Chapter 21

A Hidden Letter

Disclaimer- Not Mine.

Last Chapter...

Sirius rolled his eyes and Tom spoke up, "God damn it just kiss her so she shuts up." He said, clearly annoyed by Sirius.

"I'm not doing that to Julia." Sirius said, surprised that Tom would suggest something like that.

"Please Sirius..." Jacky pouted as she twisted his tie around her hand.

Sirius looked over at Tom who looked completely annoyed by the pair of them. "I can't."

"Sirius she could already be gone by now if you just bloody kissed her." Tom said.

Sirius looked from Tom to Jacky and sighed, "Will you leave me alone then? Forever?" Sirius asked Jacky.

Jacky nodded and leaned closer towards Sirius but he spoke again. "And I mean that because if you don't I swear it's not going to be pretty."

"I promise..." Slipped Jacky's lips.

The kiss was not at all pleasant, at least for Sirius. Jacky's breath smelt and she was a horrid kisser. Sirius choose to imagine Jacky as Julia just so he wouldn't concentrate on how horrible the kiss really was and how bad he felt for doing it. Julia was so much better than this girl. So much better than any girl he dated in any and every way. He smiled a little at the thought. The thought that he had the best girlfriend in the world.

"So that's what happened." Sirius said, solemnly. "And you're right. There is no excuse for what I did. I shouldn't have done it. But please Julia, don't let my stupidity ruin us." He said, his hazel eyes taking in her figure. Her facial expression was unreadable as she thought through what she had just heard.

"Sirius..." Julia said, shaking her head.

"I didn't even want to kiss her. I just wanted her away from me." Sirius told her again. "Julia, you're the only girl for me."

"If I'm the only girl for you than you shouldn't have kissed her." Julia snapped unintentionally.

"But your brother was there! He can tell you how annoying she was." Sirius suggested.

Julia locked eyes with him. "Did it ever cross your mind that maybe me brother wasn't there by accident?"

Brow furrowed, Sirius asked, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Because Sirius it was a test!" Julia said with a sigh as she sat down on the end of his bed,

"What?" Sirius asked. "You didn't trust me so you had me tested?" A hint of anger showed in his voice.

"No, no. My brother wanted to test you because he doesn't like you or trust you. He told me about it though and he wanted me to watch." Julia began, "But I wasn't even planning on coming because I was so confident that you wouldn't do it."

"But I did." Sirius said, looking away from her.

"It was chance for you to get my brother to like you." Julia said. "That's why I didn't stop it. I just really thought you wouldn't do it."

"I feel like such an ass." Sirius gloomily looked up at her.

Julia shrugged, "You kind of are one." She paused but corrected herself. "Actually you defiantly are one."

Sirius buried his face in his hands. "No wonder you were so mad at me." Julia nodded softly and continued, "But it didn't seem wrong at the time. I mean kissing her did but it wasn't because I wanted it." He said, fighting to keep himself for blurting what was on his mind out. But he knew he couldn't say that. It would get her too worried.

"Yeah well it was wrong."

"But your brother and Jacky, they were so convincing..." He thought out loud. "Do you really think no one else in a serious relationship would do that? I mean if they were really in love with their girlfriend."

Julia shook her head, "I could never imagine James doing that to Lily. Or Remus. Or if Jacky was a guy, I would never even consider doing it to you."

"Will you forgive me?" He asked her quietly.

Julia sighed, "Not today. Not tomorrow. But some day, yes. I can't hold grudges that well." She said looking over at him.

A small smile crossed Sirius's face. "Good because I don't think I could live without you."

"No Sirius." Julia shook her head. "We're never going to be a couple again. I can't take you back." She stood up slowly. Being here was only making her more upset and she knew she had to leave soon.

"But-" He began but Julia cut him off.

"I trusted you with all my heart. I was completely confident that you weren't going to kiss her. Then you just ripped my heart out. Do you honestly think I can date someone who's done that to me?"

Sirius looked directly into his eyes. He was trying to understand what she meant. Well he knew what she meant, he just didn't believe she was saying it. Him and Julia had been inseparable for the past few months and now this. "But, I didn't mean it."

Julia shook her head, "Sirius you promised me." She said, backing away from him. "You promised me that it was always going to be us two. That we would last forever."

"Just forgive me." Sirius said, also standing up from the bed.

Julia let out a small sigh before turning towards the door. Sirius winced as he hobbled after her. "Wait."

"Mr Black!" Madame Pomprey called to him. "Lay back down this instant!" She demanded.

Sirius ignored her, waving a hand at her to leave him alone. "Please Julia!"

Julia wheeled around to face him. She opened her mouth to speak but when nothing came out, she shut it. Shaking her head, she turned and left Sirius standing in the Hospital Wing.

"No Julia, you can't leave." Sirius followed her out of the room ignoring Pomprey who was following after him, waving her arms widely and motioning to the bed he just got up from.

Julia turned to him, waiting for him to speak. But he didn't, instead he pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist and planting his lips over hers. He tried as hard as he could to make that kiss perfect. He knew he shouldn't be doing this but he was sure that no one would find out that they kissed, which is what he was afraid of most.

Julia didn't object to the kiss nor did she kiss back. She just stood there, with her hands by her side as Sirius kissed her. Truth be told, she was torn. Torn between her mind and her heart. Her mind was cursing her for letting him go near her. But her heart was yelling at her to kiss him back. Not knowing which once to listen to, she neither abide by what one was saying nor ignored it.

Sirius, regrettably, pulled his lips slowly away from her. "Julia you're the only women I'll ever love."

"So are you saying you're going to turn to men now?" A small smiled crossed Sirius face at what Julia said.

"Really witty." He said making the sides of Julia's lips curl up. Julia caught herself falling for temptation and immediately stepped away from him.

"I-I can't." Julia whispered, shaking her head. "I've got to go..." She paused, taking one last look at his sad face before turning down the corridor.

"I'll wait for you Juls..." Sirius whispered. He wanted to be able to wait for her but he was afraid of what might happen if they did in fact get together. He was afraid of the situation he would be putting Tom and Julia in. But his thoughts were interrupted by a loud shrieking voice that made him wince.

"Mr. Black! Get back into the hospital wing this instant and I mean it!" Pomprey yelled, pointing a finger to the hospital wing.

"Yeah yeah yeah." Sirius mumbled, obeying her orders.

Julia walked into the Great Hall by herself that Saturday morning. She hadn't got much sleep the previous evening. The thoughts swirling around in her head made sure of that. She sighed as she looked over at the Gryffindor table to see the Marauders. Lily was still sound asleep in their dorm so Julia was not about to sit at the table with them by herself.

She scanned the room to see if anyone else she was friends with were there this early. Her eyes landed on her dark haired brother. And even though she knew that she would hear nothing but reprimands when she sat down at the Ravenclaw Table, she'd prefer that to what she'd get if she sat with the Marauders.

Julia let out another sigh as her brother and his friends looked up at her as she sat down. "Do you mind?" Julia asked, pulling a plate towards her. She didn't bother to listen to their answers because no matter whether they wanted her there or not, she was staying.

"Looks Juls, I'm sorry about what happened." Tom said to his sister, noticing the obvious signs of distress she wore.

"Forget it." Julia answered, helping herself to a bagel, though she knew she'd never eat it.

"No, I really feel guilty." Tom said, lowering his head.

"You damn well should." Julia answered. "When I agreed that we could do this, you never told me you were going to egg him on."

Tom raised an eye brow at her, "Egg him on?"

Julia nodded, "Yeah, Sirius says you told him to kiss Jacky so she'd shut up and leave."

Tom shook his head, "I never said that."

Julia frowned and studied his facial expression. He looked sincere... "Don't lie to me."

"Why would I lie to you? What did he tell you happened?" Tom asked.

Julia sighed and quickly recounted what Sirius had said to her. "What a bastard." Tom mumbled. "That's not what happened at all."

Julia continued to frown, a confused expression plastered on her face. "Excuse me?"

Tom shook his head and set down his fork. "You didn't hear any of the conversation from where we you watching." When Julia shook her head, Tom continued, "Alright this is what really happened."

"Sirius was standing with his brother, Regulus, in the corridor when Jacky and me walked over. Jacky started flirting with Sirius and told him to kiss her. But then he just kissed her." Tom explained.

Julia shook her head, "That didn't happen." She wouldn't believe that.

"Julia, I would never lie like this to hurt you. That was what happen. Regulus made some stupid comment like, 'Go ahead Sirius, you know it's the right thing. Besides she's hot.' and then they kissed."

Julia frowned and shook her head again. She didn't know what to believe anymore. This couldn't be true. Why would Sirius lie to her like that? She had put so much faith in her since the first day they dated and now she was regretting their relationship had ever started. If what Tom was saying was true, she was going to be devastated. She was barely holding on now.

Julia looked down at the food in front of her before she got an idea. She scanned the Great Hall quickly, her eyes landed on a head of brown hair. Without saying anything to her brother, she stood up and made her way towards the Slytherin table.

"I should have just told her." Sirius said, putting his head in his hands as he watched Julia walk over to the Slytherin table.

Remus opened his mouth to question what Sirius was talking about but was stopped by James, who shook his head. Remus frowned. He knew James was telling him to wait to ask, but he didn't know what Sirius could possible be talking about and was curious to know.

Regulus and his friends were laughing as she sat down at the table with them. They all looked up at her, expressing different looks of hatred and disgust.

"Well well. Look what the cat dragged in." Cooed a burly Slytherin. "Were you not good in bed? Is that why Sirius dropped you like a rock." A bunch of the Slytherins burst out in laughter except for Regulus who was simply smirking at Julia.

Julia ignored the boy's comment. He was just trying to pick a fight and Julia wasn't going to give him one. "I want you to tell me what happened." Julia told Regulus.

Regulus raised an eyebrow at her and he said, "Sirius kissed Jacky. He cheated on you." He stated plainly.

The same burly Slytherin burst out in laughter again. "Now, I didn't hear this part...I don't blame him really. You're not as...full as we guys like." Snickering followed his comment but Julia rolled his eyes.

"Can we talk alone of a second?" Julia asked Sirius's brother.

"No." Regulus replied, smirking like a mad man.

Julia groaned, "Fine." She said before continuing, "Did my brother egg Sirius on to kiss Jacky?"

Regulus answered, "I thought he set up the whole thing to test Sirius."

"Yeah but before the kiss did my brother tell Sirius that he should kiss Jacky." Julia asked and Regulus frowned.

"No he didn't." He said, giving her a curious look. "Why would you think that?"

"No reason." Julia said before abruptly standing up. She didn't know if it was wise to trust a Slytherin but she knew that if his account of events matched up with her brothers, who she did trust, then it must be true. Right?

Sirius reread the letter in one hand as he ran his other hand through his hair. He was angry as anyone could ever imagine. And Sirius was only ever going to get this angry twice in his life.

But the difference in this severe anger he was going to experience to the way he was feeling now is that now he was able to hide it. Hide it to everyone but James. He had already told James everything last night after not being able to hold it in.

He wanted to tell it to Julia, he longed to but he knew he couldn't. What he knew would change Julia's mind in an instant. He knew that if he told Julia, she would take him back in a second.

But he wasn't sure if he wanted her back.

This is your final warning...

Sirius reread the last line of the letter for the millionth time before tossing it into the dieing embers of the fireplace. It caught on fire and being to twist and swirl in the boiling red flames. He let out a long breath to try to calm himself.

'Did he make the right decision?' was his biggest question. He tried to reason his actions but every second he thought about it, he just got angrier.

He loved Julia more than anything in the world and now she was being torn away from him and he really didn't have a choice. It was for her own good...He thought, hoping it would make him feel better. But it didn't.

How could they do this to him; do this to her? He clenched his fist and slammed one on the coffee table in front of him.

Julia gasped at the sudden bang in the silent common room. It was empty except for Sirius and herself. She had come down here to be alone for awhile but noticed Sirius sitting on the couch so decided she would just sit on the steps.

Her cheeks were wet with tears as she looked through those wooden bars to the imagine of Sirius sitting on the couch. She didn't need to see Sirius up close because ever in the dark, meters away she knew he was crying. And knowing that was the only reason she let the tears fall from her own eyes.

The door to the boys' dorm cracked open, leaking in a faint light from the room. Sirius ran a hand down his face as he listened to James descend the stairs. Julia watched from her seat and tried to catch as much as the conversation the boys were having.

"It's hard but you did the right thing." James said, sitting down across from Sirius.

Julia frowned, she must have heard that wrong...Sirius spoke next in a voice that sounded like a series of mumbles to Julia. "Julia...annoying...hideous...clingy..."

Julia shook her head and stood up. So that was it. Their whole relationship had just been a lie. And she had been used just like any other girl that goggled over Sirius. She was nothing to him. A sickening feeling in Julia's stomach rose as she silently slipped back into her dorm.

James nodded and Sirius continued. "I really do wish she were one of those. If she were, I would have a reason to hate her. A reason to be glad that she's gone." Sirius shook his head, "But she's not. And I don't know how I'm going to live with myself for this."

"Sirius, she might not know it but you really did what was best. If you hadn't..." He paused, fighting the gripping reality of what could have happened.

"But it just kills me that I can't tell her." Sirius said. "I guess that's what hurts the most." Sirius said, looking down at his hands, completely miserable.

A/N- So so so. What did you think? Not as simple as last chapter huh?

Sorry this one isn't that long but I wanted to leave it at this instead of starting something else in this chapter.

Please review!

Kait