-The Heroes Parody Project-
Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC, Tim Kring, and anybody else associated with the show. I do not own Heroes, nor have nothing to do with the show, cast, or crew. Any similarities of any real life people, living or dead, is completely coincidental.
Claire and The Haitian stand in a room full of Jessica clones.
Claire: What is this?
Haitian: I've read that Thomas Fox's final project…Remnant Prime…..took the DNA and memories of any individual that Peter has came across in his lifetime, and it was placed into a clone. Hundreds of them were made. Many of them were different.
Claire fights a clone of herself at Area 51.
Noah: Let's get out of here.
Sylar (who was hiding), starts the process back up. One clone was salvaged….many were destroyed.
Sylar: Not who I was expecting…..but it'll do.
Noah: We need some backup for this next assignment, Elle. Reports indicate that there is one more clone, the final project.
He shows her a picture, which turns out to be Claude.
Elle: Holy Shrek!
Niki, Matt, and Mohinder go to their first assignment. Finding a bomb at the mall….
Mohinder gets thrown out a window.
Noah and Elle run into the mall, which gets shut down and held up by Sylar.
Noah gets attacked by someone invisible.
Elle: Was that him?
Noah: Yeah……it was him.
Elle: To be continued….
Noah rolls his eyes….
Monica: Stiles is up to something, we have to stop him.
Micah: I think we can get in, we just need Hiro's help.
The police show up late at night, Micah is about to get arrested when Peter swoops in and saves him. Monica and Hiro get busted.
Micah: You have to save them.
Peter: I will do just that. You two go get Molly better.
Claire: Sure….
Peter: Thunderbirds are go!
Micah: ….
Claire: Just smile and nod.
Micah: Ah….
---
Noah and Elle rush down the hall, they stop.
Noah: Where did he go?
Elle: How should I know!?
Noah: He could be anywhere…..
Elle: Or….anyone.
She grabs Noah in a headlock.
Noah: He's invisible…not a shape shifter.
Elle: Oh….
Noah: You can let go of my head now….
Elle: I haven't decided if I want to do that yet….
In the control room, Sylar is staring at a computer screen, some words are flashing on it:
Chapter Twenty One 'Lockdown'
Sylar: Well, let's get this over with.
Upstairs, Mohinder, Matt and Niki are hiding from despicable henchmen.
Mohinder: This is hopeless. We'll never beat these guys.
Matt: I have an idea.
Matt suddenly slips and falls.
Niki: That doesn't help.
Matt: Who did that?! Oh, that stung….
Something charges at Mohinder and tackles him, he falls down the escalator.
Mohinder: Oof! Ow! Ooh! OW! Oh! Ack!.....Whew….good thing that's over….
He realizes he's on the 'UP' escalator.
Mohinder: Crap….
Pushed again!
Mohinder: Oof! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Oh! ACK!
Niki appears back on the scene after running into a Bakery.
Niki: I know who you are….
She takes some flour and tosses it, the substance forms the outline of a body.
Niki: Found ya…..
Claude, who is holding a staff, swings it at Niki. She ducks, grabbing it and pulling him towards her as she elbows him in the face. She lands a few more punches as he spins on the ground, the staff knocks Niki down. Quickly jumping to her feet, she delivers a high kick to Claude which knocks him off center. Before she has a chance to react a loud shot is rang. She stops, turning around to see Sylar holding a smoking pistol.
Niki: That….was a very cheap shot……
She falls backwards as a pool of blood grows around her.
= = =Give the world a spin, and you could participate in the Showcase Showdown! Heroes!= = =
Niki Sanders
The Mall
Shot in the heart, and you're to blame. You give love a bad naaame!
Niki opens her eyes, she is hidden off somewhere. Mohinder and Matt approach her.
Mohinder: Hey, you okay?
Niki: Uh….what happened?
Matt: You were shot by Mr. Gray, with The Revolver, in front of the Build-A-Bear Workshop.
Niki: I lived?!
Mohinder: Fortunately, the bullet didn't hit anything vital.
Niki: I'm surprised he just left me there…..how did you all live?
Mohinder: He shot you then that was the last thing I remember. Matt and I dragged you to a safe place and I bandaged your wound.
Matt: Yeah, there was blood everywhere.
Niki: Thanks, Matt.
Matt: I mean, it was a lake!
Niki: That's enough, Matt.
Matt: I'm surprised your body didn't deflate like a whoopee cushion.
Niki: THAT'S ENOUGH, MATT!
Mohinder: That wouldn't happen, by the way…
Matt: Besides, what would we do without our third roommate. How would we afford rent?
Mohinder (To Matt): That reminds me, you haven't paid rent in months!
Matt: Well, I'm sorry that I had to put money aside to afford your rapping career.
Niki: Rapping Career?
Mohinder: I have no idea what he's talking about.
Matt: Yeah you do! This is your cover…
He pulls out a cd case that has a picture of Mohinder sporting a furry hat, a pimp coat, and a cane. The name of the album being…
Niki: Mo'hinder, Mo'problems!? That's the worst album name ever!
Mohinder: This is all a lie! (To Niki) I told you that if I tried that costume on Matt would find a way to get a picture of it.
Niki: You were going as Albert Einstein in the Halloween Special. You needed something else.
Matt: And check out these hot new lyrics for the new single: (Rapping) Villains better be weary, for somethin scary, for our superpowers, are extra-ordinary! Chicka-Chicka-Wah!
Mohinder: UGH!
Niki: You know, you didn't have to save me. I was perfectly fine with bleeding to death….
Peter Petrelli
Downtown Police Station
Bad Boys, Bad Boys. What'cha gonna do, What'cha gonna do when they arrest you…wait, that's not how it goes….
Peter sneaks up to the police station doors, they are putting Monica and Hiro away. He gets on his cell phone.
Claire (answering her phone): What is it, Peter?
Peter: I'm at the station.
Claire: Good for you.
Peter: I'm going to need the schematics to the building and the work hours of every employee inside.
Claire: I don't have that!
Peter: What good are you, then?!
Claire: Just go in and pretend you're a visitor….just as long as it's not the same station where we tried to get jobs at earlier.
Peter: …
Claire: It is…isn't it?
Peter: Yes.
Claire: Then…go in disguise.
Peter: Excellent. I can finally wear my Sylar costume.
Claire: Uh…going in dressed as the guy on the FBI's most wanted list isn't very smart.
Peter: Well I'm out of ideas.
In the prison, Monica is sitting next to Hiro, who is still passed out.
Monica: Because if he were awake we could just get out of here and that would be convenient to the plot…and we wouldn't want that.
Peter shows up….wearing his disguise.
Monica: Uh….what are you supposed to be.
Peter (wearing a flower hat and a dress): Uh…hello dear….I'm Hiro's grandmother…Aunt Bea….I brought him a cake. WINK!
Monica: Where's the cake?
Peter: I ate it….but here's the file that was in the cake to bust you out. I almost choked on it!
Monica: Uh…that's a nail file…
Peter: DUH!
Monica: Don't you ever watch movies…you need the big file that can saw away bars!....But I'll take that one anyway…
Peter: Well, how else am I supposed to get you out?
Monica: Well, you somehow managed to rescue Micah…
Peter: I could fly then….
Monica: What can you do now….
Peter: Bake cakes.
Monica: Ugh….
Peter: Don't worry, I'll get you out of here faster than you can say…
(5 minutes later)…Peter is now in the prison with Monica and Hiro….
Peter: Oh crap….that didn't work…..
Monica: Oh crap…that didn't work…..nope, we're still in here.
Peter: Oh, ha…ha.....
Noah and Elle reach the food court.
Sylar (on an intercom): Hello Bennet…
Elle: It's Sylar.
Noah: Good observation there, Elle.
Elle: Really?
Noah: No.
Elle: Aw…
Sylar: I've already done away with one of those chumps, I've killed Niki Sanders.
Noah: You fiend!
Sylar: And now…I'm going to kill you….or at least….one of you. How would you like to play a game?
Elle: He's quoting that guy from Saw! Don't play the game, Mr. B!
Noah: Again….good observation.
Elle: I strive to be the best.
Noah: What do you want, Sylar….
Sylar: I want to kill you, of course. That is the job of every serial killer….
Elle: Okay, let's just get this over with….
Two red dots appear on both Noah and Elle's foreheads.
Elle: Oh man, this game? It's like my ninth birthday party all over again!
Noah: He's got snipers on us….
Elle: Yup, it's the same game….Stupid Bobby Fisher thinks he can pick me off from the clock tower…
Noah: I think if we….What?!
Elle: What?
Claire and Micah are sitting next to Molly, who is in bed.
Molly: Wow, I actually feel a lot better…Thanks, Claire.
Claire: Don't mention it. Can you tell me where Sylar is?
Molly: Let's see…the mall……
Claire: The mall?
Molly: Yes….
Claire: Uh…okay….We can do that…..
Claire's phone rings again.
Claire (answering): What now, Peter?
Peter (phone): Claire, I'm in jail!
Claire: WHAT!? How did you do that? You were supposed to get Monica and Hiro OUT of jail.
Peter: I tried to dress up as Hiro's grandmother then kicked a cop in the shin and called him a whippersnapper for not respecting his elders. Then I tried to give him one of those Monopoly 'Get Out Of Jail' cards and he extended my sentence for insulting his intelligence!
Claire: ……………….-sigh-……we'll be there shortly. (Click)
Mohinder, Niki, and Matt were walking down a hallway.
Mohinder: So, let me get this straight…you were attacked by Claude Raines. Like….'Claude'...Claude…..right?
Niki: That was him….but why is he here now?
Mohinder: I don't know…it doesn't make any sense.
Matt: Maybe he's one of those Remnant Clone thingies!
Mohinder: Don't be ridiculous, Matt.
Niki: Yes, that's impossible. Completely idiotic.
Matt: Hmm.
Mohinder finds a door at the end of the hall. He opens it….it's the control room.
Mohinder: This control room, this must be where Sylar is watching over us.
Matt: Oooh….I wonder if there's any games on here….oh man, FreeCell?! I hate Freecell!
The door slams behind them and locks. Gas starts filling the room.
Niki: So cliché….
They start passing out one by one.
Matt: ....rosebud...
Niki: ...shut up.
A car pulls up to the police station.
Claire: Okay guys, (To Micah and Molly), I'm going to bust Peter out. You guys wait here.
Micah: Do you want me to help you? I can make their computers think that Peter's release day is today.
Claire: You can do that?
Micah: Yeah.
Claire: And the other officers won't notice?
Micah: I guess not.
Claire: Okay then.
Molly: I'll come along too, the last thing I need is to be kidnapped.
Claire and the youths proceed inside...
Claire: Youths?! I'm not that much older than them! Yeesh!
Police Officer: Hey, weren't you here earlier?
Claire: No...that was my identical twin...sister...
Police Officer: Uh huh....
Claire: I'm Claire!
Police Officer: So was the other chick.
Claire: Yes...that's right....we both have the same names....
Police Officer: Whatever....so what is it?
Claire: I'm here with my children! We are on a field trip.
Officer: Uh...those two look like they're teenagers, and if you were an identical twin with your sister, that makes you 20...so you had them when you were 5?
Claire: UH......I adopted? You sure do ask a lot of questions.
Officer: And why would you bring your children to a prison full of thugs?
Claire: Still asking questions!
Claire runs over to Peter in his cell.
Claire: Peter!
Peter: Hello Clarice...I have some fava beans and a nice...
Claire: Peter, that joke was already done over a year ago! It's not funny!
Peter: WHAT!? Man, I could've sworn I was the first to come up with that one....
Claire: Micah is working on the computers, we'll have you out in no time.
Monica: Claire! Is that you? Thank goodness. You have no idea what I've been dealing with this one. (Nods to Peter).
Claire: Uh...yeah, I have....actually.
Noah and Elle are about to get shot between the eyes.
Elle: This is awful, my forehead is the most beautiful part of my body!
Noah: That's an odd thing to share with others.....
Elle: What do we do? I won't have time to fire any electricity off....
Noah: Where is The Haitian, he should be here by now.
Elle: I thought you couldn't get to him because you know who attacked you.
Noah: Don't worry, we have a system.
Elle: What's that?
Noah: If we're on a mission, I'm supposed to call for backup if we need it. If he doesn't get a call, he sends backup anyway.
Elle: So he's just supposed to assume that you fail.
Noah: .....yes....
Elle: What does that say about you?
Noah: You're on the team too! So shut it!
Sylar: Okay, I'm back....ready to play?
Noah: We're not playing your game Sylar.
Elle: Yeah! You're just going to have to kill us!
Noah shoots her a look.
Elle: Oh right..we DON'T want that...
Meanwhile, Hiro wakes up in a car with Claire, Peter, Monica and Micah.
Hiro: What's going on?
Monica: Now he's awake! Yeesh!
Peter: Sylar is up to no good, Hiro. He is at the mall!
Hiro: Fiend!
Peter: We think he is behind some gruesome murders.
Claire: And right on time...
Peter: Huh?
Claire: It's 11:17....if those images on that last patient were true, then Sylar's next victim will die in 10 minutes.
Peter: Then I shall floor it!
The car speeds away.
Micah: If I can suggest something, Hiro can teleport us there now.
Monica: What are we going to do about Stiles?
Micah: We can deal with that later.
Peter: What about that?
A barrage of police car blocks the road.
Claire: ACK!
Micah: This isn't right, your records should have been cleared.
Monica's cell phone rings.
Monica (answering it): H...hello?
Stiles: You don't honestly think you can escape, can you, my dear?
Monica: You! How can you always anticipate my next move?
Peter: We can make the jump!
Claire: Are you crazy?! There's no ramp! You'll crash right into them.
Stiles: Let's just say I have a trick up my sleeve.
Monica: Do you.....well, so do I?
Stiles: I highly doubt that.
Monica: I don't know how you do it, but you can see what were doing right now....
Stiles: Now...how would I be able to do that?
Monica: I was just going to offer you a chance to experience things up close.
Stiles: ...
Monica nods to Molly, who whispers something in Hiro's ear. Monica hangs up her phone, a second later she looks up to see Stiles has joined her in the car.
Stiles: What the hell?
Monica: Hello, Principal.....
Stiles: What do you want?
Micah: We know what you've been doing with the school's money.
Monica: Decking out your office, the Netflix subscriptions....it's just sick.
Peter: I love Netflix!
Monica: Uh...anyway....we are seconds away from crashing into those police cars.
Claire: Ever heard of brakes?!
Monica: Hiro will take you somewhere very far away....if you don't give in to our demands.
Stiles: Ugh.....and what is that?
Monica: Call off the cops....start putting the money back into the school....and let me and Micah come back.
Stiles: Grr.....
Peter: ...and they lived happily ever after....
Claire shakes her head.
Back in the mall.
Sylar: Okay....next question....
Noah: Where are Mohinder and the others?
Sylar: This isn't Jeopardy, don't answer in the form of a question. Rude....
Noah: I'm serious!
Sylar: Ugh...they're safe...well....they're still alive...I don't know about safe.....
Noah: You'll never get away with this!
Sylar: Can I read my question already!
Noah: Fine....
Sylar is about to read from the card, when Hiro pops in behind him.
Hiro: Whose the leader of the club, that's made for you and me!? M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O...
Sylar stares at him.
Hiro: ...U....S.....E.....
Sylar: ....
Hiro: Actually I was going to be clever and ask 'Who just lost to the Heroes again?'......but I couldn't resist.
Hiro puts his hand smack on Sylar's face and dissappears.
Both of the sniper sights vanish from Noah and Elle's foreheads.
Elle: Whew....
Peter kicks open the door where Mohinder and Co. are passed out.
Claire: (Cough) (Cough)....Looks like Niki was shot, we can take her to the hospital.
Peter: Maybe we can get our jobs back!
Claire: Uh....
Noah and Elle meet up with the others in the food court.
Noah: Claire?
Claire: Oh, hey dad! What were you doing here?
Noah: Just stopping Sylar, that's all.
Claire: Uh...I was kinda on that team...so....you didn't, really.
Noah: Ah...okay, I was being held hostage.
Claire: That's more like it.
Elle: No thanks to The Haitian! We're has he been.
Hiro (who appeared not too long ago): I can answer that. You see, Ando has been missing too. Apparently The Haitian got a letter saying he was missing a few college credits for gratuating, so Ando is tutoring him.
Noah: What a convenient excuse.
Elle: Hmm.
Peter: Well, all I can say that the worst is over. Sylar is gone! We can go back to our lives....we also stopped the next murder from happening.
Claire: Yup, I say we make pretty good investigators after all.
Peter: Yeah, I can't wait to see how we do on The Farm.
Claire: What?
Peter: My great-uncle's farm. I signed us up to help out....you're going to need some really long gloves.
Claire's mouth is agape in horror.
Peter: Kidding! HA! HA! HA! HA!....
Nobody's laughing.
Peter: That was...supposed to be the....you know....'end of the episode joke' and everyone laughs and....hmm....akward....
Later....at the hospital.
Niki: I feel a lot better actually. Mohinder patched me up pretty good, but I think I'll be fine tomorrow.
Mohinder: My full name is Doctor Mohinder Suresh...so...I kinda know my stuff....
Niki: ....right....(Rolls eyes)
Claire: How was Niki's gun shot wound different than the other guy I had to save.
Peter: Questions like that are for another day...Claire.
Claire: .....when you have the answer?
Peter: Yup.
A nurse pops in.
Nurse: Oh...Mr. Petrelli....Dr. Munroe wants to talk to you...he's on the phone.....
Peter: Ah....
Peter leaves the room an answers the phone at the receptionist desk.
Peter: What is it, Munroe?
Munroe: Well, well....congratulations, Peter....you saved yet another life.
Peter: Yeah, we rock.
Munroe: However....it was the wrong one.
Peter: Huh?....
Munroe: You missed your deadline.....the time did say 11:27.
Claire (walking up to Peter): What's wrong?
Peter (to Claire): Uh....Sylar's evil....right?
Claire: Uh...yeah.
Peter: Munroe is the serial killer clock guy.
Claire: WHAT?!
Peter: We messed up....
Claire: Where is he?
Peter (to a nurse): Is Dr. Munroe here?
Nurse: I think someone mentioned that he was headed towards the roof.
Peter hangs up the phone, him and Claire race off without telling anyone. They open the door to the roof of the hospital. Munroe appears out of the shadows.
Peter: So....it was you all along...wasn't it.
Munroe: I just can't get you, Petrelli. I know you're doing your job....
Peter: Well, we did quit and become temporary investigators.
Munroe: But...something's not right with you....both of you.
Claire: Uh...
Munroe: I lied actually.....on the phone.
Peter: Oh.....you didn't kill anyone...that was nice of you.
Munroe: ...no.....I actually missed my deadline.
Peter: ....
Claire: ...
Munroe: But...better late than never.
Munroe fires a gun into Claire's chest. She topples over the edge of the building and falls.
Peter: ACK!
Claire splats against the pavement.
Claire: Uh...that stung.....
Peter spins back around to Munroe.
Munroe: Strange....you don't seem bothered at all.
Peter: Uh....Well.....she ate the last apple fritter at breakfast so....yeah....she's dead! High five man!
Munroe: You're full of it.
Munroe aims his gun. Peter clinches his face.....
Peter (to himself): Oh, why can't I have time travel....
Peter opens his eyes....Munroe is gone.
Peter: Huh?
Peter looks around.....he is nowhere to be found. He rushes to the edge where Claire lies on the pavement. Claire stares back up at him.
Claire (mouthing): Well?
Peter shrugs.
To Be Continued.
Next time:
Nathan: the company deux will be opening for business in a few days. It has come to my attention that these individuals pose a severe threat to the community. I will be in charge of making sure these people are captured....and I promise it'll go a lot smoother than last time.
Noah and Angela exchange glances.
Claire bumps into someone at the store.
Guy: Hello....My name is Edward....and I love you.
Claire: Uh.....
Edward: You know what I am?....You can say it....
Claire: ....Vampire....
Edward: WHAT!? No...I actually work at Blockbuster....where did you get that?!
Claire: Uh....nothing!
Elle: Well, now that everyone isn't dead, we'll continue the next mission. We need you to find someone.....by orders from the Mayor....
Matt: McCheese?!
Elle: No.
Matt: Damn....cause that would've been cool.
Munroe: I know your secrets, Petrelli......soon the world will know.
Peter: Would an economy sized jug of Bisquick change your mind.
He flops it on the table.
Peter: There's a lot more where that came from.
Munroe: Not the most formidable opponent, are you?
Coming Soon!