Window 21: Glowing Hearts

Kate sits down at the edge of the mattress by his hip, watches over him for a moment. He's sprawled out on his stomach, half of his face pressed into the pillow, his mouth opened slightly against the fabric. His hair is adorably mussed up and she finally reaches out, ruffles her fingers through the tangled strands. He looks so cute like that, and so peaceful, and she doesn't want to wake him but she knows that he'd rather be woken for a moment than not know when she left for the day. She runs her fingertips down his face, cradles her palm over his cheek. "Castle."

"Mrrppphh." He scrunches up his face, the bridge of his nose wrinkled, eyebrows creased together, and then he hides it further in his pillow.

"I gotta go to work," she murmurs, running her thumb over the lines of his face until his features relax once more. Smoothing her palm down over his jaw, his neck, his shoulder, she's about to get up and leave when his eyes suddenly spring open.

"Wait!" His torso surges upright, an almost cartoon-like motion and then he's scrambling out from under the comforter, swings his legs past her and onto the floor. "I'm coming with."

"We don't even have a new case yet."

"Doesn't matter." She looks after him as he sprints toward his bathroom, takes a moment to admire the taut curve of his naked butt cheeks before he vanishes behind the door. "I'll be quick. Just wait. Don't leave without me, okay?"

She checks her watch but yes, they have a bit of leeway. "Okay," she yells over the thunder of the shower that is already running.

He stays close to her all day. It's not like he isn't commonly underfoot. He likes being next to her. She knows this, has gotten used to it. There's a calming comfort in his presence that she relies on. That she's come to love.

But this is… unusually close.

At the new crime scene he hovered close behind her, his hand a gossamer touch against her lower back whenever he got the chance.

She rises from her chair and he follows when she walks up to the murder board, stands so close that their arms are touching as they take in the information they have, mull over theories. He comes along when she goes to the break room for more coffee for both of them, even when she walks to the copier.

But she draws the line as he rises with her this time. Poking her index finger against his sternum she pushes him back down into his chair. "Restroom, Castle." She raises an eyebrow at him when he fidgets, and then he sinks defeated against the backrest of the chair.

What is going on?

She watches him closely for clues.

He fidgets a lot. Observes her closely, or looks around, his fingers picking at his cuticles. And if it's not that, he is texting. Relentlessly.

"Who are you talking to?"

"Oh." He doesn't even look up from his screen. "Alexis."

It's been a lot of texts. "Is she okay? Anything wrong?"

He finally looks up, eyes narrowed in confusion at her concerned tone. "No, she's fine. Just… talking."

She raises an eyebrow, at once suspicious. He's been good at letting his daughter live her own life at college, surprisingly good. She'd been worried he'd hover over her, but he's mostly held himself in check, even though she knows it's hard for him to not know the everyday occurrences of his child's life. Something is definitely off.

"About what?"

He sinks his eyes back to his phone, mutters lowly. "Just… her day. Keeping tabs."

"Castle," she barks, didn't mean to sound harsh but it does come out like that just a bit, and his head snaps up, eyes widened. She gets up and he's immediately out of his chair. Good.

"Come with me." She marches ahead, feels his presence just a minuscule step behind her as she walks them over to the supply closet, pushes him inside ahead of her before she locks them in.

She turns and his eyebrows are arched, leering at her.

"Not that, Castle." She sighs, steps closer. "Tell me what's wrong. You're not usually that clingy. Not with Alexis nor with me. What's going on?"

He sinks in on himself, head hung but he reaches for her hands so she steps into him, laces her fingers through his. "It's just…," he sighs, then adds, his voice a touch defiant. "You'll think it's silly."

"Try me."

He looks up, his eyes wide and darkened by the dim light in the storage room, blazing into her with such intensity that her heart starts hammering, leaping into her throat.

"What if the world really ends today?"

"Castle…" She sighs but he interrupts.

"I know! I know it's unlikely, and it's silly, but what if? So I'm texting with Alexis because it's the closest I can be with her today." He snags her closer, wraps an arm tightly around her waist so she's plastered against his chest, and she feels his ribs heave and fall with his harsh breathing.

"I'm staying close to you, as close as possible, because if the world ends, this is where I want to be. With you, Kate."

Her heart races and the blood rushes in her ears and she pounces on him, presses her lips to his mouth, sweeps her tongue inside, tasting his warmth, his flavor. Lets him feel her. He groans into her, one palm clamped over the curve of her ass, pressing her tightly to him as he curls his tongue around hers, soaking her in, taking from her everything she has to give because maybe it's silly but it's sweet and touching; it's the full extent of his love encapsulated within this illogical panic, to just be close to her, be with her for whatever happens.

And the truth is, there's nowhere she'd rather be than with him. If anything were to happen.

They walk home that night. His place is closer to the precinct than hers, but it's still quite a stretch by foot. The snow crunches under their shoes, iced over from the freezing temperatures that sweep in at night time. It felt silly at first, but then she could see the sense in it, the importance, even if it was based on an unlikely premise.

If the world really was to end tonight, they should enjoy all of it as long as they could.

After they'd been able to let go of each other, after they'd snuck out of the supply close with their hair disheveled and their lips kiss-swollen, she had called Alexis and invited her for dinner. And then Martha.

"And your dad," he had prompted when she'd ended the call, and she had nodded, and invited her dad for dinner as well. So he'd have everybody together.

Her fingers are folded into his large, warm hand, both of them tugged into his deep coat pocket and they walk silently, her side pressed to his solid, safe presence next to her.

Castle pulls her with him, detours in a wide arch to drop a bill into the Salvation Army bucket in front of a department store before they straighten their path once more on the sidewalk. She looks up and down the row of trees, loves the plethora of white lights strung around the trunk, the branches and twigs, admires how the lights outline the sharp, barebones shape of each tree.

"Do you want kids, Kate?"

It comes so out of the blue that her breath stutters in her chest, her other hand clenching into a fist inside her coat pocket, nails digging sharply into her skin. She tries to just breathe, to focus. To not panic. She turns to look at him, takes in the profile of his face and he isn't looking at her, just straight ahead, a pensive crease etched between his eyebrows. Deep in thought. Her inner turmoil calms at the look of him, silent and serious. She picks the safe route.

"Why do you ask?"

"Been talking to Ryan. About he and Jenny having a baby. And he was worried about the state of the world. If it doesn't end tonight, where is it heading? Seeing so much of the dark and twisted sides of humanity as you all do." He walks a curve again, drops a bill into the hat of a beggar, smiling at the man who answers him 'God bless you,' his lips cracked, mouth mostly toothless.

"Made me ponder some things. And realize that I don't know how you think about that."

She nibbles her bottom lip, pulls on the skin that's chapped from the cold. It's not like she hasn't contemplated the implications before. In her line of work, and with her personal experiences. But she knows he's not asking about them yet, can breathe lighter knowing he isn't burdening either of them with a decision that's too early to make. It makes it easier to confess the truth, to him - and to herself.

"Yeah," she admits, subconsciously squeezes his fingers inside his pockets. "I think I want to have children. Some day." Her heart flutters, tendrils of hope and excitement that can't quite be contained anymore.

"It's just… with my work…" She falters, thinks for a moment. Because how can she subject a child, her child, to even the possibility of having to go through what she had to, losing a mother? "A lot of decisions would have to be made."

He nods, smiles at her from the side, and she finds such complete understanding in his eyes that warmth rushes through her veins, prickles her skin. Her question floats from her lips easier than she ever thought it would. "What about you?"

'I'd at least like the option,' he's told her not too long ago, and it'd be a lie if she said she hadn't wondered about it since.

"I always wanted more, when Alexis was younger. I love being a dad. I think it's the thing I've done best in my life so far, though I don't quite know how I accomplished that." He quirks an eyebrow at her, grins half sheepishly, half cockily, and she shakes her head at him with a smile, knows exactly how he did it, with his good heart, but she lets it go.

"But it was never just right, and once she got older, I started thinking, maybe it's nice to be done." He pushes into her arm and she automatically follows his direction as he pulls another couple of bills from his coat pocket, drops them into a collections bin for the children's hospital. They keep walking and she looks back for a moment, distracted because, was that hundred dollar bills?

His hand squeezes around hers and she stops, looks over at him, her thoughts catching up.

"And what do you think now?" She asks, at once breathless because he's been giving to everybody all night, wherever there was need, and he's looking at her now, the blue of his eyes suddenly dark and intense, and it's everything, right there in this breathless, magical moment.

"Things change." It's not more than a whisper but it blazes through her, leaves her blood thumping in her veins. She leans in, right there on the sidewalk, trails her fingers through the short, soft hair at the back of his neck as she draws him closer, and she kisses him, lips and tongue tender on his while their warm breaths mingle in the cold air, while the throng of people on the sidewalk swerve and float around the pillar of their entwined bodies.

She pulls away, cradles his face between her palms. "The world will always be a good place as long as there are people in it like you. Good, amazing, considerate people, with a kind heart."

Yes. This is the man she can see herself having a baby with. Some day.

They make love that night. Slow and intense, bodies facing each other as they lay on their sides, her leg draped high over his hip, open to the long glide and push of him inside of her, the angle different but so concentrated, powerful, her nerves raw, on fire. Her palms on his chest, resting over his heart, she feels the potent beats of his heart, the simmer of his blood under his skin while she watches him, sees and feels his every reaction.

His eyes are wide, darkened with desire, observing her just as closely. He trails his fingers down her stomach, between her thighs, his index finger a soft tease over her swollen, slippery nerves. Her eyelids flutter but she keeps them open, eyes locked with his, the moment filled with silent promise.

She crests with gasping breaths, stuttered moans, feels his body shudder and quake around her, inside of her and afterwards, when their heartbeats and their breathing slow, when the sweat dries on their skin and he pulls the comforter over both of them, she ruffles her fingers through his disheveled hair, cradles his cheek with her palm, her thumb caressing over his bottom lip.

"It's past midnight, Castle," she smiles, kisses him softly. "December 22nd."

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