A/N: My husband has been away on business trip this week and if you have followed my stories before you know that I usually take the opportunity to write as much as I can when he is away and I have the evenings to myself. He does not know I'm writing because I would feel silly letting him read it, so this stays between you and me :) Anyway, that is the reason why chapters keep pouring out this week. He returns this evening so then back to normal, but I hope you enjoy this one. I did!

As always thank you for your kind reviews!

X

Chapter 21: Cornered

Absent Without Official Leave. AWOL. The Army vocabulary for playing truant but of course repercussions were more severe than when skipping school, something I had been good at once upon a time.

That was what I was since a couple of hours back - AWOL. When I left Charles, I felt I could not return to camp and play the usual positive Molly, not yet anyway. I was too upset and sad for that. I knew that if I were any different I would have to stand Smurf's mockery that it was 'that time of the month', Jason's and Brains' concern and the others' jokes. I did not feel emotionally equipped to deal with any of it. So, instead of taking the path back to camp and then on to the med centre, I turned in on another path leading in the opposite direction. If going AWOL to have some alone-time resulted in another round of getting yelled at, I could not be bothered to care right now.

The reason I stay distant is that I don't want you to get the idea I have any feelings for you. Because I don't.

He could not have stated it more clearly than he did, and those words really stung.

Just like I know you don't have any feelings for me.

That was where he was seriously wrong. Even if he was a twat I was undeniably in love with him. I did not know if I was purely relieved or also slightly disappointed he felt so sure about that. Mostly relieved because that lessened the humiliation of my unrequited feelings, but I wondered if he was sure because I had hidden it well or because he found the thought of a private fancying him so ridiculous he could not even imagine it.

It felt so good to be alone. There was always someone around at the med centre and in the camp and this was the first time since I came here that I could enjoy just hearing the sounds of nature and my own footfalls and focus on my thoughts and feelings. Getting frequently exposed to wild nature over the months of training, I had stopped being freaked out by it and started appreciating it instead. Here its beauty was overwhelming. The grass and tree leaves seemed greener than at home and the mighty mountains, topped with snow looking like whipped cream, seemed to hold up the clear blue sky. The river water did not look much cleaner than the Thames though and I remembered with a shudder all the bodies that had been burned on it and ashes flushed away in the water.

I kept enjoying the stillness, realising that all my life I had been surrounded by sounds and people. It was never quiet in the Dawes house, the streets of Newham were always noisy, in the hospital there was a constant a background sound from the patients who were seriously nuts and since I had enlisted I was always surrounded by rowdy squaddies. I realised I had needed this, missed this, probably my whole life but only realised now when I experienced it. The silence interrupted only by birds chirping, water flowing and the sound of the leaves moving in the wind was soothing, and it made me think clearer.

I had two choices at this point; requesting to be sent home or stay and endure this tour the remaining two months. Captain James would likely be happy to approve a request for transfer, but people would wonder why, and it would not look good for my continued career in the Army if I interrupted a deployment without a valid cause. In addition, I really wanted this. I loved being here, this walk only strengthened that feeling. I loved Nepal, loved the kind and needing people, liked my section except Smurf and enjoyed the job I was bloody good at according to Brains encouraging comments. If I gave that up, my life would only feel shittier than it did now. Sure, it would feel good in the short run to get as far away from Captain James as I possibly could, but I sensed I would regret it as soon as I landed at Brize, if not already on the plane. That left me with one option; to stay and suck it up. Avoid Captain James as much as I could and bottle my feelings up, focus on work and my friends and forget my stupid crush and that the object for it was an insensitive idiot.

Somehow, my heart felt lighter once my decision was made and I knew it was time to make my way back to camp because I had been gone for a few hours and would be missed by now. My feet had taken me quite far away and I made a turn into another path leading away from the river bank in what I reckoned must be the direction back. After a while I recognised my surroundings as I reached an empty village. It was not the one nearest our camp, but one further away, deserted because it had been so damaged in one of the previous earthquakes that the effort to secure and rebuild it simply was greater than building up a new village. Now the houses were just empty shells. To think that families had lived here once, I wondered what they were doing now, if they were ali…

"When did Her Majesty die and make you the Queen?"

I bounced at the sound of the angry voice which seemed unnaturally loud after the hours of silence. He was suddenly standing before me on the road like a Jack in the box, feet grounded and shoulder-width apart, arms crossed, looking prepared for a fight.

"What?" I wished my voice had not trembled from the shock. What was he doing here?

"You don't get to wander off. You're endangering yourself."

He did not shout but the icy, calm voice was undoubtedly mad. Very mad. The peace of mind I had found rapidly vanished and I felt incredibly frustrated. Could he not just leave me be after what he had said earlier today?

"We're not in a war zone, this is a peaceful mission so it's not like the enemy is lurking around the corner." Anger fuelled my confidence.

"No, but other things are! There might be an after-shock or an unstable building may collapse. I don't want any of you to wander off without company or informing Kinders or me of your whereabouts. And I can't believe you're talking back to me", he spat.

"I really needed to be alone."

"You don't get to decide that Dawes. You're not in charge."

"You know what, after our little conversation earlier, I don't care. I needed to clear my mind."

He stared at me in furious disbelief.

"You don't care? YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE?!" he barked. "I'm your commanding officer, Dawes! Do you know what that means? I give you orders, and you obey, that's not something we're fighting over. It's non-negotiable. Either you accept that, or you can't be in my chain of command. You probably shouldn't be, but you need to think over if you can handle it during this tour or if I need to send you home at once. Is that understood?"

"I understand. Sir."

"I can't be bickering with privates, male or female ones, that's why we all have to leave feelings aside, stay professional, focus on the mission."

"I understand, and I'll be as professional as you may wish for the remainder of the tour but for now you need to leave me alone."

I stared back at him but then felt tears pooling in my eyes, threatening to burst over the brim for the second time today, so I turned my back to him and walked away again.

"Dawes!"

We were near a house which like all the surrounding ones was empty and deserted. The door barely hung on its hinges and was open. Driven by impulse I ducked and went through the small entrance, hoping he would not follow me. The façade and roof of the house were intact, but the backside of it was half in ruins and daylight seeped in through a large hole and the gaping windows so it felt like I was half indoors half outdoors. Everything of value was gone, the house just an empty, dusty shell, almost ghost-like. The rays of sun looked almost tangible in the dusty air and it was strangely beautiful.

I was startled when he grabbed my arm so forcefully that I probably would get a bruise later. He had followed me, obviously refusing to take the hint that he should leave.

"Did you not hear what I just said? You should not be alone, you shouldn't go inside the unstable buildings. You can get hurt and if you do…"

"Then what? You shout at me again?" I snapped, desperately trying to blink away the tears so he would not see. I was sure crying would only leave him unimpressed.

"If you get hurt I wouldn't forgive myself."

We stared each other out, neither dropping the gaze. He would not forgive himself?

"You're in my charge", he added as an afterthought, but now his dark eyes could not hide from me there was more to it. His brow was furrowed, the jaw clenched, a vein throbbing on his forehead and he was breathing rapidly, still looking furious but also vulnerable in a strange way.

For a second, I thought his presence was doing something strange to my senses because my legs felt wobbly, or maybe it was like the ground was moving. Then I saw his expression change in distress and realised he felt it too and next the building started falling apart around us. This would have been the moment for him to say 'See, I told you so', but he did not. Instead he kept his hold of my arm and tried to pull me with him outside. It was too late though; the house came crumbling down. Beams and wall stones fell, blocking our way and stirring up dust. Then everything went black.

When I regained consciousness I was on the ground, feeling something wet on my face. I opened my eyelids and I realised he was washing away grime from my eyes with water from his water bottle.

"Dawes are you okay?" his voice was horse, I don't know if from the dust or concern.

"I don't know, I need to feel… It bloody hurts, my head and my body, but I don't think anything is broken."

I blinked to try to get rid of some dirt that remained after the wash and realised I probably looked like him, with my face and hair covered in a thin grey layer of dust. I had to hold back a reflex to reach out and wipe his cheek clean.

"You, Boss? Are you okay?"

Even if I was bruised and barely could see properly, I felt frustrated not to be able to assess him medically. After all, I was the medic not he. On a personal level I was also more than a tad worried about his well-being. Even if he was a twat, I wanted him to stay an intact twat.

"Now I am. You had me fucking worried there, Dawes."

His eyes did not seem angry anymore. They had softened and almost seemed to be looking at me in a gooey way or maybe I just thought so because my vision was blurred. I remembered another time when he had said the same, after Jackie and I got lost in the woods, and that I had promised not to do it again. A promise I was pretty shitty at keeping.

"What the heck happened?"

"After-shock. You got hit in the head by a falling beam and then something knocked me out too. We must have been out for a while. It's not dark yet though so probably less than an hour."

My body did not seem to be trapped under anything, I was able to move but the space around us was very limited both on the sides and above.

"Can we get out?"

"I don't think we should try. It seems a large corrugated iron sheet fell down and got stuck right over us and protected us from other debris, so we were lucky, but we're trapped under it. I don't even think we should try moving it because there is a high risk we get something else over us. Best thing we can do is wait out here until they come searching for us."

"But do they know where we are? Did you tell anyone where you went?"

"No. When I realised after a couple of hours that you hadn't returned, I went looking for you. I didn't want… I didn't tell the others what I was doing, I just left. They think you're still at the orphanage. They will come looking for us, but it may take time."

This was my fault. I was the one who had strayed, and he had come after me and warned me that exactly this could happen, but I did not listen. Now I was ashamed that my emotions had clouded my professional judgement and behaviour.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I ran off and didn't obey your orders."

"Obeying orders really isn't your forte at times, Dawes."

"I will next time."

"I should hope so. I might have to put you up on charges for this."

I winced, and he saw it.

"I'm just joking Dawes, trying to lighten up the situation. If we get out unharmed I'm happy. No charges."

"You don't think we will get out?"

"I do, I trust they will find us and get us out, but I won't deny we are in a dangerous situation, so I will be happy when we are rescued. We are lucky to have nearly full water bottles. That means we can cope for days even if we will be hungry and it will be bloody uncomfortable."

He stretched his long body. There was enough space for both of us to lie down with some distance between us, but we could not sit up. At least we were able to move and breathe and in contrast to half an hour ago when the last thing I wanted was to be near him, I was very grateful to have his company now. No one could make me feel safer in a situation like this.

"So, try to prepare yourself mentally for staying here a few days, Dawes and we need to ration the water."

"Anyway, it's nice to get some quality time with you, Sir."

He snorted a laugh.

"You call this quality time?"

"Well, you and me alone, even if I know you don't like that particularly. You must not be best pleased now when you have no way of avoiding me."

He did not say anything and looked away.

Even when he was covered in dirt he was beautiful, from the dust smattered eyelashes to the high cheekbones and full lower lip. I was not less in love than I had been this morning.

"I missed you, you know."

The words came out before I could stop them from leaving my lips.

"What?" His head snapped up, alert.

"I missed the way we were when you gave me swimming lessons, or when we were waiting out during the final exercise. The way we were during the dinner at your parents' house."

And I missed when he kissed me.

"I thought we were becoming friends and I missed you when you were gone. I missed it even more when I came here, and you were here, but that still was gone."

The silence was deafening. He cleared his throat.

"I told you why before", he said softly. "I can't allow myself to get emotionally involved."

"Yeah, you made your point loud and clear."

"But you make that very difficult for me", he added after a pause, then seemed to hesitate again if he really should continue talking. I was holding my breath and in the end he did. "When I came looking for you this afternoon I didn't plan on telling you off, it just happened like that because I got so worried before I found you."

I met his eyes and he did not look away.

"I got worried because I knew you were on your own and it was my fault. You're really good at making me worry about you, Dawes. I'll probably get grey hairs early because of you."

"I don't do it on purpose."

"I know."

But I quite liked the thought that he worried because it meant that at some level he cared about me. I was also wondering if he intended to elaborate on what he meant by that I made it hard for him to stay emotionally uninvolved.

"There was another reason I wanted to see you, talk to you again. After you had left, I overheard a conversation between some of the lads. Or, I heard Smurf talking. Talking shit, slagging you."

"I'm not surprised."

"He was boasting that you had been desperate to get into his pants on a double-date he had been to with you and his friend Matt Geddings and another girl, but he had rejected you because he didn't find you attractive."

"That son of a b… It was him coming on to me, but I wouldn't have it."

"I thought as much", he said with a grim smile. "I interrupted and said that besides that I wouldn't have him talking crap about anyone in his section, I didn't think his friend, my fellow officer, Geddings would appreciate that he was spreading lies about what had happened with his girlfriend when all of you were on a double-date."

"But…"

"Please let me finish", he interrupted me, eager to say what he had to say. "Smurf just stared at me, his face looked like a question mark and he said; 'Geddings' girlfriend? You got the wrong end of the stick, Sir. He's with Jackie Aston and I was the unlucky one to be paired with Dawes.' Then I realised that I had gotten it wrong all this time, when I thought you and Geddings were together. "

I tried to take in what he said and registered this seemed to imply he actually cared if I was with Matt or not.

"I thought you might have misunderstood, but I felt I couldn't explain when I didn't know if you cared to know."

He looked down, avoiding my gaze.

"I do, I do care to know", he almost whispered.

"It was always him and Jackie."

"But he got your phone number before you left Pirbright?"

"I gave him Jackie's number, said he should call her because she fancied him. But honestly, why do you care when you have a girlfriend?"

He looked up again, astonishment and confusion written over his face.

"I don't have a girlfriend."

"But what about Georgie Lane."

"Georgie… I broke up with her a long time ago, the day she came to visit at barracks. Best decision I have ever made."

I remembered how cheerful he had seemed the following morning but thought it was because he had seen his girl.

"But she was at the Boxing Day party, and Sam said…"

"She was there because her family is friends with ours. Whatever Sam said you got it wrong. Well, she tried to convince me we should get back together but I wasn't interested. I had feelings for someone else even if I didn't think I could have her."

There was a silence where the only sound was my heart thumping loudly.

"I didn't think I had a chance because she was in love with my colleague and yet I could not resist kissing her when I found myself under a mistletoe with her. Made a complete fool of myself but it was a lovely kiss." He kept looking at me intently and the right corner of his mouth went up in a smile.

"Do you have feelings for me, Sir?"

I felt like a bubble of happiness was swelling inside of me.

"How about we skip the 'Sir' for as long as we are trapped in here? I shouldn't say this, and I will probably regret it, but I do have feelings for you."

"Why do treat me like you do then? Why did you say what you did this morning?"

"Because I don't know what to do with myself! I didn't want anyone around us to know how I feel. I didn't want you to know so you would feel awkward or harassed, and the thought you would tell Matt, who I really happen to like and respect, that I had tried to come between you on tour, that just makes me cringe. When you came here, when I saw you the first day, part of me was thrilled to be near you again because I hadn't stopped thinking about you, but the other part of me just wanted to put as much distance between us as possible so I wouldn't have to deal with my feelings or the consequences of them. As I couldn't run away I tried to keep my distance anyway. I think I managed pretty well until today."

Bashfully he raked his fingers through his hair, looking a little bit desperate.

"But now you're telling me you're fond of me?" I giggled in joyful disbelief.

"Against my better judgement, I have to tell you I'm afraid it's more than so. I'm totally smitten with you, in love with you, going crazy with jealousy when I thought you were with Matt, so I barely could stand being near you. Every time I looked at you I've been afraid you would see. That you would read me and then I wouldn't know what to do anymore."

I could not quite grasp what I heard, it was too much to process. I just knew it made me terribly happy.

"Please, say something Molly."

"Ditto."

"Ditto? A bleeding ditto? I was hoping for something more after telling you all that", he smiled but I saw an apprehensive flicker in his eyes. I did not want him to feel uncertain about me anymore, yet I held back my words.

"It's just that I don't know what I can say to you." He was still my CO after all.

"After me blurting all that out, and in here where it's just the two of us, feel free to say anything you like. Please."

His eyes pleaded now, filled with an open longing which he had hidden so well before.

"Then… I'm in love with you too. I can't stop thinking about you in all sorts of inappropriate ways and I have been desperate to kiss you again ever since we first kissed."

He held his head propped up by his hand and kept looking at me where I was lying, so close I could feel his warm breath on my face, making hairs that had escaped from my braid flutter. At my words, his eyes gleamed and his smile grew wider and more confident. He reached out his other hand and gently smoothed some strands in place, tucked them behind my ear.

"You don't understand how happy that makes me... but I can't let anything happen between us while we're here, Dawes. It's against Army regulations and we could be dishonourably discharged. You know that, don't you?"

"I know." I chewed my lower lip and noticed his gaze moved from my eyes to my lips. "It's just that if that iron sheet or another beam come crashing down our heads and we die, I would rather have kis…"

His lips to mine cut off my sentence. A much softer touch than the kiss in Bath, surreal but definitely real.

"Me too." He whispered and moved away, but only an inch.

"What?" I felt dizzy and it had nothing to do with the hit to my head.

"If that happened, I would rather have kissed you than not."

He did it again, lingered longer this time, allowed me to respond. He paused to look into my eyes, checking for affirmation I wanted this. If my eyes matched his, my pupils would have been dilated and dark, telling him yes. This time our lips crashed together and then we could not let go. I parted my lips and he let his tongue slip in with soft sensuality, then kept kissing me deep and hot until we had to gasp for air.

We clung on to each other, pressing our bodies together but did not dare to move much in case anything would come falling down. This, which had been unthinkable earlier today, now felt completely natural. Inevitable even, like it always were meant to be like this. We let our hands do a bit of exploration on the outside of our uniform shirts and fatigues, but mostly we applied our mouths. Kissed hard until my lips felt bruised; grazed softly, barely touching almost like a whisper to the other's lips. I dotted light kisses along his jaw, feeling the emerging stubble that I had longed to touch so many times before. He nuzzled into the dip by my neck, inhaled me and touched with lips light as a feather, nibbled my earlobe until my hot skin contradictory prickled. I loved the feeling of his body pressed to the length of mine, safe and arousing. I wanted him, needed him so much that I wished I could jump out of my own skin and inside his to be closer, yet this was perfect. Despite the desire we felt, we were not able to rush due to the circumstances, forced to linger in this sublime moment filled with desperate need.

To begin with the kisses were silent, serious and breathless, expressing the feelings suppressed for so long, but as time went by they became more playful, pulling and biting softly at one another's lips, smiling through kisses interspersed with joyous giggles at the wonder of discovering each other like this. This dark dusty corner where we were confined, became my heaven on earth in his presence and I wanted to be nowhere else. Well, if I could have beamed us still glued together to a king-size bed with fresh sheets and removed our clothes in the transport I would not have objected, but this was more than fine. It was nearly perfect, except for the danger the unstable building and possible new after-shocks posed. I lost track of time, lost myself in him and he left me in no doubt it was the same for him, all intentions to keep to Army regulations forgotten right here in our little universe.

"What do we do now?" I finally asked, after he with raspy voice had admitted he was in desperate need of water and we both had some from our limited supply.

"Wait for them to come find us, we should probably try to sleep a bit even if it is very hard with you next to me like this." He gave me a cheeky smile.

It was darker now, night falling outside and unlikely someone would find us before daylight returned.

"I meant, what do we do after they find us, when we get out?"

His face turned serious.

"As much as I hate to say this." He interrupted himself to place a soft kiss at the corner of my mouth. "We have to pretend like nothing." He kissed the other corner. "Not to each other, but to everyone else. Wait out for the remainder of the tour, do this right or we're off to a very rocky start."

"A start?"

"Of course, did you think I would let you go after this? Unless it's what you want?" He furrowed his brow, looking worried before I answered.

"No, I very much like this to be a start." I hooked my fingers inside the lining of his fatigues and pulled him to me and we kissed again. He groaned muffled into my mouth. Holding like that I could feel those well-defined abs I had admired when we were swimming. Before I could stop myself, I tugged the uniform shirt out of his fatigues and placed my palms on his flat stomach. Felt the hard muscles and the warm smooth skin. He hissed and nuzzled my lower lip, with his teeth pulling it into his mouth before letting it go.

"I don't know how I will be able to keep my hands of you, though I have to. I guess I have to take more cold showers than usual."

I loved the thought that I could have that effect on him, even if I did not like the thought of waiting out. I knew it was the only sensible thing though as I did not want to risk neither of our careers.

"I won't be able to treat you different from the others, not smile at you more, not wink at you, not touch you…" He kissed me on the neck below my ear, then looked me in the eyes again. "…but I'm yours."

"You're mine?"

"I'm yours Molly Dawes, if you'll have me and I can't wait until we get home and I can ask you out on a proper date."

"You're asking me out on a date?"

"Yes."

"I'll think about it", I smirked, and he pulled me to him with a low, soft laugh.

"Are you going to be a tease about this?"

He moved my hands back under his shirt, seemingly appreciating the touch, then mirrored me as he pulled my shirt up and softly caressed my back. I think I died a little, it felt that good.

"I think you deserve that after what you put me through." I said with faked indignation and found it a bit hard focusing on talking.

"It was just self-preservation. Wanting this so badly and thinking I couldn't have it."

"Of course, I'll go on a date with you, you numpty. For now, I just want to keep kissing you as much as I can before they find us, so I can stand the next two months before we get home."

"Mmmm, I need that too."

After that we stayed silent in the now dark little space, only our ragged breathing and giggles heard until we finally fell asleep in each other's arms.

When we woke up, daylight had returned, and we tried to move and stretch or stiff bodies a bit. The floor was hard, and the night had been cold even if we kept warmer by staying so close together. For a moment I wondered if it all had been a dream and he would be back to being his distant self but the warmth in his brown eyes told me that was not the case.

"Good morning, Dawes. Slept well?"

"Fucking uncomfortable but I never slept better." I smiled at him.

"Same here", he grinned back. The stubble had grown overnight and was more than just a shadow now.

"You look shitting hot with a stubble"

"You think?", he looked incredibly happy, like it was the best compliment he ever got.

"Mmmm." I placed a soft kiss on his chin. "But it feels like sandpaper."

"Then I had better be careful snogging you, or everyone will know what we have been up to when they find us."

He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me softly, making sure his stubble did not scrape my skin. It was the loveliest good morning kiss. I wished I could have it for every day of my life. We were interrupted by a rumble from my stomach.

"Hungry?"

"Starving!"

"I wish I could take you for a lovely brunch now. There's this place in Bath where they serve the best Eggs Benedicte and.."

"Please don't make me think more of food than I already do, when I'm so hungry and we have nothing to eat and Eggs Benedicte sounds delicious even if I don't actually have a clue what it is."

He just looked mischievous and stroke softly over my lips with the pad of his thumb.

"There's so many things I want to do with you when we get home. When I'm not your CO and have informed Major Beck that I have a huge crush on a certain private, so we can be seen out in the open."

"I can think of a few things I'd like to do with you before we can be seen out in the open too."

"If I don't talk of food, can you please not talk like that Molly", he said with a groan and gave me an intensive, possessive kiss.

"I'll try not to."

We drank some water and then just lay talking, while softly caressing each other's faces and hair and kissing every now and then, until we finally heard voices outside and both started shouting to get their attention.

"Captain James? Dawes? Is that you?" It was Kinders voice.

"Yes!"

"Are you unharmed?"

"We are, but we're stuck here. You need to help us out."

"Don't worry, Sir. We will get you out!"

Of course, nothing could be more welcome than Kinders and the others because it meant we would be rescued, but at the same time I did not want this to end. I looked at Charles and saw my conflicted feelings reflected in his face, felt his hands on my hips pulling me close to him.

"We have a little time before they get through", he said in low voice. "Let's make the most of it."

For as long as we dared, we stayed in each other's arms, kissing softly when we did not have to say something to guide them in the right direction, but we knew the moment when we had to part was coming closer. He gave me one deep, long last kiss and then pulled away. He leaned his forehead to mine.

"I'm already missing you, don't forget this over the next months. I know I won't."

"How could I ever?"

Then we moved as far apart as the small space allowed and in minutes the guys broke through and we were able to crawl out. He gave me one last look filled with emotion before he went into Captain mode and we both knew no physical contact would be possible between us again until we were back in England. I thought I would be able to bear it now though, because now I knew he had feelings for me and he had promised me he was mine.