A/N: Last one for probably at least 10 days so make it last.

Long Enough Alone?

Chapter 21- Her Name was Kelly

They sat in silence for a long time. There were at least half a dozen questions on the tip of Jen's tongue but she sat and waited for Jethro to gather himself. Nothing mattered more than the fact that Sophie was safe. Once Jen took her in the house and helped her wash her face and hands Sophie had said she was tired. She was now fast asleep curled up in the middle of Jethro's bed. Jen let her head rest on Jethro's shoulder and she had a firm grip on his right hand. The depth of emotion she had seen on his face when he looked at Sophie convinced her that her earlier thoughts about him having a child were accurate. She wondered if that was what he wanted to talk about.

Jethro broke the silence when he asked her in a husky voice, "Sophie okay?"

"She's sound asleep in your bed. I guess her adventure wore her out. I know it did me."

"I'll take you home if you want."

"I don't want."

The silence returned. Jethro couldn't decide where to begin. When he left home to come up here he was focused solely on getting back in Jen's good graces and convincing her he would try to make them work. Hearing Martha tell him Sophie was missing had chilled him to the bone and until he saw her asleep on their favorite rock he had barely been able to take a normal breath. All the fear he'd been harboring about Sophie had erupted in his soul when he saw the panic on Jen's face when he arrived. Finding her safe and sound was a blessing but Jethro wasn't sure how Jen felt now. After all, she was right, it was his fault this had happened. It was just what he had tried to tell her in the beginning; he would hurt them. Even if she forgave him he wasn't sure he could forgive himself.

Jen knew he was blaming himself. She had made it very clear that she blamed him and even if that was said in the heat of the moment she knew Jethro well enough to know he had taken it to heart and believed it. With Sophie safe in Jethro's bed Jen was able to put her anger at him away and understand that he was not really responsible for what went on in her house, especially when he wasn't even there. She wondered again why he had been on his way back this morning. Jen shifted around so she could look Jethro in the face. She looked in those ice blue eyes she loved to get lost in and saw anguish that she knew had nothing to do with her. She decided she had to know what was causing him so much pain.

She lifted her hand to Jethro's cheek and turned his face toward her. With her other hand she gently stroked through his hair letting her hand come to rest on his other cheek. She leaned in and kissed him softly on the mouth. It was a lingering, almost platonic kiss but her gentleness spoke volumes to Jethro.

When she pulled back just enough to be able to look him in the eyes she said, "I'm sorry I said this was your fault. I don't blame you Jethro, please believe me."

Jethro looked at her and he could see she was sincere. The fear and anger he had seen in her eyes just thirty minutes before were gone. She was looking at him with forgiveness and love. He wasn't sure he could accept that and he knew he didn't deserve it.

"I believe you Jen but I'm not sure I agree with you. I hurt you and Sophie and I don't know how you can forgive that."

"Because I love you. I know you didn't mean for this to happen. You had no idea that Sophie would react as she did. Hell, Jethro, I'm her mother and I was surprised. I guess I didn't realize how much she wanted to be with you. I was more concerned about my own feelings. We're adults Jethro, we can sort this out. I will take care of Sophie. I know you would never hurt her on purpose."

"No, I wouldn't. But it's what I've been afraid would happen. Sophie is why I had to go, Jen. She's what I've been afraid of."

Jen looked at him and finally she thought she understood. The sadness she had seen on his face when he tried to end it in his backyard. The anguish in his voice when he couldn't tell her why it wouldn't work. The sandwich cut into little slices, the perfect braid, the way he knew just how to talk to Sophie. Jen knew she had been right; there was child in his past. She feared now that it was a sad story but she knew she had to get him to tell her.

Once again she gently forced him to look at her. She kissed him, more passionately this time, then took both his hands in hers willing him to trust her. She looked him in the eyes and gave him all the love she had. Then quietly she asked,

"What is her name?"

Jethro closed his eyes against her loving gaze. "Kelly. Her name was Kelly."

At his use of the past tense Jen's heart broke in two. Now it all made perfect, tragic sense. He'd lost a child. A daughter. He had been afraid of losing another. She didn't say anything she just leaned in and kissed him and held him for a long time.

Finally Jethro took her face in his hands and brushed away her tears with his thumbs. She didn't even realize she had been crying. He kissed her on the forehead then took a deep breath.

"Kelly was my daughter. She was eight when she was killed along with her mother while I was in Kuwait. I didn't tell you before because I just wasn't ready. I can't explain it. I don't talk about them to anyone."

"I'm so sorry Jethro. I can barely imagine your pain. You don't have to tell me anymore unless you want to. I understand now your reluctance to become involved with us."

Neither of them spoke for a long time. Jethro was lost in his thoughts of how, if at all, this episode with Sophie changed his way of thinking about why he was back. He knew he loved Jen; he'd accepted that on his way to the cabin this morning. He also knew he loved her child; he'd known that for weeks now. So, if he loved them did he stay and risk everything or did he bow out? Don't be stupid. You already figured all this out last night; that's why you're here you idiot. You can't leave this woman. Are you nuts? She loves you and you will never have this chance again if you leave her. That child will be your salvation if you let her. All you're really risking is being happy. Doesn't that seem like a good thing?

Jethro laid back on the picnic table and pulled Jen down with him. He propped himself up on one elbow and grinned at her. His other hand was tangling in her hair as he leaned down and gave her a proper kiss.

"Well, reluctant or not here I am. And if you're sure you still want me, I'd like to have another chance. I never should have left yesterday, Jen. Are you still interested?"

"Yes, I'm still interested."

Jethro's expression turned serious and he asked her, "Do you have questions about Kelly or Shannon or anything? I want to tell you whatever you need to know to trust me."

"No, I don't have any questions. I think as we go along I'd like to know about them but I want that to be your choice and in your time. I can say that knowing you had a daughter explains a few things."

"Like what."

"Like how well you connected with Sophie. How you knew to cut up her sandwich into little slices. And how you knew how to braid her hair. Those aren't things you learn in the Marine Corps I'm sure."

"She told you about the sandwich?"

"Are you kidding? That's the only way she'll eat a sandwich now. She calls it 'the Gibbs way'."

Jethro managed a small smile at that news. "That was the way Kelly always liked her sandwiches so I just did it for Sophie thinking she would like it too. I learned to braid Kelly's hair when Shannon had a broken finger once and couldn't manage."

Lying on the hard table was getting uncomfortable so they sat up and Jethro pulled Jen closer with his arm around her shoulder. The silence returned as they each processed this new step in their relationship. Jethro was glad it was out. Jen's reaction was typical of what he had come to expect of her; she was concerned and comforting but she didn't smother him or bombard him with questions he didn't want to answer. A lot of things were clear to Jen now and she honestly understood his reluctance to let himself fall in love. She did still wonder why he had been on his way there this morning.

As if he was reading her mind Jethro decided to tell her about his decision to come back.

"I was on my way here when Martha called and told me Sophie was missing. When I heard those words, I was as scared as I have ever been. I'm sorry she was so upset at my being gone yesterday. And I wish I had told you about the rocks. You would have known where she was right away if I had."

"Tell me now."

Jethro explained about his conversations with Sophie about her dad. He told her about Sophie asking about heaven and how he had showed her the boulders the first time. When he told her what Sophie talked to her dad about Jen just smiled at him.

"I wasn't trying to hide anything from you Jen, but she didn't seem to want to talk to you about it. I think she thought it made you too sad."

"It's okay Jethro. I understand. Girls like to have secret places and private times. I'm glad she has you to talk to and that she trusts you. I wish I could have seen your face when she asked if you wanted to be her daddy. What did you tell her, if I may ask?"

Jethro looked at her for a long moment before he answered. "I told her that was a really hard question and that I would need to talk to you about it first. I told her it was the nicest thing anyone had ever asked me to do. I suggested we just be really good friends for now. She seemed okay with that."

"Out of the mouths of babes!"

"Tell me about it."

Just then they heard the back screen door slam shut and turned to see the child in question coming toward them. Sophie climbed up on the picnic table and squirmed in between Jethro and her mom.

"Why are you sitting on the table not the seat?"

"No particular reason. Did you have a nice nap in my bed?"

"Yes. I'm glad you came back. I missed you."

"I'm glad too. I missed you. And your mom." Jethro looked over Sophie's head at her mother and smiled at her. He tried to convey silently just how much he had missed her. When she smiled that perfect smile of hers back at him he understood that he had indeed been forgiven.

"Are you going to stay?"

"Just for a day or two. I have to go back to work. But I promise I won't leave anymore without telling you goodbye. Okay?"

"Okay. Can we go fishing?"

"Sure."

The three of them trooped off to the lake with Sophie running ahead and singing a made up song about fish and worms. Jethro reached for Jen's hand and entwined his fingers with hers. For the time being at least all was right in the world.

"I have some things I need to say Jen, tonight after Sophie goes to bed. Okay?"

"Okay. I'm very glad you're here Jethro."

TBC