A/N: Yes, long time. I never intended for this to be so late, but I had a bit of a block with it, and of course, school got in my way. The joys of being an English major. I hope everyone was being patient/busy with their own RL things.

I want to say a massive thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I appreciated all the encouragement after my not-so-nice anon review – I'm thankful I have such kind reviewers :)

A big, fluffy thanks to my betas also, Claire and Jess, love you ladies – I need your help more than you know!

I think that's it...

Enjoy!

Chapter Twenty-One: Misery

"What rushes into my heart and my skull

I can't control, think about it, feel it in my bones

What rushes into my heart and my skull

I can't control"

-Tiesto ft. Tegan and Sara: Feel It in My Bones

e.p.o.v

"Say it," she murmured.

I sighed. "Why?" I asked consciously.

"You know why," she replied. She smiled at me, tilting her head gently, ghosting her cool, hard fingertips over my cheekbone.

"Fine," I huffed in mock reluctance, though I was anything but reluctant to tell her, "I love you."

Her smile slipped away and she softly whispered, "I know."

Her voice echoed endlessly as her ashen face floated from my vision, blackness replacing the space where she had been. I reached out blindly to bring her back to me, to wrap her in my arms, but I couldn't. My hands were held tightly in front of me, strung by an invisible force I had no idea how to penetrate.

I smashed my fists against the black, against the pit of nothingness I faced.

I screamed into the abyss of thick ink.

I waited for her to return.

A raw, abrasive scream awoke me, strained and weak. When I felt the dull ache in my throat, I realized the dreadful sound had come from me. I coughed painfully, allowing myself a minute to breathe properly before I tried to move.

When I attempted to push my hair from my eyes with my hands, I realized I was unable.

I was bound – arms to the arms of a chair, legs to the legs.

"What..."

My haze of Bella and blackness came back to me like a ton of bricks, and I struggled, pulling my wrists and ankles against their shackles while I groaned in effort. Minutes of tugging and twisting passed, manipulating my arms and legs in ways I shouldn't have, before the weight of the situation finally hit me.

Bella – she was gone, and...I was stuck.

I yanked roughly, causing blood to ooze from the wound on my palm and my wrists to burn against the plastic barriers. I twisted harshly as the panic surfaced and my shoulders and neck flushed with uncertainty; a wave of heat took over my face.

Anger and agony consumed me, and in a moment of sheer distress, I screamed. I cried out in pain and suffering, willing the plastic restraints to break off into a thousand tiny pieces, but nothing happened. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks after my failed attempt and the outlet obscured my vision.

I tugged less forcefully now, knowing it was useless, that I wasn't strong enough to rid myself of them.

"Bella," I whimpered, numbly turning my wrist until it, too, bled.

I sniffled, sitting up straighter and angling my body, looking around the floor. Signs of a struggle were obvious, pieces of furniture lay scattered and out of place, blood stained the recently manicured carpet. Clothing – mine and Bella's – was strewn by the couch, and from just underneath Bella's shirt, I could make out the thin, black cord.

Her anklet.

I knit my brows together in remembrance as my phone began to vibrate. My expression transformed from tortured to elated, and I shifted around, jiggling my leg, but what good was it? I quickly grew agitated and upset when I realized I wasn't going to reach it. It rang from inside my jeans, buzzing away, taunting me with its closeness. If I listened hard enough, I could even hear it.

Buzz...buzz...buzz.

It stopped after a minute, but of course, it only stopped long enough for whoever was on the other end to hit redial. I tilted my head back, pulling my wrists and ankles again, as my phone rang for countless minutes. I was frustrated, angry, upset, broken...

So, so broken.

I was tugging hard, using my entire body, when the chair fell over. It felt like my heart had slammed into my ribcage when I hit the floor and I groaned squeezing my eyes shut. I took short, quick breaths, feeling the sting of resistance on my lungs when I coughed and wheezed.

"Hello?"

My eyes snapped open, darting to the sound of a voice.

I struggled to lift my head and only saw a flash of blonde before Rosalie was kneeling at my side.

"Edward," she said concernedly, quickly cutting my bindings loose with her fingers, "what happened? Where's Bella?"

I disentangled myself from the chair, shaking my head in an effort to control my tears. "Gone," I murmured incomprehensibly, "they..."

I covered my hands with my face and turned my body into the carpet, gripping my hair in tight fists. An unwelcome sob wracked my chest and I tugged harder, feeling Rosalie's hand on my back, cold and familiar.

Although she was trying to help, she was doing just the opposite. I wanted to believe it was Bella's touch, her soft, soothing essence comforting me, but I knew it wasn't. Rosalie was reminding me that she wasn't here...she wasn't with me.

I had let James and his men take her.

"Edward," Rosalie continued softly but forcefully, "where's Bella?"

I took a deep breath, attempting to control the overwhelming wave of hysteria. I made sure I spoke slowly. "A group of hunters...they attacked us when the coven left," I said as evenly as I could, "poisoned Bella and knocked me out. I...I-I don't know where she is."

Rosalie sighed, continuing with her ministrations on my shoulder blades. "Did you know them?"

I rubbed my fist over my cheeks before I nodded. "James...a hunter friend of Jasper's," I replied in a slow exhale. My face contorted in anguish and I bowed my neck, whispering, "They took her."

I mustered enough energy and pent-up rage to kick the chair away. It scattered across the carpet and Rosalie stepped back, looking down at me as I sprawled out and threw my arm over my eyes to block everything out.

"Do you know where?" she asked.

I uncovered my eyes and glared at her. "If I did, I wouldn't be fucking wallowing right now, would I?" I retorted angrily.

Rosalie's face shifted into perceptible annoyance and she bent down, easily picking me up by the biceps. "Quit being a sarcastic asshole," she hissed, digging her icy fingers into my skin, "if it weren't for me, you'd still be tied to that chair."

With that, she flung me away. I tumbled to the floor with a grunt, clamping my eyes shut as my brain rolled around in my head. I wanted to be pissed at her for tossing me around like a ragdoll but I knew I deserved it.

"Look," I said quietly when my head stopped throbbing, "I'm sorry. I just...you don't understand, Rosalie. I need to get her back."

"You think I don't understand?" she replied, her expression incredulous as she looked down at me. "Believe me," she continued, "I understand perfectly well, Edward. I've known Bella for sixty years; she's been my closest friend since then, she was the person who changed me. What makes you think I don't want to find her just as bad?"

I sat up slowly and rubbed my hand over my chest, where my heart was pumping irregularly – thump, thump-thump, thump – like something had been ripped out for it to beat to such a dejected tempo.

"I'm not saying that," I told her, "but if Bella-," I paused to gather myself, "if she is...if we don't find her, you can move on." I looked up to Rosalie from the ground, watching as she knit her brows together. "You have Emmett," I clarified, "you have your mate. You can carry on no matter what...because you have him. But Bella – she's mine," I said strongly, "and if I lose her..."

"Life's not worth living," Rosalie finished.

Those wouldn't have been my exact words, but it was the same basic idea. "Yeah," I agreed dismally.

The silence was thick and heavy before Rosalie gestured impatiently with her hands. "Well, are you going to get up or just lie there until the turn of the century?" she questioned.

I didn't have it in me to muster a smile, but I liked her attitude.

I stood up, fully intending on heading out to find Bella – although I didn't have a plan – when Rosalie stopped me. "Uh, loverboy, I know you're pretty and all, but you might want to clean up a bit." I frowned, touching my hand to my face, wondering what she was talking about. She pointed to my chest, "You look like you lost a fight with a panther."

I glanced down, startled by the smears of blood across my shoulders, torso, arms, and hands. Blood stained my jeans as well, forming patterns across my denim thighs, close to my knees.

"I-I don't have anything to wear," I pointed out. "My shirt...it's covered in blood."

She pursed her lips before she shrugged, "I'm sure Emmett has something, let me go look."

I nodded mutely, still examining the crimson flecks and spatters that marked my skin. I fingered a bloody handprint on my forearm, trying to rub away the outline, when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket for what seemed like the millionth time. I looked down to the source of the sound, torn between answering it and ignoring it, because I knew exactly who it was.

My chest tightened at the prospect of asking Alice for help – I hoped Jasper would understand.

Thankfully, I didn't have to make the decision. Rosalie made it for me by reappearing with a change of clothes and directions to the bathroom.

I went where she told me to go, closing the door behind me. The lights flickered sporadically and the smell was a little foul, but I couldn't find a reason to care. I stripped out of my jeans and briefs, tossing them into the corner of the room before I twisted the tap on and let it heat up.

I grabbed one of the towels off the bar on the wall and dropped it into the sink. I wrung it out, shivering at the warmth of the water when I began to wipe away the blood. Inch by inch my body was cleansed, some of it marred with bruises and cuts and some of it restored to the pale, white skin. My palm suffered the worst of it, still throbbing with its own heartbeat and seeping blood no matter how many times I washed it away.

I gave up after a while and wrapped a clean towel around my hand, pulling the knot tight with my teeth as I flexed my fingers. It wasn't ideal, but it was the best I could do given my limited supplies.

Once my body was clean, I had to deal with my face, which is hard to do when you don't even want to look at yourself in the mirror. I glanced at my reflection as little as possible; avoiding my own eyes like it would kill me if I didn't. I rinsed my hair as quickly as I could with one hand and then splashed my face a few times, washing off the caked-on blood.

When I was sure every trace and speck of blood was down the drain, I dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of jeans that fit me better than I had expected them to. I slipped my phone into the pocket of my new jeans, and smoothed my good hand down the front of my shirt, careful not to glance at my face in the mirror as I left the bathroom and went back the way I came.

I sighed when I reached the lobby. I certainly felt clean now that I had washed up, but I couldn't say I felt at all better.

Not one bit.

Rosalie was waiting for me near the entrance, the door propped open as she leaned partly out in a position that looked entirely awkward and uncomfortable. She slipped back inside when she heard me approach and smiled.

"Much better," she appraised. I gave her a curt nod and she asked, "Are you still bleeding?"

I shrugged, holding out my bandaged hand. "A little but it's fine, I'll live."

She frowned. "Are you sure?" I nodded silently and she sighed, "Okay then, let's go."

I was about to agree when I glanced back over at the mess of furniture and blood. "Wait," I said absently, even though I had already started walking away from her. I rifled around on the floor, finding my keys under a chair and my wallet stuffed into the couch. I then bent down, recovering the small, precious anklet that Bella had given to me.

Her heart.

I curled it into my fist, fighting back tears as I got up and went to the door. I nodded at Rosalie when I passed and stepped out into the warm, muggy night.

Although I shouldn't have been, I was startled that Emmett was there.

"Oh," I said in subdued surprise, "hi."

He took several paces back and forced a smile. "Hey," he replied.

I cleared my throat uneasily at the formality in his tone; I still wasn't used to this perfect version of Emmett. It was strange. I looked away from him, tangling my fingers around the cord of Bella's anklet a little tighter before saying, "Tell Rosalie I said thanks."

I started walking away, intent on finding the Impala and getting Bella back, when Emmett shouted, "Whoa! Where are you going?"

I turned slowly and gave him a look that was scathing. "To find Bella," I retorted offensively, "where the fuck do you think?"

He tightened his jaw and took a few more steps back. He closed his eyes, releasing a deep breath, and then said through his teeth, "We can help. Just cool it."

I stood there, clutching the anklet in my fist, contemplating his offer – torn between being rash or rational. I wanted to do something, right now, anything to get her back, but I didn't know what that something was. Since I had no clue where to even start, I knew working with them would probably be my best option.

"Okay," I replied meekly, resigned to the fact that I couldn't do this alone, "thanks."

Then, when my phone started ringing from inside my pocket again, I froze.

Shit.

"Um, look, I have to go to The Hunting Lodge...talk to Alice and Jasper," I said in a rush as I pulled out my phone, "meet me around there in a bit?"

Emmett gave me a terse nod. "Yeah, sure."

I turned quickly and took off down the road, heading for the Impala. I glanced at the screen of the phone, cursing under my breath when Alice's name flashed across it. I slowed to a walk when I was a fair distance away from the hotel, prepping myself for an earful.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Where the hell have you been?" Alice replied bitterly, "Do you realize how worried sick I've been for the last hour?"

I swallowed hard – an hour. I was out for an entire hour.

"An hour?" I asked shakily, "That's how long you've been trying to call me?"

"Yes!" she screamed in response, "And I have half a mind to come over there and kick your ass-"

"Alice," I spoke over her before she could continue chastising me, "you were right. The vision...Bella's gone."

Her ranting ceased immediately; she was silent. "What?" she said in a whisper, "Wh...I mean, what happened?"

I shrugged although she couldn't see, trying to control my breathing as I quickened my pace toward the car. "James and some of his men attacked us," I explained, "she was poisoned, they knocked me out. Now she's gone, and I don't know where she is, Alice. I-I need help."

I sounded so desperate, but I didn't care. I would have gotten on my knees and begged if it would have done the trick. I just wanted her back.

"Please..."

"Of course," she agreed sincerely, "anything."

.

.

I was at The Hunting Lodge within minutes. I parked on the street out front, hurried through the door to the bar, and took off upstairs. I was light-headed by the time I reached the top of the steps, and my hand was absolutely throbbing, but I simply swallowed down my nausea and kept going. I went to the end of the hall and knocked on Alice's door, impatiently waiting until she swung it open.

"Hi," I said tiredly.

She gave me a sympathetic smile and allowed me to enter. "I've been writing things down," she said as she shut the door and walked over to her bed, "it's not much, but...it's a start."

Alice handed me a small notebook, chalked full of her neat handwriting. My eyes flew across the page, trying to get a handle on the vision – what she had seen and how it would help get Bella back. Most of it was disconnected; vague visions of me, one of a tall, white house, then another of a forest. I grew frustrated the more I read, because none of it seemed to make sense.

"This isn't helping me much, Alice," I said in agitation.

She sighed, taking the notebook from my hands and looking down at her words. "I know my visions aren't exactly cohesive," she replied, "but this might help a bit. The house...I think it's where they took her. I kept seeing it clearly in my head, and the trees...those were prominent, too."

"So this house," I began, "do you know where it is?"

She shook her head as she set the notebook on the bedside table, "No. I know I've never seen it before, but I would recognize it if I did." My irritation must have been evident because she huffed, "Look, I know it's not the most concrete thing in the world, but it's something."

I sank down on Renee's bed, dropping my head to my hands. "Okay," I said quietly, "I'm sorry. I'm just...pissed off." I glanced up at her and said, "So...say we find the house, I mean-" Alice watched me closely when I paused, attempting to find the words.

"We could be too late," I finished almost inaudibly.

Alice took a few steps and knelt down in front of me, capturing my face in her soft, feminine hands. They were nice, small like Bella's, but too warm – they weren't right. "Remember what I said about my visions?" she asked. When I nodded, she continued, "It's hard for me to see what I'm not supposed to – the dead, the undead, it's painful. When I saw the house, the trees...the migraine I had was unbearable. I fainted. I think it was because of her, I was seeing Bella, I just didn't know it."

"So she's alive?" I inquired; hope sparking in my chest, "For sure?"

Alice smiled a tiny half smile, "I can almost guarantee she's still alive, Edward. We just have to find her."

The crushing weight on my heart lifted a little; breathing wasn't so difficult.

She's alive.

I opened my mouth to thank Alice for the insight, the small bit of relief she had provided me with, but I was cut short. Jasper stumbled into the room, smacking the door against the wall as he pushed it open.

"Jasper!" Alice exclaimed. She tilted her head up to examine his face, and when she saw what I saw in his eyes, she gasped, "Are...are you drunk?"

He leaned against the frame for support, looking curiously between the two of us with a heavy-lidded gaze. "Yep," he replied coarsely. "What's he doing here?"

Alice stood up, eyeing Jasper. She beckoned him into the room and he stepped inside, watching Alice as she moved around him to close the door. She clicked the lock, and turning back to Jasper, she explained, "He came to ask for help...Bella was kidnapped – James took her."

Jasper snorted, as if he was somehow amused, and rolled his eyes. He was so casual about it that I wanted to punch him, hard, and repeatedly – friend or not. "Are you serious?" he asked in drunken astonishment.

"Yes," Alice replied as calmly as she could, "and I told him we would do anything we could to help him find her."

"Well you can count me out of the 'ole vampire search," he said with a nonchalant shrug, "I'm not exactly up to it today."

I clenched my hands into fists at his careless attitude, glaring up at him from the bed. "Gee," I said sarcastically, "thanks. I appreciate all the help, asshole."

He shook his head in annoyance, staggering toward me a bit. "Seriously, Edward, she's a –"

"Don't you think I know that?" I interrupted angrily, carding my fingers into my hair. "I know what she is, Jas. Believe me, I know." I took a second to push down my rage and continued, "My entire life, I've been alone. I was okay with that. I was never...happy. It was never satisfying. The one-night stands and the flings...they were just there. They meant nothing."

I looked away from him, wringing my hands together. "But...then I met her," I said quietly as I fought the quiver in my voice, "and she was everything I hate, everything I could never have. Now, she's the only thing I want. I wish, so bad, that it wasn't her...but I can't imagine it being anyone but her."

"You're so in love with her," Alice interjected.

I nodded, "Yeah." Admitting it to someone was painful, like daggers were tearing through the tender flesh over my heart. "I am. Please," I implored as I glanced back up to Jasper, "help me find her, Jas, please. I can't let her die."

Jasper stared at me, his eyes hard and glassy. I hoped to find the understanding there, some sign that he acknowledged what I was going through. But when he shook his head and turned to leave, I knew my plea had fallen on deaf ears.

"Fuck this," he retorted, "I can't believe you."

The words were like a kick to the throat, and just when I thought it was a lost cause, Alice spoke. "I swear to God," she said in a scary calm voice when he reached for the doorknob, "if you walk out that door, I will never speak to you again."

Jasper stopped in mid-stride, visibly tense from Alice's threat. He turned slightly, looking at her over his shoulder. "That's a lie," he said shakily.

Alice stood strong. "Try me."

He looked at the door, then back to her, clenching his jaw tight before he growled out, "Why are you doing this?"

"Because you are too blind to be reasonable!" Alice shouted in response. "The woman Edward loves is in danger, Jasper, and we have to help him. I refuse to sit idly by and let someone I call a friend do this alone." She paused, lowering her voice, "You know he would do it for you, no matter what."

Jasper rubbed his hand over his face, sighing, "The circumstances, Alice, they're just…I can't!" He gesticulated wildly with his hands, "This goes against everything…don't you get that?"

To keep the irritated smile from her face, she pursed her lips. "I get it fine," she replied coolly, "and in that case, you can still leave."

He frowned. "Why?"

"Do you love me, Jasper?" she asked, completely evading his question.

He swallowed noticeably, his shoulders slumping. "You know I do," he responded quietly.

"So why is Edward's situation so different from ours?" she retorted, "Huh? I know what I am, and I know it's not normal, but who I am in theory is no different than who Bella is."

"You're human," he said pointedly, "you'll live and you'll die. Bella won't. She's not human."

"But she was!" Alice countered, taking a few steps toward him in her anger, "And you can't get your brainwashed head to think straight long enough to realize I'm the same!" She stopped to take a breath and said, "If you really believe what we have is so different, if you're that narrow-minded, I think I made a huge mistake."

I could see the devastation, the heartbreak on Jasper's face. "Alice," he breathed in distress, "no…I-"

"I don't want your excuses," she said, "I want you to do the right thing, Jasper. I'm going to help Edward, whether you come or not." Jasper held his tongue, and Alice sighed, tucking her hair over her shoulder. "But if we do this alone, I don't want to see you anymore."

"I..." Jasper stuttered and trailed off; searching Alice's face for some sign that she would change her mind.

I tapped my foot uneasily against the carpet as they stood there staring at one another, rubbing my thumb over the tiny heart fastened to Bella's anklet. Somewhere out there, she was with James, hurt, dying, maybe already dead...

Anger coursed through me once again and I closed my eyes; I could barely stand to think about it.

I needed to find her.

After a long, painful minute of silence – another minute that Bella was with James – Jasper sighed, "Okay."

I tightened my jaw and my lip curled up because, even though he had agreed to help, it wasn't very comforting to know he felt obligated to do so.

"You know what," I said acidly as I stood up, "I don't want your fucking help. I came here to beg, to plead, that you would understand. You, Jasper, of all people...one of the only goddamn people I trust in this world, and you turn your back on me the one time in my life I actually need you." His eyes bored into mine and I spat, "I'll do this on my own...forget I even came."

I went to leave but Alice grabbed my arm. "No, Edward, I'm coming with you. I can vaguely recall parts of the vision and it should be enough to help. If we work together, I think we can find her."

"Thank you," I whispered gratefully, "and Emmett...he said they would help, too."

Alice smiled. "Good," she replied, "that's good. We should go, then, we're wasting time."

I nodded in agreement, and stood up, following Alice as she cast a cold glance at Jasper and opened the door. I tucked Bella's anklet in my pocket when I left the room, and as soon as I did, I felt the weight of Jasper's hand on my shoulder, gently holding me back.

"I'll come," he said. I turned around; ready to protest his reasons, but he wouldn't let me. "And before you start, just hear me out." I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and he confessed, "I'm not doing this because of Alice, I'm doing it because I want to. You've always been like a brother to me...I'm just having trouble with what's right and what's wrong."

I cleared my throat, murmuring, "Yeah, well what's right and what's wrong isn't always crystal clear, Jas. Bella taught me that. You have to trust what you feel, not what you know."

He sighed, "And sometimes that's easier said than done." I held his gaze and he nodded, "But Alice was right, you would do the same for me, in a heartbeat – no matter the circumstances. Just...let me help – I can tell you things about James, we can find her, together."

And then he held his hand out to me, a peace offering.

I stared at his extended arm, my eyes flickering to his face, before I clasped his hand with mine.

"We good?" he asked with a cocked brow.

I nodded solemnly. "Sure, we're good."

A/N: So...yeah. Leave a review, rant, vent, do whatever. Just don't leave me some bullshit that I can't respond to. So not cool.

I will try my hardest to get the next chapter out as soon as I can. I am making no promises because I am currently reading Moby Dick for a class...and it's a beast. School is unfortunately a higher priority, although I wish I could write fic all day.

Leave some love.