I stand on a stage as a spotlight swings onto me.

"Now, contrary to what some might believe, rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated. I'm now on Christmas vacation and..."

Suddenly, the light swings off me and to my left.

"As I was saying..."

Swing!

"As I was..."

Swing!"

"Knock it off!" I bark, firing a ki blast at my lighting crew/muse, Zatanna, Zaranna.

"As I was saying, I'm back and am going to get as many chapters out as I can before school starts again. I don't own any of this. All the elements of this story belong to their respective owners. Now onto the first installment of a two chapter update!" I smile.

Omake special II

It was later that night when Pinako and Winry cornered Harry.

"Are you going to tell us what happened or not?" the blond girl scowled.

"You know I can't! Ed would murder me if I told you what happened to us!" Harry whined.

"Tough cookies! I'm not buying that tripe your older brother slung about a sparring accident with Mustang! I have all the time in the world you keep you here until you spill like an overturned drinking cup!" Winry's grandmother scowled.

"And remember…we have ways of making you talk!" Winry glared as she held up a particularly sharp tool.

THWACK!

Pinako slapped her granddaughter upside the head.

"We don't harm the patients!" the Rockbell matriarch snapped.

"Oh, I'm sure she wasn't going to harm me…much." Ed smirked with a feral look in his eye as he dragged Winry off by her ponytail.

"CUT!" I bark as Ed slammed the door and padlocked it.

"Who fed Ed Viagra?" I ask angrily?

"And I'm telling you this magic stuff is just a bunch of hooey!"

"Then why are you walkin' away?" the brown haired man gulped.

"What are you talking about?" Harry sputtered.

Matsa gestured to Harry's feet, and much to the boy's horror, he found that they were moving of their own accord, right to the front door.

"HEY! Stop feet! I'm ordering you to halt! Whoa feet, whoa!" Harry yelped as he involuntarily whirled around and ran at the house full tilt.

BANG!

And skull first into it.

"I got a luverly bunch of coconuts…" Harry slurred.

"Yo Director, I think we're gonna Need another Harry, at least until this one get his head back in straight…" Al grinned weakly.

Harry wiped the tears from his eyes and stared levelly at the giant bearded man: "No offense, this was a nice prank and all, but you can go back to whoever put you up to this and tell them that I'm not that gullible. There is no such thing as magic. I don't know how you transmuted those bunny ears onto Ed's skull…"

"But…but!" Hagrid sputtered as he tried to get a grasp on the situation.

"But I'm not going to any 'magic school'! I have responsibilities here! I have neither the time nor the desire to go a abroad" Harry said hotly.

"Speaking of which…change me back!" Ed bellowed.

"But why? You look sooooo cute! Just like that cute furry, the White Rabbit form Alice in wonderland!" Winry cooed as she threw her arms around the oldest brother and stroked his new appendages. An action which turned Ed thought processes to mush and left him purring like a contented cat.

"Who you calling a Furry? Ed sputtered, despite the fact that his leg was still moving a mile a minute.

"Why you cutie!" Winry giggled as her fingers found the sweet spot.

"NOW WAIT A COTTON PICKIN...no...more to the right...NO! I...WILL...NOT... SUBMIOOOOORRRRRRRR..."

"A digital camera, Five hundred dollars. Picture of Ed looking like an idiot: priceless!" mustang snickered as he snapped an entire memory stick worth of pictures.

"H-H-Harry…you have a phone call." The Rockbell matriarch stuttered.

Shrugging, Harry stepped into the side room and held the receiver to his ear.

"Hello?" harry said uncertainly.

"Seven days…" an unearthly voice whispered.

Click!

Harry Hung up.

"Must have been a telemarketer…" the Evil eye Alchemist shrugged.

"Try this: Eleven inches, made of willow with a core of Dragon Heartstring. You should know that no two of my wands are alike. And it is proven that the wand chooses the wielder." The silver eyed man said.

Shrugging his shoulders, Harry gave the wand a flick.

BLAAAAT!

The wand made a sound akin to a man breaking wind and spewed a cloud of noxious gas in Ovilander's face.

FWUMP!

The old man toppled over in a heap.

"CUT!" I barked.

"Um, I think we're gonna need another wand maker…" Harry grinned weakly.

The three eyed boy carefully transmuted the tip of his metallic finger into a scalpel. He looked at the wand (that he had lifted from Ovilander's shop when the old man wasn't looking) like one would when facing down a poisonous reptile.

"I just make an incision down the middle, and I'm probably going to find some kind of hi-tech equipment. How else would you explain how this thing works? It's probably just a fancy flash light. Only one way to find out…" Harry thought.

With utmost care, the alchemist gently inserted the scalpel into the wand and made a quick incision down the middle.

"Ok, let's see what we have…here?" Ok, of all the things I was expecting, this was at the bottom of my list." The middle brother blinked.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

KA-BOOM!

The bomb inside the wand blew Harry to kingdom come.

"It's a good thing I invested in a stunt Harry…" I goggled.

The next several hours passed without further incident, that is if you don't count Hermione and Ron almost coming to blows, culminating in the latter storming out in a huff while the former cursed venomously.

"You know, if you like her so much…you should just ask her out on a date instead of biting her head off!" Harry nodded sagely.

"Me like Her! You barking mad!" Ron sputtered.

"Nope, I seen it and smelled it before!"

"Smelled it?" Neville blinked dubiously.

"Yep, one of love sickness's primary symptoms is the dreaded love reek! That sent of Belgian chocolate and roses is a sure indicator of the muggle disease otherwise known as the dreaded 'love virus'."

"A virus? What do I do?" the redhead gasped.

"The cure is pretty simple, you have to go up to the girl, and kiss her full on the lips."

Ron was out the door before harry even finished the sentence.

A few seconds later.

"PIG! Hermione shrieked.

FWAP!

The sound of palm meeting cheek was heard.

Ron stumbled back into the compartment a few seconds later with a bright red hand print adorning his right cheek.

"Totally worth it..." he said happily.

"CUT!" I bellowed.

Taking a seat next to Ron, Harry filtered out the chatter and meditated, like Izumi Curtis taught him. Better to prepare him to deal with Snape, if the rumors were anything to go by.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Find your center.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Find your center.

"Harry, Snape's coming!"

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Find your center.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

"Potter…"

Find your center.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Find your center.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Find your center.

"Potter! Are you listening?"

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Find your center.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Find your center.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Find your center.

"POTTER!" A voice bellowed in his ear.

"ARGH!" the middle Elric yelped as he almost jumped high enough to cling to the ceiling like a startled cat

Only for him to lose his grip a few seconds later…

WHAM!

"Potter remind me to deduct a bajillion point from Ravenclaw once I get the feeling back in my lower body…" Snape uttered weakly from under Harry.

"I don't know at the moment…but it'll be unpleasant! I can promise you that!

"D-D-D-D-D…" Neville stuttered as he pawed at Harries nightshirt.

"Knock it off! I'm trying to keep an ear out for Filch!" Ron hissed.

"DU-DU-DU-DU-DU…" the frightened Gryffindor whimpered.

"For the love of…what's going…MOTHER OF MADNESS!" the redhead screeched.

"DUCK!" Neville yelled.

"A duck? Where?" Hermione asked, though she would later fervently deny having said anything.

"There!" Harry pointed.

"QUACK!" the waterfowl warbled, diving at Hermione head.

"CUT!" I bark.

"ARGH! someone get this thing off of me!" she cackled as she wrestled with the avian agressor.

Harry grimaced as he made his decision, he turned around and dove after the orb at breakneck speed. The distance between rememberall seemed to evaporate in the blink of an eye as harry dove after it.

Three hundred feet.

Two hundred and Fifty feet.

One Hundred feet.

Fifty feet.

Ten feet.

Five feet.

One foot.

WHAM!

"We're gonna need another stunt Harry!" I wince.

"No! No! NO! You're doing the wand movements all wrong! You're flapping your arms like an ostrich doing a mating dance, when you're supposed to be doing a gentle swish and flick. And you have to make the gar nice and long on wingardium!" Hermione admonished.

"Well you do it if you're so clever!" Ron scowled.

"Fine…wingardium leviosa!" Hermione cast.

Ron's jaw dropped as the table hovered and orbited his head gently.

WHAM!

The spell slipped, dropping the table on top of him.

"Medic!" Ron whimpered weakly.

"That'll teach him not to hog the spotlight!" Hermione sniffed primly.

It was several days later that Harry secluded himself in a clearing deep in the forbidden forest. He examined the card: It was small, about the size of Harry's hand. Embossed on it was a picture of a gold plated dragon standing on two legs. At the top was the name Winged dragon of Ra.

"Let's see if Hermione's info about this was right: Great beast of the sky, please hear my cry. Transform thyself from orb of light and bring me victory in this fight. Envelop the deserts with your glow, and cast your rage upon my foe. Unlock your powers from deep within so that together we may win. Appear in this shadow game as I call your name: Winged Dragon of Ra!"

The sky was lit with a golden glow that could be seen in all directions.

"INFIDELS! Thou hast angered thou has angered the god of trading cards! Now you will never again see the light of day!" a loud voice roared.

"Oh boy…" Harry squeaked.

CRACK!

Lightning struck a tree a foot from where Harry was standing.

"Whew! It's a good thing lightning never strikes twice in the same…"

CRACK-A-BOOM!

"AWK!"

"We're gonna need another stunt Harry! And someone clean that up before it stains." I said.

Snape fingered his hair and pulled, revealing that his greasy hair was in fact a wig. He turned around and revealed the back of his head. Showing the most horrific Face that harry had ever seen, its skin was chalk white, with red glowing eyes, and two slits in place of a nose.

"Voldemort…" Harry hissed.

"Indeed! I am Kira…er..I mean Voldermort."

"Oh boy, the obligatory Deathnote reference. I never thought we could sink so low." Al groaned.

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