A?N: Last chapter of superangst. I promise. They are just so dang stubborn. But they almost have it.
Love.
Boy Disease 21
Ryan waited until Sharpay slid into the driver's seat before he stopped watching the doors to the school. Chad had disappeared a while ago anyway.
"What did he want?" Ryan asked, turning toward his sister.
She slid her key into the ignition. "To talk to you."
"Did you tell him I don't want to talk to him?"
Sharpay started her car, but made no move to do anything else. "No," she said, narrowing her eyebrows at him. "Why?"
Ryan calmly turned away. "I already talked to him."
Sharpay stared with deepening confusion. "Then why are you pouting and hiding in my car?"
"I'm not hiding. I want to go home. I told you that when I texted you," Ryan said, staring out the window.
Sharpay rolled her eyes and backed her car out of the parking lot. After she'd driven a few blocks, she glanced at him. "What did you tell him and why aren't you talking to him?"
Ryan sighed heavily with annoyance and didn't bother to keep it out of his tone. "I don't want to talk to him. I told him I don't want to be friends. I don't want to see him. Or talk to him. And since you don't like him anyway, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep him away from me and just drop it."
She scoffed and snipped back at him, "Don't get bitchy with me. I was just asking. And why have you gone all Ice Princess?"
Ryan glared hard at her. "Don't call me that," he gritted slowly. "I'm done. I don't want to do this with you or him or anyone. I told him we're not friends anymore. I'm over it. All of it. I don't care what anyone else says. It was stupid and I'm tired of it." He stopped and reiterated, "I'm. Done."
She looked at him and appeared seriously distressed. With quiet sadness, she said, "I told him you liked someone else."
Nearly groaning, Ryan clenched his fists. "So?"
"I'm just telling you," she retorted. "I think that's why he didn't go after you."
"I told him the same thing. And it doesn't matter. I don't want to see him anymore. I don't want him anymore. So, will you fucking let it go!"
Ryan shook for a few seconds and then turned back to the window, focusing on slow, even breaths, making his face blank and impassive.
Frowning, Sharpay placed both hands on the steering wheel and drove in silence.
When Ryan's phone buzzed, he pulled it out, looked at the name, and pressed ignore.
Chad jogged through the school, but took the long way into the gym through the locker room. It was deserted when he walked through the doors, practice having started a good fifteen minutes ago, and he debated not changing into his gym clothes. He didn't know if he could handle practice right now. But he had to know.
Digging through his locker that someone had closed for him, Chad pulled out his clothes and tried to think of what Troy could have said or done that would hurt Ryan so badly.
Troy must have stressed how he knew Chad better than anyone. Or that he wanted Ryan to stay away from Chad. Or maybe how Troy was supposed to and should take priority in Chad's life. That was what Troy said he'd been worried about. And maybe Chad had similar thoughts about Gabriella. In the past. So, it would make sense.
Tossing his shirt and jeans into his locker, Chad placed his hand on the door and was about to slam it shut, but then stopped.
He took another minute and scavenged in his backpack, pulling out his cellphone. Sure, Sharpay had promised she'd talk to Ryan, but there was no reason Chad couldn't, too. Pressing send when he found Ryan's name, he waited while it rang.
Chad frowned when there was no answer and set his phone on the bottom of his locker. Ryan wouldn't really ignore him and cut him out forever. Not when it was this important. Would he?
Swallowing nervously, Chad shut the locker door and walked out to the gym.
He immediately stalked toward Troy, but was intercepted first.
"Chad!" Coach Bolton said gruffly. "Those who show up late do not start during games!"
Chad almost retorted with a "Whatever" since he really didn't care at the moment about starting or even playing, but he settled for angry silence.
"Were you hung up with the drama people again?" his coach said, placing a firm hand on Chad's shoulder.
Making sure to glare at anyone around who dared react, Chad snapped, "No!"
"Good, then. Stretch and do twenty laps. Go now!"
Grumbling and giving his best friend an extra glare for good measure, Chad took off and did as he was told.
He watched the team start defensive drills, keeping his eyes on Troy. He knew his best friend was jealous. Hell, Chad even understood it. But it didn't do anything to quell his anger.
What right did Troy have to say who could be Chad's friend?
When Chad finished running and joined the team in zigzag slides, he purposefully but subtly bumped into Troy and hissed, "I want to know what you did."
Troy gave him a look, but kept going, focused on practice.
When they started working on forward and reverse pivots, Chad repeated his purposeful collision and said, laboriously restrained, "Don't think you can get away with it."
Troy's look darkened and he moved to the other side of the gym for the next drill.
After Chad migrated and ran into him a third time, Troy roughly shoved Chad away. "Will you fucking lay off! I already told you!"
"No, you didn't!" Chad growled, stepping into Troy's personal space.
Troy moved backward and countered, "Yeah, I said he should stop messing with you and he was cruel for hurting you that way!"
"You think he was hurting me?"
Troy opened his mouth to respond, but glanced at his dad and said nothing, pushing past Chad.
Once they finished individual exercises, Coach Bolton called for rebound-shooter partners. Troy immediately started for Jason, but Chad stepped in, practically in Troy's face, and was viciously pleased that no one would dare contradict his partnering with his best friend. Even though Zeke looked like he almost wanted to.
Troy exhaled and looked back at Chad coldly.
Picking up a basketball, Chad forcefully passed it. Troy caught it with a smack and shook out his fingers before shooting.
Chad retrieved the ball and said sternly before giving it back, "Was it really because you thought he was hurting me or were you just jealous?"
"I didn't think he was hurting you," Troy retorted. "I thought he was messing with you to get Taylor out of the way."
Chad watched Troy's shot and angrily sent the ball back to him. "Why the hell would he do that?"
"Because! He…" Troy said a little too loudly and dropped his volume. "Because. They do things like that."
"Who does? Shar?" Chad asked, eyebrows narrowed. "The only thing she did was offer you money and opportunities and the chance to be her sex toy.You were the reason Gabriella dumped you."
"I know that!" Troy snapped and shot the ball so hard it flew across the gym. He followed when Chad chased after it. "It doesn't mean that he didn't try to interfere."
"Interfere with what?" Chad demanded, throwing the ball to Troy.
Troy caught it and held it. "You and Taylor!"
Before Chad could yell back at him, their coach had stepped between them. "Guys! This is basketball practice not drama club!" he scolded, pushing Chad and Troy away from each other.
"Good thing, too," one of Chad's teammates whispered. "We might have fairies on our team if it was."
Forgetting Troy for a moment, Chad turned but heard a yelp before he could respond.
Startled and annoyed, Coach Bolton looked back at his team to see who was causing trouble this time.
"Sorry, Coach," Zeke smiled innocently and went to reclaim his basketball. "My hands. They were slippery."
"Everyone!" their Coach bellowed. "Two games of three-on-three, now! Troy, Chad," he pointed to both of them. "Opposite ends of the gym!"
Begrudgingly, Chad stalked away and formed a team with Zeke and David. Once they played and won their game, they switched sides to face Troy's team.
Chad stepped up as Troy started with the ball, feeling Coach Bolton's distrustful eyes on them.
Watching Troy instead of the ball, Chad said, quiet but venomous, "I told you I don't care about me and Taylor."
Troy easily spun and bounced the ball past him, assisting Chuckie with scoring a point. "Yeah. Today," Troy pointed out as they reset and started again.
"Why the hell do you care so much?"
"Because you were upset! And kept talking about your girl liking someone else!"
"So?" Chad said and intercepted the ball when Troy tried to pass it. After he quickly and apathetically tossed it to Zeke, Chad went back and cornered Troy. "Why would you assume it had anything to do with Taylor?!"
"Why shouldn't I assume that you love the girl you've been dating for a year?" Troy snapped.
"Because not everyone is like you, Bolton!" Chad shouted and lightly smacked Troy's chest.
A sharp, piercing whistle sounded, and their coach yelled, "Chad! Personal foul! Twenty push-ups now!"
Glaring icily, Chad stormed over to the wall. He completed his sentence, stalked back, and was intercepted by Zeke as he reached the court.
"Look, just stop fighting," Zeke said with a quiet, soothing tone. "I know what happened."
"You do?" Chad asked, still saturated with anger.
"Yeah, Ryan told me this weekend."
Chad waited and then demanded, "Well?!"
Zeke crossed his arms. "Are you going to keep fighting?"
"We. Might," Chad gritted. Zeke gave him a stern, disappointed look and it only made Chad more infuriated. He clenched his hands and scolded, "Zeke!"
"Okay, fine. If I have it right, he said that Troy told him to stay away from you and not mess with you."
Chad huffed. "Yeah? Is that all he told you?"
"No. Troy told him that you love and only want Taylor. And that you don't have feelings for him and Troy doesn't know why Ryan thought you would. Have feelings for him. I think that was it."
Chad stared and couldn't remember how to breathe.
Zeke lightly touched his shoulder.
Chad knew Coach Bolton started toward them, but he walked past and up to Troy and asked in a slow, normal voice, "You told him you know me better than anyone? And that I love Taylor? She's the only one I can think about? The only one I ever wanted to be with?" Chad added, remembering his own words. "That? You told him that?"
Troy nodded. "Yeah."
Chad looked away from Troy's bright blue eyes and swallowed hard.
It wasn't Troy and his jealousy. Chad was the reason Ryan was hurting.
Ryan was convinced that he loved Taylor. And probably thought Chad was deliberately tormenting him every time Chad hugged him or complimented him. Every time Chad wanted to see him. Every time Chad did anything friendly toward Taylor.
Swallowing hard, Chad asked, "Just after break?"
Hostility turned to concern, Troy nodded again. "Yeah. That Monday, I think."
"After I talked to you," Chad finished. Slowly, he turned and started to walk away.
"I told him I was sorry that you didn't," Troy added worriedly.
Chad felt his chest tighten and walked faster.
He heard several of them yell his name, but didn't listen.
Suddenly, Coach Bolton was in front of him. "Chad, where is your head! We're in the middle of practice. You and Troy can deal with this later."
Chad felt his eyes sting and shook his head with deliberation. "I quit," he said and went toward the locker room.
"What?"
Chad spun and shouted, "I QUIT!"
Before anyone could argue with him, Chad sprinted for the locker room.
Hurriedly, he opened his locker and pulled out his cellphone. After trying twice to call Ryan, he frantically typed out a text message.
please answer. i have 2 talk 2 u
He stared at his phone and waited, feeling his heart pounding anxiously.
He jumped when his phone chimed and displayed a little unopened envelope. With trembling fingers, he pressed the button.
dont make this harder. i told u i cant anymore.
With a frustrated sob, Chad wrote back as quickly as he could.
damnit ry. answer me!! i dont love taylor
He hesitated for a moment, but added to the end of it before he pressed send.
Chad waited and stared and waited and shook more with every second. Impatiently, he tried one more time to call Ryan, but the phone went straight to voicemail.
Close to throwing his phone across the locker room, Chad instead slid down to the floor and scrunched up his knees, burying his head in his arms.
He'd hurt Ryan. He'd devastated Ryan. And now Ryan wouldn't even let him fix it.
Shaking and still trying to breathe, he felt tears streak down his face. And he didn't even have Ryan to brush them away.
Ryan stared blankly at the TV screen, curled on the sofa in what his sister referred to as "comfy clothes" which usually meant something close to pajamas. He looked over at his cellphone as it lit up and vibrated on the lamp table beside him. With a forced sigh, he pressed the ignore button and the phone stopped buzzing, but the name still shone on the screen.
Ryan turned it upside down so he couldn't see the display and set it back to where it had been.
From the entryway near the kitchen, Sharpay quietly walked toward the sofa. "Here," she said, handing him a bottle of his favorite iced tea.
He set the drink on the lamp table. "Thanks, sis."
With a sad look on her face, she pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and sat down next to him, draping the quilt over their legs.
He glared at his phone when it buzzed again and didn't even look before he ignored the call.
Sharpay frowned as she watched and softly blurted out, "I'm sorry."
Ryan shook his head.
"No, but I am," she insisted. "I'm sorry about everything and I'm sorry I didn't like him."
"It's not your fault. And it doesn't matter anymore," he deadpanned.
She stared at him before she asked, "Have you cried?"
"Not gonna cry."
"Why…" she started but was interrupted when Ryan's phone buzzed a third time.
Irritated, he picked it up and opened the text message. "Because," he said, typing a reply. "I'm not sad. I'm annoyed." He finished and slammed his phone a little too loud and a little too hard onto the lamp table.
Her eyes followed his every move. "I didn't mean to mess this up for you."
"You didn't," he stressed with a little impatience. "You were right about everything and it was never going to work."
"I think he really loves you," she said quietly.
"I think he really doesn't," Ryan countered. "I think he got back together with her during free period today."
Her eyebrows narrowed. "What?"
Ryan waved a hand dismissively. "It doesn't matter. They were just all lovey and 'I miss you' and…" he stopped and swallowed so hard it hurt. "She's everything I'm not. She's gorgeous. And brilliant. And…"
Ryan's phone vibrated again and he angrily snatched it from the table and turned it off, not bothering to even open the message.
"Will you just take this?" he said with frustration, handing her the phone. "And put it somewhere far away."
With an undecided hand, she accepted the cellphone and transported it elsewhere. Ryan made sure not to watch.
When she returned, he lifted the blanket and she snuggled up against his side, resting her head on his shoulder. He let his arm fall around her and went back to staring blankly at the TV.
After a few minutes, she pointed to the remote. "I'm going to change it."
"That's fine," he said quietly. "I wasn't paying attention to it anyway."
As he sat slumped against the lockers, Chad heard a firm voice say his name and then a hand touched his elbow.
Chad furiously rubbed at his face and then looked up at his coach. "What?" he snipped brokenly.
"Well, do you really want to quit the team?"
Chad gave him a small head shake. Losing two of the things he loved most all in the same day and he might turn into one of those suicidal emo poets. And oh, god did that not need to happen. "But I can't go back out there," he said resolutely.
"Well, what's wrong? Why are you so pissed off?"
"Because Troy told him that I didn't love him and only wanted her. And I had just kissed him. And now he won't talk to me. And he's hurting. He's been miserable. And it's my fault. Well, it's Troy's fault. But it's because of me. I hurt him," Chad choked out while shaking.
"Him?" Coach Bolton asked slowly.
Chad immediately jerked his head up and realized he'd never actually told anyone who didn't already know. He especially hadn't ever intended to tell the person in charge of his basketball team - who had the power of kicking him off it if he so chose.
Chad stared and shook from nervousness this time. His own parents didn't even know. Yet. Uneasily, he nodded a little and then looked down.
"The Evans boy?" his coach asked.
Chad blushed and wrapped his arms tightly over his chest.
"Look, it's not the end of the world if this kid doesn't like you anymore," Coach Bolton said. "You can't let it ruin your game. Your team needs you."
For a few seconds, Chad stared at him and then swallowed. "I can still be on the team?"
"Yeah. Why couldn't you be? Besides if you can't be a team player during practice."
Chad glanced around nervously and then looked at his coach, feeling guilty.
"Hey," he said and lightly slapped Chad's knee. "That's got nothing to do with how you play basketball."
A little relieved and almost able to breathe, Chad slowly nodded and then looked down at the phone in his hand.
"Hey, Coach," Zeke called as he stepped through the locker room. "Troy sent me to ask you what other drills we should run."
Coach Bolton got up from his seat on the bench and told Chad, "We've got twenty minutes left. You can stay here. But I don't want you disrupting any more practice. Got it? Then you will get booted."
Chad nodded.
"I'm going back out there," he told Zeke as he walked by.
Zeke pointed toward Chad and the locker room. "Can I stay?"
"Fine," their coach said with unmasked exasperation. "But I don't want either of you missing practice again."
Zeke smiled after Coach Bolton left and shuffled over to Chad. "That okay?"
Quietly, Chad nodded and Zeke took a seat on the floor next to him.
"I'm assuming that you know," Chad said after a minute.
"That you and Ryan are madly in love and don't know it? Yeah."
Chad rolled his eyes but gave Zeke a faint smile. "So, how'dyou figure it out?" he asked, wondering just when it got so obvious.
Zeke shrugged. "I think you love him as much as I love her. It was easy for me to see it."
Sighing, Chad looked at him. "You're a really good friend, you know that?"
Zeke smiled. "Yeah. You know, if Ryan and I get our way, you and I will kind of be brothers-in-law."
Lightly, Chad laughed while shaking his head. "Zeke. Man."
"Yeah, I'm hopeless," he said but grinned. "I know."
"Well, you're ahead of the game at the very least," Chad commented and then sighed. "He won't even talk to me. He doesn't want to see me anymore."
"But to get over you, right? So, if you tell him then… it'll be fixed. Won't it?"
Chad shrugged and wanted to cry again. "I don't know. He's…" Chad stopped and couldn't bear to think of that anymore. "I don't know if he'll think it's worth it. Risking having his heart broken like this again." Chad looked down and chewed on his lip, fiddling with his cellphone.
Zeke rested a hand on Chad's knee. "Ry's not like you. He's like me."
"Meaning I'm cynical and pessimistic and you guys aren't?"
Zeke nodded and Chad rolled his eyes.
"I just hope you're right, my friend," Chad said and pushed himself off the floor.
Ryan ignored whatever conversation his sister and father were having at the dinner table, idly pushing a steamed carrot around with his fork. He tried to eat, especially for Sharpay, but felt queasy even looking at his food.
His mom reached out and slipped her right hand under Ryan's left. "Would you like me to find you something else, sweetie?" she asked softly.
Ryan shook his head and watched her lift his hand and squeeze his fingers. He gave her a small smile and went back to steering his carrot around his plate. She let go of his hand and stroked a lock of his hair before smiling and asking Sharpay about her day.
"So, son!" his dad started and Ryan looked up, surprised and uncertain. "How was the game?"
Ryan furrowed his eyebrows. "Game?"
"Didn't you go to that basketball game? A few weeks ago?"
Feeling his chest clench, Ryan looked down. "Oh," he said and then answered. "Yeah."
"Well," his dad said and then gestured for Ryan to go on. "How was it?"
Ryan blinked at him and swallowed his heart back into his chest. "It was. Good," he replied softly and turned back to his dinner, attempting to look unavailable for conversation.
"So, that Chad fellow…"
Ryan immediately looked up. His fork slipped from his fingers and clinked onto the plate.
His dad turned to Sharpay. "That is his name, right?" he asked her. "Chad?"
She glanced and shared a look with Ryan and then nodded quietly.
Ryan felt his heart launch into a frightened race.
"Well," his dad said, turning back to address the whole table. "I hear he's very talented."
Guardedly, Ryan tipped his head.
"Supposed to be one of the best on the team, right?" he asked and again looked to Sharpay for confirmation.
She rolled her eyes but nodded. Ryan swallowed again, afraid to do or say anything.
"And the staff and guests at Lava Springs always said how charming and good-humored he was."
Ryan raised an eyebrow and was sure he looked terrified or at least worried. "Yeah?"
"Well, I thought you should know…" his dad started. "That I just... Well, I think" he tried again and then exhaled and looked deliberately at Ryan. "I think he's a very nice young man."
Ryan stared and could feel the meaning in his father's eyes.
He blinked and looked away and found he couldn't breathe or swallow or stop his lip from quivering.
Suddenly, he pushed away from the table and stood. He mumbled something that might have been "He is" and "Excuse me," but didn't even know for sure because he quickly rushed from the dining room and up to the safety of his bedroom.
He closed his door and his eyes and moved his hands and arms, trying to stay calm and focused. But he still couldn't breathe slow and serene and the way he wanted.
Covering his face with his hands, he sank down to the floor, kneeling at the foot of his bed. He shook and made no sound until he gasped for breath with a sob and tears spilled through his fingers.
He was sure there was a knock at his door, but he didn't remember hearing it, only knew when a gentle hand ran through his hair.
"Ducky," she said softly. "Sweetheart."
Ryan dropped his hands and tried to sit up, but was trembling too much. "Mom," he pleaded quietly.
She knelt beside him and held his face in her hands, wiping away his tears. "What's wrong, love? What happened?"
Ryan tried to breathe enough to tell her. "Chad… has a girlfriend. And," Ryan bent his head. "He kissed me. But. He loves her." He sniffed and hated the whimper sound he made. "We're not going to be friends anymore."
She pulled him close and rubbed his back. After a moment, she whispered, "There'll be other boys."
"I know, Mom," he said into her shoulder. "But he was my friend. And… I love him. So much." Ryan bit his lip, feeling a fresh wave of tears. He clung to her and couldn't speak anymore.
"Come here, sweetheart," she murmured and helped him off the ground. She guided him to his bed and tucked the covers all around him, snuggling behind him and wrapping him securely in her arms.
Holding on to the strong, slender arm protectively draped over his chest, he whispered, "I love you, Mom."
She kissed his temple and hummed a familiar melody, then sang to him softly, "Come let me love you. Let me give my life to you."
Slowly, the sobs that were ripped from his chest stopped, and he stared silently as tears slipped over his cheeks, remembering the song she'd made a lullaby. "Let me drown in your laughter. Let me die in your arms."
Ryan let his eyes close, listening and reveling in being held.
Her fingers threaded through his hair, stroking and soothing, and Ryan felt like he could almost breathe again. "Let me lay down beside you. Let me always be with you."
Wilting in her arms, he relaxed and finally let exhaustion take over, drifting off to the sound of his mom's voice and the reassurance that she loved him.