Part 21: Lost & Found
When he woke up again it was barely morning, the sun was peaking up over the mountains casting a dim glow on the world. Slowly he sat up. Everything about the past few days seemed so surreal. The confrontation with Xemnas, losing himself, and almost losing Marluxia floated in his mind. Glancing over he found the man asleep next to him. His soft pink hair pressed against the pillow and framed his face. He reached over and brushed his fingers across Marluxia's cheek, taking great care to not wake him. Vexen felt a smile come to his lips and did not stifle it. In a matter of a few hours he'd come to grips with his feelings. In truth he'd loved Marluxia all along. From the day he'd pulled him from that field of flowers and brought him home the feelings began to grow until he was now here, full of so much of the emotion he might wake the man just to tell him again. However, he didn't, he simply watched Marluxia's sleeping face recalling all the sweet words he'd spoken to him. He'd made the pink haired man promise such difficult things and yet, Marluxia had agreed without hesitation. Leaning over he pressed his lips to the man's soft cheek. "I love you." He whispered as he pulled away. Carefully and quietly he slipped out of the bed and gathered his clothes. They were still damp and he decided he'd have to slip back to his room to get some fresh ones. Dressing himself in the cold damp clothing he left the room. As he walked down the hall silently he began to think. Things with himself were far from being cleared up. He had one last thing he needed to do before he could finally give in to Marluxia completely, or should he say, before he could finally be totally and completely happy with Marluxia. Once he had on some warm dry clothes he grabbed his bag from their previous trip and checked it briefly before throwing it over his shoulder ad leaving the room. He started headed for the main doors when he paused. Marluxia may get worried that he'd suddenly disappeared. Setting his bag by the main door he turned and ran toward the garden. Going out into his reading nook he found many of the roses were in full bloom, the dew of the early morning glistening on them. He snipped one from the vines and held it in his hands. With a smile he went back to Marluxia's room a short ways away and opened the door. The man was still sleep and Vexen crept in. Holding the rose he felt it chill in his hands and then placed it on the nightstand. With one last glance at his sleeping lover he left the room and the castle without waking a single person in it.
The Previous Day
"You ready?" Xaldin called over his shoulder.
Luxord stood up from the bench and approached the platform. Their train was coming down the tracks. "So what kinds of things will you have in your old room? Think they'll still be there?"
Xaldin kept his eyes on the train. "Not sure, but it couldn't help to look."
"True." The blond looked up at Xaldin. "You think they'll be okay?"
The other man shrugged. "Not sure. Like I said I'm no use right now. If anyone can help Vexen it's Marluxia, believe it or not."
The Brit sighed. "So you're saying love can heal him?" He almost sounded as if he wasn't asking a question.
"What?" Xaldin looked at him. "Do you think that because they're both men it isn't likely?" There was a little sting in his voice.
Luxord shook his head as the train came to a stop before them. "Not at all, I was just thinking," The doors opened and the Brit stepped in, "is it possible to love some one that much?"
Xaldin watched the man enter the train, the words he spoke hanging over him. In his mind he answered him truthfully, but he spoke, "I think for them it is possible."
The pair found some seats in the middle of the train and sat down. It was practically empty so they spread their things out. They didn't speak for a little while and soon the train's doors closed and they began their trip. A few more minutes of silence on the moving train was too long for Luxord and the Brit pulled out his deck of cards. "A game?" He raised them and smiled at the other man.
Xaldin raised a brow. "Sure." The cards were dealt and the pair played a few games as the train sped toward their destination. Finally Xaldin folded and sat back. "I really can't win this."
Luxord laughed. "'Fraid not, friend, I have the luck of the devil."
"And you're oh so humble about it." Xaldin snorted and rolled his eyes.
"You sure you don't want to do one more game?" The Brit tried to play cute and he shook the deck.
Looking away to avoid the urge to jump him, Xaldin shook his head. "No, I'm good."
"Fine." Pouting the man put away the cards and pulled out another deck. He spent the next five minutes shuffling them and pulling out random cards.
Xaldin watched hi for quite a while following how gracefully his hands formed around the cards. His finger wove between the cards as they slid and snapped against one another which each shuffle he did. As quickly as he removed a card and replaced it and then pattern began again. It was beautiful to watch.
"Is it that interesting to watch me do this." Luxord slammed the cards together and looked at him.
Caught off guard the other man sat up. "Sorry, I was spacing out."
"Not a problem." Luxord looked back down at the cards as he began again. "It relaxes me is all."
"What's so special about that deck?" Xaldin quickly asked. He'd noticed that the man never seemed to play with this specific deck. He always had another one that he used.
"What do you mean?" The blond replied without looking up.
"You never play with that one, you always use the other deck in your pocket. Why is that?" The dark haired man sat back trying to relax, but in truth he was just hoping to make his heart stop racing.
"Oh." The blond took out the other deck but did not remove it from its case. "This isn't a full set."
Xaldin's interest peaked. "It isn't?"
"No, it's missing a card." Luxord stared at it for a while.
Now his heart skipped a beat.
"I gave it to someone a long time ago." The Brit looked at him. "I have this little gift of being able to guess the card that someone picks. It's like it comes to me." He put the deck away and went back to shuffling his full set. "You know, the card a person picks always reflects their character."
"Really?" He'd heard this once before.
"Here." Luxord held up the fanlike arrangement of cards in front of him. "Pick one. I'll guess it." He was dead serious.
Xaldin smiled. "I believe you, you don't have to prove it."
"Nonsense, pick one." The Brit held the cards closer to Xaldin. "Don't be such a stiff, jut pick one."
Reluctantly he reached out and took a card. He looked at it for a moment.
"Now put it back." Luxord grinned. When the card was back in his hand he shuffled the deck together and thought a moment.
"So, what card?" Xaldin asked swallowing hard. He shouldn't have picked that card, but he couldn't seem to resist.
Luxord's expression changed to a look of confusion.
"What?" Xaldin almost panicked.
The blond quickly recovered and laughed. "You know what, we'll try this again later. I think I'm a little off my game." He stood up. "I'm gonna go for a walk, all right?"
"Sure." Xaldin nodded.
Luxord quickly walked down the car and through the doors to the next set.
When the blond left Xaldin slumped over in his seat. "I am such an idiot." He muttered as he cursed himself in his head.
In the next car Luxord slowed his gait till he wasn't moving anymore. Looking out the window he approached the glass and leaned on it. He'd lied, he knew what card it was, but…
He pulled out the deck and slid the card from it. Staring down at it he sighed. It ha to be a coincidence, right? There was no way. He turned and pressed his back on the window still staring down at the card. 'The Jack of Hearts, huh?"
When the train pulled into the station of Radiant Garden Aerith was waiting on the platform. Though they had never met she seemed to be able to pick them out of the crowd easily. "Hello." She smiled. "I'm Aerith, Xigbar informed me you would be arriving."
"Oh." Xaldin nodded to her sheepishly. "You didn't have to come meet us. I'm familiar with this area so I could find the castle on my own."
"Nonsense." She laughed. "You'll be our guests so it's only right that I escort you."
"Being greeted by a pretty girl, can't expect better reception than that." Luxord laughed as he threw his bag over his shoulder.
Xaldin smiled awkwardly and followed as Aerith led the way through town.
"So how is everyone?" She asked as they walked. "We hadn't spoken to them much since they went off to The World That Never Was the first time."
"They're fine." Xaldin answered.
"Are Vexen and Marluxia still battling with their feelings?" She giggled.
"Actually they…" Luxord looked at Xaldin unsure of how to answer her.
"What?" She paused and turned to them. "Did something happen?"
Xaldin tried to remove the worry from his expression. "They're fine but some things have come up so…I'll tell you about it when we get to the castle."
She nodded slowly and continued walking. "They are all right though, right?"
"They're alive." The big man responded. "That's all I'll say for now." With this he ended the subject and Aerith didn't mention it again.
"You know, I think I remember you a little." She finally said turning to Xaldin. "You were one of the last apprentices that Ansem ever took in."
"Yes." Xaldin smiled. He seemed more relaxed now. "I believe I remember you as well. The flower girl."
"That's me." She smiled. "I always brought Ansem flowers, but you were hardly ever around when I was there."
The dark haired man laughed. "I was usually getting into trouble with Xigbar back then." He recalled so many of their exploits in pissing off their master. When he'd arrived at the castle he wasn't sure he'd be able to stand it, but meeting the others he found a connection with them. Braig with his aloof and playful nature always made everyone around him laughed or smile, even the cold and reclusive Even. They had all valued his opinion and trusted his judgment being the oldest and Ansem's most trusted disciple. He'd formed a quick friendship with the boy and the two never ceased to give their master a hard time. Then there was Even. He would always bury himself in work, but he was emotional and thus showed it whenever he was rewarded with failure. He was probably the smartest out of all of them, but he lacked something as a human and thus many of his experiments mirrored his flaw. Even could calculate numbers and formulas unlike anyone he'd ever met, but he underestimated random factors. He saw the world as numbers and now Xaldin understood why. By seeing the world as something so detached he was able to live without the fear of losing something precious. It was sad this think about so he changed his line of thought to his other companions. The silent Aeleus was even bigger than Xaldin, but he always had a gentle nature about him. It came out more fiercely when dealing with the young Ienzo. The pair made an interesting match. Ienzo was always able to factor in the small pieces and Aeleus was able to see the big picture. As a team they were able to work together with little error, but there had been some barrier between them as well. Even then Xaldin had seen it; the innocent crush and admiration that Ienzo had for his protector and the deep love and self-hatred that Aeleus felt every time he was near the boy. He was happy that the pair was able to get past that and be happy together now. The there was Xehanort…
"And here it is!" Aerith waved her hands toward the castle. "We've been working hard on restoring it."
Xaldin snapped out of his thoughts and looked up. He hadn't been paying attention and from the looks of it Luxord had been having a nice conversation with the lovely Aerith…it pissed him off a little. "Wow." He looked up at the reconstructed building. "It's like I never left."
"We've mostly been working off of memory so it's not exact but it's close." She seemed please with herself as they walked up the path.
"Took you long enough!" Yuffie jumped off her seat on the wall and rested her hands on her hips. "I'm hungry."
Aerith laughed. "Sorry, but I had to pick up these two." She pointed to her companions.
'And I definitely remember you, Yuffie." Xaldin grinned.
The girl seemed taken back by the attention and blushed. "Um…really?"
"Oh my, she certainly turns a pretty pink color." Aerith giggled.
"S…shut up, Aerith!' Yuffie screeched.
"Aren't you two a bit old for this bickering?" Leon came walking out of the castle.
Xaldin turned to the man and smiled. "Leon, right?" He said this carefully. He knew who the man was when he'd been a kid but he'd been known as Squall then. Xigbar had told him that he'd changed his name.
Leon nodded. "It's good you both made it. Come on inside, we've got your rooms ready."
They followed Leon into the castle and dropped of their thing sin their rooms. As Xaldin was putting the last of his things away he heard a tap on the door.
"Yo." Luxord leaned on the frame of the door. "Not a bad group here."
"No." Xaldin turned away quickly trying not to focus on the Brit and his alluring pose on the door. "They've always been good kids…though I suppose they aren't kids anymore."
"Well, Aerith said that we should head to the dining room for diner. Apparently Leon's girl is making it." He laughed.
Upon hearing the darling girl's name Xaldin sighed and turned. Trying to put a playful tone to his voice he muttered, "You certainly don't waste time with your flirting."
"Huh?" Luxord looked at him confused as they wandered down the hall.
"Aerith." Xaldin said after awhile. "She's a nice girl so don't drag her around too much." He was starting to let his annoyance seep into his voice.
"Oh, no I couldn't do that!" Luxord laughed and clapped him on the back. "She's got a man."
"She does?" Xaldin hoped the excitement in his voice could be mistake for his excitement for Aerith, which he was, but not as much as the fact that Luxord wouldn't touch her.
"Yeah, she told me all about him while you were spacing out on the way here." The blonde shook his head. "You okay? You've been a little out of it."
"I'm fine, really." Xaldin smiled.
At dinner the crew enjoyed a surprisingly lovely meal by Rinoa. At some point during dinner the subject of the last visit from the other Castle Oblivion residence came up and they were blessed with the story of Vexen and his life and death experience with the tomato sauce.
"I can just see his face." Xaldin laughed.
Luxord choked on his wine. "I wish I could have been there."
"Oh Xigbar got quite a laugh out of it." Leon muttered with a grin.
"Oh, you know you did too." Rinoa slapped his arm.
"Maybe a little." Leon started to laugh. The conversation went on like this for quite a while as they snickered at their mutual friend's plight.
When dinner was over Luxord offered to show the girls how to play poker. He offered Leon but the man merely shook his head and sat back to watch. The Brit proved to be a good teacher and he had Rinoa and Yuffie giggling away as they tried to determine what hand beat another.
Aerith gathered up the dishes and Xaldin jumped up to help. For one it was the gentlemanly thing to do and another was that he didn't want to see the Brit flirting anymore. In the kitchen they could see the dinning table through a window opening so they heard the laughter as Yuffie beat Rinoa again.
"He certainly is a charmer." Aerith said as they washed dishes.
"Yes, he certainly is." Xaldin muttered but couldn't help but smile.
She dried a dish that Xaldin handed to her. "You two mush get along well for him to come here on your errand."
Xaldin rinsed a dish. "Yeah."
"So how long have you been in love with him?" Aerith said with a grin.
Xaldin dropped the dish.
The girl swiped it from the air and dried it as if nothing was amiss. "Don't worry," She added upon seeing Xaldin's frozen stance, "he didn't hear us."
Looking over his shoulder he found the blond still playing happily with the two girls as Leon watched.
"Come on." Aerith grabbed his arm and pulled him to the door that led out onto the terrace. Once the door shut behind them she looked at him. "I didn't mean to startle you. I take it he doesn't know."
"Am I really that obvious?" He stared at the ground, brushing the strands of hair from his eyes.
"Not extremely, he probably won't notice. I've just seen that look before." Her face gave a sense of calm.
"Really?" Xaldin leaned on the wall.
"Yes, on Vexen." She giggled.
"Vexen?"
"Yes, is that odd?" Her blue eyes stared up at him innocently.
"I just figured it would be Xigbar or Marluxia even, but Vexen…" Xaldin found it hard to see the Blonde let his guard down enough to show his longing. Hell, the man hadn't even told Marluxia his feelings.
"He made it when he thought no one was really paying attention." Aerith sighed. "When he looked at Marluxia you could see it on his face, even when they were fighting his expression was always softer then it ad been before." After a long pause she finally asked again, "How are they?"
"Vexen is in post traumatic shock. He was comatose when I left, but I can't say for how long."
"What happened?" Worried the girl turned to him, her hands clasped.
Xaldin explained and briefly as he could what had transpired at the World That Never Was, Vexen's past and the incident in the memory room. "I wasn't much use so I thought I would come here and get something precious to me."
Aerith took in the information, still in disbelief at Vexen's state. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize."
"How could you?" He shook his head. "It's all right, I'm sure he'll pull through. If anything he's stubborn as hell." He smiled at the thought of Vexen chewing death out for trying to take him.
"That he is." Aerith laughed. "So onto a happier subject, why are you having such a dilemma with Luxord?"
"He's homophobic." Xaldin said flatly.
"Oh, I can see where that would be a problem." She laughed. "Well, then I'll simply wish you good luck, and a shoulder to lean on when you feel defeated."
"Heh, thank you." He sighed.
"I'm sure he won't be as adverse to the idea as you think, especially if it were you." Aerith added. "He seems to be fond of you as well, though perhaps not in the same way."
"Well, that's comforting to know." He laughed.
"What did you leave in your room?" She asked curiously.
Xaldin paused a moment, considering not saying, but the girl was truly an excellent listener. "The day I came here as an apprentice I met a boy at the train station. He had me pick a card out of a deck and then guessed it. I kept the card." The memory made him smile. "I still have it."
Aerith seemed to understand and smiled. "He doesn't know it was you, does he?"
Xaldin smirked. "There are a lot of things he doesn't know about me."
Just then Luxord opened the door and peaked out. "What are you both doing hiding out here? Come on, we're starting a real game!" He hooked his arm around Xaldin's and dragged him back into the castle.
Just as Xaldin was walking through the door he gave Aerith a defeated look.
Aerith giggled and returned his look with a face that said, "You're on your own."
Later that evening Xaldin and Luxord were walking back to their room after a thrilling game of poker. Luxord came out on top, but Xaldin had managed to hold his own, and surprisingly enough Yuffie proved to be quite a competitor. "Poor Rinoa couldn't seem to catch a break." Luxord snickered.
"Yeah." Xaldin stared at Luxord a little longer then he should of, but the Brit didn't seem to notice. "Don't flirt too much with them. You'll break their hearts."
Luxord sighed. "Aw, they're sweet girls, but not my type. I like my women well endowed, if ya know what I mean." He nudged Xaldin with his elbow as he laughed.
Xaldin faked a laugh and snuck in a sigh of defeat. "I think I'll go off to bed." He turned to head to his room.
Luxord nodded. "All right, guess I will too."
"Luxord?" Xaldin knew he shouldn't but for some reason he couldn't seem to stop himself from asking.
The blond paused and looked at him. "Hm?"
"I you really that homophobic?" It had been bothering him for a while now. He said he wanted a challenge but this was getting harder then he had originally thought.
Surprisingly, Luxord thought a moment. "I'm not really homophobic, it's just that…" He rubbed the back of his neck thinking, "I just don't know how to act. I mean, I've known these guys for a while and then I wake up as myself whole completely self again and find them to be gay."
Xaldin nodded. "Yeah, I can see how that would be weird."
"Really I think I just am having trouble connecting with them. I'm not as bad as I was, but it still feels weird catching them making out sometimes." He shivered. "Why'd you ask?"
"No really reason. I was just curious." He turned to leave.
"Hey, Xaldin?"
The sound of the man's voice made Xaldin's chest tighten. If only he could say what he felt without the fear of the Brit running from him. Glancing over his shoulder he saw Luxord looking at him.
"Thanks for letting me come along with you." With a smile that always made women weak in the knees he added, "I had a lot of fun."
Trying to not let his emotions overtake his expression Xaldin smiled back. "My pleasure." Then he turned and continued down the hall. Getting to his room he cursed himself. Originally his feelings had not been so intense, but the more time he spent around the man the more he felt like he'd explode from holding himself back. So many times he thought of taking the blond in his arms, running his fingers over his skin, feeling his lips…no, he had to stop thinking about it. With a large sigh he flopped onto his bed. Thinking about it would only make it worse. If only he could tell the man how he felt. If only he could get Luxord to understand his feelings.
The following morning Xaldin woke early and went up to the third floor where his old room once was. Making sure no one was around he closed the door. There was still a bed and many of the furniture he'd used though it was a little dusty and worn. Carefully he pushed back the dresser. Taking one foot he tapped along the floorboards till he heard a hollow sound. With a gentle tap he managed to make one of the boards pop up and he quickly caught it and lifted free from the other boards. Underneath there was a little nook with a sack in it. He pulled the sack from its hiding place and replaced the board. Moving the dresser back into place he took the sack over to the bed and sat down. Xaldin opened the small bag and pulled out its hidden treasure, a playing card. The Jack of Hearts clearly on it though the white of the card had dulled to a beige color. This was his most precious treasure. He'd always kept it. Staring at it now he recalled the memory again and smiled.
He put the card back into its little pouch and left the room, taking note of other things he get if anyone asked. He heard clanking in the kitchen and figured everyone had started breakfast. Making a quick stop at his room to hide the card in his bag he headed toward the kitchen.
That same morning Marluxia finally did wake. At first he was a little disoriented by consciousness. He'd not slept well for two days and in reality had gotten much sleep last night, but then his mind did recall Vexen and…sitting up quickly he looked around. "Vexen?" The room was empty. "Vexen?" He stumbled out of bed catching himself on the sheets. As he righted himself he saw something shimmer near the bed. On the nightstand was a single frozen rose. Carefully he lifted the rose from the wood surface and stared at it. The delicate way that the light played off it was beautiful, and he couldn't help but smile. How unlike Vexen to leave him such a present, but perhaps it had to do with him confessing his feelings last night. Taking another look at the room he noticed Vexen's clothes were gone and saw that his own were still sopping wet. "Must have gone to change." He muttered as he set the rose back down and dressed. Now fully clothes he grabbed the rose and headed for Vexen's room, eager to see the blonde this morning. However, Vexen was not in his room, nor in the kitchen or the garden or even the lab.
"Xigbar!" Marluxia banged on the door.
"What?" Flinging open the door the scared man glared at Marluxia. "What's got your panties in a bunch?"
"Vexen. He's gone." Marluxia cried in a panic. "Do you know where he is?"
"Why would I? He was with you." Xigbar grumbled and scratched his head. "Did he leave a note?"
"No." Marluxia tried to calm himself down, but his heart was racing with panic. Had Vexen regretted his words last night? Had he run off to escape Marluxia?
"Nothing?" Xigbar asked again trying to snap Marluxia out of his paranoid delusions.
"Um, just this." He held up the rose. "It was on the nightstand."
Xigbar took the rose and examined it. "How romantic of him." The man smirked.
In the room Demyx wobbled to the door rubbing his eyes. "That's pretty." He yawned.
"It certainly is." Xigbar muttered and held it up. As he caught it in the light his smile grew. "I know where he went."
"Where?" The pink haired man asked hopefully.
Looking back at him, Xigbar handed the rose back. "Take a closer look and figure it out. I'll tell you when you do." Without another word he slammed the door in Marluxia's face.
"What?" The Graceful Assassin stood in the hallway in utter disbelief. "What the hell, Xigbar!"