A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for all your support as usual.

Break You

Chapter 21

Nowadays they were always meeting like this.

At the park. Sulking by the water fountain. After being fired.

A hundred yards and an entire festival between them, yet they still managed to find each other.

She was jogging, the hood of her grey sweatshirt pulled up over her head. He was smoking, still wearing the black, latex leotard of Henchman #4. Determined not to let her affect him, he focussed instead on the naked fat baby statue fixed on the rim of the fountain.

Last time- well he barely remembered the last time he saw her. Just that he had been drunk, but that was bad enough. What he did remember was the intense feeling of shame that had carried through to his hangover the next day.

As he was coming to the end of his third cigarette, an ice cream cone was thrust in his face. It was attached to a hand, attached to a Nene. He couldn't read the smile on her face. It seemed to stop right before it reached her mouth.

Parked a few feet away, was an ice cream van encircled by a rowdy group of children from the festival, probably the same children he had thrown Warrior Hero #1 at. How long had she waited in line, he wondered.

Shizuo took the ice cream, muttered thanks, and by the time he looked up again, she was gone.

Next time he wasn't the one dressed strangely.

"The hell is on your face?"

It was such a shock that he spoke without thinking. At least he hadn't said anything about the dress, but then he was trying not to look at it.

Her hand rose to her face. "Makeup."

Don't say anything about the dress, or her legs, or her chest. He swallowed. None of your business. "You don't look like yourself."

"That's the point."

"Huh? Isn't that just turning your face into a pack of lies."

"Like I said, that's the point."

Teeth grinding, Shizuo walked passed her, grabbed the trashcan behind the club she had just stumbled out of at six in the morning, and flung it over his shoulder into the garbage truck. When he turned around he was alone in the alleyway.

Next time after next time and it never got any easier. As supervillain, garbage man or casual pedestrian, he too met with a multitude of Nenes, each vastly different from the last, in that each was a little less like her, a little less recognisable from the girl who used to burn pastries in his apartment. Soon he would be passing her by on the street, shoulder to shoulder and wouldn't even glance in her direction.

It scared him, which annoyed him, which made him angry, which made him lose jobs, which continued and continued until he was lying in the bed of his apartment, staring at the ceiling with the acrid taste of irretrievable memories to keep him company.

There was some peace. The flea wasn't around much, too busy with university and the yakuza or whatever the fuck kind of shady business occupied his time nowadays. But Shizuo could sense that the sands were running out on that clock.

Then it finally happened. He couldn't see her.

"I'm going now, Obaa-san," said Shizuo, poking his head into the back.

His boss was snoring on the tatami mat laid out in the corner of the room. After putting a blanket over her, Shizuo left the shop, locking the door behind him. The florists was located in what was known as a rough neighbourhood, even for Ikebukuro's standards, but rumours of Heiwajima Shizuo working there had reduced the crime rate rapidly, which may or may not have had something to do with him putting three rival gangs in the hospital on his first day.

He had set a new record of staying employed, lasting a whole month as a shop assistant. It helped that the owner, a ninety-something-year-old lady could neither see nor hear very well and had missed the occasions he had literally thrown people out of the flower shop. But how was he supposed to listen to those bastards go on about how much they loved their mistresses and wives equally or how they didn't understand a dead person's need for flowers.

On his way home, he switched his phone back on, receiving several new messages at once. One from Shishizaki, asking him to attend a martial arts's tournament, another from Shinra, which he deleted immediately and one from his brother, inviting him for dinner in ten minutes on the other side of the city.

Cursing, Shizuo turned and ran in the other direction.

Arriving at the restaurant only a few minutes late, he went over to where his little brother was seated. At the back, far removed from the other patrons.

"Yo, Kasuka."

"Sorry for asking you to come out so abruptly," said Kasuka, his face, as always, blank. "I know it was last minute."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you got in touch. It's been a while."

"Are you still working at the flower shop?"

"For a month now."

Kasuka nodded and lifted up a menu. "This one's on you then."

Shizuo grinned. It was hard not to feel at ease around Kasuka, perhaps because they were such opposites that they reflected off one and other so well. Shizuo realised with a pang of guilt that his brother's personality was one of the many sacrifices he had made for Shizuo, a balancing of the scales so to speak. It couldn't have been easy growing up with a guy like him, but Kasuka had never complained or shown any fear. Later, as they walked down the strip together, Shizuo found himself thinking that it would be nice if he could gain enough control over his strength and his temper to become someone his brother could respect.

"Niisan, I wanted to ask you something," said Kasuka.

"Is something bothering you?"

Though his face remained passive, to Shizuo, who had learned of the tiny nuances in his brother's expressions, he seemed nervous.

Kasuka stopped in the middle of the street and Shizuo saw that they were standing at the entrance of a small photography studio, the mascot of which was a gigantic, stuffed, pink bunny pressed against the window. It crossed his mind briefly that Nene would be traumatised if she saw it.

"I thought we could get our picture taken together," said Kasuka.

Since Shizuo believed his brother to be a paragon of virtue, he guilelessly followed his brother inside.

"Excuse me," Kasuka said to the photographer.

Pausing from the shoot she was conducting, the photographer turned to look at them. It had been a month since the last time he'd laid eyes on her and he swallowed hard at the sight.

"Nene-san, this is a surprise. I didn't realise you were working today," said Kasuka.

"That's funny," said Nene, smiling politely, seemingly unfazed by Shizuo's presence. "I'm sure I told you which days I work."

Shizuo decided then and there that he was going to finish the job he started ten years ago and squash the little paragon of virtue with a fridge.

"Sorry. I must have forgotten."

"Of course."

Back when they were still a couple, Shizuo had been amazed to discover that Nene and Kasuka got along like a house on fire, albeit a very quiet, polite house with neat flames that made sure not to burn too bright for fear of inconveniencing others.

In her final year at Raijin, she had moved into a hostel near the school and since Kasuka had just started his first year and Nene knew that Shizuo was worried about his safety, they would walk to school together, discussing the multitude of bizarre hobbies they seemed to share. Unfortunately, due to Kasuka's skyrocketing popularity, Nene quickly became the target of cruel pranks, but the game of thumbtacks and stolen shoes did not last long once the jealous girls and boys met Toyoshima Kimi.

At first, Shizuo had been pleased that Kasuka, for whom he held the utmost respect, approved of his girlfriend. But the more comfortable they became with each other, the more awkward Shizuo felt. Comparisons were always being made between the brothers, it was inescapable with their hugely disparate personalities, yet it still left Shizuo feeling a little embarrassed, not out of envy exactly, rather shame, that he was not worthy of being compared.

One night, he remembered, was particularly bad.

At his apartment after having dinner at his parent's house and she kept going on and on about how pleased she was that Kasuka had agreed to let her do an interview with him. The youngest school president, voted in without ever putting his name forward, spoke to the influence of natural charisma. Shizuo had found himself shrinking. One-word answers devolved into grunts as he stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to tune her out. Eventually: Gotta sleep early, job hunt starts again tomorrow, maybe you shouldn't stay the night. She had kissed him goodbye, as she always did, but he felt the hesitation, the fear to displease, which only made the guilt worse and the desire to see the back of her head stronger.

Why had he remembered that? Shizuo asked himself, glancing at her impassive face in the photography studio. He had always wondered if it was one of those turning-point regrets, that maybe if he had asked her to stay, things might not have turned out the way they had.

"Unfortunately, I'm busy with a client," Nene said to Kasuka.

"We don't mind waiting, please take your time," said Kasuka, nodding politely at the model posing in front of a starry night background, who blushed in return.

"It's expensive," said Nene, eyes moving between the brothers. "Really, very expensive."

"That's fine. Niisan will be paying," said Kasuka, taking a seat on the couch reserved for clients, hands placed on his knees.

Shizuo sat down rigidly beside Kasuka, counting slowly to ten, trying to look anywhere but at his Judas of a brother.

"Um, hey, Okayama-san," the model called out. "Do you mind? I gotta be somewhere and I need these headshots done by today."

Turning back, Nene resumed taking pictures. Her movements, Shizuo noticed, seemed awkward and stiff compared to what one would expect from a photographer. Occasionally, she would mutter something to the model about tilting her head this way, or showing less teeth when she smiled but other than the camera shutter there was silence.

Against his will, the fog of memory swirled round Shizuo until he was lost trying to recall the smell of her. Raspberries, sweet against the tart nervous sweat.

Seriously, how did she cope with that giant bunny? And Okayama… hadn't he called her that once? She used to smile when she saw him, big, with teeth, now her lips barely moved when she talked, like a ventriloquist. Dull, dark eyes, not tired, but like the light had gone out. Nobody home. Not the Nene he had known. But had he? Had he known her? Yes. One Nene. The one she chose to show him.

It was hard for someone like him. Someone so permanent, so real and whole to imagine the possibility of fragments, of costumes and roles.

The sound of the door crashing open made Shizuo look round. A little man in a pinstripe blue suit that only served to draw attention to his obvious height complex was marching up to Nene, arms swinging widely and perfunctorily.

"Ah, so good to see you, Okayama-san! How are you? Well, I do hope!" he exclaimed, the end of each word rising steeply in pitch. "How's my little star doing? We all done here, hmm? The headshots, I would hazard a guess, have turned out spectacularly, hmm?"

"Actually," said Nene, twisting the monitor round for the little man to see, "Rita-san would benefit from following my directions more closely. Her smile seems too artificial."

"Hmm, hmm, yes, I see what you mean. Less teeth my little star," he said to the model, covering his teeth with his lips and pointing at his mouth. He turned back to Nene. "She's not very fluent in Japanese I'm afraid, Okayama-san."

"Oh, I didn't realise she was a foreigner."

"Ah, no, just not very bright, you see," he said, and then to Rita in a louder voice: "Unfortunately Rita-chan, we're just going to have to stay here until its perfecto, hmm."

"We're not done yet?" said Rita. "The pictures look fine. Let's just go. I'm supposed to be meeting Carmen."

"Well of course, Okayama-san just needs a little more time to perfect the image-"

"I'm tired!"

The little man looked anxiously from his little star to Nene.

"I'll have to rush you, since I have customers waiting," said Nene, gesturing towards the two brothers.

The little man turned round, meaning to have a pleasant word with the two customers and persuade them to take their business elsewhere. But before he could get to that, he noticed Shizuo.

"Hmm," was all he said, his eyes bulging almost lewdly. After a moment, he collected himself and marched up to them, sticking his hand out and smiling with a row of glinting pearly whites. Shizuo stared blankly at the hand, then at the face. "My name is-"

"What do you want?"

"Well, I am a talent scout and I-"

"Not interested."

The little man was getting on Shizuo's nerves. The little man was loud and couldn't even tell the annoying model how annoying she was. The little man had also too often referred to Nene by the wrong name. What kind of talent scout didn't take the time to get to know people's names?

"Young man, could I just say-"

"No."

The little man looked taken aback, but recovered quickly with a smile. "I'm sorry?"

"You asked me if you could just say and I said you couldn't."

"Oh, haha, quite the literal guy aren't you? Well what I wanted to say was, have you ever considered modelling, or maybe acting-"

Shizuo stood up, gradually, so that the little man could take in the full extent of his height. "Your ears full of wax or something."

"Ahah, passionate too! That would translate beautifully onto the screen-GAKHAKH."

Shizuo had grabbed the little man by the throat and lifted him into the air, kindly allowing him the perspective of a tall person.

"Ahh, you know I hate violence, and now you're making me use violence to shut you up, so what does that make you, haaaah? You suicidal, huh? Is that it? Then I'll send you to your grave early, you-"

Shizuo, feeling a pressure on his wrist, looked and saw Kasuka had placed a hand on it.

"That's enough, niisan."

"…Ah whatever."

Dropping the little man into a spluttering heap on the floor, Shizuo turned and stalked out of the studio, not before the model let out an ear-piercing scream. It was followed by a peculiar SHKH sound, which unbeknownst to Shizuo was the flash going off accidentally on purpose in her face.

"Shizuo! Hold up!"

Shizuo jerked his head back and saw Nene jogging towards him on the boulevard. Out of habit, he stopped and waited for her to catch up.

"Thanks," she said. Her camera was still hanging round her neck, yet she had run out without a coat and her bare arms rippled with gooseflesh. She had an unhealthy attachment to that thing, thought Shizuo, making a face.

"What do you want?"

"Please, come back inside."

"Why should I?"

If she was offended by his tone, she didn't show it. "You came to the studio for a reason, didn't you? Come back and I'll take your picture."

"It was Kasuka's idea."

"Still, wouldn't it be nice to have a picture taken with your brother?" she said, reasonable as ever. Always so fucking reasonable. "Kasuka's still inside. I think he's trying to convince Obata-san not to press charges."

"Who?"

"The talent scout you just strangled."

"Seeing that guy… I'll probably end up strangling him all over again," said Shizuo, breathing out sharply through his nostrils as he thought about the nuisance.

"I'll ask him to leave-"

"You getting something out of this, huh?"

For the first time in a while, Shizuo saw something change in her expression, something crawl beneath the skin trying to pierce the surface.

"Does it matter?" she said finally, her jaw set in a tight smile. "Let's just call it my good deed for the day."

"You're starting to sound more and more like that flea."

Nene's smile stretched, growing taut over her face. It looked painful. "Well, that's not a surprise. I told you I'm like him."

Before she could react, he grabbed hold of the sides of her head in both his hands and drew her up to his face.

"Huh… I don't buy it," he said, peering at her. "You're trying too fucking hard. The flea would never need to try this hard to make me hate his guts. And you're not like him, there's no one like him on this planet. If there were, the world would probably just self-destruct from the shame of his existence. But you are like you and these days I don't know if that's a good thing or not."

"I-"

"Don't bother," he said, letting her go and turning his back on her. "When you want to stop acting like a brat, you know where I am. Until then don't come in front of me with that face again or I really will start treating you like that flea."

As Shizuo walked home that night, surrounded by a seeming abundance of hand holding couples, he couldn't help but remember what it had been like, and the pangs of envy he felt were outstripped only by the cold burn at the back of his throat. Feelings in this realm were unfamiliar to Shizuo who was used to having two settings, calm and furious, but now they had become like a persistent, unmovable backdrop in his everyday life.

Solitude had always been an unfortunate side effect of his existence, but until recently, it had been all he had known and so, having nothing to compare the feeling of loneliness to, he had endured. He hated her a little for that, for showing him the opposite of loneliness only to snatch it away again. A part of him was still afraid that Nene was just a very good actress; it made sense since she was such a good liar.

There was a metallic twang as Shizuo punched a lamppost, his fist sticking out the other side, the metal moulded almost comically around it. He pressed his head against the pole and tried to summon a memory that that contradicted his fears, just something to stop making him feel so ill, something that proved she had really cared about him-

"Why, if it isn't Shizu-chan?"

And just like that, the peace ended.

Author's Note:

So this is Shizuo's chapter. It was difficult because I standby Shizuo being the hardest to write. I'm hoping some of you caught the moment in cannon/Durarara storyline I was hinting at in this chapter! Will be looking out for it in messages :D It was short, but I have written up Chapter 23. Chapter 22 will be from Izaya's perspective (the timing will get a bit confusing again but I will try to make it clear and hopefully will reveal a bit) and hopefully I'll do the git some justice whilst also keeping his air of mystery going.

So there were a lot of 'WTF Just happened' from the last chapter and I'm hoping not all the readers felt that way but I do acknowledge that it was quite confusing. To be a little more clear, I just wanted to say that the focus of the story is still mainly relationships rather than pairings, their developments, whether romantic, platonic or hate-filled. No doubt there is romance, but rather than straight-cut, I'd like to think Nene's relationships are fluid.

Also, and I know this is a little wishy-washy insecure on my part, but I'm wondering if people are still happy with the direction this story is going?

Thanks as always! Hope you enjoyed the chapter.