The Edge of a Dream

by Kadi

Rated M

Disclaimer: This is not my sandbox. I only enjoy playing in it.

Chapter 21

Michael Flynn was laid to rest on a crisp, Wednesday afternoon in early November. After the services at the church and graveside, the family returned to the Flynn home. A wake followed, with family filtering in and out of the home, along with old friends and neighbors. It felt as though Michael had known just about everyone in the family's small, Brooklyn neighborhood.

It had been going on for a few hours when Sharon finally slipped outside for some air. The kids were still inside somewhere with Andy's sisters and aunts. The baby had been a huge hit, and Ricky was enjoying all of the attention. Sharon had only been mistaken for Sandra twice, and only by distant relatives who had not kept up with the fact that Andy had divorced and remarried. It was awkward, but somehow amusing too, despite the sadness of the day.

What she needed most, at the moment, was air. Andy's family as a lot like he was, or maybe, she thought, she should amend that thought. Andy was a lot like his family. They were loud, passionate, and charming. They were impetuous, and spoke their minds. It was everything that she loved about Andy, but it was also everything that drove her crazy about him.

She leaned against the porch rail and drew a deep breath, one that she let out slowly. The sound of the door creaking as it opened behind her had Sharon glancing back. She wondered if one of the kids had followed, but smiled when she saw that it was Andy. "Hey. It's a little crowded in there."

"Yeah." He rubbed a hand over his face and joined her at the porch rail. "I thought so too." He moved behind her; his hands settled against her shoulders and slid down her arms. Andy captured her hands in his before folding his arms around her. "I think we may have lost Ricky forever," he told her, lips moving against her shoulder as his head dipped. "I don't think Aunt Meg is ever going to give him up." He kissed her shoulder, smiling when she chuckled, and turned his face into her neck. "Pretty sure Ella has decided to keep Emily too. If I wasn't so damned scared of Sandra, I would say let's leave them all here and take off for a week, just us."

"Oh?" Sharon wriggled free of his grasp and turned in his embrace. Her arms moved around his waist. "Sandra is the one that you're afraid of? You understand that she's three thousand miles away, don't you? And I'm right here?"

His lips twisted and pursed while he thought about it. Andy reached up and caught a wispy lock of hair that had fallen out of the braid she had twisted her hair into that morning. "Well, yeah, but you actually like me." He paused when her brows arched. "Most of the time."

"Mmhm." She kissed the tip of his chin. "Most of the time," she repeated. Sharon's hands moved up his back. She tipped her head back and studied him. "You look tired, honey." He wasn't sleeping well. He had been restless every night since she arrived.

"A little." He shrugged. "It's okay." It had been a long, terrible week. He was worried about leaving his mom and sisters, but he also wanted to get home, back to normal, whatever that was now. His hands stroked up and down her arms again. "It'll be better when this day ends."

"Do you really believe that?" Sharon smiled sadly at him. This was a loss that his family was going to feel for a long time.

Andy let go of her with a sigh. He walked across the porch and stood at the top of the steps. He pushed his hands into his pockets and stared out across the yard. "No. Of course not," he replied. "Tomorrow will get here and he's still going to be gone. We'll go home, and we'll get busy, but he'll still be gone. No," he looked over at her, "but it's got to be better than today."

"I don't know." Sharon walked over and laid her hands against his back. They stroked downward as she leaned in to him. Her chin just barely touched his shoulder when she hugged him from behind. "This isn't really something that I've done before. I don't know what to tell you," she said truthfully. Their relationship had always been honest; it was passionate, a little impulsive at times, but certainly honest. "I want to be able to say that I know it will get better, but I just don't. This is just the beginning, I think. There are going to be good days, and bad, and probably some that are just in between the two. There is one thing that I do know," she said.

"Yeah?" He captured her hands, where they rested against his stomach, and held them in his. Andy glanced at her, voice thick. Emotion was rising, and for once the pressure in his chest that he had been feeling since that phone call from his sister didn't seem so close to suffocating him. "What's that?"

"You," she said softly, "are going to be okay." She pressed a kiss to his neck. "It might not feel like it, but you will be." Life was often messy, but she had faith in their ability to work through even the worst of it.

He didn't respond immediately. Andy tugged on one of her arms. He pulled around beside him and turned. His arms folded around her in a hug. "Thanks," he said quietly, and kissed the top of her head.

They stood for a while, arms wrapped around each other. Sharon eventually rubbed her hands up and down his back. "We should go back inside," she told him, "before the family starts missing you." She turned her face into his neck and kissed him again. "You know I love you, right?"

"Hm." He lifted his head and looked down at her. "Yeah? Even with all the baggage, and crap, bad moods and damaged goods?"

"You are not." There was no one that was harder on him than he was. She drew her arms from around him and cupped his face in her hands. "You've got issues, but god knows we all do. None of us are perfect." She moved her arms around his neck. "I know that you are worried about a lot right now, but this, you and me, that's the one thing that you don't have to worry about. Okay?"

He sighed quietly. "Okay." Andy dropped a kiss to her mouth. The door behind them opened as they turned. He kept an arm around Sharon as his mother came out onto the porch. "Hey ma, we were just headed back inside. Are the kids—"

"They're fine." Carla waved him off. She pushed the door closed behind her and stepped out onto the porch to take a deep breath. "I had to get out of there. Your Aunt Katie is driving me crazy."

"Dad's aunt," Andy told his wife. "My grandmother's only living sibling. I introduced you, didn't I?" There had been so many people, and he couldn't remember who all they had spoken to, and who they had carefully avoided.

"I think so." Sharon rubbed his back again. "It's all blending together, was she the one with the dress that—"

"Looked like a quilt?" Carla snorted. "Yes, that's her. It probably was," She muttered. She leaned against the porch rail and shook her head. "I swear that woman has never liked me. She picks at everything. The candles didn't last long enough, the flowers are wilting, one of the altar boys wasn't clean shaven enough…" Carla trailed off with a wave of her hand.

"That's terrible." Sharon could feel the muscles of her cheeks straining as she held back a smile. "I thought it was all lovely." When her mother-in-law only grunted in response, she cast an amused look at her husband. Sharon could understand his mother's mood only too well. "Is there anything that we can do to help, Carla?"

"No," she folded her arms across her chest. "The girls are taking care of all of that. Their cousins are helping them." She sniffed. "Although I'm sure that Aunt Katie will have something to say about that too."

Sharon exchanged a look with her husband. "I'm going to go and check on the kids," she decided. This was not a family dynamic that she really wanted to get involved in, even if she did feel somewhat vindicated by it. Sharon separated herself from her husband and pointedly ignored his almost pleading look. Now would not be a good time for her to mention that she had, indeed, met Aunt Katie, or that the woman seemed to really like her.

Sharon wound her way through the house to check on the kids. Emily was still entertaining one of Andy's aunts, while Charlie was playing with his cousins. She didn't immediately spot Ricky, but Isabelle directed her upstairs. She found Ella in the room that she and Andy were currently sharing. His sister was quietly rocking the baby while he slept against her shoulder. Sharon stepped out of her shoes before crossing the room. Her hand cupped the back of Ricky's head for just a moment before she sat down on the bed beside her sister-in-law. "Do you want me to take him?"

"No," Ella replied, voice hushed. "He's okay. I'm just getting my fill now, before you go home." Her hand stroked the baby's back. "I miss this age. They're so sweet when they're still this small." She laid her cheek against the top of the baby's head and smiled at the woman beside her. "It's different with boys. They get loud, and rowdy, it seems like they're always dirty, or fighting, or…" She sighed, but smiled. "Boys. That's what they are. I love all three of them, but there's this little part of me that wishes they could have stayed this small forever."

"I know." Sharon crossed her legs. "It already feels like he's growing too fast. I wish I could slow it down. These aren't days that we'll ever get back, and since this is it for us, I want us to really be able to enjoy it."

"No," Ella whispered, "you're not calling it already? At just two?" She pouted. "I was really counting on at least three more of these little dolls to spoil," she teased, and swayed with baby.

Sharon chuckled quietly. "Nice try. No, we're done. We talked about it a few months ago, right before Ricky was born. We have Charlie with us half the time, so that gives us the three of them. It's enough. We both came from big families, and we loved it, but life isn't always rainbows and puppies. There's a part of me that would love to stay home with the kids, the way both of our mothers did, but as much as I love them, that's just not me. I love my job, and to have them and it, we have to juggle a lot. It wouldn't be fair to anyone if we added to it. So your brother and I agreed that we wouldn't."

"Hm." Ella smiled brightly at her. "That sounds awfully mature of him." Her dark eyes were sparkling. "I happen to know my brother, though. Something tells me that you said that and he went along."

"Actually," Sharon laughed again, "he was the one that brought it up. He loves the kids, and he's really good with them, and we had a lot of fun while I was pregnant…" Her cheeks colored, but with the knowing smile that she got, and the way the other woman laughed, Sharon knew she didn't need to go into too much detail. "We just want to enjoy the kids, and buy a house, and be a family now."

"You turned thirty and realized you didn't want to spend the next decade changing diapers and rinsing breast milk out of your favorite blouses." Ella nodded. "Yes, I know that feeling. Joe and I had the same talk five years ago. We thought about having another one, trying just one more time for a girl, but at the end of the day, when you're done, you're just done." Ella laughed again and rolled her eyes. "Or so you hope. Iz and Sam thought they were finished at two. Little Sam was a big surprise. I have to admit," she leaned close and her voice pitched lower than it already was, "it's a lot of fun watching them scramble to remember how to do all of it again."

Sharon snorted quietly. She pressed her fingers to her mouth. Andy's sisters had both had their children young, forgoing college to get married and have families. She respected and admired the choice, but it wasn't who she was. Honestly, she didn't believe it was who Andy was either. He was a great dad, but she felt like he had been pushed into a mold that didn't quite fit him. Sharon also couldn't help but feel that if it had been solely up to him, Andy would have waited a lot longer before becoming a father.

She touched the top of Ricky's head again. "How are you doing?" She asked, and decided to change the topic. Ella had been spending a lot of time with the children, all of them. She seemed far more at peace with them than she did with any of the adults. Sharon thought she was using that as an escape from the grief and sadness.

"I'm the oldest," Ella admitted. "I feel like I should be taking care of everyone, but… honestly?" When her sister-in-law nodded, Ella sighed. "Andy swooped in on his steed to save us women, and for once, I let him. Now I feel guilty, because it's my job to take care of them, and with everything that happened the other night… I feel like I failed him."

"No." Sharon straightened. She shook her head at the other woman. "You can't think like that. Andy would be the first to tell you that. He's an addict. It wouldn't matter if you were handling everything or not. In that moment, he felt weak. He felt defeated, and he gave in to it. We've sort of put it on the back burner for now, and I don't know if that was the right thing to do, but it's what has felt right. When we get home, I can't say that things will go back to how they were. He has to start over. I don't know exactly what that means, or what it will look like, but it's how things are. Ella…" Sharon sighed quietly. "I'm just glad you were here. I'm thankful that you and Joe knew what to do. That's the most important part. And you know… Andy is just… Andy. He would have swept in like he had to take care of you regardless. It is both charming and annoying. Sometimes I don't know whether to kiss him or shake him."

"I am familiar with that feeling too." Ella stood up and carried Ricky to the small crib. She laid the baby on his back and stroked his stomach until he seemed to settle. "Normally it would drive me crazy, but just once… it was nice."

"I can understand that. We don't get an instruction manual for this kind of thing. You've been taking care of your mother, and honestly…" Sharon shrugged at her. "Kids are so young, and innocent, and full of life. I think it's perfectly normal to want to focus on them at a time like this."

The door opened before Ella could respond. Isabelle poked her head into the room. "Hey," she whispered. "Are you still hiding up here? Come to Caro's room."

Ella arched a brow at her. "Why?" Her eyes narrowed. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing. Just come on," Isabelle made a face at her. "Bossy britches. You too, Sharon." She pushed the door wider and waved the two women out. "Let's go."

"This cannot end well…" Ella made a face at her sister-in-law but let herself be prodded toward her younger sister's room.

"Why do I feel like now would be a good time to grab my babies and run?" Sharon left her shoes where they were, and fought the urge to squeak when Isabelle grabbed her arm and gave it a firm tug.

"Because you are wise in the ways of the Flynn," Ella remarked with a smirk.

"Shut up." Isabelle pushed them both down the hall. Caro's door was open. She herded the two women inside and closed the door behind her.

"Hey kiddo." Ella walked over and sat beside her sister. Caro was the youngest, and had always been their dad's favorite, a bit by default. She wasn't surprised to find her pale or looking like she had been crying again. She sat behind her on the bed and wrapped her arms around her. "Okay, Iz, what's up?"

"Glasses for everyone, that's what." She walked over to the bureau and picked up a bottle of red wine that was waiting for them. There was also a stack of plastic, disposable cups. She tossed the cups to Sharon and turned her attention to opening the wine. "I have left Sam and Joe in charge. Andy is looking after mom, and we… are going to polish this off."

Sharon almost fumbled the cups as she caught them. "Where are the kids?" She considered her sister-in-law carefully. "I don't know if this is a good idea… I'm still nursing."

"You pumped this morning," Ella reminded her, "and you've got formula, right?" She rested her chin against her younger sister's shoulder. "You're drinking."

"You are bossy." Sharon rolled her eyes. "Fine. That takes care of Ricky, but Emily and Charlie…"

"Have a dad and two uncles downstairs," Isabelle told her. She popped the cork with a triumphant smile. "We are having a sister moment, and you are one of us now, so…" She held out her hands for a cup and wriggled her fingers.

"Okay." Sharon shook her head as the others cheered. "I want it on the record that I am only doing this under the extreme peer pressure of wanting to be accepted," she quipped, and not a little bit sarcastically either.

Isabelle snorted as she took the cup out of Sharon's hand and filled it. "Wow, you really have gone Flynn. That was such a load of crap. It could have come right out of his mouth."

"Well, she's had a lot of experience with that mouth," Caro drawled. She fluttered her lashes at Sharon when a cup of wine was passed into her hands.

"I thought you were the sweet one." Sharon took a cup of wine for herself and walked over to sit on the foot of the bed. "I can see now that I have been duped. Well played," she toasted the younger woman.

"Okay." Isabelle finished passing out the wine before taking a seat on the wide armchair in the corner beside Caro's bed. She lifted her cup and took a deep breath. "To dad," she began, "there will never be another like him. Long will he be missed, but we," she said, and looked directly at her younger sister, "will be okay."

The others lifted their cups and echoed the toast to Michael. Silence settled around the room, and for just a few minutes, they sat drinking their wine and remembering the reason they were all together. There was still family downstairs, although the size of the crowd had started to wane with late afternoon. In that small room, they were insulated for the moment. It was just the four of them, and although the reprieve could not last long, for now, they could just be.

When Andy poked his head in a little while later, he found a group of giggling females. Two of his sisters were seated shoulder to shoulder against the headboard, while Isabelle was bent over in her chair, gasping for air. His brows lifted at the sight of his wife, seated on the floor at the foot of the bed, leaning against the mattress, with her shoulders shaking. "So this is why you got the guys to watch the kids? We're all downstairs cleaning up, and you're up here… getting loaded."

"Yes." Sharon lifted her head. She swept a lock of hair away from her face and smiled sweetly at him. "We are. We," she waved the hand that was holding her wine at her sisters-in-law, "are taking a moment for ourselves. Is that a problem, Andrew?"

"No," he said at length, "but you're a married lady… with a baby. You should be ashamed of yourself," he told her. Andy was trying very hard to sound serious, but his eyes were glittering with mischief. It was a dangerous line that he walking, one that could end up getting him beaten… by all four of them.

"Hm." Her lips pursed. Sharon propped her head in her hand. "You know," she drawled, "you're cute when you do that. When you get all judgy, with your judgy eyes. That's just so sexy. I just don't know how I'm supposed to control myself right now. I really don't."

"I knew you were going to be trouble. I can't leave you alone with anyone." He pointed his finger at her and shook it.

"No. You really can't. The things I do when I'm alone. You would be surprised. All those long nights, when you're working overtime…" She watched his eyes darken and his lips quirk toward a devilish grin. "Oh, the things that I could tell you," she drawled. Her voice dipped, going low and sultry.

"That attitude." Andy sighed, but kept up their playful banter. "Do you kiss your husband with that mouth of yours?"

"Well, I would." She fluttered her lashes at him. "But he leaves me alone, and I have no other choice but to… crawl into bed with sweatpants and fuzzy socks, and get those wonderful, perfect, five hours of uninterrupted sleep."

"That's right. We are living the life." He smirked at her, "and don't you forget it either, baby." His sisters were laughing at them. "Don't do that, don't laugh at us. She's spoiled and she knows it."

"God." Caro snorted. "All this time we thought our handsome and brave brother was living this exotic, star-studded, fascinating life out in Hollywood, and the truth is… you're just a boring old man."

Andy watched his wife crack up and shook his head as he turned. "I think I'll go find the kids. They still appreciate me."

"No," Sharon called after him, while his sisters laughed. "Honey, don't leave…" The door closed and she sighed. "Well. That's one way to get rid of him."

On the other side of the door, Andy heard them dissolve into laughter again. He headed back downstairs, his mother was looking for them, but he would cover. He had a feeling that Sharon was right. Getting through today wouldn't be the end of it, so he was glad that his sisters had each other, and he knew that his wife would keep an eye on them.

Tomorrow was going to come soon enough, and there would be another day, and another. There were not any quick fixes or magical cures, all they had was time, but while they grieved, they would also have to live.

-TBC-