AN: Hi guys. Apologies for the delay. More tomorrow. Enjoy : )

Chapter Twenty One

Beyond Jacob's window everything held its breath. Inside, in the silence of his room and the warmth of his bed, Jacob held Renesmee possessively against his body. Lost in a dream, she did not resist him – not like she had on First Beach:

Through the blue flames, Jacob watched Renesmee take a seat opposite him on a large piece of driftwood, an unopened can of beer in her hand. .

"Hey Ness, I've got cooties or something?" he joked.

Across the fire, she smiled, but the smile was forced, it was tight, it wasn't Ness.

"We don't have to be glued to each other," she retorted pleasantly, but to Jacob there was an edge to her voice, defensiveness.

It was a public rejection. His mate was rejecting him. He knew that the others thought the same thing because the mood around the fire shifted; suddenly everyone seemed to be squirming self-consciously. Everyone except Renesmee; she seemed oblivious to the change in atmosphere. Jacob felt as though he had been caught out doing something he shouldn't – he felt painfully visible. He felt his skin prickle and heat as embarrassment spread through him, scalding and undeniable. He tried to laugh it off,

"Sure, sure – throw me a beer?"

She threw the one she was holding at him. She did not come around the fire to hand it to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Embry wince. Embry could see what was happening. Hell, they could all see what was happening. Jacob felt two foot tall – no, he felt like nothing. If Renesmee did not want him, what did he have?

The self-flagellation was not helping, he knew that and yet the scene played over and over again, robbing him of sleep and plunging him further into uncertainty. His arms tightened around Renesmee's body, pressing her back in to his chest, tangling his legs with hers. He buried his face in the bronze softness of her hair and continued to torment himself. Up above, the sky transitioned by degrees – midnight blue, indigo, lilac and lemon wash. Only when birdsong broke the silence did he fall into an uneasy sleep.

Renesmee stood in the tiny functional kitchen wiping down the surfaces with an old blue dishcloth. Arms folded, Jacob leant against the doorframe and watched her. She had her back to him and each time she stretched to reach the back of a counter, his black t-shirt would ride up her legs exposing the peaches and cream of the backs of her thighs. Despite everything, watching her would never be enough. He moved towards her, but as his hand brushed her waist, she turned and looked up into his eyes.

"Hey" she smiled.

"Hey," he grinned back and went to wrap his arms around her. Quick as lightning, she ducked beneath his arm. He frowned and turned, she was already in the small living area, fingering the remote control as she settled on the sofa. He followed her into the room but stopped short of the sofa, towering over it and her. She noticed that he did not move to sit beside her.

"What?" she said and switched on the television. A nondescript trashy soap opera lit up the screen, a fake blonde confronting a faker blonde.

"What game are we playing now?" Jacob asked quietly, his eyes narrowed.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Renesmee said shortly.

"Yes you do."

He was fast himself; he reached down and took the remote, shutting the television off.

"Jake!"

"I wanna know Ness - what game are we playing?"

He stared down at her, but she continued to stare straight ahead. What gave her away were her hands, they pulled at the hem of the black t-shirt pulling it down over where the tops of her thighs were exposed. When she had not answered moments later, he sighed,

"You haven't let me touch you..."

She scoffed at that,

"You've touched me Jake. A lot."

He finished the sentence,

"I mean you haven't let me hold you since we woke up this morning. C'mon...you know what I mean, Ness."

"I don't know what you mean," she insisted.

Jacob looked up at the ceiling, frustration evident on his face,

"You want me to spell it out, Ness? Last night…" she watched as his voice trailed off and sorrow clouded his face, "Even before last night…You're pulling away from me. It...you're different."

She blushed and got up from the sofa,

"That's not true."

"Sure sure"

"Jake…it isn't true."

He looked at her incredulously but did not protest when she pressed herself against his body. Despite himself, he circled his arms around her and held her; he pressed his lips to the top of her hair and inhaled her scent. They stood that way for a while, but then he felt her hand at the top button of his jeans.

"What are you doing, Ness?"

"Not pulling away," she said.

She moved to begin undoing the button fly of his jeans. He released her instantly and stepped back. He stared hard at her. He did not know this stranger standing in front of him.

"I want Ness back."

"What?"

"Ness – the girl I'm in love with, the person you were before you found out about your mom and me…"

She did not answer. Instead, she walked back to the sofa, and switched on the television, she turned her body away from him,

"Please, Ness…." he pleaded.

"How do you expect me to answer that Jake?" she whispered sadly.

"I just want you to tell me how to fix this, honey."

"There's nothing to fix."

"Then why can't I just hold you?"

"What's the point…" she said under her breath.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know."

"This is bull, Ness! You do know. Tell me what you mean!" he demanded.

She got back off of the sofa and went to him,

"I don't want to talk."

She slid her hands beneath his t-shirt to stroke his stomach muscles, tipped her head back, closed her eyes and waited for him to kiss her. This had never failed. She stumbled in shock when he turned swiftly from her and headed back to the kitchen. She followed him angrily,

"What was that?"

"I won't sleep with you," he said quietly.

"What? Why?"

"Because I know what you're doing. I can't believe that you're doin' this Ness, but I know…"

"What am I doing?"

"Let's talk about it later," he said and his body visibly shuddered and quivered.

"No! You wanted to talk Jake – let's talk…"

He took a deep breath and when he released it, it shook his body. She registered the change in his mood, but she ignored the warning signals, the anger that rolled off of his body. It did not deter her.

"Don't Ness…"

She stalked towards him and grabbed his arm, he shook her off easily and went to leave the room, but she grabbed hold of him again, gaining more purchase this time and clung on to him.

"Let's talk now. What am I doing?"

His eyes flashed towards hers, fury and bitterness evident in them. Her heart stuttered,

"Right now you're using it like a weapon! Yesterday – this morning - you couldn't get far enough away from me and now what?! You think that if I screw you this will all just go away - you'll forget? But you won't forget, 'cause you haven't listened to a word I've said since you got here," he growled.

She looked stunned,

"I don't even know how you can use that word," she breathed.

"Because it's true...maybe not in the clearing...but pretty much every time since then that's all it's been...to you!"

The last time that they had been together flashed across his mind:

They were lying on the sofa, his body pressed hers into it; his lips peppered kisses onto the warm skin where her neck curved into her shoulder. Feverish, her fingers slid down and over the tribal tattoo on his right shoulder, as she tried to gain a better grip on him. They moved rhythmically, her ragged breathing filled the small room. For once, he was silent. The sounds from the television blurred into white noise. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, his hands reached up to hold her face as she gripped the tops of his arms, she returned his gaze, but unlike him, determination was the primary emotion in her chocolate brown eyes. His eyes desperately searched hers for something else and did not find it.

"You're not there with me, Ness," he said in a hard voice.

He ripped his arm from her grip and strode out of the kitchen, heading towards the front door and in a moment of madness and desperation, words she had not known she was capable of flew from her mouth, hurtful and ill-considered,

"What difference does it make, Jake…I'm giving you what you want, aren't I? Why isn't that enough for you? Why do you have to keep trying to..." she took a deep breath, "I hate that you try to hold me and touch me like you did before, because it feels like a lie! Every time you do it – it reminds me of the truth! You didn't pick me! You hated me! At least I'm being honest and calling it what it is...no matter what we say, this isn't about love, so stop trying to make out that it is…imprinting is about sex and lust and that's it, that's all we are!"

Jacob turned his head to glare at her, his hand on the door handle. His look was terrifying; it paralysed her. Then she heard his voice, terrible and cold as it reached her ears,

"That's it huh? That's all we are?"

Unbelievably, she felt herself nod.

"Y'know what's obvious to me right now? I don't know who you are and I don't want you anywhere near me."

He didn't say anything else; he ripped the door open and walked out of the house, slamming it behind him.

AN: Don't hate me. More tomorrow.