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Amylia thanked Mr and Mrs Stok for inviting her for the vacation and then she turned to Christina. "Chris? Thank you so much. I really had a nice time."
Christina smiled. "So did I. So, uhm… have a safe trip home and say hi to your father and Ryan for me."
"I sure will. Hey, you know what?"
"What?"
"I'll say hi to them for you"
Christina friendly punched her friend. "Just say hi to them for me."
Amylia laughed. "We're nuts"
"And don't we know it. Come on, you've got a train to catch"
Amylia gazed at her watch. "Shit. Thank, Chris, and I'll see you one day. Good bye, Mr and Mrs Stok!"
"Bye, Amylia" Christina's parents greeted back. Amylia grabbed her suitcase and darted off the to platform from where her train to Miami would leave. Thirty very long hours spending in a train would be hell, but she had her cell phone and a notebook and that should be enough.
Ryan gazed at the letter he held in his hand. There was no use in it. It was wrong, he felt it was wrong. It meant a conflict of interest for everyone involved and it meant holding her back from developing a lifestyle all on her own, without any influence of adults, of people who tried to guide her in a direction that she might not want to head in at all. She deserved her own life, and even though it hurt him to realize this, he knew he had to act on impulse this one time in his own life. He had done many things that weren't impulsive, in fact, he tried to think everything over up to a point where it irritated many. And he knew he wasn't good enough for her. She deserved better than a lying, money-troubled control freak. Her letter was so sweet, and he knew he could never live up to the standard she deserved without her knowing she deserved it. He felt depressed. He hadn't ever felt depressed before, but he was convinced of his own meaninglessness. Of his own unworthiness. Convinced, yet it hadn't been proven to anyone else, because everyone else (except for some) believed in his goodness deep inside. But Ryan couldn't see that right now. He felt confused and depressed and he knew that reading the letter again wouldn´t really help. Yet, he had to read the letter again.
Sweet Ryan,
How are you? You know I really miss you, but I'll be home real soon again. I've had a good time with Christina and her parents on Mallorca, but I hope to be with you again soon because being with you feels so good. I do also hope that you can get back to working at the lab again soon, but I'm convinced my father's working on that. And you are of course as well ;)You know what I just can't get out of my head? After my summer holidays, I'll be off to New York again to go to college. And I'm so afraid I'll miss you so much. Please promise me we'll write and call and stay in touch in any possible way.I don't know what else to tell you at this moment. It's funny, I always feel like I have a lot to tell you, but when it comes to it, I can only tell you everything face-to-face. That's so weird, I'm more comfortable talking to you than writing to you. It always used to be the other way around when I was in love with someone. But maybe the fact that I'm not fourteen anymore has also to do with that ;)
Love,
Amylia.
She was so sweet. He didn't deserve her. Ryan reached for his cell phone. He really had to call someone right now. Especially after he remembered the letter he had sent Amylia for when she'd be home. She should be home right within a couple of hours now, and therefore he had to talk to her father before her arrival home. This could be important and he needed the assurance of his former mentor that he was doing the right thing.
Horatio pushed the 'end call' button of his cell phone after the conversation and for a moment, he gazed into the nothingness that was being called 'sky'. Ryan had sounded pretty depressed on the phone and Horatio was sincerely worried that he might act on impulse and do something that would be regretted later on. Therefore, he had asked Ryan to come over and have a talk face-to-face, to ensure the right outcome. There were many things at stake; Ryan, for he seemed to have a serious lack of self-esteem since he had been fired and for he seemed to deem himself unworthy of any attention from Amylia whatsoever; Amylia, for she had gone through a lot and even though Horatio trusted she could cope with it, he wasn't entirely sure and he wanted to shield her from any more hurtfulness that might break her. He remembered how he had lacked care of whether or not he pushed himself to breaking after Marisol's death and although Ryan wasn't in a direct line of fire from anyone, especially not after being fired from the department, and therefore there wasn't a direct threat that he might get killed, but one telling another that he felt that whatever there was between them should be broken could perhaps be as hurtful to a seventeen-year-old as was the death of a loved one to a fifty-year-old. Horatio did not know for sure, but he deemed it unnecessary to leave anything to faith if things could be planned so faith could not come in between.
Some fifteen minutes later, Horatio's phone rang again. Horatio hoped for some better news, perhaps that of Amylia's safe arrival at Miami's train station, but instead, he was presented with a far less appealing message: someone told him an horrific accident had happened. A car had crashed into a tree, and it might have been luck that the driver had survived to tell his rescuers to call Lieutenant Horatio Caine, and that the Lieutenant would pass the message. According to the messenger, the driver had just accelerated after having stopped for a traffic sign when another car had accidentally bumped the car and had changed the course of the car, leaving it to crash into a tree. As Horatio inquired to know the driver's name, he already realized it: Ryan Wolfe.
Faith wasn't always on the side of those who needed it, and Horatio realized that in case Ryan would indeed pass away, it would completely devastate Amylia. How should he break this news to her? The only option was to be honest with her and inform her straight away; other options would just cause distrust and true anger in the future and those were emotions Horatio did not want her to feel for as long as possible; if he could prevent at least one person from distrusting everyone this person once trusted and if he could prevent at least one person from experiencing true anger caused by this highly flammable mix of distrust, love, confusion and worry, he would have made up for all of his mistakes in the past. Every one would experience these emotions one day, but if… if he could prevent one person from experiencing these flammable emotions… Horatio dialed a much too familiar number. He had hoped to never deliver such a message to his daughter. This – sucked.
A/N: This chapter is a little shorter than I had anticipated. I apologize, even though I know you will say I don't need to apologize. It make me feel better to apologize, so I will do that anway. By the way, I have to state one thing; Rainbow Stevie's fanfic 'Hollow' caused me to write down the very sentence 'He remembered how he had lacked care of whether or not he pushed himself to breaking after Marisol's death[…' because one sentence has been stuck in my mind since I read Hollow. The sentence in which Rainbow Stevie so brilliantly described Horatio's feelings at that moment in 'Hollow', after Marisol's death. I will not copy it down here, because I feel that that would violate some sort of (un)written copyright 'rule' and I will just tell you to find 'Hollow' and read it, because it is a brilliant story. And now I bid you all good night, for I am off to bed. Oh, one thing left to tell you: I apologize for any misuse of the English language, because I used some words in this chapter that I have never used before (although I knew the words) but which had the feel to it that I needed. And now, good night.
