Disclaimer: (sigh) Harry Potter and I cannot possibly be related.

Disclaim her: In turn, they resign me to a role inhuman, impossible, and unaccountable.

Note: Out of character with: Harry, Voldemort…

Rating: M for Mature. Children, look, it's crayons, now go color and leave!

Point of View: First.

"speech" thoughts and/or mind speech (Harry and Voldemort) Parseltongue

I do not own the quote below.

A/N: When you knock on opportunity o' door, make sure you have all your bags packed. There's no time to go back.

Chapter 21: Struggle

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"Who said I was fighting everyone and not just you?"

"You fight because you care for me." He states calmly and serenely as he caresses my hair gently. I can't…I can't pull away. Not again…

"I…don't. You just believe that because it distances you from the truth. You know I feel nothing for you."

"And you know that is a lie. You distance yourself because you feel that you cannot handle the implications of what it means to accept things for the way they are. You are a very sad child." He states quietly.

"I am no child!" I retort angrily.

"You are only a child because you do not understand. You say you comprehend things, but you don't know what it means to truly understand."

"I understand that I don't want to be with you. I don't want to be with anyone!" I yell with my voice muffled against his robes.

"Then why are you here? For what purpose if not to be with me?"

"I just- I don't know!" I whisper, frustrated.

"Because I make you feel safe? Because you don't feel threatened anymore? You don't want anything to happen to yourself and you expect me to protect you. But that is not how it works when you threaten me, hurt me and curse me."

"You don't make me feel anything! I am just here to be here. That is all!"

"That is not reason." He murmurs gently.

"Yes, it is!"

"There is no reason for you to be here solely for you to just be here. It makes no sense. And you won't reveal the true motive for your inhabitance of my Manor because you're too embarrassed to admit it. You're afraid I'll reject you like all the others did. You're afraid that my feelings for you are not genuine and that I'll leave, just like all the others. You're not that hard to read." He murmurs yet again and as quiet as the last time.

"If I'm so simple, then why haven't you figured out why I won't admit anything to you?"

"I already know why, but telling you would traumatize you even more than you are now. You don't need that."

"You don't know what I need. All you think you know is what I want."

"And you still skip around the subject. You're afraid."

"I am weak. …But I am not afraid."

"You lie." He says almost to himself.

"Like you?"

"Like me. But not to you. Never…to you."

"Liar!" I scream in anger and frustration. How ironic…

"Child." A smile, as his grip shifts. "It is no use talking to you as you won't listen to one word I say."

"You're just realizing it now?"

"I did, and yet again, we're back to the beginning." The Dark Lord says with a sigh. He draws away and recedes behind his desk once more and I sink into the armchair in front of him.

"And again, my feelings remain the same."

"…You leave, yet return to me through inexplicable reasons."

"I come out of CHOICE!"

"What you speak of is nonexistent."

"Lies, once again all you give me is lies!" I yell angrily and he sinks his head within his arms from what appears to be weariness. I want to rush at him and hurt him in ways that I've felt hurt but I cannot do anything. He has no right to be weak when I want to hurt him!

"Why won't you just give up?"

"I beg your pardon!" I exclaim wildly as my voice rises drastically in pitch.

"Why won't you accept things for the way they are meant to be? You know deep down how this will all end."

"…Maybe I do. But maybe that is what you just believe."

"And you still won't take a side."

"I am neutral. I take no side."

"Yet you live in my Manor and interact with my servants. Don't give me that look; of course I know what you did to Bellatrix. However, I must commend you. I don't think anyone but myself has made her cry the way she did when you left her in the hall."

"So you were stalking me. That doesn't really show your trust in me, now does it." A crude statement, not a question.

"I merely happened to be in that area at the time. It is of no importance."

"I'm sure it isn't," I mutter to myself softly.

"And you still haven't told me where you stand."

"I told you; I'm neutral."

"There is no middle ground." He states firmly.

"I never belonged anywhere to begin with." There is a pause where he looks ready to speak once more. "And don't you dare try to classify me as something you know I'm not!"

"I never intended to; you are the one who said that."

"Why do I have take a side?! I'm not going to do anything!"

"Will you let me Mark you?" He inquires softly, abruptly.

"Why is it so terribly necessary?! Why do you deem it essential to brand me as yours? I'm already here; is that just not good enough?!"

"So you admit you are here for me."

"I am here because I wish to be here."

"You want to stay. You are frightened of the prospect of remaining alone. Please, let me help you."

"You can't help me! You don't know anything!"

"I know why you act the way you do and I know why you will deny my words till the end of time." He says quietly and rises from behind his desk with a grace I could never even hope to achieve. The Dark Lord walks up to me and if I could function as I wish I could, I would have flinched.

He places a hand on my cheek and the urge to close my eyes and pass away is strong. "You have never known what it is to be loved, have you?"

"I never deserved to be loved to begin with. I am nothing to be taken into consideration." I mutter and cringe as his hand recedes to the back of my neck.

"But I recognize you; I acknowledge you. You aren't invisible Harry. I care about you. I will always care."

"I don't want anymore of this. Why won't you just let me be?" I whisper as he traces my scar.

"Because you need me and you depend on me." He says as he presses his lips to my cheek gently. "And I will be here as long as you need me."

"I…don't." I murmur softly to myself and my eyes fall halfway shut. He catches my words easily.

"You do. Let me stay with you," He murmurs quietly and he tilts my head toward him. No resistance remains to be given…so I turn to him. His eyes meet mine and tears form in my eyes through reasons I cannot explain.

"Don't…"

"Hush." He presses his lips to mine and I give a weak sort of half cry in my throat as he sinks his hand into my hair. I don't want this!

Yes you do. You want him to take care of you. You want him to show his love for you.

No! That's not true!

It is, so stop denying it. All he wants to do is care for you and you just won't let him.

He kneels by my side and cups my face with his other hand as he pulls away from the kiss. The Dark Lord smiles slightly at me and I choke back a frustrated sob as I pull away from his hand and bury my face within my arms. I am damned to this existence!

With no concern for the maintenance of composure, I let loose a torrent of angry tears. A few moments later, I hear him rise from my side and press his lips to my hair. Damn him!

"Please, Harry, don't cry." He says to me and I raise my head sharply.

"Don't you tell me what to do! I'll cry if I want to, you fucking bastard! You manipulate me and then try to seduce me? Fuck you!"

"Please, don't say those kinds of things. I do not wish to harm you."

"Shut the hell up!"

I don't know how the next moments came to be as they came to pass but in the next second, he's thrown me to the floor in such a swift moment that I do not recall moving. He straddles my waist and pins my hands above my head with seemingly no energy used. I try to kick out my legs but the effort is futile; his grip is steel.

"I told you not to make me angry with you. I don't want to hurt you."

"Let me go!" I scream furiously but he bends down in such a way that makes his lips nearly touch mine.

"No. I want you to admit that you are here to be with me. Otherwise, no." He states quietly, calmly.

"I'll never say that!"

"Do you want me to force that fact to come forth in your mind? I will do that if required."

"Don't you dare defile me!"

"When you've already been taken advantage of so many times that you've lost count? I've seen all there is to see in you; I've seen your soul. I know why you are the way you are. You just want to be loved but no one will take the time for you, will they? That's why you hate everyone. That's why you wish to be alone." He looks down at me and with his free hand brushes back my bangs so he can see my scar. He then returns his gaze to my face where I know he can see my pathetic tears streaming down my face. "I see I've struck a chord."

"Let go of me!" I manage to choke out through my upset and I force my eyes away from his face and lock my gaze at the ceiling to trace the interlocking patterns of the wood.

"You won't admit anything to me because if you do, everything will change. You're afraid to venture out from your comfort zone where you know how everything is and how it always will be. You don't have to be so afraid. I told you, I'm not going to leave you."

"Let me go!" My voice is heavily strained and my mind laughs softly at my distress, an echoing, ethereal laugh. Damn it!

"How could I give you proof that I tell you no lies? You seem to think that everything is a part of a conspiracy that in turn takes part of the elaborate plan to seduce you, so how could I prove to you that I am not lying?"

"Let me go!" I shriek at the top of my voice as I hear my mind's laughter increasing in pitch.

"I've tried my best, I really have! I've given you your personal space, I haven't hurt you, I've tried my best to be kind to you and yet all you do is rage at me. If there's something I'm doing wrong, tell me so I can mend my ways, please, I beg you, just let me help you! All I want to do is help you!"

There's an odd cackling in my mind that isn't at all helpful to this situation. My helpless tears continue to pour, a metaphor for other more obscene things...why can't I stop and recompose? Why can't I just bring myself to fight back effectively? Weak…

"I…" The whisper comes forth on my lips through no will of my own. His eyes meet mine for a time that cannot be measured, pleading ruby with bitter and distressed emerald. I really could…drown in those eyes. Deny…deny…denial. I should just submit…but…do I really…want to? He's…he's right because he knows that I don't want to change because I don't know what lies ahead. I am not afraid…just…unsure. I…I…

Do I really care for him like everyone says I do? Or does everyone say that because they want me to care for him?

I know…what I want. But…what do I need? What do I…need?

Love.

Am I really…in denial? How do I really feel about him? He makes me feel safe and that I needn't fight anymore because he is there to protect me but…how is that feeling put into words? Why…why can't I…?

Deny…denial.

I'm so screwed up.

He cares. He wants to be with you. Can't you see that he doesn't care about the problems that you have?

"…Tell me…why…again."

"Because I just do. Why does anyone care about another person? It's just the way things are, Harry."

"But I'm messed up!"

"And what does that have to do with anything? Nobody is perfect Harry; you of all people should know that…"

"You…stay because you care?"

"Yes."

"So you'll stay…with…me?"

"Yes." He says softly as he runs his free hand over my scar. I am unable to repress the urge to shiver at the odd feeling that runs up my spine. He releases my hands as he draws off me and leans against the armchair. I sit up and readjust my glasses and wearily lean against him just because I can.

"Even though…even though there are some things that you don't know about me…that you might not like in the end…?

"Yes."

"…Please…don't…don't………leave me."

"I never will." He slips an arm around my middle and pulls me closer to him. "I promise."

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A.O.T.I.F.: So, his denial has ended! …Well, (laughs weakly) mostly. Harry kind of gave in and now he understands that Voldemort is going to be there for him and that he won't be alone…However, he still hasn't really touched on how he feels for Voldemort…

Please, ambushing the author in the park is not suggested (or anywhere else for that matter). I'll try to update soon, so please don't attack me, sharp objects and A.O.T.I.F. do not mix well.

Next chapter….dramatic pause…the long awaited return to Hogwarts! Cue suspenseful music. (A.O.T.I.F. chokes) Stupid tape player. Damn it…

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