Ch21: An Option

I've driven enough. i want to feed.

"Even if it's animals I hunt?"

if it makes Bella happy.

"I know. Fine."

By now Bella has started ignoring Me whenever I speak, unless I directly addressed her. Her emotion teetered from curiosity to guilt every few minutes.

I pulled the car over into an area that had lots of trees. But when I got out of the car I hesitated. I was stalling. I never stall.

"Bella," I said. My voice was meek, strange. Her eyes were big and brown and everything i ever wanted. "Do you promise to stay put?" She nodded and her only emotion changed to a strange resignation. i don't know if she's telling the truth.

I looked at her a bit longer before taking off into the woods. As I hunted i worried.

An animal was easy to find, but it tasted horrible. Still I drank and i was grateful for that.

It was about time Mistress Thirst and i get a divorce.

i will no longer tolerate her. i only need one Mistress and that is Bella.

"Maria used to make Me call her Mistress, do i really want another Mistress?" I asked as I ran back to Bella.

…

i felt so much relief when I saw that Bella was still in the car where I left her. Her eyes were searching the dark forest, looking for me.

"She's worried."

about me?

"Yeah."

oh.

I walked back to the car, to Bella. Her emotion switched to happiness when she saw me, but she quickly squashed it with a sense of guilt.

Why would she do that?

"She has a boyfriend remember."

oh, and i am nothing to her.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing!

Less than the dirt under her shoes.

Less than the bugs on the windshield.

Less than-

"Stop." I ordered.

"Are you okay Jasper?" Bella asked me. Why does she always have such a caring look?

Why am I driving this car?

Why do i feel better around her?

When are all my sins going to catch up-

"i'm never okay, but thank you for asking."

Wasn't that a bit dark? Now she'll never love me.

"I was just telling her the truth."

Bella's emotion switched to worry.

See! Now look what I did!

I'm the worst-

"I want to see my father. I'm sure he's worried sick by now. The Cullen family is very kind. You stuck to your promise of not hurting me. I think it's time you take me home. They won't hurt you. If you ask they might even take you in and help you with sticking to the animal diet." Bella's voice was very sincere.

i squirmed, but I showed no emotions.

i don't know what to do.

"If I-"

i know! Don't say it!

i know, i know, i know, i know- No! nononono NO!

"Calm down."

i don't want Edward to have her.

"I don't want that either."

"You don't have to make a decision right now." Bella took My hand in hers. "Just think about it."

"i'll think about it."

I've had a real shitty day. Please send me something that will make me smile.