completely oblivious to the argument she had narrowly missed.

"Daddy, what's a staymen? Where are you going, Bella?"

"It's just an errand I have to go do, Lily. I'll be back in just a little while."

Lily accepted this easily, distracted by the bagel sandwiches my mother was unwrapping onto plates. "Can I go too?"

"Not this time. It'll be really boring. But I'll spend time with you later, okay?"

"Can we play ponies when you get back?"

Bella crinkled her nose adorably, but nodded, "I don't know what that is, but yes, we can."

"Oh, Bella," Lily rolled her eyes and shook her head. Bella caught my eye and grinned, but I couldn't return it. I knew it was coming, but I had hoped Charlie would be wrong, that she would wait. I didn't want for her to have to go through this. As if she could read the emotions off of my face, her smile softened as she held my gaze.

"I'll be fine, Edward."

"I'm going with Charlie," I told her.

I saw the frustration seep into her face immediately, so I continued before she could argue.

"I'm just going to keep him company while you give your statement," I reasoned.

She sighed, consenting, and Jasper took a seat beside her, conversing with her quietly. We all ate our breakfast silently, Renee stewing in her seat the entire meal. It was awkward to say the least, and afterward I paced nervously while Bella got dressed.

"Daddy, can I go to the playground while you take Bella on her staymen?"

The thought of her outside the safety of the house without me almost brought me to my knees, and I blurted out, "No!" before I realized I had spoken.

She jumped back, looking at me warily, as did Jasper and my mother.

"I'll take her, Edward," my mom offered.

"Mom, no, please, just no."

"But Daddy! I wanna go to the playground!" Lily whined loudly.

"I said NO!" I shouted, freezing Lily immediately. I took a step towards her, but she burst into tears, running out and up the stairs to her room where I heard the door slam.

"I'll go talk to her," my mother said softly, leaving the room quietly.

"Edward, have you called Siobhan yet?"

"Yeah, I called her a couple of days ago. Lily's first appointment is next week," I muttered, ripping my hair out from the roots.

"Uh-huh. And when's yours?"

Confused, I looked up. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you freaking out and losing your temper with Lily for asking to go to a park she's been to a hundred times. A certain amount of vigilance is important for a parent, but when you can't stomach the idea of her being out of your sight, that's a whole other ball game. And you know it, man. You need to talk to her. Bella's gonna. Lily's gonna. You need to too. I can't force you, it's on you." He didn't say anything else, just looked up and smiling at someone behind me.

"Well, well darlin'! I see my Ali's left her mark. You look mighty fine, Miss Bella."

I turned to see Bella in Emmett's arms, looking absolutely gorgeous. She was dressed in black leggings with the left leg cut at the knee to make room for her cast and a shirt/dress/thing in that same shade of dark blue that made her skin look flawless. I grinned at the one well-worn Converse sneaker on her right foot. I guess Alice hadn't been willing to risk her scarf collection after all.

"Thanks, Jasper. Is everything okay? I heard a big bang in Lily's room."

My face fell, and I looked down at the ground as I spoke. "Yeah, that's my fault. She wanted to go to the park, and I said no." I looked up to see Bella studying my face curiously.

"Well, maybe we can all go later."

I smiled weakly, not wanting to explain the whole story. "Yeah, maybe."

Charlie entered the room, followed by Renee and my mother, with Phil trailing behind. Renee's eyes were red, but she didn't seem angry anymore, so I assumed she had resigned herself to staying here. I didn't how Charlie and I would be able to handle what we heard, there was no way we could handle Renee as well.

"I'm all set, Bells. You ready?"

She inhaled and exhaled shakily, but I saw the steely resolve come down behind her eyes. "As I'll ever be. Let's go."

Emmett carried her out to my car, seating her in the backseat and buckling her seatbelt for her. He threw his mammoth arms around her shoulders, swallowing her whole. I got into the driver's seat, while Charlie sat beside me up front. We waited for a few minutes, until it became apparent Emmett wasn't letting go.

"Emmie. Can't. Breathe," Bella wheezed.

He pulled back sheepishly. "Sorry, Baby B. You keep your promise, alright? I'll see you in a little bit."

The ride to the station was quiet, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Bella demanded to get to use one of her crutches, leaning on me for support as we limped our way into the station. If she was surprised we knew our way around, she didn't show it, but she seemed lost in her own world. I would have given every cent I had to be able to read her thoughts in that moment, to know how she was preparing herself for what she was about to do. Jonathan and Marcus were working at their desks when we entered the situation room.

"Edward! We're surprised to see you. I was expecting a phone call about Lily, not a personal visit," Marcus smiled.

"I'm just here to keep Charlie company. I'll set up a time for Lily to come in before I leave today," I clarified.

"Ah," he nodded, moving his eyes from me to her. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Miss Swan. Detective Marcus Scotts."

She didn't respond, so I squeezed her hip lightly where I was helping stabilize her.

"Hmm? Oh, yes, I'm fine, thank you."

Marcus smiled briefly, before shooting Jonathan a worried look. Jonathan ignored him and stood to greet her as well.

"I'd like to thank you for coming down today, Miss Swan. Would you like your father to accompany you inside the room where we'll be speaking? Or do you have a lawyer we're waiting for?"

"Uh, no. No lawyer. And my dad will be waiting out here with Edward."

He raised his eyebrows, but didn't comment. "Alright, then. Edward, if you'll just help her back here, then." He walked towards the hall where their interrogation rooms were, and I aided Bella into the second room on the right, easing her down into a chair.

"Are you comfortable, Bella?" I asked softly in her ear.

Her eyes didn't move from the table in front of her, her face betraying no emotion. "Fine, Edward."

I turned away from her, almost bumping into Charlie. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear, but she didn't respond. He stood back up and sighed, before kissing the top of her head quickly and striding out of the room. Marcus was waiting out in the hall for us, and he merely nodded to us once before walking over to the speaker on the wall and clicking the intercom on. We watched them through the one-way mirror.

"Once again, thank you Miss Swan, for coming here today. May I call you Bella?" Jonathan started.

"Yes," was her quiet reply.

"Bella, I am Detective Sergeant Jonathan Aro. I want to make you aware that our conversation is being videotaped for future reference. You are here today, August 20th, 2009, as a formality to tie up any loose ends to your case, as well as provide an accounting for your time away. If at any time you wish to stop for a break or for the day, just say the word. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

He straightened out a notepad in front of himself and had his pen perched atop the paper, ready to officially start. "First, the easy stuff. Name?"

"Isabella Marie Swan."

"And your birthday is September 13, 1984, correct?"

"Yes," came her robotic answer.

"We are here today to obtain your official statement regarding your abduction July 17th. What events led to you being at the Whole Foods Market on 2200 Westlake Avenue that day?"

"I needed groceries," she replied, sounding slightly irritated.

"Prior to that day, did you know the other victim, Lily Cullen, or her father, Edward Cullen?"

"No."

"Did you know or have any knowledge of James Harrison prior to the events that took place on July 17th, 2009?"

She flinched slightly when Jonathan said his name, but he ignored it. "No."

"We have seen the security tapes, so I don't need you to walk me through the abduction as it occurred inside the store. But when you were sent outside, why did you not try to run?"

Her eyes flashed in anger, and I saw Charlie visibly tense beside me. "Because he told her that if we tried to run, he would kill her father, and me as well, then take her anyway. I couldn't let him take her away by herself, and I couldn't have run away with her. There was nowhere to hide, and my car keys were inside. You did see the gun on that security tape, right?" she snapped.

Motherfucker. That's what he said to her that day. My poor baby.

"I apologize, Bella. To clarify, you are not here as a suspect or accomplice. We are simply trying to get as complete a picture as we can of your ordeal. I did not mean to offend you. Can you describe what happened after he got into the van and drove away?"

"He told us not to cry. He told us we were going home. He drove until it was dark and we stopped at the cabin. He kept calling us Victoria and Abigail, and I told Lily to go along with it."

"Why did you do that?"

"Because of the fucking gun," she gritted out.

Fuck, did she take the Ativan? I don't think she did. She won't make it all the way through this if he keeps antagonizing her like this.

He merely nodded in response, still writing furiously on his legal pad.

"Did he at any point stop on your way to the cabin? Was there anyone else you saw during your time there?"

She simply shook her head negatively in response.

"Can you describe the makeup of the cabin to me?"

She started speaking, but with no inflection, as though she was returning there. "There were bars on all the windows. He had deadbolts on the doors, with keys for both sides. He kept the keys on a chain around his neck. He always said 'he'd never let me do it again', that 'I'd never get away again'. There was a living room with a couch and a fireplace and books. The kitchen had a table, fridge, and stove. There was a laundry room and pantry, with enough food 'to last us until spring' he said, our bedroom and his. He said I had to sleep with Abby because she had bad dreams."

Charlie's hand on my shoulder calmed my tremors at hearing her call Lily 'Abby'.

"So you were never forced into Harrison's room?"

"I didn't say that. I said I didn't sleep with him in there."

Pausing his notes, he looked up at her. "Can you elaborate on that, please?"

"He kept track of my mistakes. Every time I messed up, he dropped a marble in a jar on the mantel. At the end of the day he would count them, and whip me with his belt in his room while Lily played in her room."

"So Lily was not witness to this abuse? Did he ever count her mistakes?"

She closed her eyes, breathing heavily. "No. If she acted out he would threaten her with more abuse to me, but he never laid a hand on her that I saw. A few times she spilled some food and broke a couple of plates, but I told him it was me. I wasn't sure whether he would hurt her for something like that or not."

Pausing again, he eyed her speculatively. "Are you alright to continue, Bella? We can take a break if you'd like."

Take it Bella, come on.

"I'm fine."

"Goddamnit, she's so stubborn," Charlie muttered under his breath.

"If you're sure. You said that you never saw him lay a hand on her. Were there times when she was alone with him?"

I held my breath, waiting for her to answer.

"Before we escaped, I was very sick. He said I had slept for three days straight. Lily told me that he didn't hurt her, only made her clean a bit, and play in her room. She promised he fed her, but he mostly left her to herself, and she tried to care for me. That part's not very clear to me, I was really sick, and he wouldn't let me eat anything. I only woke up to take my medication," she spit out the word vehemently.

"I'd like us to go back a bit, then. I want to get an idea on what an average day was like for you. Was there a routine? Did he seem to cycle in a predictable way at all?"

She began reciting, as if it were a speech she had memorized. I wondered if that was what she had been thinking over in the car. "Every morning he woke us up at seven. He gave us fifteen minutes to get ready before he opened the door to give me my medication."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but the medication you speak of? That was the Oxycontin, correct?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, probably. He would just give me random colored pills. I never really discerned a pattern, he just gave them to me. I remember the green ones were insanely strong, I always messed up a lot on those days."

Charlie flinched as she mentioned 'messing up'. We both knew what that meant.

"Did you ever attempt to spit out the pills or regurgitate them?"

This time is was Bella that flinched, and I saw Charlie's face fall. "Once," her shaky voice whispered.

Continuing on, Jonathan moved her along. "So you would make breakfast for the three of you? Or just him?"

"Always for him and Lily, sometimes for me. He would take away food as a punishment sometimes, a lot of the time," she admitted. "After a while, I didn't notice really, the medicine made me so forgetful and nauseous all the time. I got used to it. After breakfast, I would read to Lily for an hour from the dictionary, and then another hour from the encyclopedia. He talked to himself in his room while I did that. He talked to himself all day."

Crazy fucking bastard.

"After the reading, what would you do?"

"Clean, while Lily played in her room. That was when I would sneak food out of the pantry. I was trying to get enough cans together so we could try to run away into the woods. After an hour of cleaning, I would make lunch. James would give me my next dose. After the second day, Lily pretended to be tired so I could nap with her in our room. He would lock us inside and we would talk."

He took a sip of his coffee before smiling at her encouragingly. "And what would you two talk about?"

"Anything. Everything. Nothing. We talked about escaping, about what we would do once we were home. I asked her questions about her real family so she wouldn't be confused. James told her all the time how 'the bad man from the grocery store took her from him'. That she was really his. I didn't want for her to believe him, to forget about her real life. We told each other stories, and I told her about my family. Sometimes we would just sleep. The medication made me really tired all the time."

She didn't just save Lily's body, she saved her mind, too.

"I would imagine being deprived of proper nutrition didn't help you, either. After naptime, what was the rest of your day like?"

She sighed heavily, taking a sip from her bottle of water. "He would wake us up, and give me my next dose. Then I would make dinner. Lily likes to cook, so I let her help me a lot. I would usually clean up while they ate, because I wasn't allowed to eat dinner hardly ever. After dinner, I would give Lily her bath and dress her for bed. James would lock her in our room with her toys and then take me…take me to his room," she finished quietly.

"Bella, you're doing very well. I need to ask you about the extent of your abuse in his room. Did he only strike you with the belt? Or did he ever use another device or his hands?"

Her eyes closed, and I saw her struggle to control her breathing.

Tell him you're done, Bella. Let me take you home, Beautiful.

"Edward, do you think we should pull her out?" Charlie asked quietly.

"I don't know," I answered, shaking my head, feeling helpless. She began speaking before we could make a decision, in a completely monotone voice.

"He counted the marbles. He hit me with the belt. I had to count off. If I didn't, he started over. Some nights he was frustrated and wanted to touch me."

Charlie began to shake in anger beside me, and I grasped his shoulders tightly, trying to keep him calm and in the present.

"He…he couldn't get hard. He said that I 'broke him' when I left him. I don't think he understood that he had killed them. The real Victoria and Abby. I didn't either, at the time. I thought they had simply escaped him somehow. Anyway, he would rub me and grab me, but he could never actually rape me. One night, he started trying, and I didn't know if he was going to give up, regardless. He was pulling my clothes off, but I threw myself onto the floor so he would kick me instead. He always liked to kick me if I was on the floor."

Charlie's face mirrored mine, pinched up in pain as Bella spoke on, oblivious to our eavesdropping. My brain was running a million miles a minute, picturing the scenario in my mind against my will.

Bella screaming and crying, begging him to stop. Lily, listening to Bella's cries. James, touching her, ripping her clothes, throwing her around a room like a ragdoll…

STOP!

"That was the night I accidentally called Lily by her real name in front of him. He was so angry. He punched me and stomped on my ankle. I couldn't get up for days afterward, and I wasn't allowed to eat until I could walk. That was when I started to get sick. I would have tried to escape sooner, but I couldn't. I didn't know where his gun was, and I could barely walk. It wasn't until he bled me that I knew we couldn't wait. I knew I was dying."

"You say he 'bled' you. Can you clarify what this means for me?"

Bella answered on autopilot, sending shivers down my spine. "He said he had to get the infection out of my body. He said it was what his father used to do to heal him. He stuck me with a needle and drew my blood until I passed out."

"Damn it all to hell. I can't listen to this. I need to smoke," Charlie growled angrily.

I stepped back from him, eyeing him dubiously. "Charlie, you don't smoke," I tried to point out.

"I damn well do today," he snapped, stomping away towards an exit at the end of the hall, leaving me there with Marcus. My attention shot back to Jonathan as he continued his questioning.

"Let's back up again. So Lily was always in the bedroom you two shared during the abuse? Did she ever witness any of it?"

"She…she never saw most of it exactly. She saw the bleeding thing firsthand, but other than that…She had to help me a couple of times…" For the first time since she started, tears began forming in her eyes. "She helped the night he broke my ankle, I couldn't get onto the bed by myself, and she wouldn't let me stay on the floor. And she helped bandage me in the forest after we escaped. And she would pinch me to keep me awake during the day. She knew I got into more trouble when I lost my focus. I tried to hide my bruises as best I could, even though she knew that he hit me. I was afraid if she saw them, it would scare her, and I had trouble with her sometimes."

Tears began falling down her face, and she seemed to be growing frantic, as though she were feeling defensive and guilty for what Lily had seen. I started to reach for the door to end it, but Marcus stopped me.

"Don't, Edward. Give it another couple of minutes."

Bella continued on, looking so lost, so sad. "She got impatient sometimes, and I was afraid of her saying something to set him off. I couldn't be sure he wouldn't hurt her if he got angry enough. On days when she was whiny, I would sometimes need to do something to distract him, so he wouldn't pay as much attention to her."

Jonathan tapped his pen against his paper. "How did you distract him exactly?"

Her robotic tone returned, and her eyes became glazed and unfocused as she answered. "Sometimes I would just knock something over so he would yell at me instead. One day she refused to go to bed when he wanted to 'talk' to me in his room. When he started to walk towards her, I didn't know what he would do, so I slapped him. He…he forgot all about her then."

I realized tears were falling down my face when Marcus handed me a box of tissue without making eye contact with me.

"Please describe to me how you managed to escape," Jonathan said calmly, yet with an eager undertone, and I decided that I really didn't like him.

Her brows furrowed as she thought it over for a few moments, before she began speaking again, with no inflection whatsoever.

"A while before the actual escape, I had taken a glass and broken it, using the medical kit to doctor it into a kind of knife. At dinnertime I started a pot of water and a pan of oil heating on the stove. When they were hot, I gave Lily the signal to go to our room. She was to wait with our supplies until I called for her. Once she was safe and away in our room, I threw the oil on him, then the water. I tried to attack him with the glass, but it sort of fell apart. He grabbed it and stabbed me, and when he tried to take off for the hall, I jumped on him. We rolled around, fighting, and the table got pushed into the fireplace. Everything in the cabin was flammable, and it all caught on like a match. I was finally able to knock him out with the jar of marbles.

"I got his keys and yelled for Lily. We made it out of the cabin and got a lock sealed before he woke up. I wanted to take his van, but the car keys weren't on the chain. I used an old plank of wood as a crutch to go into the forest. I tried to go in the opposite direction of the path he had driven in on. We ran for a while until we heard him get out of the cabin somehow. He was screaming…we thought he was coming for us, but then he just drove away. Lily helped me patch up my arm, and I know we must have carried on for a while longer, but I can't really remember much else after that. I'm pretty sure she ate something, but then we fell asleep.

"The next time I remember waking up was in the hospital."

Her increasingly detached voice almost disturbed me more than what I was hearing.

"Edward. Edward, you look kind of green. Maybe you should step outside for a minute. Get some fresh air. You look like you're gonna be sick," Marcus prodded.

Charlie returned then, took one look at my face, and grabbed the nearest dustbin for me to empty my guts into.

She almost died. She went through all of that to protect my little girl. Everything she did, she did for Lily. If we had been fifteen minutes later, she would have died. Lily would have been alone. If she had let Lily be taken without her, Lily would probably already be dead.

He…he beat her. He violated her. He poisoned her and starved her and bled her… I wasn't too far off with the medieval torture chamber was I?

Looking up at Charlie finally, I could see his face was red and worried, and he reeked of smoke.

"You alright, Charlie? Sorry about that just now," I rasped.

He clenched his jaw, shaking his head at me before turning back to the mirror. I glanced through to view Bella again, and was sickened to see her vacant expression as she stared down at the table in front of her, while Jonathan finished his notes.

"Marcus," Charlie's gruff voice rang out. "Has he got everything you boys need?"

"If we think of anything else, we'll give you a call, Charlie. You take your girl on home."

Marcus had barely finished his sentence before Charlie had opened the door to the interrogation room, ending the session.

"Charlie! I still had a few questions…" Jonathan stammered.

"Good for you. We're done. You've got what you need," Charlie approached Bella slowly, but she didn't even acknowledge his presence in the room.

I followed behind him, pulling her up into my arms, but she continued to stare out into the room, almost catatonically. I carried her out to the car in silence, Charlie following quickly at my feet. She made no move to buckle herself into the Volvo, so I took the liberty to do so myself. Charlie stared at her worriedly outside the car before entering the front passenger side resignedly, adjusting his mirror to watch her as we drove home.

The ride home was painfully quiet, and my grip on the steering wheel left my knuckles white as I drove. Charlie's leg shook uncontrollably as he kept his eyes locked on his daughter's still state in the backseat. Once we arrived, he threw himself out of the car, waiting for me to get Bella.

She didn't respond to my touch at all, letting me mold her form to my arms with no resistance whatsoever. As we entered the front door, I heard Lily's excited voice call out.

"They're back! They're back!" She came running through the house, eager and with a grin on her face. "Bella, come see! Nana helped me! It's a surprise!"

Bella's head twitched slightly at the sound of Lily's voice, so I followed Lily's footsteps back into the living room. My mother and Renee smiled as we entered, hitting a button on the stereo as I stepped through the doorway. Their smiles changed to looks of concern as they registered Bella's blank expression.

"I was just playing my favorite soundtrack when Lily got so excited," my mother explained, but cut off as the music began.

"Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love." A light, airy baritone rang through the surround speakers in the room, and I heard and saw Bella whimper as the song began.

"There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game

It's easy."

"It's our song, Bella! Do you like it?" Lily beamed proudly.

"Take me to her," Bella whispered.

I obeyed, walking Bella over to where Lily stood, sliding her down my body, until she was on her knees in front of her.

"There's nothing you can make that can't be made.

No one you can save that can't be saved.

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you

in time - It's easy."

Bella ran her hand up and down Lily's cheek, as if memorizing it, looking over her from head to toe. Lily began to sing along as the chorus began.

"All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need."

For the first time, I noticed the room was full of my family, as I witnessed Jasper and my father conferring quietly in a corner, while I saw our mothers holding each other, silently crying. In my peripheral vision I saw Emmett in the back corner of the room, with red eyes and his arms crossed, watching the scene in front of him.

Bella opened her mouth to sing the next verse, and her raspy, teary soprano was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard next to Lily's first cry.

"There's nothing you can know that isn't known.

Nothing you can see that isn't shown.

Nowhere you can be, that isn't where you're meant to be.

It's easy."

As Lily began singing the last verse, Bella started to break down, sobbing as she clutched Lily's face. Lily stopped singing long enough to question her tearfulness.

"Bella, are you sad?"

Bella laughed through her tears, shaking her head fiercely, and smiling weakly at my daughter. "Silly Lily. I could never be sad when I'm with you. I love you."

Lily rubbed her face against her shoulder, then looked straight into Bella's eyes and blinked…purposefully?

Bella blinked back, sitting down on the floor and pulling Lily onto her lap, cradling her and rocking her gently.

At that moment, it didn't matter to me that I had only really known Bella for a couple of weeks. I didn't care that we had many more weeks, maybe months to go before she was healed.

As the ending chorus played out through the speakers, all I could think as I gazed at the two most beautiful girls in the room was…

Oh my God.

I love her.

Le sigh. Isn't that nice? No outtakes to ransom for this time, just teasers. See you next chapter.

All You Need Is Love sung by Lynden David Hall, Love Actually OST. Google that shite.

Rubber Ducky Copyright owned by Sesame Street Workshop

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus written by Mo Willems. Make sure you do the voices.