A/N: Potentially major spoiler warning for Mass Effect 3. Some stuff got leaked after the beta. virusq and uglynoodles of deviantArt (and LiveJournal) wrote very well-thought-out opinion pieces about these things. I'm not really in a mental place to do that right now, but I do know three things:

1. Shepard/Joker is my fave.

2. James Vega looks like a cool guy.

3. I express myself best in fiction.

So have some emo Shepard. The first ME fic I've written in a while.

Don't tell me you didn't want to be spoiled if you read this. Actual clarification of the spoiler will be listed below.

Forgetting

She's not one to curse. Sometimes she does, but it's rare, and usually there's galaxy-wrecking monsters involved.

Now, though, she's leaning against the big plate-glass window with her hands splayed on the sill and looking down at the floor. She's going through every curse from every species she's ever known, turning them over like a flood shoving houses out of its way. She's savoring human words that sound like the angriest language can ever get. They even have the krogan ones beat for pure vindictiveness. James Vega has been standing behind her for at least half a minute, arms folded, patiently waiting for her to stop.

Shepard bites her bottom lip and blinks. There aren't any tears to make the silver Normandy floor swim: instead, the land behind her eyes is just as clear as the buffed deck plates.

That's a little frightening.

Finally she settles on, "That scum-sucking bosh'tet," and turns around.

James is still waiting.

Calmly and plainly, as is his way, he says, "What's wrong, commander?"

She just looks at him. It's nice to have him there, so uncomplicated that he can be summed up by the dogtags around his neck. James is a steady soldier. He's a normal, human human being. He doesn't snark, doesn't flirt, he doesn't swear on lucky hats or watch terrible pulp sci-fi, he wasn't there at Alchera or Eden Prime or Horizon because he was off doing normal. soldier. things-

he doesn't save Shepard's butt from hordes of geth and then act like it was all a show, he doesn't show up at the last minute fighting, doing the impossible-

he doesn't run off with the nearest robot who happens to have long legs and a canned voice that belongs to some other woman somewhere.

"Nothing, Vega," she says. "I'm fine."

Later, she will find Tali and Kaiden and Jack. Tali will commiserate, patting Shepard's hand with three fingers that feel as light as feathers. Kaiden will look uncomfortable but he'll listen. Jack will make dirty jokes that Kaidan will laugh at, and then Shepard will laugh at him.

They'll hide together in the medbay, next to the bed where Tali sleeps when the shutters are all off and the doors are sealed, and Shepard will try to tell herself that what Joker does doesn't really matter.

A/N 2: So yeah. Canon Joker/EDI . Supposedly.