A/N: I don't own Alice Gakuen.
Warning: Themes of abortion and rape.
Abort
She woke up. Her eyes blinked open; she was facing the ceiling. The room was light. She remembered where she was. Her hand was on her stomach. She remembered she was pregnant.
Inside, she cried all over again. But outside, her face was motionless, expressionless. Her body was too tired to mourn, but inside, her heart broke again. Her face felt swollen, waterlogged, heavy. She was frozen still, staring up at the ceiling. From her peripheral vision, she could see Anna's empty bed. Anna was not here now. Anna must be downstairs, waiting for her.
She knew she had to go downstairs. She knew she had to go face them all soon. But she could not move. She did not want to move.
She didn't know how long she stayed like that. It felt like hours, an eternity. But perhaps it was only three minutes.
Eternity (or three minutes) ended with a tentative knock at the door.
Dimly, Mikan registered Anna holding a small tray of food.
Quietly, Anna closed the door behind her. She moved forward, then placed the food on Mikan's bedside table before she pulled a chair next to Mikan's bed.
"I made you some food."
Mikan glanced at the tray. Vegetable soup, stocked with nutrients. Bread for strength. A small bowl of strawberries for sweetness. Mikan looked away, back to the ceiling.
Anna's voice was still soft, but firm now. "You need to eat, Mikan. You can't starve yourself."
"I'll vomit it all up anyway." Her voice was hoarse in response, blunt too, like a true rejection.
Anna persevered. "You won't. And even if you do, it's okay. You're not wasting food. Your body needs the energy and nutrients." Mikan didn't respond in any way—she did not move or speak. "Mikan," Anna's voice was desperate now, "you need to eat."
Her voice cracking, Mikan replied in a small voice, "I don't want to. I don't want to eat anymore."
"Mikan… you're not trying to…?" The question lingered.
Understanding her friend's implicit silence, Anna now fearfully grabbed Mikan's hands. She held the two cold hands tightly in her own warm hands.
"There are other ways to do that," Anna whispered quickly, urgently, stroking her friend's cold hands, "starving yourself is not an option, Mikan. I won't allow it." Swiftly, she grabbed the bread roll from the tray and held it out to Mikan. "Please. Eat it."
Mikan did not move.
"Please! Eat."
Again, she did not move.
Tears welled up in Anna's eyes. Despondently, she lowered the bread away. "Mikan… when I came to your house that day, broken and dead inside, you took me in and healed me. So why won't you let me save you?"
"I didn't save you," the previous dryness in Mikan's throat was replaced by a watery sob, "I didn't save you at all… I made it all worse… I let your enemy, our country's enemy into my very home, trampling all over your heart…" Her hands covered her weeping eyes and most of her face in shame.
"Mikan," Anna's voice was high, trembling but her tone was resolute, "you love him. Ignore the rest for now, please. Just—"
"No one will love this child."
Anna stood up. She needed Mikan to see sense, to help pull her out of his dark, hopeless abyss. "Mikan, don't say that. Don't you ever say that again." She was unequivocally firm now.
Her change in tone had an effect: Mikan now moved her neck slightly to regard her friend, who stood over her, her expression blazing and resolved.
Mikan crumpled under her intense gaze. Her eyes welled up with tears. "It's true," she whispered softly, scared to say it any louder, "no one will love it. It's half-Z; worse, the child of a Major General. You won't be able to love it either. How could you? The father is responsible for your family's death. How could Tsubasa ever love it? How could Youichi ever look at it without feeling the ghost of his arm clenching?"
"Stop it, Mikan. Stop it." Anna sat back down on the chair, and Mikan's wet eyes followed her. Then, to Mikan's absolute shock, Anna's warm hand slipped on top of Mikan's stomach, and she rested it there, tenderly. Mikan froze, like a frightened and anxious cat. Even if it was Anna, she didn't feel comfortable with Anna's hand so close to it. "This child… your child, is not responsible for anything. I want you to say this to yourself, with conviction." Mikan's tense shoulders loosened ever so slightly at her words. "This child," she stroked Mikan's abdomen, "is a blessing from the gods—"
Frenetically, Mikan shook her head, interrupting Anna's kind words. "No it's not. No it's not. Anna," she beseeched, teary, "we were careful; this was never supposed to happen. It, it,—" she fumbled hysterically for the right word, "it's an accident! We—I didn't mean for this to happen, never ever like this, especially not like this; not when he's gone, not when I'm probably never going to see him again—"
"Mikan—"
She couldn't stop now, the words were tumbling out now, viciously, unceasingly, "—I'm carrying his bastard child; a child he never asked for, never wanted—"
Anna, who was crying now, interrupted in a screeching voice, "Stop it, Mikan! Stop it! You're being so unfair to your child! You can't blame it for—"
"Even if Natsume came back to me, he won't want me because of this!" with force, she indicated with her hands to her stomach. "Because of-of-of this," she stuttered heatedly; her whole body was shaking uncontrollably as fear completely possessed her, "I'll be alone! He didn't want a child—he wanted me! And now with this child, he won't want me anymore! I don't want it either! I don't want it! I-I hate it! I hate it!"
Mikan's vehement words froze Anna. They stared at each other; both shocked at what had just come out of Mikan's mouth. Mikan's heavy breathing slowed gradually and the furious flush in her cheeks subsided. She was now pale like a ghost, wide-eyed.
Finally, Anna spoke, her voice unwavering, "You don't mean that." It wasn't a question; it was a resolute statement that daren't be contradicted.
Mikan wilted before Anna's clear blue eyes. Mikan surrendered, casting her own eyes down. "No," she sincerely confirmed, her voice very small and extremely regretful, no longer hurried or wild. "I didn't mean that."
Then, she burst into tears and let Anna pull her into a warm embrace. Against Anna, Mikan sobbed like a little girl, and clung onto her neck tightly.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Mikan wept, her apologies directed both to Anna and her unborn child. She thought of it—small, still unformed, trying its very best to grow inside her. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… please, please forgive me…"
She knew with all her heart that her child was unblemished, completely and utterly innocent. The child wasn't responsible for the war. Most of all, it wasn't the child's fault that Natsume wasn't here. Her feverish words were untrue, spoken only in the heat of her anguish. But it was so much easier… so, so much easier to blame her agony, misfortune and heartbreak on her unborn child. It was so much easier to shift the blame on the child rather than confront the hollow and miserable truth that she—Mikan, herself—was the one who sent Natsume away. She was the one who had insisted to him that it was best for them to part until the end of the war. And because of that, here she was, alone, pregnant with their child.
"Please, forgive me…"
"Shhh… it's alright. I know you didn't mean it. I'm sure your child knows it too. You're scared. And Mikan—you're allowed to feel scared. It's okay. You're allowed to worry, both for Hyuuga and for your child. You're allowed to worry for them. But Mikan, you can't blame your child for anything," she firmly added, "you can't. Its blameless."
Mikan fingers dug into Anna, as she looked up at her friend, her eyes swollen from all the tears. Dreadfully, scared again, she cried, "If only you knew what thoughts went through me last night! I-I…" she fearfully shut her eyes close tightly, not wanting to confront her own darkness, "I thought of the most terrible things… I thought of doing the most terrible things to…"
She didn't need to say it—her previous intentions were made clear by her terrified tears and repentant tone. She daren't say out-loud that last night she had thought of aborting her child. She was a young woman; she had heard of other women who had done it, heard their stories, their methods and knew of the dangers that came with doing such a thing herself. But for a good few minutes last night, Mikan had genuinely thought that this, aborting her child, was the best solution regardless of any danger that may befall on her. When those few minutes had passed however, and she realized the gravity of what she was considering, she had fallen into a deeper pit of despair.
She left her thoughts from last night unspoken to Anna as she cried.
Anna understood her tears nevertheless.
"Mikan," her voice was very soft, "if… if you want to do that, no one is going to scorn, spurn or despise you for doing so. But if you choose that, you can't do it with your own hands. You have to speak to Subaru. You need a doctor's—"
"No, no, no, no," Mikan frantically shook her head, scared, "no! I… I only thought that last night when I was at my lowest—but I could never actually—! No, no, no! I couldn't! I can't! It's his child! I could never—"
"We won't talk about it again." Anna promised, interrupting her, seeing how the talk of abortion haunted her friend, gripping her with both fear and shameful guilt. She wished she hadn't said what she had said for it seemed to have frightened her friend.
But Mikan didn't cease: "I'm terrible, I'm awful. Aren't I? I know it. How could… how could I ever… even think of such a…" A watery scoff escaped her lips, as she resignedly said, "The child's not even born yet and already I'm a terrible mother."
"Mikan…"
"It's true. As soon as I realized I was pregnant, I only thought of Natsume and myself. But aren't mothers supposed to unconditionally love their child? Isn't that what a mother is? Mothers put their child first, right? Yet I-I… I didn't even consider the child's—my baby's…" Her words faded. Then, she said, "I'm already the worst mother in history."
Both Anna and Mikan snapped their heads towards the door; it had very slowly opened, creaking, revealing Tsubasa with Youichi in his arms.
Before they could move or say anything, Youichi's bright little voice came. "What?" He seemed ever so slightly perplexed; he had clearly heard Mikan's very last declaration. "What do you mean you're the worst mother in history? You're the best mum ever!" His voice was light and completely sincere. Then, Youichi blushed very faintly, before he sheepishly looked down, suddenly clutching Tsubasa very shyly, embarrassed by his own honesty. "I… I know you're not my mum but… I know you're the best mum ever."
It was everything Mikan needed to hear. Immediately, she blubbered and opened her arms, urging Youichi to come embrace her. Youichi wriggled free from Tsubasa and clambered his way towards Mikan, his favourite teacher, his favourite person. She pulled him into her arms when he climbed on her bed and hugged him very tightly, placing his small face against chest, her own face pressed in his hair.
Anna cried at the sight.
She didn't know how long she embraced Youichi for. It filled her with serenity and a sense of a warm promise.
Then, Youichi shifted. She loosened her arms and peered down; he was now looking at her stomach with a childish fascination.
"So, there's a baby here?" He was pointing at her abdomen.
Mikan slowly nodded.
Youichi squinted. "It must the size of a pea because I can't see the bump at all! I remember when Mrs. Fujiyama was going to have a baby—she was ginormous! Your baby must be tiny!"
Mikan laughed, her eyes crinkling. Beside her, Anna chortled too. What a wonderful child Youichi was. She wiped her tears on her cheeks with her fingers before she said, smiling, "It's still growing. Soon I'll be as big as Mrs. Fujiyama too."
Youichi's eyes bulged. "Really? You?"
Mikan nodded. "Except you are hereby forbidden to ever use the word 'ginormous' when describing me in the future."
Youichi giggled and Mikan laughed too. His stormy eyes glittered as he looked deeply into her's. She pulled him into her arms once more.
"Thank you, You-chan. Thank you, sweetheart."
"Huh?" his voice was muffled for he was pressed against Mikan. "I didn't do anything."
"One day you'll understand."
As she cradled Youichi, Mikan's eyes now shifted to look up at Tsubasa. Despite having Youichi with her, a darling source of childish warmth and comfort, she felt dread once more when she confronted Tsubasa's steady gaze. Ever since discovering 'Romi's' true identity, Tsubasa had never voiced his true thoughts or feelings out-loud, but Mikan assumed that Tsubasa disliked Natsume very, very much.
She guessed that Tsubasa thought of Natsume as a traitor. And now that she saw how his cool, empty eyes glanced from her face to her stomach, she knew her hunch to be true.
Unconsciously, one of her hands covered her stomach protectively, as if she were trying to shield her unborn child from Tsubasa's vacant gaze.
Nonetheless, her eyes silently apologized to Tsubasa. She didn't want to apologise out-loud—not in front of Youichi, at least—and she prayed that Tsubasa understood her expression. She kept her gaze on him, determined to show her sincerity and the depth of her apology.
Tsubasa sat on the edge of Mikan's bed. Then, silently, he mouthed, "None of this is your fault. Don't apologize."
Mikan pressed her lips together. She didn't want to cry anymore. So, she tried her very best to smile, mouthing back, "Thank you."
Tsubasa nodded. But from his stiffness, Mikan could see that Tsubasa was not entirely accepting of this situation. Yet his reaction was more than Mikan had hoped for.
"Kaname said you can stay here as long as you want;" Tsubasa said, "he said you're more than welcome to stay here even after the baby comes—"
"Me too," Youichi interrupted excitedly, "Kaname said I could stay if I promise to help you! So I promised!"
"Wow!" Mikan smiled, caressing his silvery hair, "Lucky me!" Then, she turned to Tsubasa, and replied in a more serious tone, "That's ever so kind of him. I must thank him."
Tsubasa reassured her, "You don't need to thank him now. Take your time."
Then a frowned marred her face when she carefully considered Kaname's offer. "Is he sure? A baby… it'll undoubtedly disturb him, Misaki-san and everyone else—"
"Let's worry about that later." Anna insisted, putting a hand on Mikan, in an attempt to slow down her racing mind. "For now, let's just be thankful and focus on," she took this opportunity to pull the tray off the bedside table and onto her own lap, "eating."
Mikan conceded; she took the bread from Anna, thanking her.
Tsubasa added, "Anna's right. Now is the time to focus on your health. The baby won't be here for a while."
"When will the baby come?" Youichi asked, looking at Mikan.
Once she swallowed her mouthful, she answered, "In a few months time." She then looked up at Tsubasa and Anna. "I… I'm not actually sure how far along I am."
"Good thing we have a doctor at hand."
As if he knew he had been summoned, Subaru now appeared at the door. He looked very tired. But when he saw that Mikan was up and eating, his expression did soften slightly. He did not sit; Subaru remained standing as he asked Mikan certain questions regarding how she felt. His tone was firm, but sometimes, a tentative question-mark lingered here and there in his words.
After Mikan had finished her meal, Anna gave up her seat to Subaru. Subaru sat down by Mikan's bed and asked for Mikan's wrist so he could take her pulse.
"You couldn't be at a better place," Subaru asserted, explaining, "The fresh air and the fresh food… this place is absolutely ideal for childbirth. So don't you go worrying about anything, you hear me?"
His brotherly tone made Mikan smile bashfully.
Now, in a pragmatic fashion, with his back straight and his expression professional, Subaru continued, "You should write to Romi. He needs to be made aware of your situation."
Observant and perceptive by nature, Subaru did not miss the way Tsubasa's shoulders tensed; the way Anna's eyes widened, or the way Mikan evasively averted her gaze. It was like the temperature in the room dropped as awkwardness manifested in the very air.
"… What platoon is he stationed in? I can write to him if you would like?"
Youichi, oblivious of the change, eagerly looked at Mikan, waiting expectantly for an answer with bright eyes. Subaru, on the other hand, raised his eyebrows very slightly. He had not expected such dogged silence, especially from all three of them.
Finally, Mikan answered, "He," she cleared her throat, "he never said."
He's abandoned her—that was the first thought that occurred to Subaru. That day, he left her. He ran away, leaving Mikan behind, despite everything she had given to him. Subaru suddenly felt very protective, incensed; despite Mikan's wounded look, he strived forward, bristling, "Where does he live? What part of Alicea is he from?"
"I… I don't know."
The bastard used her and left her!
But then, how can she not know? He stayed with her for six months!
At once, Subaru was both offended and suspicious. "What about his parents? Didn't he mention where his parents live?"
Whitehall, Z's capital city, Mikan thought, pressing her lips together. Briefly, she wildly imagined writing a letter to Mr. and Mrs. Hyuuga—how on earth would they react to such news? Dear Mr. and Mrs Hyuuga, How do you do? You've never heard of me, but in a few months time I, a poor Alicean woman, with very little money and absolutely no status, will be giving birth to your son's bastard child. They would react badly. Very badly indeed. How could they not? It would be a scandal. Natsume had told her that his family was elite, rich; she was undoubtedly 'beneath' him, in terms of her upbringing, pedigree and (from their point of view) race. Not to mention, Natsume already has a rich, beautiful and influential fiancée, handpicked by his parents. They'd hate her, no doubt. They'd think she had bewitched their son with Alicean magic, purposefully ensnaring him with a child. His fiancée, Luna, would despise her too. She'd think Mikan had stolen Natsume from her… and, well, that was the reality of the situation. All these realizations depressed Mikan. She hadn't even considered Natsume's family until now. Or Luna. What would Natsume's beloved little sister say? Would she also brand Mikan an 'Alicean whore', and encourage Natsume to quietly leave Mikan and their child without a trace? They'd probably want to sweep her and her child away under the rug, away from Natsume and his fiancée, and forget this messy, foreign ordeal, as if it were just a dirty little secret to hide in the closet.
Mikan forced herself to dispel such disheartening considerations.
In a small voice, she finally said, "No," trying her best to hide the truth.
Subaru could no longer hide his distaste. He was now utterly convinced that Romi was a dishonorable man. There were many such men in the world; they crawled in all the corners of the earth, but he had not pegged Romi to fall under such heinous category. Bitterly, he remembered how Mikan had begged Subaru to come to hers to treat a soldier. Did her kindness mean nothing to him? She had taken care of him; cleaned his wounds, fed him, given him a safe place of refuge! Did she mean nothing to him at all? Did he simply just run with his tail between his legs as fast as he could, with no thought or regard towards Mikan, as soon as he spied an opportunity to escape Hoshikuzu without the authorities catching him, in the midst of all the chaos?
And now, Mikan was pregnant with such a man's child? Romi, or his family at least, must take responsibility! Did he expect Mikan to bring up their child alone? What about the child's expenses? Education was costly. Healthcare even more so—
All these thoughts must have shown on Subaru face, for earnestly, with hopes to reassure his appalled expression, Mikan said, "Subaru, if there was a way to tell him, I would. There's just no way to contact him right now. I care for him very deeply, and I know he feels the same way about me." She felt his necklace on her skin, "If we both survive the war, we've promised to meet in Hoshikuzu. So it all rests on that."
"He will!" Youichi suddenly piped up, determinedly. "He promised to live with us!"
Subaru did not seem satisfied, but he did not press the matter any further. It was still early days. He supposed Mikan didn't have to worry about the economical practicalities of raising a child until it arrived.
"I do need to use the phone though," Mikan shifted in her bed before looking at the three adults before her, "I need to call my parents."
"I'll tell Kaname—"
"No, don't worry. I won't yet. Not today. I," she bit her lips worriedly, "I… I need to come to terms with my own motherhood before I call my mother. There's a lot I need to consider before calling them…"
Mikan's parents, Yuka and Izumi Sakura, lived in Hina with Yuka's father. Yuka's father (or Jii-chan, as Mikan fondly called him) was old, and her parents had moved south when the war had begun to take care of him.
Mikan pressed the phone close to her ear, listening tentatively to the bleating ringing tones, as she closed her eyes. She imagined her family sitting in the living room that overlooked his small little garden that he tended every morning.
She imagined her grandfather shouting at her mother, telling her to answer the 'goddamn loud and annoying phone'. She imagined her mother grumbling but complying nonetheless.
It had been five days since Mikan had discovered she was pregnant. Now, she was in the study with both Anna and Tsubasa, clutching the phone—she had asked them both to be by her side when she broke the news to her parents. She was very nervous—terrified, even. Last night, she had decided after having a long discussion with Anna that she was going to tell her parents the truth: she was going to tell them that she was pregnant with Natsume Hyuuga's child (not Romi, the Alicean's). She was going to tell them that she had fallen in love with a Z, and in a few months time, she would be a mother to a half-Z—
The phone-line opened.
"Hello?"
It was her mother. She sounded out of breath.
"Mum—"
"Mikan! Oh, we were so worried! We heard what happened in Hoshikuzu—are you alright? Izumi was thinking about going—"
"I'm fine, I'm fine! I'm not in Hoshikuzu anymore. Dad can't go—"
"Oh, thank the gods! Izumi! Izumi! Jii-chan! It's Mikan—"
"Mum, I need to speak to you. I'll speak to dad and Jii-chan afterwards. I need you, mum."
Whether it was her tone or words that stopped Yuka, Mikan would never know.
Calmly, but with a very slight trace of concern, Yuka asked, "Mikan? What's happened?... Has someone died?"
"I… I mean, I'm sure many died during the invasion. I'm sure most of the town is destroyed by now. I've managed to escape to the countryside with some others, including Subaru and Anna." The two were family friends; Yuka and Izumi knew both Subaru and Anna well. "It's… mum, it's been a very hard few days."
"I'm sure… I can't even imagine… poor Hoshikuzu… poor you…"
Mikan exhaled. "Mum. I need to tell you something." She thought it'd be best to tell her the news swiftly rather than let the conversation dangle. "I'm pregnant."
Yuka was clearly not expecting this. "W-What? … I didn't quite catch that."
"I'm pregnant."
Silence. Then, "Izumi! Izumi! Izumi!"
Soon, her dad was on the phone too—her two parents' voices filled the line; Yuka told her husband before Mikan could break the news to her father.
"Mikan!" Izumi cried. "Are you married?! Who did you marry?"
"I-I'm not married—"
Her parents exploded, incessantly talking over each other, asking questions frantically—
"Mum! Dad! Listen to me, please!" They complied. Shaking, Mikan launched into her speech, the speech that she had practiced so diligently with Anna so many times last night, "Please listen to me carefully and with an open-mind and an open-heart. Nearly seven months ago, I saved a soldier's life. I fell in love with this soldier. His name is Natsume. He's the father. I am hoping to marry him once the war ends, provided of course that we both survive. Natsume…," she swallowed (here comes the hard bit), "Natsume isn't from Alicea."
Her father spoke first, in an eerie voice. "… What do you mean he's not from Alicea? Where's he from?" But the hard manner in which he spoke—it was as if he already knew the answer to his question.
Mikan tried to steady her breath before she finally revealed, "Z. He's from Z."
Yuka spoke first, her voice high, squeaky and absolutely stunned. "Mikan… my dear… you were raped?"
Despite all the hours she had spent worrying about her parents' reaction, rape was a topic that had not even been considered by Mikan. She gaped, but then her whole face contorted into an upset frown. Natsume? Rape? Never! The mere thought broke her heart—during all those wonderful nights they had spent together, he had never ever shown her anything but love, adoration and utter compassion!
"No!" Mikan rose to defend Natsume. She couldn't bear to think that her mother's automatic assumption had been assault. Was the thought of an Alicean and a Z in love utterly inconceivable? "He didn't—he never—he would never—"
"Mikan, you poor child—"
Her mother's sympathetic tone told Mikan that her mother did not believe her one bit: clearly, he parents believed otherwise, believed the worse.
"No! I'm not—I'm—no!" Mikan's coherence faltered, and then her whole body shook as a frantic determination shook through her; she felt she needed to prove Natsume's worth and his kindness to her parents on his behalf, "He loves me! He's the best man I know! He—"
"Mikan, he doesn't. He doesn't love you. Zs are not capable of such feelings." That was her mother.
Tears sprung to Mikan's eyes. "He does. He does love me. He's a human being. Of course he's capable of feeling—"
"Zs are not human," This was her father, "and I absolutely forbid you to give birth to such a child."
"D-Dad—"
"Come to Hina, Mikan." Her mother insisted. "Don't be scared. I know a doctor. No one needs to know about this. I hear abortions are very safe nowadays—"
"Mum! I'm not aborting my child—"
"What are you talking about?! Of course you must abort it! You can't give birth to a Z! That's absolutely out of the question! A Z, Mikan! A Z! It's a product of rape!"
"Our child not a product of rape!" Mikan bellowed into the phone, crying heavily, "My child is—"
Izumi shouted back with equal fervor, "How dare you, Mikan! Where is your Alicean loyalty?! Have you no shame, you disgraceful, disgusting child? Do you know how many Alicean men have died fighting for your future? You disgrace them! You spit in their dead faces! How dare you betray your country! How dare you even consider giving birth to such an abomination, you green-girl! A Z?! You must be fucking joking, Mikan!"
Mikan sobbed; then, routinely, a shaking hand found the necklace around her neck. She held the stone tight as she unevenly responded, "The child is guiltless—"
"We will never accept such an abomination as a grandchild. And until you've aborted it, you are not my child either. You're betrayed your family, but most painfully, you've betrayed your country."
"Dad—" Mikan beseechingly begged, crying.
"The next time you call us, it'll be to inform us that you've aborted it. Until then, don't call us."
"Dad, mum, please—!"
Her parents hung up.
Mikan wilted to the floor, wailing. The hand that had held the phone now fell to her stomach. She clutched her middle tightly. Immediately, Anna held her, steadying her, bringing her slowly to sit down. Mikan cried in Anna's arms as her friend cradled her head, stroking her hair reassuringly.
"I'm sorry, Mikan. I'm sorry."
Besides her, Tsubasa crouched down to the floor beside Mikan. He also hugged her. Between her two friends, Mikan cried as she reeled in the shock of the conversation. It had gone so, so much worse than she had ever anticipated. Never in all her life had her father spoken to her like that. Was one's country truly more important than one's own child? It hurt so badly; her heart hurt so terribly…
Yet at the same time, she couldn't believe her parents' words and wishes—their prejudice, their fury, and their beliefs… she couldn't believe that her parents had called her unborn child an abomination—
"You're not an abomination, you're not…" she found herself murmuring as she caressed her stomach, "you're not an abomination, I promise…"
Tsubasa swallowed painfully. It was there and then he promised that he was going to love Mikan's child, regardless of 'Romi'. He was going to accept it wholeheartedly and sincerely in his life when it arrived into this world, small and innocent.
It was like he could read Mikan's mind. He knew what she was thinking.
"Mikan, you're not going to have to raise the child alone. You're going to have all of us by your side, every step of the way."
Anna nodded fervently. "That's right. We're all here for you and for your child."
Mikan nodded, thankfully. But right now, the wounds her parents left her were far too deep and far too raw to ignore.
A/N: I know that Izumi and Yuka are very OOC. But for it's for the purpose of this story, so hopefully you'll all look past it. It's supposed to be very shocking—after all, they are essentially refusing to be grandparents to a child who has foreign blood. Will they ever accept their grandchild? Only time will tell…
Also, sorry if this sounds very anti-abortion. I want to stress that I am completely pro-choice!
Review replies:
Natsumemikan123: Thank you for your review! Yep, the last chapter was v. sad, but this isn't much better, is it? I'm sorry. Hopefully you stomached it! Misaki and Tsubasa's history will be explained and explored in the upcoming chapters.
Purple-Hime: Thank you for your two reviews! I know; very depressing… and yes, this is a Mikan chapter. According to my plans, the next chapter will also be a Mikan chapter (won't be as depressing, I promise), and the chapter after that will be a Natsume chapter. As to how many chapters left: I think this story will have more than 30 but less than 50 chapters. I can't give you an exact number because I'm not exactly sure myself, sorry! I do want to finish this story by the end of the year though. As to whether I'll give 'your babies' a happy ending—my lips are sealed. I've planned this story to the very last scene, so I know how it's all going to end, but I'm not going to spoil it! Misaki and Kaname are not married: more about the Misaki-Kaname-Tsubasa trio will be revealed soon. I know you want a Subaru-Hotaru chapter, sorry this isn't the phonecall you probably wanted. HOWEVER, Hotaru will be appearing (or talking) in the next chapter! Thank you for your kind words—praying for all my readers' safety too!
SunBabyBoss: Thank you for your review! You'll find out in due time what happens to Natsume and to Mikan's child… dun dun dun…
Capslock BAE: Thank you for your review and thank you for your kind words about the U.K. Honestly, the world is so tits up at the moment. Oh, let me know what you think about the movie! Hopefully you like it so we can fret over it together, 'cos goddammit, that movie hits me right in the feels but not many people seem to know it. Hopefully this chapter didn't make you scream, haha. I will say that Tsubasa will play a big part in the upcoming chapters though, in terms of the war… dun dun dun…
BloodRedRubies: Thank you for your review! Yes, well done for guessing! And yes, more angst indeed. I'm not actually a fan of angst, but this story just screams for more of it haha. Hopefully you're not crying in a corner right now… and yep, you're right, Natsume definitely 'needs to know man' (dunno why, but that phrase of yours made me laugh).
Guest: Thank you for your review! It was really on point. Yes, Mikan definitely did consider aborting the child. It is more practical—she knows this well but in the end, her feelings towards Natsume won out. Yes, the child definitely has the potential to be a symbol of unity, love and harmony, but clearly, not to everyone (i.e. Mikan's parents). To them, it's simply a disgusting abomination. :( I won't say anymore about the child though—don't want to spoil it!
Fernanda: Thank you for your review! Don't worry about misspelling my penname; I confess I do too, haha. And concerning your two hunches (either Mikan dies in childbirth or Natsume dies in battle)… my lips are definitely sealed! I'm sorry it's so heartbreaking!
TheShiroNeko: Thank you for your review! Glad you like the style and plot :) That makes me happy!
ToukaKanekiUlle: Thank you for your review! Yes, it is very sad :( This chapter's pretty damn sad too.
Mystique0831: Thank you for your review! Well, hopefully this chapter made your day again, despite its (once again) depressing content…
Next chapter won't be as depressing, I promise. Another Mikan chapter coming up, followed by a Natsume chapter!
Until then, stay safe!