A/n: Alright, I know you can do better than that. I was one review from 220. Seriously people, you must give me some appreciation! I know I'm not the fastest updater but I have a life run by evil 8th grade teacher. Ask Evie, she knows. (That's my shoutout to her since she got mad for the lack of one in the last chapter.) Okay, I want 230 reviews after this next chapter, can you do that for me? Pretty please, with sugar on top? Quote refers to Jacob. Song by Blue October, absolutely amazing band. I'll be using their songs a lot in this story.

~Golden Fruit

Chapter 20

"I wish I knew how to keep
the promises I made you."

Amnesia

Bella POV

I felt frozen in place as Jacob, my Jacob, ran off into the woods. Away from me.

I cannot even begin to imagine how mad he must have been at me. I shut him out completely. God, I didn't even hear his side of the story. When such pain had taken over me, I hadn't a second thought. He was responsible for my parent's deaths, so I had every right to be mad... right?

He killed my parents. Whether he was conscious of it or not, it was his fault. So why could he not understand that I didn't want his excuses? Was it really that hard to comprehend that I didn't want anymore pain to come to my heart?

Yet when I no longer had Jake, my best friend, my heart crumbled. I shut myself off from the world. I refused any form of love that came upon me and the pity from the rest of the town drove me away to Washington University. And because did not have a reason to stay near Forks anymore, so I accepted the scholarship to Dartmouth.

Somewhere deep inside myself, I knew that I could not leave Forks with something missing inside, and that was my best friend. No matter what, Jake would never hurt me on purpose. He had to of had an excuse to be a drunk and driving... he was a rational person. For once in my life, I would have to listen to an excuse. And maybe, I would just learn to accept it.

Suddenly, I felt like a complete idiot.

" I have to go talk to him," I said, after a moment of silence had passed between Edward and I. He looked at me with those gorgeous eyes filled with worry. It killed me that Edward, the one who I was in love with, though he did not know it, was afraid for me because of my best friend. I had to fix that. I needed both of them in my life to be stable because no matter how much Edward healed me, there would always be that small space in the corner of my heart reserved for my sacred friendship with Jake. "I know it sounds stupid," I admitted to him, before he could scold me on my ridiculous idea. "But it's something I have to do."

"Bella, how do you know he's the same person?" I took a deep breath, trying to form the words to explain. I bit my lip, contemplating my options one more time but I could not see any other thing to do.

"I know he is," I responded, staring up into the one I loved eyes, trying to make him understand the pain it brought me by not having my playful best friend in my life and that he couldn't see the person Jake really was, not that it was his fault. "He could never hurt me on purpose because he loves me, Edward. And in a way, I love him, too. But I need to make him understand that while I love him, I'm not in love with him and he needs to know how he's hurt me. And I do need to hear his side of the story, it's not fair to him that I never bothered listening."

Edward sighed, wrapping his other arm around my waist and burying his face in my hair. "You are so selfless, you know that, right?" I smiled softly, it was the most I could do when I was so confused about the situation.

"I wouldn't call myself selfless, Edward. I've been so rude to Jake the past year, I'll be surprised if he even wants to talk to me. But... I have to try."

"You could never be anything but perfect, my Bella," he whispered, brushing his lips across my forehead once again. I could hardly believe him. "However, you are also very stubborn." He rested his forehead on mine, allowing me to look once again into his eyes, finding in them the comfort and the strength to do what I had to do. "Please, Bella, for me, because I am a selfish creature, be safe."

Gazing up in his eyes, knowing that he was okay with this, I felt a lot stronger than I would have felt if I saw Jake when I was alone. And because of that, I would choose Edward, no matter what Jake said. Jake was a person I could talk to and a person to have as a best friend, but Edward was my everything. He gave me life when I thought life had no meaning to me. He could never hurt me on purpose, while Jake would just say anything. Edward thought and Jake did. Edward was the one I was destined to be with because he fought, he came after me and protected me. He sacrificed a secret from his family for me and I did not deserve that. I did not deserve him and his perfection but that did not mean I didn't want him. Forever I would want to be with him, even when I could not be with him.

So I parted from Edward, the person I would always come back to, and went to where I knew Jake, the person who came to me, would be.

Jacob POV

I ran until I came across a small creek in Forks' woods, a place I had stumbled upon with Bella many times before, until it became our spot. I could remember all the days when she would fall in the creek and I would pull her out, laughing yet still worried about her. I could not even imagine how she fared without someone to always catch each time she fell, which no one did better than I. She needed me in her life... I knew she did...

For a while I sat on a rock, reminiscing on my days with Bella. I missed her, more than the stars would miss the sky. And I loved her, more than the fish love the sea. Like each of those things, I missed my home, the place I had when I was with her. I knew she could never love me, not after everything I'd done, or maybe even if those things didn't happen. I had lost my only chance with my dream girl; a girl who in the last year had become a very sophisticated woman with a new boyfriend, who would never understand her like I did. Her brother had come back, as I had heard on the reservation. She had her life back... and I was no longer apart of it.

But I was jolted back into reality as I heard my name being called. "Jake?"

I knew her voice the moment I heard it. It was still sweet and soothing to me, though etched with worry. "Jake, where are you?"

"I'm here, Bells," I called back, taking a deep breath, knowing I would have to talk to her sooner or later. Well, sooner's better than later, right?

She walked through the brush, looking sad to see me yet still beautiful, even with dirt on her knees, most likely from falling several times on the way out here. Not that her boyfriend cared enough to make sure she was alright.

"Hi, Jake." Bella said, in a calm tone, as if she was happy yet reluctant to see me.

"Bella..." I breathed, taking in how her hair was a little longer and a shade darker, but still in soft waves around her head, and how her skin had gotten paler than it already was. I heaved out a breath, trying to find the right words to say but they weren't coming.

She approached the rock I was sitting on, placing herself carefully, as not to fall, on it next to me, but still far away enough that I could tell she was weary about me. She looked over at me; I melted at the sight of her chocolate eyes, with a greater sparkle than ever in them. And finally, I could say something. "Why are you here?"

She smiled softly and turned her gaze down to the creek. I wanted to place my hand on her jaw and make her look at me, but I did not. "Well," she began, in the thoughtful manner she always spoke in, probably planning in her head what to say. "I saw you in the woods by my house and, since technically that is my property, I had to see why you were there."

For the thousandth time that day, I sighed again. Of course she wanted to know. She had told me to stay away from her and... I couldn't. "I didn't have the strength to stay away from you any longer than I already did." I had been staring into the woods, afraid to look her in the eyes, but still I found myself gazing into deep brown pools, prettier than the stars themselves. "Life was so dull and meaningless and... I hated that I had hurt you in such away. I hated myself for everything I'd ever done wrong, no matter how stupid it was." I moved closer to her, happy when she did not pull away. "No matter how many times you've heard me say it before, Bells," her eyes sparkled more at the sound of her old nickname, "I am sorry."

Tears started forming in Bella's eyes. I was content enough that she was listening to me but I could never stand to see her cry. Carefully, I lifted my hand and brushed a tear from her cheek, smiling slightly, then rested the hand back at my side. She sniffed, choking back a sob. "Why did it happen, Jake?" she asked. I knew what she was talking about.

"Seth had gone to a bar," I answered, beginning the hardest story of my life. "As you may not have known, his father, Harry, had a heart attack that night. They were not sure if he was going to be alright at first but... he had another one in the hospital and died." Bella gasped. I continued, "Anyway, Seth thought it was his fault because it happened when they were on a fishing trip and he had gone back to get them lunch. He thought that if he had been there, he would have been able to save his father. So after he had heard what had happened, he went off to a bar. Embry, Quil, Leah and I searched all over for him until Paul called at told us Seth was at the bar in the restaurant he was at with his girlfriend. We rushed down there and tried to convince him to stop, but he didn't. Embry decided that it could be good for us to do this and... I just went with it.

"We ordered some beers; we could get off easily as twenty-one because of our height. Just luck, I guess. I thought I would be able to control myself but... I felt so free. And Seth was laughing and forgetting about it all. Finally, Paul came over to us, his date had ran out on him lack of attention on her and more on us acting like idiots, and told us that our parents would be worried about us. I thought..." I paused for a moment, my voice cracking. "I thought I was stable enough to drive but... I was wrong.

"It ended up that your parents were at Seth's house, giving condolences to Sue. A lot of other families from the reservation were there and they ended up staying for a while to comfort Mrs. Clearwater.

"I told Seth I'd take him home. But on my way there..." I felt like I couldn't continue. My voice cracked on my last sentence, tears filling my eyes as the image of that day replayed in my head. But I kept going, for the sake I would never be able to explain again if I didn't explain now. "I didn't even see their car, I was a lot more intoxicated than I thought. They were pulling out of Seth's street and I was going towards it. Seth threw up in the back of my car and I started laughing, even though it wasn't funny at all. By the time I saw the car it was too late. I was swerving from the lack of concentration and I hit them, sending them flying into the tree. I... I didn't even recognize who it was. There was a dent in the car but other than that, I wasn't hurt. But then I recognized the cruiser and I freaked out. I drove the car home and hid it in the garage. I pretended I didn't know anything."

By this time, Bella was quietly sobbing and had tears streaming down her cheeks faster than waterfalls. Few tears came from me, but they were there, slowly with much mourning they rolled down my skin and fell on the rocks, disappearing in seconds. Almost as quickly as I had taken the life of my best friend's parents.

"I'm sorry, Bells," I whispered. "I know it's stupid, but I am. I could never hurt you on purpose, ever. It... it killed me that I did that to you but I couldn't hide the truth. I didn't have the strength to. I had to tell you it was my fault because I deserved it."

"Jake, stop." She said, quietly but certainly. She placed her hand on mine, closing her eyes tightly, trying to cease the crying. "Please, Jake, I don't want to hear anymore." I stopped, staring at Bella with all the pain in my heart pouring out of me. "I'm sorry."

I was shocked by her words. "What do you have to be sorry for, Bells?"

"I'm sorry that I never listened." Her sobs had stopped and her breathing had started to even out. "And I'm still upset that my parents died, but Jake, I know now that it wasn't completely you. It doesn't make it right, Jake, but... I don't want to be mad at you anymore."

"Bella..." I breathed, wondering if she actually meant what she was saying.

She wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I realized today you would never hurt me on purpose. I know that now, more than I ever have before. So I'm sorry that I ever doubted you because even if you were the killer of my parents, you've always been the same person." She moved closer to me. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive," I told her, grabbing her other hand. "Forgive me for being an idiot that loves you?"

She laughed lightly and nodded, putting her arms around me as she used to. "I couldn't stand another moment of not forgiving you."

And for once in my life, everything felt okay.