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*Rated T for Teen
All's Well That Ends Well
Act IV, Scene V – Rousillon – The Count's Palace
The Countess/Yugi, Lafeu/Marik, and Lavache/Bakura briskly entered the stage.
"No, no, no, your son was deceived by a snipped-taffeta fellow there, whose villainous saffron would have made all the unbaked and doughy youth of a nation in his color. Your daughter-in-law, Helena, had been alive at this hour, and your son here at home, more sophisticated by the King than by that red-tailed humble-bee I speak of," said Lafeu/Marik, referring to Parolles.
"Had I not known him, I would. It was the death of the most honorable gentlewoman that ever nature had praise for creating. If she had partaken of my flesh, and cost me the dearest groans of a mother, I could not have owed her a more rooted love," replied the Countess/Yugi sorrowfully.
"It was a good lady, it was a good lady. We may pick a thousand salads here and we light on such another herb," continued Lafeu/Marik.
"Indeed, sir, Helena was the sweet marjoram of the salad, or rather, the herb of grace," commented Lavache/Bakura.
"They are not herbs, you idiot; they are nose-herbs," corrected Lafeu/Marik.
"Whatever!" spat Lavache/Bakura. "I have not much skill in grass."
"What do you profess yourself then? An idiot or a fool?" asked Lafeu/Marik.
Lavache/Bakura tapped a finger to his chin as if in thought. "A fool, sir, at a woman's service, and an idiot at a man's."
"Your distinction?"
"I would cheat the man of his wife and do his service."
"So you were an idiot at his service, indeed."
"And I would give his wife my trinket, sir, to do her service."
"I will subscribe for you; you are both idiot and fool."
"At your service."
"No, no, no," stated Lafeu/Marik in irritation.
"Why, sir, if I cannot serve you, I can serve as great a prince as you are."
"Who's that? A Frenchman?"
"Faith, sir, has an English name, but his countenance is hotter in France than there."
"What prince is that?" exclaimed Lafeu/Marik.
"The black prince, sir; alias, the prince of darkness; alias, the devil."
"Hold yourself, there's my bag. I give you not this to suggest you from your master you talk of;
serve him still."
"I am a woodland fellow, sir, that always loved a great fire; and the master I speak of always keeps a good fire. But, sure, he is the prince of the world; let his nobility remain in his court. I am for the house with the narrow gate, which I take to be too little for ceremony to enter. Some that humble themselves may; but the many will be too chill and tender, and they'll be for the elaborate way that leads to the broad gate and the great fire."
"Go your ways, I begin to be weary of you; and I tell you so before, because I would not fall out with you. Go your ways. Let my horses be well looked to, without any tricks."
"If I put any tricks upon them, sir, they shall be jades' tricks; which are their own right by the law of nature," said Lavache/Bakura, finally, before he exited the stage.
"A shrewd idiot and an unhappy one at that," mumbled Lafeu/Marik.
"So he is," started the Countess/Yugi. "My lord, that's gone made himself much sport out of him. By his authority, he remains here, which he thinks is a patent for his sauciness; and, indeed, he has no pace, but runs where he will."
"Hn. I like him well; it is not incorrect. Since hearing the news of Helena's death and Bertram's return to France, I have spoken to the King about offering my own daughter as your son's second wife. The King himself had proposed the match when both my daughter and your son were children. And, to stop up the displeasure he has conceived against your son, Bertram, there is no fitter matter. How does your ladyship like it?" asked Lafeu/Marik.
"With very much content, my lord; and I wish it happily effected," replied the Countess/Yugi optimistically.
"His highness comes soon from Marseilles, of as able body as when he numbered thirty. He will be here tomorrow, or I am deceived by him that in such intelligence hath seldom failed."
"It rejoices me, that I hope I shall see him here I die. I have letters that my son will be here tonight. I shall beseech your lordship to remain with me till they meet together."
"Madam, I was thinking with what manners I might safely be admitted."
"You need but plead your honorable privilege."
"Lady, of that I have made a bold charter; but I thank my God it holds yet."
Lavache/Bakura re-entered the stage. "Oh, madam, your son returns with a patch of velvet on his face. But whether there be a scar under it or not, the velvet knows; but it is a goodly patch of velvet. His left cheek is a cheek of two piles and a half, but his right cheek is worn bare."
"A scar nobly got, or a noble scar, is a good livery of honor; so belike is that," said Lafeu/Marik.
"But it is your carbonadoed face," replied Lavache/Bakura.
"Let us go see your son, I pray you. I long to talk with the young, noble soldier."
"Faith there is a dozen of them, with delicate fine hats and most courteous feathers, which bow the head and nod at every man," said Lavache/Bakura as they all left the stage.
End Scene