In the Dethcopter...

Jean Pierre served the band their favorite wine while Mr. Offdenson talked to them. "Gentlemen, you've been receiving death threats from some of your fans."

"So, they gonna die?"

"No, Pickles. They're threatening to kill you."

"That's a different thing."

"Apparently," I said. "They're pissed that you're selling your Dethwater album only to fish."

Mr. Offdenson nodded. "Before the show, we should do a couple of safety briefings. I've outlined a very specific..."

Nathan cut him off, "Is there anything else?"

Mr. Offdenson just decided to skip the briefings. "Any new ideas on the Deth merch? I remember you guys complaining..."

Skwisgaar said, "Oh, yeah, you guys ready?"

"Here's the new merch," Murderface said as he and the other members of the band held up black bags.

"Garbage bags?" I asked in disbelief.

"They're not garbage bags," Skwisgaar said. "This is Time Travels Face Bag." He and the other members put them over their heads.

Mr. Offdenson raised an eyebrow. "Time travel face bag? Am I saying that right? Wood's right. Looks like you have some plastic bags."

"Well he's wrong," Nathan said. "Check it: we're traveling through time."

"Yeah," said Toki. "You put the face bag on and you travel through time!"

Murderface took his off. "Dear God, you boy in the street. What day is it?"

Pickles said, "It's Wednes... I mean, it's Friday. It's Friday."

"I must have figured out how to travel through time itself!"

Nathan said, "We've figured out how to travel through time at the speed of regular time with plastic bags."

They put the bags back over their heads.

"Do you think they'll destroy the last of their brain cells through a lack of oxygen?" I asked Mr. Offdenson.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

(!)

News of Dethwater played on TVs, and radios all over the world. A reporter said, "Dethklok's underwater album Dethwater is making huge news again after being the biggest budgeted record in history later followed by a class action lawsuit. The band's frontman, Nathan Explosion has sworn that this album would never be played live."

Footage of Nathan in front of interviewers played, "This album isn't for humans. It's for underwater sea creatures, therefore we will not play it for humans."

"That was several months ago. Since then billions of Dethklok fans have circulated standard petitions which did little until a group of renegade Dethklok fans instilled the suicide petition and terrorist petition, destroying national monuments and leaving the streets littered with the carcasses of metal fans and other innocent people."

Nathan reappeared. "Though I do not believe this is the right thing to do artistically, I do, however, believe that this is the right thing to do financially."

(!)

As the tribunal finished watching the news, Senator Stampingston began his report as always. "Dethklok is performing Dethwater Live for the first time ever. General Crozier?"

"This is taking place in Poland on the Gulf of Danzig. They're planning to play to the sea, to the fish in the Baltic Sea."

"Yes. Anything else."

"No, senator. We expect severe destruction of natural resources and death to fans." The usual stuff.

"Very well. Meeting adjourned."

(!)

No, it was not over yet. In another part of the tribunal's temple, Cardinal Ravenswood met General Crozier in secret. "Now is the time," the latter said.

"Yes, I know. According to the ancient scriptures, they must be killed or an apocalypse of metal will be upon us."

"Good, then our plans are set."

"General, Selacia is in my mind. I have a dreadful feeling that something very bad is going to happen. There is more. He tells me he already has eyes upon Dethklok before we even know what goes on in their lives, but they do not know this."

"Who are these 'eyes'?" asked the general.

The cardinal shook his head, "I cannot tell. They are cloaked in shrouds, but he calls them his right and left eyes."

This was something they'll have to look into.

A soldier greeted them. "General, your transport awaits."

Crozier stood up in his seat. "I'm off to meet an important ally. You'll ship off tonight and we'll meet at the rendezvous."

"Yes," Ravenswood said.

(!)

In a butcher shop in an unknown location, the general met his contact, currently torturing a poor soul. The room was littered with the corpses of disemboweled men and women. The man turned to face the general. In the single source of light, a light bulb, Crozier could see the features of the man: he was tall, built like a body builder and he had long white hair. But the most eye-catching feature of all was his face. The man was wearing a silver mask that covered the top half of his face, leaving only his mouth exposed.

"You know who I am?" asked General Crozier.

"Yes..." the man's voice was gravely.

"I've been trying to reach you for months. You're an elusive bastard."

The man with the silver face grabbed a cleaver and stroked it. "The only reason you found me is because I let you."

Crozier cut to the chase. "Your bother's been killed."

The man looked up. He said nothing for a while then asked, "How would you know?"

"Because he worked for me." He held up a picture of a man wearing a Klokateer hood with a gaping hole in his mouth. Agent 216. "He was the best I had."

The man took the picture and stared at it before asking, "What do you want?"

"I know who killed your brother." Crozier handed him a picture of Dethklok. "And if you want revenge, I can give it to you."

The man with the silver face took one look at the picture, then sliced it in half with the cleaver.

(!)

*Cue Go Into The Water*

At the Gulf of Danzig, thousands of Dethklok fans gathered around to await for their gods to play for marine life. Unaware that military vehicles and a single man with revenge on his mind were approaching them.

Inside the Dethsub, I exhaled as I watched live footage of the crowd. "Okay people," I called out to the Klokateers. "We've been waiting for this moment. My plans are coming to fruition. Now, let us give the oceans and seas what they need now: Dethklok! Raise the towers!" On cue, four towers with swinging scythes bearing the Dethwater album logo rose up from the water. "Raise the stage!" The fifth tower, the stage where Dethklok performed, rose to the cheering of the fans. They weren't the only ones pleased. Dozens of whales and fish gathered around the towers.

I nodded, this was my crowning achievement as special effects manager for Dethklok. Then I noticed them: military jets heading straight for us! "Mr. Offdenson?"

"I see them, son. Close the stage!" I pressed a button and the stage closed, but the jets fired their missiles. "They can't take another beating like that," I reported. "This gunfire is going to shake them into the water!"

"Get into the penta pods now!"

Suddenly, five escape pods flew out of the stage, carrying Dethklok with them. Suddenly, a lone gunman fired at Toki's pod, making it crash into Skwisgaar and separating them from the other three.

(!)

When the sub rose from the water and headed for land, Mr. Offdenson and I were the first to exit. "This is bad," I said. "Someone's trying to kill Dethklok and they might actually succeed! What's worse, it looks like they have the USA army as backup!"

"That's why we have them." He gestured to the army of Klokateers.

"Mr. Offdenson, what chance do they have against a government military?"

"You'll see." He gave the signal and the Klokateers, all armed with guns, swords, maces, shields and halberds marched out into the snow. This was becoming a war. "While our troops distract the armies, we'll search for the boys. I'll look for Toki and Skwisgaar."

"And I'll look for Nathan, Pickles and Murderface. Got it."

(!)

I eventually found the three boys. They were unconscious and surrounded by soldiers. "Guys!"

"Freeze!" A soldier pointed his gun right at my face. A shot from my blue whale tranquilizer stopped him.

As I ran closer to the boys, I saw two figures looming over them: a general and what looked like a priest. "Get away from them!"

The general pointed his gun at me. "Stand back, son! We're doing this for your own good!"

"I don't know what you're doing, but this..."

I suddenly stopped when a bright light appeared. A figure stepped out of the light: a man with long silver hair, a silver beard and wearing a grey suit. "YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME!" That voice...didn't sound natural. The man raised his hand and formed a fist. All the soldiers' heads exploded instantaneously. Then he turned to the priest. "Be blind." The priest's eyes exploded and he screamed in screamed in agony as his intestines burst out his mouth and strangled him.

"What are you doing?!" shouted the general.

"You, I need alive. Sleep." The general passed out instantly as soon as the man said that.

I don't know what possessed me, but I fired my dart gun at the man. It did absolutely nothing! Then he slowly turned around to face me. I felt fear when I stared into those eyes of his, a fear far greater than the fear I felt whenever I had those nightmares caused by the Totally Awesome Sweet Alabama Liquid Snake. What I saw...I can't bring myself to say it. He waved his hand and my dart gun disintegrated. I collapsed to my knees, shaking. "Who...what...are you?"

"We will meet again..." And he was gone. He and the general.

I didn't even realize Mr. Offdenson was behind me until he put a hand on my shoulder and shook it. I screamed and punched him in the face. "Stay away from me!"

"It's all right. It's me."

"Mr. Offdenson?" I realized for the first time he was bruised and bleeding. "You look like hell."

"Nothing I couldn't handle. That gunman learned not to fuck with my bread and butter."

"Ugh..." We all turned around. The priest was still alive somehow! "The Metalocalypse...has...begun..." Those words, I heard them before! I ran to the dying man and grabbed him by the shoulders. "What's the Metalocalypse? Who was that man? Why did those soldiers try to kill Dethklok?" But he was already dead. I felt a presence behind me and I turned around to face the band, all of them looking down at me and the priest's body.

"I think it's best we go home," Mr. Offdenson said.

I looked down at the dead man, then back at him. "Yeah, we should."