Chapter 20
Alex runs right into Olivia. She tried to avoid the brunette but that wasn't possible anymore. Olivia taking the full impact from their clash. Olivia puts her hand on Alex hip to steady them both.
"Ow. That hurts." Olivia mumbles.
"Olivia Benson, what are you doing out of your bed?" Alex asks.
"Looking for you. What else?" Olivia answers.
"Get your perfect ass back in your bed, Detective." Alex says.
"Calm down, Blondie. I'm not that quick right now. I was going back to my bed already." Olivia answers.
Olivia slowly walks back to her bed and carefully climbs back in it. It takes her 2 minutes but she manages it.
"Happy now, Counselor's?" Olivia asks sarcastically.
"I'll be happy if you stay in that bed. Are you crazy? You can't go out of your bed now. You have sever injuries for heaven's sake. Why didn't you listen to Casey?" Alex asks.
"I can and I did. I'm not made of sugar. And it's not that bad, Alex. My arm is the way it was. Which is nothing. And I have a few holes in my body. I've been hurt worse then this. And there is nothing wrong with my legs or feet. So I'm perfectly capable of walking, thank you very much." Olivia replies.
"That's it. I can't take this. You are injured badly, Liv. No matter what you say. I can't watch you hurting yourself or make it worse then it already is. Besides I have nothing to say over you. If you want to be so stubborn and hurt yourself, be my guest. But I'm not staying here and watch it. When you are ready to act responsible and take care of your body, let me know." Alex answers, she turns around and start walking.
"Alex? Where are you going?" Olivia asks panicked.
Alex turns around.
"Home, Olivia. I love you, I love you very much. That's why I have to do this. To protect you and myself. Before one of us say things they don't mean. Or you get out your bed and hurt yourself, the next time." Alex answers, turning back and walking out of the room.
Olivia looks shocked and so does Casey.
"Can you believe this shit? And here I thought I made a mistake, apparently not. She can wait all she want, I'm not gonna call her." Olivia says angry.
"I can understand why she does this. That doesn't mean I don't think it's stupid, or dumb." Casey answers.
"She can shove it. Casey can you go to the nursery station and get her off the visitors list, please?" Olivia asks.
"Liv, I know you are mad right now and you have every right to be mad, but are you sure you want to do that.?" Casey asks.
"Yes I'm sure. And I want the specialists gone. I can't afford them. I will do it with the specialists from this hospital. Can you arrange that too, please?" Olivia answers.
"Liv, I think you are over reacting now. Alex didn't say anything about that. She needs space, not to cut all the ties that connects the two of you. Don't you think you will make it worse if you're cutting all the ties?" Casey asks carefully.
"No, she just did that. She walked out this room without giving me a chance to reply. These are the consequences of her actions." Olivia answers.
"Ok, I will do this. I don't think it's wise though. But it's your choice to make, not mine. I'll be back in a few minutes." Casey answers and walks out of the room to go to the nursery station.
10 minutes later Casey comes back with Doctor Brown and Professor Cavanaugh, who has arrived half an hour earlier.
"Detective, this is Professor Angie Cavanaugh. Casey told me what you want. I've spoken about it with Professor Cavanaugh and she is willing to stay for the same conditions our own specialist have." Doctor Brown says.
"Hello Detective Benson, it's nice to meet you. You may call me Angie if you want." Professor Cavanaugh says.
"Nice to meet you too, Professor. And thank you for willing to stay. I really appreciate it." Olivia answers.
"Detective, I understand that you want to remove Ms. Cabot from the visitors list. Are you sure about that? Of course I don't know what happened, but I just want to be sure that you are standing behind your decision." Doctor Brown asks.
"Yes, I'm sure. She no longer have access to my room all the time. She only is allowed inside with my permission. And for now she doesn't have that." Olivia answers.
"Alright, I will remove her from the visitors list." Doctor Brown answers.
"Professor, I mean Angie, have looked at the results of my scans yet? Do you know why I woke up when I shouldn't be able to do that?" Olivia asks.
"I have had a brief look at them, you have brain damage. That's why your brains have swollen up and why you had this excruciating pain. I need to study the scans better to know what we can do about it. For now we will keep you under strong medication, to fight against the pain. As for why you woke up. I don't have an explanation for that. The surgeon who put you in a drugs induced coma did everything right. So theoretically you should be out right now. As long as the medication will help enough to control the pain I want to keep you awake. How ever if it doesn't I will bring you in a drugs induced coma again. For now the most important thing is for you to stay calm. No stress. Limited visitors. Preferably one and the same person. He or she is allowed to stay with you, so no time limit. But if there are more persons then they can stay for 10 minutes. As a total. So that means 10 minutes in the morning, afternoon and evening. If you choose for one person that person is allowed to stay here during the night to. It's less stressful if it is one person. So I will stretch the rules then. It's your choice, Detective." Professor Cavanaugh explains.
"How bad is it? The brain damage I mean." Olivia asks worried.
"For what I saw, it's bad. The part in your brains that controls your behavior and your coordination is severely damaged. Like I said. I need to study the scans better to be able to make a decision on how to treat it. For now I can't give you any guarantees. We will know if we can cure this after we started therapy and we can see the results of that. You have a very long road to recovery, Detective. I'm sorry but I don't have better news." Professor Cavanaugh says.
Olivia looks at Casey, the fear clearly in her eyes. Casey walks to the side of Olivia's bed and takes the Detective's hand in her own. Olivia takes a deep breath and asks the question she don't know if she wants to hear the answers to.
"Angie, will I be able do go back to my job?" Olivia asks softly almost whispering.
"The way it looks now, no you won't be able to go back. You will have problems with your eye hand coordination and I don't think we will be able to heal that completely. As for your behavior part of your brains, you won't change in character, so you will stay the person you are. What changes is that you won't be able to handle the stress that comes with your job. Which will lead to pain attacks like you had earlier. I'm not talking about normal stress like everybody has in their lives. But extreme stress like you have with your job. I have to study your scans to see what treatment will be most effectively. But the same goes here too, I don't think we will be able to make them go away, but I do think we will be possible to make the attacks less painful and forceful. Normally I would say I'm sure you won't be able to return to your job. But with you everything is already different, you managed to get out of a drugs induced coma, so I'm not sure. What I don't want is to give you false hope. So I think you need to have help to accept that. I know that for members of the law enforcement it's not just a job you are doing, it's your life. I'm really sorry, Detective. Most likely you will not return back to your job." Professor Cavanaugh says sadly.
Olivia tries to keep herself together in front of the Doctor and the Professor.
"Could you leave us alone for a few minutes, please?" Olivia whispers.
"Yes, of course. Call us when you are ready to talk further. Take your time Detective." Doctor Brown answers.
Both ladies leave the room and Doctor Brown closes the door behind her. The Detective now certainly needs her privacy. The moment they left Olivia's room the brunette burst out in tears. She cries uncontrollably for minutes. Casey holds Olivia's hand with one hand the other she lays on her back and start making soothing circles. She whispers comforting words to the Detective, not really know what to say. Casey knows that the Detective's world just crushed down. After 15 minutes Olivia calms down a bit.
"What am I going to do, Casey?" Olivia whispers.
"Fight Liv. You need to keep fighting, for yourself. I know it sounds worthless but you always have a chance if you keep fighting. Is there anything I can do for you, right now?" Casey answers.
"Yes there is. Can you go to Alex and try to get her back here? I really need her now." Olivia asks softly.
"Yes, of course. I'll go right now. I can't promise you that she will come with me, but I will try the best I can." Casey answers.
"I know you will. That's all I can asks of you. Can you leave your cellphone here? I want to call the Captain in the time that you are away." Olivia asks.
"Sure, no problem." Casey answers and pulls her cellphone out of her pocket and hand it over to Olivia.
"Thank you, Casey. I don't know what I would without you." Olivia answers sincerely.
"You don't need to thank me, Liv. That's what friends are for. To be there for each other when they need it the most. Now I'm going to the nurse station and stall the removing of Alex's name of the visitor list for now and then I go to Alex's apartment and try to get her back with me." Casey says.
"Yes, do that. I didn't thought about that. I can't think at all right now. Just do what ever you need to do to get her back here, Case. I can't do this without her." Olivia whispers the last part.
"I know, honey. I will do what ever I can. I promise. Now I should be back in an hour with or without Alex, ok?" Casey asks.
"Yes. See you in an hour then, oh and can you tell Doctor Brown that I only want one person here no other visitors. If Alex doesn't come back with you, I would like you to stay. Is that ok?" Olivia asks.
"Yes more then ok. I will take care of that. And if Alex doesn't come back I stay with you here. For as long as you want me to. But we handle that when it's necessary. See you in an hour, Liv." Casey answers.
"See you in an hour, Casey." Olivia answers back.
Casey stands up and leaves the room. She goes 85 to the nursery station. Luckily Doctor Brown is there. She explains that Alex needs to stay on the list for now, that she is going to the blonde ADA to get her back to the hospital. She tells the Doctor that Olivia wants only one person there. That either Alex or she will stay with her. The doctor agrees with her that that's the best. After that Casey leaves the hospital and goes to Alex. In the mean time Olivia had taken back some control over herself and she calls Cragen.
"Cragen."
"Captain, it's Olivia." Olivia says.
"Hey Liv, how are you doing? Shouldn't you be in a coma?" Cragen asks surprised.
"Yes, I should be. But for some unexplainable reason I'm not. I woke up. But that the only positive thing there is. My visitation rules have changed. I'm now allowed to have either one person with me all the time or 3 times a day a person for 10 minutes. I chose for one person all the time. So either Alex or Casey will stay with me. I don't want to see anyone else." Olivia answers.
"Ok. I understand why you chose for that option. But what do you mean with Alex or Casey? And why don't you want to see anyone else? Is there something wrong, Olivia?" Cragen asks.
"Alex and I had some words. She went home after that. I don't tell you what is was going about. Anyway Casey is at Alex's now to get her back to the hospital. If Alex won't come back with Casey, then Casey is gonna stay with me. The Professor arrived at the hospital and she was here half an hour ago. She didn't had good news. It's really bad news actually. There is no easy way to tell this. So I'm gonna say it as it is. I have some severe brain damage. In the area that controls my behavior and coordination. Now my character doesn't change. I'm still who is was and I will be, or so the Professor says, but I won't be able to handle extreme stress situations. I will get a horrible headache. Excruciating pain attack actually. I have had one before I went back into surgery. My eye hand coordination isn't good either. She will study my scans and decide what treatment I need, but I will never recover fully she thinks and the road of recovery will be long. For now she wants me to stay awake. With the help of some heavy pain medication, how ever if that won't work she will put me back in an drug induced coma. But the baddest part has to come yet. Captain... I won't be able do to my job anymore." Olivia says, trying to keep control over her emotions.
"Oh Liv, I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry to hear this. There isn't a chance she is wrong about this?" Cragen asks.
"She is the best neurosurgeon there is. So no, I don't think there is a chance she is wrong about this. She did say that normally a person won't be able to do this job again, but that I already are different then others. I managed to wake up from an drug induced coma. So maybe, maybe there is a very small chance. But she said that I didn't could count on that. She wants me to have help with accepting that I lose the biggest part of my life. And I think I really gonna need it." Olivia answers.
"Is there anything I can do?" Cragen asks.
"I can't think of something right now. Hell I can't think at all. Just make sure that nobody comes here or calls me. I really don't want that now. They can call Alex or Casey to keep them posted but that's it. Can you do that for me?" Olivia asks.
"Sure, no problem. Let me know if you want to change it. Until then they will leave you alone and call Alex or Casey. Just let me know who we need to call." Cragen answers.
"I will. Now if it's alright with you I would like to hang up now. I don't really want to talk right now. I hope you will understand that." Olivia says.
"Yes, of course I understand that. Just know that whenever you want to talk, you call. Doesn't matter about what. For all I care you want to talk about the weather. Just call if you need me. I want to be there for you, Liv." Cragen says.
"I will, Captain." Olivia answers.
"Hold on, Liv. Talk to you soon." Cragen says.
"I'll try too. Goodbye Captain." Olivia says.
"Goodbye, Liv." Cragen answers and hang up.
In the mean time Casey just has arrived at Alex's apartment building. The doorman recognized Casey and told her it was alright to move on. The security guard opened the elevator and Casey goes to the top floor. She walks down the hallway and knocks on Alex's front door. A few moment later she hears Alex's heels on the floor. Alex looks trough the peephole and sees Casey standing in front of her door. She opens the door.
"Casey, hi. What are you doing here?" Alex asks.
"Hi Alex, may I come inside for a moment? We need to talk." Casey answers.
Alex steps aside to let Casey enter her apartment. After Casey walked inside she closes the door behind the redhead.
"There is not much to talk about, Casey. Assuming that Olivia asked you to go and talk to me." Alex says.
"Yes, Liv asked me to come here and to ask you to come back with me. But it's not about what you'll think it is." Casey answers.
"I won't go with you. Liv needs to think about this. It didn't change in what, an hour. If she is ready to take care of herself, I will talk with her. Until then you will come here for nothing." Alex answers.
"Alex, just listen first to what's going on before you refuse to go." Casey says.
"Listen to what? Liv can't change in hour what she has done for a long time. It doesn't..." Alex says and gets interrupted by an angry Casey.
"Cabot, shut up and sit down! You are gonna need it." Casey says angry.
Alex is taken aback with what Casey says and the way she does it. Slowly she sit down and looks at Casey with a waiting look on her face.
"Ok. I'm listening." Alex says.
Casey takes a seat next to Alex on the sofa she sits on.
"Alex, Professor Cavanaugh has visited Liv about an hour ago. It wasn't a good visitation." Casey says.
"Why? What's wrong? Is something wrong with Liv?" Alex asks worried.
"Yes something is wrong with Liv. She has brain damage. Severe damage in the part of her brain that controls her behavior and coordination. Now don't worry that her character will change because it doesn't. What's wrong is that she can't handle extreme stress situations anymore. And her eye hand coordination gives her problems. If she has to handle extreme stress situations she will get a pain attack in her head like she had before the last surgery. Professor Cavanaugh is looking at the scans again to see what kind of treatment Liv will get, she has a long recovery in front of her. But Cavanaugh thinks that she won't recover completely. Normally a person don't recover completely from this kind of injury. They can make it a lot better, the attacks will not be so strong as the one she had. But they won't disappear completely. The same goes for her eye hand coordination. Alex, Liv will not be able to get back to her job. That's over. Now things are differently with Liv, she woke up from an drug induced coma. But Cavanaugh says that she thinks that Liv needs help to learn to accept that part of her life is over. Liv asked me to come and get you because she needs you. She needs you now more then ever, Alex. I'm sorry, I don't have better news for you." Casey explains.
"Oh God, no. No no no no. Tell me this isn't true. Tell me this is not happening." Alex chokes.
"I'm sorry, I can't tell you that." Casey answers softly.
Alex jumps up from the sofa.
"Let's go. I need to be with Liv. This time I won't leave her side, I promise you." Alex says.
Alex runs to her dinner table to pick up her keys and then she runs to her coat rack to pick up her coat.
Casey walks to the door and opens it and walks outside. Alex follows her and closes the door behind her and locks it. They walk to lift and go downstairs. Alex almost runs outside to Casey's car. Casey walks to her car pushing the button to unlock her car. Alex is inside the car before Casey has opened the drivers door. Casey gets into her car and start the engine and drives away. Casey attempts to make small talk to help Alex trough the time the need to get to the hospital but Alex only gives short answers, so Casey stops trying. She can understand that Alex has to much on her mind right now. She places her hand on the blonde's knee briefly and squeezes it softly. Then she puts her hand back on the steering wheel. The rest of the ride they drive in silence. As soon as they arrive at the hospital Alex jumps out the car before it stand still. She looks at Casey.
"Go on. I will park the car and come after you." Casey says.
Alex nods and closes the door. She runs inside the hospital and to elevator as fast as she can with her heels. Thankfully the elevator is downstairs and Alex can get inside immediately. She pushes the button for the first floor. When the elevator stops she goes trough the doors as soon as she is able to go trough them. She runs to Olivia's room and knocks on the door. Waiting for Olivia to say it is alright to enter the room. She hears Olivia whispering.
"Lex? Is that you?"
"Yes Liv, I'm here. May I come inside?" Alex asks as she opens the door.
"You came back." Olivia whispers, tears running down on her cheeks.
Alex walks inside and quickly walks to Olivia and pulls her in light hug.
"Oh Liv, I'm so sorry that I wasn't here. That I wasn't here when you heard that awful devastating news." Alex whispers.
"Lex, can you hold me in your arms, please?" Olivia asks softly.
"Yes of course baby, what ever you want, I'm here now." Alex answers.
Alex climbs on the bed and gently takes Olivia in her arms. Holding the brunette against her own body.
Olivia looks up and into Alex's stormy blue eyes.
"Don't leave, Lex. Please, don't leave me alone." Olivia sobs.
"I won't Liv, I won't leave your side here in the hospital or when you they release you. I won't leave you again." Alex says.
They sit together for a couple of minutes when Casey comes back inside Olivia's room. Olivia looks up when she noticed that somebody has entered the room.
"Thank you, Case. Thank you for getting her back to me." Olivia whispers.
"No need to thank me Liv. I'm glad I could do something to help you." Casey answers, as she walks to the chair next to Olivia's bed and takes a seat in it.
They sit there in silence for 10 minutes when Olivia speaks up.
"Lex, can you call Professor Cavanaugh? My head starts hurting again." Olivia asks.
"Yes of course." Alex answers and bent over to press on the button for calling help.
A minute later a nurse walks inside.
"Detective, what can I do for you?" the nurse asks.
"Can you call Professor Cavanaugh for me, please?" Olivia asks.
"Yes, of course. She will be here in couple of minutes." the nurse answers and walks outside Olivia's room.
Two minutes later Professor Cavanaugh walks inside.
"What's wrong Detective? And who is this if I may ask?" Professor Cavanaugh asks.
Olivia looks at Alex who nods slightly. Then she looks back at the Professor.
"This is my girlfriend, Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot. Alex, this is Professor Angie Cavanaugh, my neurosurgeon." Olivia introduced them to each other.
"Nice to meet you, Professor." Alex replies.
"Nice to meet you too, Ms Cabot. Like Detective Benson, you may call me Angie if you want." Professor Cavanaugh answers and then looks back at Olivia.
"What's wrong Detective?"
"My head starts hurting again." Olivia answers.
"How bad is it?" Cavanaugh asks.
"Not as bad as the last time, but it hurts." Olivia answers.
"Ok. I'm going to give you a doses of morphine. I'll give it trough your IV it works faster that way. If it doesn't get better in 10 minutes, I want you to call me back." Cavanaugh answers.
"Ok. I will." Olivia says.
Professor Cavanaugh went out the room to get the morphine and an injection needle. She was back a minute later and puts the morphine in Olivia's IV.
"10 minutes Detective. And if it gets worse in the mean time I want you to call me sooner." Cavanaugh says.
"Yes, Angie." Olivia answers.
Professor Cavanaugh turns so she can look to Alex and Casey.
"Who is gonna stay with Detective Benson?"
"I am." Alex answers.
"Ok. Ms. Novak, you can stay for now. But I need you to leave after an hour, assuming that the morphine will work."
"Understood. Thank you." Casey answers.
The professor nods to them all and leaves the room. Olivia snuggles as close into Alex as she can. She closes her eyes and lays down her head on Alex's chest. 5 minutes later she opens her eyes and looks up at Alex.
"Lex, call Cavanaugh, please. It's getting worse." Olivia says.
Alex nods and pushes the button again. A minute later the professor walks back inside.
"It's getting worse?" She asks.
"Yes." Olivia answers.
"Ok, I give you an other doses. But if that doesn't work I have to put you in a coma." Cavanaugh answers.
She puts one and an half doses in the IV.
"Same now. 10 minutes. If it doesn't get better call." Cavanaugh says.
"Ok." Olivia answers.
The professor leaves the room again. Hoping that this will help, she doesn't have a choice if this won't work. After a few minutes Alex looks down at Olivia.
"Is it getting better?" Alex asks.
Olivia looks up at Alex.
"No not yet. But it doesn't get worse either." Olivia answers and closes her eyes again.
Ten minutes after she left the room Professor Cavanaugh returns.
"How do you feel, Detective? I assume it didn't get worse otherwise you would have called." Cavanaugh asks.
"No it didn't. It's little bit better now then when you left." Olivia answers.
"That's good news. If it stays this way, I won't have to induce you. I will check again in half an hour." Cavanaugh says.
"Ok. Thank you, Angie." Olivia answers.
"Your welcome, Detective. Do you want Ms. Novak to stay a bit longer or do you want her to leave in half an hour?" Cavanaugh asks.
"I would like her to stay. For Alex and me." Olivia answers.
"Alright. But she can't stay here. She needs to leave. Till the end of the visiting hours is the most she can have." Cavanaugh answers.
"Ok. Thank you." Olivia answers.
"See you in half an hour, Detective." Cavanaugh says and walks out the room again.
"I don't have to stay that long, Liv. I'm sure you and Alex wants some time alone." Casey says.
"I know. Just stay for a while. Then Alex and I can be alone. Are you ok with that, Lex?" Olivia asks.
"Yes of course. I'd like it too if you stay for a while, Casey." Alex answers.
"Ok. Then I stay for a while." Casey says.
Olivia lays back against Alex and snuggles into the blonde's body. She puts her good arm protectively around Alex's waist and closes her eyes. Alex and Casey start making small talk. 10 minutes later Olivia has fallen a sleep against the blonde ADA.
"I let the two of you alone now. You can use some rest too." Casey says softly.
"Ok. Thank you for taking care of Liv, Case. Thank you for coming to get me." Alex answers softly back.
"No need to thank me Alex, Liv's my friend and I like it if you are my friend too. This is what you do for friends." Casey answers.
" I like that too, Casey. Being your friend I mean." Alex says.
"That's settled then. Call me if there is any news, will you?" Casey asks.
"I will. See you soon." Alex answers.
"Yeah, See you soon. Take care of your girl, Cabot." Casey says.
"I sure will do that, Counselor." Alex says.
"Good. See ya." Casey says and softly walks out of the room closing the door behind her.
Alex let her head rest on top of Olivia's and closes her eyes. 5 minutes later the blonde is also a sleep. 15 minutes later Professor Cavanaugh walks back inside Olivia's room again. When she sees the two women snuggled up against each other and sound a sleep she smiles. She turns around and walks silently out of the room and closes the door softly behind her.
"Let's hope they stay sleeping together for a few hours" Cavanaugh says softly to herself.