Note: This chapter has been edited from it's original form for compliance with the M rating on FanFiction. For the full, MA version of this chapter please visit this same story on Archive of Our Own. The story title and chapter title are the same. The author name is DeepLittleSOB. The link to my Dashboard is in my profile.
"Oh, you're not dead," Bobby comments with faux shock from his spot behind his ever loved desk when Dean waltzes through the study at about eleven in the morning with his messy bed-hair and a t-shirt and sweatpants on. "You're just sleeping in. Lazy brat."
"Lazy my ass," Dean quips quickly right back as he heads for the coffee maker that he knows has to have at least one mug-full left in it, luke-warm at best. "I've been putting in some good, hard work all morning." He looks over his shoulder with a cocky grin that lets Bobby know just what he's been up to.
"Swell, Romeo, but how's you and Lizzy holing up in my upstairs for some horizontal time gonna stop Eve from killing the world?" he challenges as he watches Dean pour some coffee.
"It's not," Dean easily answers as he turns around to face Bobby from the kitchen counter and leans back into it. "But screw it. We're taking a day off."
"Wish I had the damn luxury…"
"Do the same then," Dean shrugs. "We gotta stay human, Bobby. Humans take days off and enjoy life as it happens every great now and then."
"You keep talking like that and I'm getting the silver." Bobby eyes him harshly with his unusual-for-Dean words.
"No need," Dean dismisses the thought. "I'm just having an eye opening experience in life right now."
"'Bout time…"
"Shut it, Bobby. I've missed out on so much with this whole having a kid thing. I'm done with that," he tells him with a sip of coffee. "It's my life, not theirs out there." He waves his hand off to the outside world, referencing angels and demons and all things that go bump in the night.
"So you're gonna just do what you want?" Bobby challenges. "World be damned?"
"For today… hell yeah," Dean tells him. "And if you don't like it you lay every ounce of that guilt trip bullshit on me, ok? Don't make L feel bad for this. That woman was happy all morning and it's been a long time since I've seen that from her. I don't want that to end. Today is a good, normal, crap-free day."
"Fine…" Bobby grumbles, half agreeing with the idea. "Just keep it down is all I ask. My ears have been damaged enough with you guys living here."
Dean smirks something playful with the comment as the side door opens up.
"Hey," Sam greets, surprised to see Dean at all as he comes back in from taking the dog out to play. "You're up."
"That I am."
"Thought you two were pulling an all-day-er."
"We are. This is just a break," Dean says as he drops his mug onto the countertop before crouching down to the floor. "Hey, Cass." He gives him a solid scratch behind the ears and looks up to Sam. "He staying where he's supposed to?"
"Yeah, I mean I think he can smell that siren Joe dumped here last week behind the warehouse but he hasn't tried to get back there. He knows not to. He's smart."
"Damn straight he is," Dean comments as he looks back at his dog, the animal panting with his busy morning. "You toss the ball around or something? He's looking done for."
"Oh yeah," Sam comments as he reaches into the refrigerator for a bottle of water. "He never wants to go in."
"Sounds right. He'll usually keep going until he just drops onto the ground exhausted," Dean answers back before getting up and reaching into the box of dog treats they keep on the counter. With one in hand he focuses on Cass. "Sit, Cass."
The dog does.
"Gimme ten."
When Dean holds out his hands Cass pushes up on his hind legs and touches his front paws to Dean's palms.
"Good boy," Dean tells him, placing the treat on his nose as the dog sits there and waits. Dean then leans back onto the counter casually and picks up his mug again. "I need to teach him more tricks. It's been too long."
"We've been busy, Dean," Sam reminds him as he watches the patience the pet has. He doesn't go for the treat. He just obediently waits. "Speaking of, you plan on being busy all day?"
"He sure does," Lizzy answer for him as she walks into the kitchen, yoga pants and Dean's t-shirt on. "We're taking a day off."
"Oh yeah?" Sam wonders. "That's an option?"
"It is if he says so," Lizzy says as she jerks her thumb at her husband. "I'm just going along for the ride."
"Don't pawn our laziness off on me," Dean instantly argues back as she throws him under the bus.
"It was your idea," she reminds him as she reaches into the donut box behind him on the counter. She pulls out a chocolate and a glazed before taking the water bottle out of Sam's hand. "Thanks, Sam." She grins wide and takes advantage of knowing right now she can get anything she wants out of her men.
"Don't mention it," he huffs with her rudeness but lets her take it. There were more in the refrigerator anyways.
"Hey," she says quietly, walking right up in front of Dean. "I'll see you back upstairs soon, right?"
"Absolutely," he slickly responds as she reaches up and gives him a searing kiss without a care of who the audience is.
Lizzy hums once with the feel of his lips and the promise of more fun in just a little bit as she pulls away from him. She grins wide and seductively up to him before walking towards the stairs. On her way she says, "Go for it, Cass."
The dog, still sitting with the treat obediently on is nose, moves fast and eats his reward, crunching away happily as he gets up to meander around the room.
Dean's left grinning like a fool as he watches her leave the room to eat breakfast and wait for his return. "She's fucking awesome," he says giddily as he chugs down some more coffee, already chomping at the bit to get her alone again.
"Just make sure she eats today," Bobby warns Dean from the study.
"Couldn't even stop her from eating with the promise of sex, trust me," Dean laughs a bit. "That's the only reason we're out of that room right now. She was starving." He turns around to the counter and fishes through the donut box himself, picking a jelly one. It's his favorite kind. They're like little mini pies covered in powdered sugar. How could he not love that?
"Sounds right," Bobby nearly laughs, having been mesmerized by the amount of food she can house these days. "And talk to her about the big day, would you? I know you haven't yet but there's a lot you need to know…"
"We'll talk about it tomorrow," Dean says with a mouthful of donut. "We still got, like, over two months."
"Ten weeks will go by much faster than you think they will," Bobby issues his warning that he couldn't let go.
To this Dean just bites his tongue. If Bobby wants to think that he'll be that careless and not get himself more than ready for Sammy's arrival date then let him think that. Won't he be surprised when Dean ends up being a rock star that day, which he does in fact plan to do despite his fears and nerves over it all. He'll be a nervous wreck on the inside. On the outside he plans to be the calm, collected one that gets his wife through everything she'll be put through.
"Well, it's been nice chatting with you gentlemen," Dean tells them as he stands up off the counter and kills the last of his coffee. "But I've got some more work to do." He winks at his brother.
"Work, huh?" Sam questions his choice of wording with sarcasm.
"Hey, I put forth my best effort every time, Sammy," Dean tells his brother as he heads for the stairs. "It's work. Trust me. And I love my job." He raises his eyebrows once and disappears up to the second floor.
"You know, I kinda thought that by now they'd cool it a bit," Sam says to Bobby, having still been surprised by the two of them. They stay in constant newlywed status, never getting into a routine that doesn't include far too much sex.
"Never gonna happen at this point," Bobby responds while sitting back in his seat. "At least he's just sticking with her and not sneaking around though…"
"Thankfully," Sam agrees completely.
"No shit, thankfully. I am not about to start dealing with a heartbroken girl that got dumped by a hunter that can't keep it in his pants. This coulda gone a whole…" he pauses when he looks up to his ceiling when the music starts up again from the bedroom above, Paul Rodgers' voice loud and clear. "…different way than it has."
"Oh, I know," Sam shakes his head, walking into the study and sitting across the desk. Cass follows him, having grown quite fond of Sam over time, and sits on the floor next to him, putting his chin on Sam's knee much like he always does with Lizzy. "And I worried about that at first."
"You and me both, kid."
Sam huffs a little laugh and scratches Cass' head. "God, I thought Dean had lost his shit. Growing up he always told me to never get attached. Never let a girl get to you because it only causes problems with the lives we live. After we left here that weekend… he was done for. She got to him so quickly. I didn't know who to worry about more. Him or Lizzy."
"Lizzy," Bobby darkly answers the question for him. "I've only ever worried about her. She's too emotional, too…"
"Open to people?"
"She always lets others affect her harder than they should."
"Well, thankfully this all worked out," Sam says with true gratefulness. "Dean's always needed something, was always searching for something… never knew it was a girl until I met Lizzy but that was it. He needed a woman to put him in his place."
"And she does that!" Bobby nearly laughs at the idea. "She's got him so whipped it's comical."
"Yeah," Sam smiles wide. "Yeah..." Sam gets a faraway look when he lets that thought linger. "Hey, ah, you think that we get only one chance at that?"
"Chance at what?" Bobby wonders, leaning back in his chair as he can tell when Sam's about to get too deep with it. He's the deep little bastard of the group, always getting into it with his thoughts, not all of them easy to deal with.
"That," he points to the ceiling, gesturing to the couple upstairs. "To happiness and finding that… whatever it is they have. You think we all get that one solid chance and then that's it?"
"Oh… uh…" Bobby stalls as he doesn't know quite what to say to that.
"I mean, you had Karen and from what little you tell us it sounds to me that you were a whole lot like that."
Bobby just nods and swallows hard. "Love of my life."
"So you think we only get one?" Sam asks, thinking it over. "The concept of the 'the one' has to have come from somewhere. What if we only get that one 'love of our lives' and then… the rest just… pales in comparison?"
Bobby already knows Sam's thinking about Lou right now. He missed out on a lot with her and he thinks about her all the time. Bobby never expected something profound to be there between the two of them but the way his Lou would speak of Sam, with such reverence and sheer respect, he had his suspicions a long time ago.
"No," Bobby completely lies. After having been with Karen he absolutely believes in the concept of there being one person out there for everyone, one person that will change the course of life and become the most important thing anyone has. But he won't ever let Sam know that. It'd be too crushing and Bobby doesn't have the heart to say so. "I think there are more than one person out there for everyone. I think Lizzy and Dean are… special."
"Yeah, Dean's special alright," Sam jokes quickly. "And I know they're different but… I just, I can't help but sometimes think that…"
"Don't," Bobby cuts him off. "Don't you do that to yourself. It's not worth the heartache and crap it comes with."
"I mean, really, what does it matter in the end, right? I don't have time to even talk to another girl right now let alone find… that… again." Sam's mood suddenly shifts. "It doesn't matter. I'm talking outta my ass…" Sam shifts uncomfortably in his seat when he gets too deep with it all and Bobby gets upset with his attitude he's taking.
"You're giving up?"
Sam laughs small. "Gave up a long time ago. I gave up after Lou died."
"What about Rina?" Bobby challenges. "Seemed to me you liked her plenty enough."
Rina. Sam thinks back to her. She was so warm, kind, beautiful… and someone he felt a real connection to. He was a different person around her. She made him happy but only to an extent.
"I did," Sam nods truthfully. "I really did. And she was… I'd be lucky to have her in my life."
"Then call her up," Bobby shrugs. "She might not talk to you at first since she thinks you're dead and all but she knows about our world. She could get past it."
"No," Sam shakes his head. "It's better that I let her think I'm gone and she can move on. I would only bring more shit to her doorstep that she doesn't need."
"You're all a bunch of stubborn, stupid bastards, you know that?" Bobby starts to get angry. "Dean used to try and tell me the same thing about Lizzy."
"And Rina and I are different than them. I'm just looking out for her best interest," Sam tells Bobby. "And what am I gonna do, leave every other week on her and try not to get killed? Keep her nervous by the phone when I get tied up in something for a few days like Dean does to Lizzy? I don't want that for her and, more than anything… with her it wasn't the same."
"Same as?"
"Same as what I had with Lou," Sam explains. "I really liked Rina, maybe more than liked her, but it wasn't what I had before. It couldn't compare and I would just be lying to her and to myself if I got back with her. The only way I would ever be with another woman is if I am out of hunting for good and it can even come close to the connection between Lou and me."
Bobby keeps quiet as he knows from experience that when you find that thing, that right person, nothing can ever touch that again.
"Well, I get it, if that's worth a damn thing to ya'," he tells the younger man. "I've been there."
Sam nods, knowing that he has. "It never gets better, does it?"
He shouldn't say it but before he can stop it Bobby tells him the truth. "Not in the least."
Sam sighs loudly with the idea that this is life, this is it. He's always going to see what Dean has, what makes Dean able to keep going without second though, and never get that back.
"But don't dwell on that, son. You'll kill yourself if you think about it too much," Bobby says while sitting back up. "You just gotta keep going, keep making a difference, and now we got a new snot-nosed little jerk to take care of. Gotta have our heads in the game."
Sam can't help but smile at that. "Yeah. That'll definitely help."
"It will, and we can't let him down," Bobby reminds Sam as he plops a big book in front of him. "His parents'll be busy enough with actually raising him. They might need a couple sets of hands when it comes to saving him."
"They definitely will," Sam agrees while getting up to put a new pot of coffee on. It may be a big responsibility on his head now, making sure little Sammy gets a good life, but he's going to do his damn best to help him. "They're lucky we're around."
"You know it," Bobby answers lightly before diving into his book.
He's going to make all the other losses in life worth it by protecting his nephew. That's his lot in life, that's where he's going to find the love he's always going to crave. It's with his family, the one growing to one more person soon enough.
She fell asleep a half hour ago and hasn't moved an inch since. The prideful side in him likes to think it's because he wore her out completely but really he knows she's just been exhausted through the pregnancy. Still, it was a hell of a morning and if she wants to sleep then sleep she will. Lizzy deserves whatever she wants, especially right now.
Dean's been just lounging around while he waits for her to wake up. He's spent the time closing his eyes and reveling in the wonder of silence, watching her as she lays there peacefully, her face free from worry, and letting his imagination play out their future in all the best ways he can create.
Sure, he shouldn't think about such a bright future when he doesn't know if there is one to be had, but he has to have some kind of hope. He has to think this way every now and then because if he didn't then he'd go crazy.
While his mind rambles Lizzy's eyes suddenly flutter a bit as she takes a deep breath.
"Morning… again," Dean says to her with a grin when his train of thought takes a break to focus on her again.
"Oh man," she says groggily while on her back. She looks to him with tired eyes and reaches for his hand before placing it on her stomach. "Guess Sammy wants me to wake up."
With the tumbling inside her stomach that he can immediately feel, Dean's smile spreads across his face wide and sincerely.
"Yeah, I'm never gonna get sick of that," Dean comments happily.
"Well, you're alone on that one then," she says in a yawn. "I could have totally slept for a lot longer. Little fucker woke me up."
"You're fine," Dean brushes off as he lays there on his side, hand on her stomach as he just takes in the movement of his son.
"How long was I out?"
"Half an hour."
"That's it?" she complains a bit as she stretches a little. "What a jip."
"You can sleep more if you want," Dean offers kindly, his fingertips dragging across her skin soothingly. "I don't mind."
"No, no," Lizzy shakes the idea off. "It's ok. I don't want to sleep my day off from life away. I'd rather be awake with you."
With that Dean leans over and kisses her once. Lizzy rolls onto her side facing him and they stay there.
"What did you do while I was sleeping?" Lizzy has to wonder. She's pretty sure he never got up. She usually wakes up when he moves out of bed.
"Stayed here."
"Sounds boring."
"Nah, it was kinda nice," Dean tells her. "No noise, no hunt, no nothing."
"I can see how that wouldn't be boring at all then."
Dean nods and combs his hands through her long hair. He peers at her with sheer adoration, something he never used to be comfortable doing as he felt way to open to another person. Now it doesn't matter. "I know what I want."
She looks at him funny, not understanding. "Want with… what?"
"I want out," Dean says very easily. "I want to get away from all this… shit. I want to end it with Eve and, and Raphael… and I want to live again."
"I know you do," Lizzy tells him, never having questioned that.
"I want a home again. I want our year together but with our family this time." His hand returns to her stomach as Sammy keeps up his moving. She want's joking. He's active and most certainly their crazy kid, just like Lizzy said.
And to this Lizzy smiles at him warmly as she brings an arm around his body and moves closer. "I love hearing you say that."
"I do. I want a house out west."
"West, huh?" Lizzy asks with an arched eyebrow.
"Or back east…"
"But you like the west?" she asks, never having known this about him. When they settled into her apartment in Massachusetts she just assumed he didn't mind it there. He never said a word.
"Yeah," he tells her the truth. "I didn't mind the Northeast but… it's fucking cold." He huffs a quiet laugh. "And snowy. California isn't."
Lizzy lights up a little as she listens and smiles. "I like California. It's beautiful out there. I wouldn't mind a little place on the west coast."
"One with a backyard…" Dean interrupts. "Where Cass can run around safely."
"Without the risk of him digging up a charred rugaru," Lizzy agrees instantly.
"And where I can build a swing set for Sammy," he adds on. "Growing up I always saw the other kids' houses and they all had swing sets in their yard, like their own personal playground. I used to be so jealous of that…."
"And Sammy won't know what that jealousy feels like," Lizzy stops him. "He'll have that. You'll build him a huge playground all his own."
"It'll be his but he'd have to share, though," Dean stipulates without thinking, almost regretting the sentence once it leaves his mouth as they've not yet talked about this.
Lizzy looks at him oddly. "With who?"
"His… well, you know, I just figured… I mean," he struggles through but when Lizzy places a hand to his cheek and smirks at him he gets it all out there. "Sammy's gonna be a big brother at some point, right? He'd have to share with them?"
"Them!?" Lizzy asks with wide eyes. "How many you planning on, Hot Shot?"
"Well, maybe not them," Dean takes it back. "But I want more. I want at least two."
"Like you and Sam?" Lizzy asks, smiling wider with all of her teeth.
"Yeah. I don't want him to be alone."
"I was alone," Lizzy points out to him. "I turned out ok."
"No way were you ever alone," Dean denies her instantly. "You had a sister."
"I didn't know she was my sister. And she didn't even live with me…"
"But you were never alone. Lou was always there with you even if she didn't live in the same house," he pushes his point. "I want Sammy to have a little brother or sister, maybe two…"
"Were you gonna consult my body about this one?" Lizzy challenges as he seems to be planning everything out without her consent.
"Consulting your body is how we got ourselves here in the first place," Dean winks at her as he leans in and kisses her neck just once as she laughs.
"Ha-ha," she mock laughs. "I was just curious if you were going to ask me how I felt about that since, you know, I gotta pop those suckers out."
"Fair enough," Dean nods with a grin. "So, momma… am I alone in this?"
"No," she very quickly tells him. "I want more than one, definitely. I see how much your life and my life depended on and was made infinitely better by siblings and… Sammy won't be alone. Without Lou I'd be lost and without Sam… hell, I don't wanna think about what you'd be like. I want more than one."
"Good," Dean says with relief. He was worried about that, bringing that subject up. He knows if they don't find a way out of the disaster they're currently living then Sammy will be an only child. They aren't stupid. But the drive in him to get out gets stronger every day. He feels more confident about it all the time.
"Very good," Lizzy returns, always having assumed somehow that they'd have more than just Sammy. She never brought it up for similar reason to Dean but at least now it's out in the open. "What else did you plan out for us?"
Dean settles in a little more comfortably, pulling her closer until her head is resting under his chin, the bumps and kicks of his Sammy felt against his front.
"I figured I'd find a new garage to work at," Dean mentions. "I liked working at Ellis' place. I liked working with cars and I can get any job I want with Baby as my resume."
"Most definitely," Lizzy totally agrees. That car is pristine, just like her Mustang. He has two very easily proven reasons why he deserves to work at any garage he wants.
"And you could do whatever you wanted," he keeps going. "Bartend, self-defence… you could even get back into dance if you wanted to."
"Eh, I think that ship has sailed."
"Why do you say that?" Dean wonders, his arm around her and hand rubbing slow circles into her lower back that's been killing her lately.
"Mm," Lizzy hums without awareness as her back feels better already. "I've been out of that world for too long. I'm out of the loop. And the last time I tried to dance it just wasn't the same."
"When was that?"
"When you were… gone," she keeps it simple and moves on right away, not willing to drag his stint in hell into this lovely, evil-free conversation. "I don't really know what I would do…"
"You could be a teacher," Dean suggests as he looks down at her. She looks back up with surprise. "You once said that you wanted to be a teacher like your mom."
"That takes years of college," Lizzy points out. "If we want a house and at least two kids how the hell are we gonna afford me going back to school?"
"I don't know, but you could if you wanted to," he tells her. "If we get out, we do everything we've always wanted to do. If you want to teach… then teach. We'll figure it out."
Lizzy snuggles into him a little closer, her cheek against his neck and shoulder, and considers it. "It's something to think about."
"And it would be awesome being married to a school teacher," he points out. "Get you some glasses, a tight skirt, a ruler…"
"Sam's right. You totally confuse real life and porn way too much." She giggles at his wandering mind and how it can turn to sex in a second flat. "But I like your version of the future."
"Good to know that we're on the same page."
"And now I feel guilty not being downstairs researching a way out of our shit. I want everything you just said so badly…"
"No way," Dean denies her in an instant. "It's just one day."
"And one day closer to Sammy arriving," Lizzy points out. "I mean, we gotta find a way to kill Eve, help Cass if he'll let us, and I gotta prepare you for the wonders of childbirth… which, honestly, is pretty fucking nasty and kinda scary."
With that Dean's ear perk up a bit. "You're scared?"
"Seriously?" Lizzy asks as she backs away and looks at him. "How could I not be!?"
"Dude, you run at monsters head first."
"Yet I've never been through anything like this," she explains. "Monsters I know. Squeezing out a kid… not so much."
"Well, what are you scared of then?" Dean asks as he sits up and gets serious.
"Well," Lizzy starts as she sits up also and faces him. "A lot of things."
"Name one," he asks of her as he looks to get her going.
"Contractions," Lizzy states instantly. "They're gonna hurt like a bitch and I know that I have a high threshold for pain and all…"
"That's nothing," he stops her there. "You can handle that easily. And I'll be right there with you. I'll even let you punch me in the gut to even the score."
Lizzy laughs with the offer, knowing he would let her do that if she wanted to. "You better be careful what you offer me. When that pain hits I might take you up."
"Wouldn't offer if I didn't mean it," he promises, knowing he'd let her if it helped. "Come on, what else?"
"Episiotomy," she says with a sour face. "I really don't want to have one of those."
"Uh, that's when they cut into…"
"Yeah, don't say it out loud," Lizzy stops him before he can say the whole thing aloud and closes her eyes with the disturbing truth. "Like, is that seriously necessary? I like my vagina the way it is and I don't like sharp objects near it."
"Ok… yeah, that one's… shit, that's totally understandable," he sympathizes as he has no way to rebut that. "But it's… a thing. It happens. Women go through that every day. And you'll be fine. You'll be all healed up after with a sex free month and a half anyways."
"Yeah…" she says with a nervous tone. "Still don't want it."
Dean nods sympathetically. "Keep going. Say it all. This is good."
"This is good?" she questions with disbelief. "What about crapping in front of a bunch of people is good?"
"Cra…. what the hell does that mean?" he has to wonder.
"Most women, while trying to push their little bundle of joy into this world… uh, well, they poop. Right there in front of everyone."
Dean makes a horrified face.
"Yeah, awful right?" Lizzy sighs with her upcoming horror. "I mean the pain, fine, I'll make it through. The needles and medications and dozens of people checking out my goods every five minutes, great, whatever it takes to get Sammy outta here safely." She brings her hands to her stomach. "But that's, like, total dignity loss while I'm already down. That's too damn much."
Dean sits speechlessly as the awful idea processes through his brain. Luckily Lizzy can read it all on his face, every expression of worry and disgust with the idea flashing across it.
"Sexy, right?" Lizzy says to him with a grumpy attitude. "And with all that… how are you still gonna want this? I can't imagine that this will make you wanna do anything with me or my body ever again after."
"Oh, I don't know… I'm sure I'll get over it." Dean huffs an unconvincing laugh.
"See," she grabs his hand when she starts to get a confirmation of her fears. "It's gross and you're gonna look at me like I'm the grossest after this!"
"No," Dean denies the thought. "No way. I'm just… adjusting to the information you just gave me. Ok? I need a minute."
"Understandable," Lizzy says, looking down at her hands holding his while rethinking it. "That's selfish of me, isn't it? Being afraid of those things?"
"Why would that be selfish?" He doesn't get it. All her concerns seem quite valid to him.
"Because who gives a shit… no pun intended…" she says, smiling slightly with her choice of words.
"Cute," Dean smiles at her for that one.
"I'm just saying… I worry about these things but there are so many worse scenarios that could happen," Lizzy says. "What if Sammy gets the cord wrapped around his neck and he can't breathe? That happens often enough. And what if he's in the wrong position or once he's born what if something's wrong with him that they couldn't tell before…"
"What, are you trying to make yourself nuts?" Dean asks with slight anger when he sees her spiral into her fears.
"No, I just… you know, I've spend a good chunk of my life worrying about what could happen to me in this world, what could happen to you and Lou… and it did happen with her… and I can't take that happening to Sammy. I can't." Her grip on his hand gets too tight. "I can't get him only to lose him or have something be wrong with him… that'll kill me…"
While Lizzy's on the verge of tears Dean's face breaks out in a grin.
"Are you kidding me?" he nearly laughs.
"Are you kidding me?" she nearly shouts at her. "You don't worry about this?"
"No. Never. L, this kid is fucking prophesized about. You think Heaven's gonna let anything go wrong with what's supposed to be God's vessel? He'll be healthy as a damn horse."
Damn, he makes a good point.
"Nothing is gonna go wrong here," he tells her with absolute certainty. "Sammy's gonna be more than fine. He's gonna be healthy and perfect and… shit, just stop worrying so much. For once there's something we don't have to worry about."
Taking a moment to absorb the well thought out truth behind her fears, Lizzy nods. "You're probably right."
"I am right," he tells her, bringing a hand to either side of her face and pulling her closer. "Sammy'll be perfect." He kisses her sweetly to calm her fright.
Lizzy nods her head to accept this, even if something about it all nags at her in the back of her mind.
"It's late," Dean moves on, trying to her brain onto better things. "You hungry?"
"Is that a real question?" Lizzy plays off her dark feelings with an eyebrow arch and a joke.
"What do you want?"
"Hm… chicken parm. With spaghetti."
"What!?" Dean looks at her with shock. "I thought you were gonna say a sandwich… or a burger… something doable."
"Just order out," she shrugs. "The Italian place in downtown is awesome and they deliver."
"And I can do that," Dean tells her, getting out of bed. He walks around collecting his clothes and getting dressed. "I'm gonna asks the nerds if they want anything. You wanna head down to eat?"
"When it gets here," Lizzy nods and plasters a fake smile on her face as she sits in bed.
"Ok," he responds, walking to stand next to her and kissing her good before leaving. "I'll let you know when it's here."
"Thank you," she grins and Dean leaves, his gait light and carefree for the first time in what feels like years.
Once he's gone her face drops again. She places her hands on her stomach as the deep dread stays right there in her gut. Something about Sammy coming into this world worries her. With everything going on it could be anything that makes her feel this fear and so she can't narrow it down. She just knows she wants the day over with already so that she can be a mom and move past this weird looming cloud that seems to be hanging over her head lately. She'll never tell Dean, of course, because he himself has enough to deal with without some paranoid weirdo feelings adding to it.
Still… something is bugging her…
"So," Sam starts with a small grin on his face when Lizzy plops onto the couch next to him after they've finished dinner. "You have a good day?"
"Definitely," she tells him, propping her feet onto one of the antique ottomans in the living room. "It was a nice change of pace."
"Glad it was worth it," Sam tells her.
"Very," Lizzy wholeheartedly agrees as she adjusts her beloved full-sized, noise cancelling headphones currently hugging her stomach instead of her ears.
"What's he listening to today?" Sam asks, having seen Lizzy do this several times already. Usually she picks the classics, Led Zeppelin more likely than not as she and Dean both love them to a scary point.
"It was Chopin earlier, but right now…" She lifts one side of the headphones so that Sam can make out 'Why Go'. She just grins.
"Good old Pearl Jam," Sam responds with a bit of glee.
"Sammy'll love a good McCready guitar solo if it kills me," she grins wide.
"Classical and the classics," Sam nods. "That's eclectic."
"I want him to be brilliant and respect good music. Makes sense to me," Lizzy shrugs. She has been diligent in exposing her son to classical music to feed his brain and ensure he'll be Sam-smart and giving him the best rock music she knows to make him just plain awesome.
"I get it," Sam laughs a little while watching as she shifts awkwardly in her seat. "You alright?"
"Eh, my back's been killing me lately," Lizzy tells him.
"Old injury or something else?" he wonders as he places his book onto the side table.
"Both," she huffs a bummed out laugh. "It's the dance thing made worse by the baby thing. And I don't think being on it all day has helped." She lifts her eyebrows at him once with fun and Sam groans.
"So it's your own fault that your back hurts so much today," Sam surmises.
"I'll take partial blame," she grins out, thinking back on the lovely day in bed she spent with her husband. "I'll blame the kid also just because I can though."
"Seems fair," Sam comments, knowing how badly her back can bother her when it acts up. "Come here."
"What?" she quickly questions when he asks her to come closer.
"Just do it," he tells her with an eye roll. "It'll be worth it."
She sighs as she moves from her nice corner spot on the couch to slide over to the middle cushion.
"Face the other way." He points to the kitchen, asking her to put her back to him. Trusting him as always, Lizzy does as he asks, sitting Indian-style with her hands propped on her knees.
Angling towards her Sam presses his hands into her lower back. "Right or left?"
"Right." The second she tells him she can feel his hands kneading into her back, the feeling being like Heaven on Earth right away. "Uhhh. Oh my God. That's amazing."
"Yeah? Doesn't hurt?" he checks with her, making certain he's helping instead of making anything worse.
"Oh fuck no," she just short of moans with the relief. "This is almost better than sex."
"I'm sure Dean would love hearing that…" Sam jokes at his brother's expense.
"Whatever," Lizzy doesn't care at all about that right now. "Mm, right there. Don't stop, baby."
"Very funny," Sam laughs a little at her joke.
"You guys find anything today?" Lizzy has to ask, her curiosity trumping Dean's want for her to not even talk about evil stuff today.
"Jack with a big side of squat," Sam tells her, his tone low after yet another unsuccessful day. "I'm starting to think that the almighty Library of Bobby doesn't have the answer for us."
"Shit," Lizzy complains, her voice still showing how much she's clearly enjoying his ministrations. "So what the hell do we do? Where else is there a library that can compare to the one we have right here?"
"Uh, well…" Sam starts, putting a little more effort into his work on her back to keep her from getting truly mad. "I've been remembering some stuff and I might know where we can look."
"Remembering from your soulless time?" she asks, not an ounce of anger in her tone.
"Yeah."
"That's dangerous, Sam-I-Am…"
"I wasn't digging, I promise," he tells her, glad she's even tempered with her current blissful back rub. "It kinda came to me when we were sitting around today reading. I swear, I remember being in a room with every book Samuel had picked up. It was a huge collection, stuff even Bobby's never seen before."
"You remember where it is?" she presses on.
"Thought you didn't want me to dig?" he plays a little.
"Shut up. Do you?"
"Not exactly," he tells her. "But I have a good feeling that it's in the compound."
"Then we're screwed."
"Probably," Sam concurs completely, know that after the last time they saw Samuel he wouldn't exactly be excited to help them. He sold them out. He thinks they're going to murder him when they next see him. That doesn't feel like the recipe for a sharing mood.
"Think we could sneak in?"
"It's a thought… but I know how hard it'll be. That place is locked tight and guarded to the nines. It wouldn't be easy."
"Something to think about, though," Lizzy says, her eyes closed as she continues to enjoy Sam's help.
"Hey, if it'll kill Eve or help Sammy then I'll give it a try."
"Sammy's lucky to have you, Sam," Lizzy lets him know. "Very lucky."
He keeps his mouth shut for that one, never fully sure what to say after emotional comments like that.
"And so am I," Lizzy groans out with relief as the side door opens up. "So fucking good."
"The hell are you doing in there?" Dean suddenly asks as he and Cass come into the room after a nice, brisk winter walk. She sounds like she's enjoying herself far too much and in a way she should only be enjoying herself if she's with him alone. He rushes into the room to find that look on Lizzy's face that he's seen so many times before. Bliss. And then he sees Sam sitting behind her.
"Sam's making my day perfect," Lizzy tells him in a truly happy voice.
"Backs killing her, no thanks to you," Sam says with a shit eating grin.
"Hey, what can I say?" Dean says, unlatching the leash from Cass' collar and letting him free. "I'm sure a stiff back is well worth the day we had."
"Yes," Lizzy succinctly confirms as her dog heads her way. He stands by her as she sits on the couch and starts to do his usual sniffing about her stomach. "Hey, Cassie."
He then nudges her stomach a bit with his nose.
"Sammy loves you, too," she laughs as she looks around the room while petting him. Her husband, her brother, her puppy… not too shabby. "Ah, good day."
"Want to make it better?" Dean questions with a mischievous grin. "Only a few hours left to the day off. Should probably take advantage."
"In a minute," Lizzy tells him, not ready to walk away from Sam and his help quite yet. She scratches behind Cass' ears and closes her eyes again. "Just another minute."
Sam looks to his brother with a triumphant and over-confident smile, not unlike the one he picked up from Dean growing up. Lizzy just chose him over Dean. How could he not take a moment to silently brag?
And Dean hates it.
"L, come on," he walks over to the couch and holds his hand out to her. "I'll pick up where Sam leaves off."
She looks up at him with a massive smile. "I have to wonder how many women out there would have killed to hear you say that after getting a load of the Winchester boys."
Dean gives her an unhappy look. "Fucking hilarious. You want in or what, sicko?" He shakes his hand still extended her way and waits.
"Fine, oh impatient one," she grumbles a bit as she takes his hand and lets him pull her onto her feet. She then turns to look at Sam. "Thanks, Sam-I-Am."
He just shakes his head and shrugs, letting her know it was nothing.
"We'll talk more tomorrow," she smiles warmly at him before leaning down and kissing him on the cheek. "We'll take the pooch for a walk or something." They exchange a look of shared understanding, knowing they need to catch up, before she turns back to Dean. "Alright, let's go sex addict."
"I am rubber, you're glue…" Dean smiles small as she walks past him.
"Yeah, yeah," she waves him off as she makes her way out of the room, her hand on her back as she never had enough time with those magic fingers she prefers way over the mechanical ones Dean's obsessed with. "Everything I say bounces off of you and calls me a nympho. We all know I like sex, ok? No need to remind." Her voice grows distant. "Now get that ass upstairs and get to work, huh?"
With a now giant smile on his face Dean looks quickly to Sam while Lizzy walks up the stairs. "I love when she gets all bossy like that."
Sam laughs a little as Dean jumps up and clicks his heels together before running off, hearing the heavy-booted footsteps as he goes.
Once inside their room with the door closed he finds Lizzy stepping out of her sweatpants while standing by the side of their bed.
"Oh yeah," he cheers as he kicks his boots across the room one at a time. "Take it off, baby!"
When she looks at him her face is set in challenge. "You said you'd give me a back rub."
"And sex," he reminds her, his face light and giddy.
"No, no," she reminds him as she crawls into the sheets with her underwear and oversized tank top on, moving slowly as her back really does in fact hurt. "You said a happy ending."
"Yeah, a happy ending provided by my dick," he tells her and tries not to laugh.
"What if that's not what I want?" she presses on, Dean's expression dropping immediately. "Dean, we've had sex all damn day. Honestly, I don't think my body handle anything crazy at this point."
"Really?" he questions with surprise. She's usually ready to go no matter what.
"Really," Lizzy echoes. "I'm God damn seven months in, Dean. I'm not the same as I used to be."
"Shit," he recognizes what she says. "I didn't really think about that." He then pauses as he watches her move slowly and settle into bed sitting up, moving until she finds a position in which her back aches less. "You're seriously hurting, aren't you?"
"It isn't great," she shares a lopsided grin with him, not really liking admitting to being in pain.
"Alright, we don't have to do anything much," Dean assures her, dropping his jeans and losing his flannel shirt.
"I'm not saying we can't do anything," Lizzy clarifies. "I'm just not ready for anything crazy is all. Easy… slow… that's about my pace right now."
"Whatever works for you, L," he says with sheer love as she slides in next to her. "Still paying off my debt and all." He slides his hand across her stomach as he kisses her.
"Well then you're gonna owe me forever," she smiles warmly as she lets him help her, lifting off her shirt before positioning her the way he wants her.
Knowing that lying on her stomach isn't an option, Dean gets her on her left side facing away from him. He sits behind her, letting his fingertips dance along the expanse of her smooth back, enjoying how comfortable she still is while nearly naked, even this far along. It's nice to know that when he told her he thought she was as hot as ever she actually believed him… after the millionth time.
He then focuses in, knowing exactly where her back hurts most. Her lower right side. She told him what happened a long time ago. She pulled it while on stage dancing and, like every good and dedicated dancer, she kept dancing through the pain until her piece was done. When she got off stage she could barely move. Ever since then it flares up from time to time, mostly triggered by their more physical hunts and now by the person growing inside of her and putting a whole new kind of stress on her body.
"Mm, now those are the kind of magic fingers I like," Lizzy jokes, thinking this totally tops the quarter-operated beds in the seedier motels that Dean loves.
"Don't you know it," he slickly returns as he continues to work on her.
"So… I want a kitchen," Lizzy piggybacks their conversation from earlier, having really enjoyed the pretend time. It's fun to think about the things that they know will probably never happen. They are realistic but at the same time they have goals.
"Uh, a kitchen?" he asks with sheer confusion.
"With lots of counter space and dark hardwood flooring. And granite counter tops."
Dean smiles when he gets it. "You gonna cook me dinner in this amazing kitchen?"
"I'm gonna cook our family dinner every night," Lizzy says, eyes closed as she enjoys the back rub. "Just like mom did. No matter how busy we were she always had a home cooked meal on the table by six every night. We would all sit together and talk… it was so nice…"
"That sounds awesome," Dean tells her while recalling his own childhood. "Beats the hell outta take out Chinese while sitting on my bed wondering where the hell dad was."
Lizzy reaches back and grabs his wrist, making sure he's listening.
"And Sammy will never worry about where his daddy is," she says, looking at the wall next to the bed. She knows he's listening closely. "He'll never be scared because you won't disappear for days on end to hunt."
"No freaking way," Dean agrees easily, wanting that more than the rest.
"And I want big family holidays," she says while humming with happiness. "Christmas' with too many presents from Santa and everyone over… Uncle Sam and Grampa Bobby. And we sit down and eat together, a big roast and pies and egg nog… just like when I was at home, with mom."
Dean leans down and kisses her neck sweetly, knowing how much she misses her mom. He can relate completely.
"She would have been such a good grandmother," Lizzy tells him, her voice a little choked at the idea. "God, my parents would be so excited, so crazy happy…." She covers a hand over her mouth and rolls onto her back to look up at Dean. "That's one thing that our Sammy's made me think about. I just wish they were still here for this. There's so many people Sammy won't get to meet."
"I know," Dean wrinkles his brow and nods. "I've thought about that too."
"It sucks," she says while looking on the verge of tears. "My parents, your parents, Lou… he won't even have Ellen or Jo. I mean, this… it's so hard sometimes…"
And the tears start falling. Usually Dean would roll his eyes at this level of emotional breakdown since her hormones are all over right now but this one he understands all too well. Their child will have so little in the way of family. They've all lost so much and in turn so has their son. It's unfortunate and really, it's very sad.
"It's unfair," Dean agrees, biting back his shared sorrow to speak to her and let her remember the good they have. "Just like a lot of things that have happened to us. We don't have a huge group of people on our side, you're right… but what we have is good. Really good."
Lizzy nods, knowing how true it is, even if the loss will always seem to outweigh everything. "I know."
"Sammy's got Bobby," Dean reminds her. "And yeah, that's only one grandparent, but he's gonna love our son just as much as we do. He'll do anything for Sammy already and you know that. And Sam. He's got Sam. I don't think I need to tell you how important that will be for him."
Dean leans down and kisses her lips while holding her face. "And he has us," he adds in. "According to me, that's like winning the lotto the second he pops out."
Lizzy smiles up to him warmly, huffing a laugh at his words. "Yeah. We definitely don't suck."
"That we don't," he confirms and kisses her again, longer this time.
"You really think we can do this?" Lizzy whispers out, hitting Dean square in the heart with her worries.
"I don't know," Dean says, honesty clear in his words. He lays down next to her, his hand roaming over the expanse of her stomach in a soothing way. "I don't think we'll ever know until we get the chance to try." With his free hand he brushes her bangs out of her face with his fingertips. "I do know that we'll do the best we can. We'll always do what's best for our son and we'll never once let him down."
Lizzy smiles small with that statement. "Do you ever think our best won't be good enough?" she questions. "I mean, I know we'll try our damnedest but… what if it isn't enough. What if he grows up with a shotgun in his hand or what if God comes for him and we can't stop it?"
Dean wrinkles his face. "You really think we'd let either of those things happen?"
"I'll die trying to keep it from happening," she says quickly.
"Then he'll be fine," Dean tells her, not exactly sure himself but trying to be for her sake. "Sammy will know more love than any kid ever. No one in history will have fought harder for anything than we will for his life, his good life."
"I love you so much," Lizzy blurts out, looking ready to cry again. "We're so lucky to have you, Dean. I know we'll be ok because I have faith in you. And pretty much only you." She huffs a quiet laugh, knowing how true it is. She doesn't believe in the goodness of God or angels, she has no hope for a greater power that's forgiving and merciful, she doesn't think life will ever suddenly get better (even if she still dreams about it), but she has Dean. That's one thing she'll never waver on for a second. Dean is her rock, the most dependable thing in her life. "You'll protect this family."
Dean pulls her in and kisses her hard, needing to feel her after that. No one has believed in him like Lizzy has. Even Sam has had his moments where he's not fully believed in Dean and that hurt like not much else could. But Lizzy, his wonderful Lizzy, she'll never lose her faith in him. There's nothing more beautiful than that.
"How're you feeling?" Dean wonders, his hand in her hair as he kisses her again.
"Better," she says with a small smile, her emotions now rolling in a completely different direction as she moves in to kiss him some more. Dean has been handling her quick and strong mood changes with grace through this whole pregnancy and only he could find a way to take her from sorrowful over the loss of life they've both seen and get her to remember the love they have and want to act on it.
"Come here," Dean asks of her as he grabs her hips and pulls her on top of him. It takes a moment longer than usual with the back ache and the stomach size but she gets there, straddling his hips and settling there for a moment. Once she looks comfortable enough Dean lets his hands trace her body, soaking in all that's her and their family. "How's this?"
"It's not bad," she grins down to him. "I'm ok."
"Back isn't killing you up there?" Dean questions her, looking up at her with sheer adulation while his fingertips roam. From the swell of her stomach to her larger than ever breasts to the still thin frame of her body and the curve of her perfect ass Dean can't keep his hands in one place.
"Killing me, no," she smiles down to him, letting go of her worries and fears and gloomy thoughts to focus on the bright spot she has currently underneath her. "I'll survive."
"We don't have to do anything if you don't want," he reminds her, making sure this day is mostly about her even if it's been about them for the most part. "It'll kill me not to after getting you here," he smiles wide. "But we can…"
"Shut up," Lizzy says to him with a light grin on her lips as she looks at him. That smile. Dean doesn't smile enough. His life hasn't given him much reason to so she understands. When he does smile though, the bright one that takes up his entire face and being, he's breathtaking. Too stunning for words.
Leaning down to him, Lizzy's hands cupping his face, she pauses for a moment and looks at him. She doesn't say anything, which is a rarity for her, but she doesn't need to. Sometimes with the two of them, to Dean's relief, words aren't needed. They're on the same wavelength as usual. They professed their love for the other numerous time, spoke of faith and need and desire over and over before, and now they've even shared the love of someone else, even if he's yet to come into this world. At this point what more could they possibly have to say that they haven't before?
Her mouth moves with his as she kisses him and they soak each other in. The world outside disappears, all of it. From Cass being weird to the Mother of All and right up to Sam's cracked (at times) wall, it's all gone. It's just them.
"You're my world, Dean," Lizzy whispers into his mouth, her heart bursting with her need and love for him. "You and Sammy."
"That's a pretty nice…" he starts, kissing her midsentence. "Little world… you got there."
"I like it," she smiles against his lips.
"It's perfect," Dean adds on, thinking the same as her. "You're perfect."
Lizzy grins with his sweetness and once more kisses him, her hands on his jawline as he brings his arms around her back and holds her tight to him. She hums to herself in comfort and want, this whole thing never getting old to her. They could have sex three times a day every day, make out every waking second, and she'd never once get tired of him.
"Like this?" Dean questions her in the position they're in, his hand coming to her lower back where he knows it hurts. "This is ok for you?"
"Yes," she quickly answers, her mouth pressed to his again as her hands reach lower and start to push his boxer briefs down.
"So impatient," Dean laughs a little, getting a kick out of his wife in the moment. She gets so revved up sometimes that her insistence borders funny to him… but mostly it's just awesome.
With her stomach pressed against his front he feels the first thump clearly. There's no mistaking it. And then there comes another. And another.
"Good timing, Sammy boy," Lizzy sighs.
"Yeah, I love you too, kid," Dean looks down and tells his unborn son. "But knock it off, you're ruining my game."
"He'll stop soon," Lizzy ensures, sliding her tongue across Dean's in another kiss. "Is that weird for you? That he's moving around right now?"
Dean peers at Lizzy, seeing her parted lips as she breathes heavier with her worked up state. She's so beautiful it hurts sometimes.
"It's fine," Dean tells her with want. He places one hand on the side of her stomach, feeling his son moving around as he does, and the other onto her cheek. He looks at her with a soft, honest smile. "You're my world, L," he tells her, looking her in the eyes. "You, Sammy, and me. You guys are my everything."
She's not going to cry. She's not going to cry. No way. Not right now, not while with her husband like this.
Instead of answer him, Lizzy bites the inside of her cheek and nods before kissing him again.
"You good?" Dean questions up to her, making sure one last time that this was ok for her.
Lizzy simply smiles at him. "I'm very good."