Chapter 20.
Silence.
That was all Riathbourne craved at this time, all he truly wanted. Instead he was plagued by a multitude of voices around him now, and they were driving him to madness. Voices he could not escape, and all of them clamoring for his attention. All of them wanting more of him and making him deliberate sending them all away so he could just have a moment's peace to think.
"The city is nearly abandoned. Most of the Castle Maids and Guards have abandoned their posts, the Kitchens only have two working to feed us, and there is only one Healer left in the Infirmary looking after Thor. All of them have gone into hiding, or have been arrested on your orders. Not one of them cooperating in your foolish search for one child, only three days under your rule and Asgard is falling! What do you plan to do now?" Aleren said, pacing and looking worried for his life with good reason. Raithbourne glared at the Councilman, causing him to pause and his robes trembled about him. Raithbourne wondered if he could truly trust the man who had been his friend for so long, the man who now doubted his rule and showed the first signs of betrayal in his eyes. He would have to act now to restore order, and he would have to use an iron fist to do the task.
"There is no one left to serve us, are you listening to us as your Council? We need Guards, we need the Armies intact or we are nothing more than sitting fools, governing a land that is now ripe for the picking. Any force could come now, take all that we have and we would be powerless to stop it." Taryn said, his voice shaking. Raithbourne sat back on the throne, his thoughts turning to Odin or Thor waking and seeing the Realm in tatters. One or the other would find him a Traitor, and without support from the people of Asgard he would be lost. It would be his his head on a block, and his neck the ax would meet if he did not find a plan to fix what was done, he now lacked choice. He now had to find that child, and as much as he loathed the idea, he had to keep the bastard alive. He straightened up in his seat above the fearful Councilmen, demanding their attention.
"We need to find that child more than ever now, it is the only way to strengthen the foundation of my rule and to solidify our claim that we were right in exiling the Traitors. To further this plan, you will declare the boy abandoned and me his sole Guardian. I will then present the evidence that we have proving that Loki and Lilliana poisoned Thor, gaining the sympathy of the people and all will be well." Raithbourne replied. The Three men thought about his words, all of them agree with him silently.
"Then what My King? The Dungeon is overcrowded with those who will stand as witness against what you have to say." Taryn questioned him, his face long.
"I agree with you My Lord and friend, the Dungeon has grown far too full." Raithbourne said, the grin crossing his face filled the gathered men with fear and they shifted uncomfortably. The three of them understanding fully what he said, but none of them liking it at all.
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I wanted more than anything to be alone, I just couldn't face the rest of the men and women on this ship after The Collector and his load of bullshit. I found a few places to hide, but someone seemed to always find me, walking in and pretending to be surprised in that way people always did when they invaded you space. They offered fake sympathy, telling me to cheer up and that I was just being dramatic. I eventually wandered the ship, and found and open observation deck that was full of spare parts and other debris strewn about. It took me an hour to move the boxes around, sorting good parts from broken junk and just giving me something to take my mind off the shit I was in. I found a box of screws and bolts, taking it and a bin with several drawers on it to the center of the deck and began sorting them while sitting on the ground. Yes, I was still hiding. But is was my right to do so, no one could take that away from me at least and I intended to stay where I was. I sniffed back tears, wiping my eyes on my sleeve and letting the repetitive yet tedious task become strangely meditative.
Funny how the mundane becomes relaxing if you let it, your brain does not wander down weird paths and upset you. It just lets you stop thinking for a while, slipping into the task and pretend to be thoughtless for a while. All you do is concentrate on what you are doing, the shiny bolts and screws keeping the darkness away.
I heard the distinct sound of small feet with claws on a metal walkway behind me and turned to see Rocket standing at the top of the stairs, he shook his head and sighed at my obvious annoyance. He walked around my spot, keeping a safe distance from me, but still shaking his head and laying his ears back. He looked upset at what I was doing, and I could see actual sympathy in his eyes.
"Sorting bolts, now that is really depressing. I guess you can see why I avoid it and just hide that up here." He said, sighing again at me. I internally groaned, trying to ignore him but he was like a cat when you were busy. Always in your face or rubbing against your leg for attention.
"I came up here to be alone." I said, dropping some bolts into the slots in the bin. Rocket still ignored me, sitting on the floor across from me and a determined look on his face. He was either going to be obnoxious or quiet, I hoped for the latter.
"Yeah, I got that, but you are going to have to face up to everything sooner or later. So, I am not leaving you alone right now to wallow in your own personal Pity Party." Rocket said, I continued sorting the bolts quietly. I was really trying to keep ignoring him, but he was persistent as hell. I then let out a long breath, hoping he would take the hint and just leave. The thick skulled Trash Panda just sat, annoying me further with his presence and I had to acknowledge him. The fact that I had to do that annoyed me more.
"Go away." I said, grabbing another handful of bolts and screws.
"No. You don't own the ship, and you don't get to boss me around either. Maybe I came all the way up here to give you some advice, but you are still being a brat." He snapped at me. I tilted my head at him and waited for his damn advice, I wanted to kick over the bin that I was sorting everything into in anger. I decided against it, not wanting to have to fix my own work.
"So what wisdom does the great and wonderful Space Raccoon have to bestow upon me?" I said, waving my arms in an arc and letting all the sarcasm I could muster show. "Because, from where I am sitting, my life is in the shitter and I am having yet another series of very bad days. Which I am sick of having, thanks for asking."
Rocket just shook his head, letting out a long breath and crossing his arms. He looked at the stars above us briefly, then returned his attention to me as he groaned in annoyance. He rested one fist on his knee and pointed at me with the other hand, the entire scene would have been funny if I was not so mad.
"You know, you got a real attitude problem there. From where I am, you got a ton going for you. So freaking what if you are the last of your kind out there. Do you see any others of my kind around here? You got Big Moody out there, and a kid waiting for you. At least you are not completely alone in all this, too stupid to appreciate them, but not alone. Hell, maybe he would love to help you rule your empty planet, maybe he will polish the silver with you. But you are too selfish to ask him because you would rather sit up here an cry to yourself." Rocket said, making me roll my eyes at him. I was really fighting hard not to get snippy with him, but it was a loosing battle.
"Oh yeah, that sounds like real fun, him and me sitting in an empty whatever they rule from. A real barrel of laughs there, just me, and Loki, and my kid on a dead planet. You really don't get it do you?" I hissed at him, rolling my eyes again.
"Get what? Really, spell it out for me because I don't see what I am supposed to get right now." Rocket shot back, making me sigh in exasperation. I dropped my handful of bolts and glared at him, pointing back as I spoke.
"You are right, I don't own the ship. But right now you are on my last nerve, so why don't you go find your talking houseplant and water him or something? I came up here to be alone, but you for some stupid reason, had to find me and completely make a nuisance of yourself." I said, picking up the dropped bolts and sorting them by size. He still did not leave, he was stubborn and I had to give him some respect for that.
"Look. You can't change where you are from, but you can choose whether or not to be a total douche. Right now though, you are bordering on complete A-hole." He shot back. I debated throwing a bolt at him, settling for shaking my head again in annoyance. I could see that he was not going to leave, so I just continued sorting. I was tired of trying to get my point across to people, only to have them tell me to just cheer up or something equally stupid. I couldn't even begin to explain to anyone how I felt, I really just wanted to be left alone to sort everything out on my own. But getting what I wanted was proving to be a chore, so I gave in and just tolerated the obnoxious mammal and could feel tears start to burn at my eyes again.
"Right now. I really don't care. You heard from Peter all that stuff the weirdo with the Cosmic Petting Zoo from Hell said. Do you really think my own husband is going to accept what I am, especially after being raised himself as Royalty? That he will accept that I came from a bloodline that betrayed their own people as Monarch? This was never what I wanted to begin with... I never asked for any of it... And I don't fucking want it."
"I don't belong on a throne any more than I belong here, I grew up on the streets and learned how to survive from them. I was never raised or groomed for any of this, none of it was ever mine. All I want is my home and my family." I said, rubbing my face and trying not to cry.
"You sure missed a lot, being wrapped up in your own world of self loathing." Rocket replied, shaking his head. I blinked at him, trying to figure out what he meant and reached over to him to get his attention. He pulled back, staying out of my reach and glared at me.
"What did I miss? What are you saying?
"You missed a lot. Like the way Grumpy looked at you when Peter and Gamora told Groot an' me what went on back there. You just stared at the floor like it was something special and not a plain old floor."
"I don't understand." I said, trying to piece together everything but my brain refused to function on a higher level. I was normally more observant than that, and I missed something. It bothered me to to point of making me crazy.
"He was scared for you, he actually looked at you like he wanted to pull you away from everything and keep you in a box or something. He was mad too, mostly because what the douchetanic on Knowhere said to you. You were just a lump, and I'm sorry to remind you that other people exist, I forgot that the Universe revolved around you." Rocked lectured, gesturing and pointing at me as he talked. I blinked, knowing that I needed this verbal bitch slap and that I was sort of overdue for one as well. I was starting to take everyone around me for granted, assuming that they would always put up with my crap. Continuing to pick the wrong battles was going to cost me everything, and eventually leave me with nothing. I needed to be reminded of that, more than ever right now.
"Why am I so stupid?" I groaned into my hands, Rocket chuckling at me and shrugging back at me in response.
"You really are human? Look, I heard Loki talking to Peter, you sort of blend into the walls when you are small like me, and sometimes hear more than you mean to. He really does care about you, and he is mega pissed that you learned everything you did that way. He said it was not fair to you, but fancier. You know how he talks, all fancy and that." Rocket said, making me laugh and smile a bit.
"Yeah, I know how he talks. I call it educated, it is sort of a turn on."
"I call it fancy and a bit douchey." Rocket quipped and I laughed. He joined me and eventually we both stopped laughing for a while and sat quietly, me looking up at the stars and thinking.
"Want me to tell him where you are?" He asked and I shook my head, his ears laid back and he crossed his arms.
"No, I just need some time to process everything. I just got chewed out by a talking raccoon, that was really surreal. I do my best thinking alone anyhow." I replied. He stood up and picked up a pile of bolts, dumping them into their respective bin for me.
"I will not tell anyone you are here for a few hours then. Chewing out an actual Queen was surreal for me, if you have to know." He said, dusting off his little hands. I reached out and hugged him, ignoring his struggles and protests against my shoulder. Eventually, he relaxed and sighed while hugging me back.
"Aw hell, this is kind of nice. Just do me a solid and don't tell Peter about this, he will never let it go." He said, making me laugh a bit as I held on.
"Thanks for kicking me in the butt for a while, I sort of needed it." I replied, letting him go and helping him smooth the fur on his head.
"No problem, that is what I am good at. You really going to rejoin us eventually?"
"Yes. I am almost done here anyways." I replied, showing him the empty box and the nearly completed bin of screws and bolts.
"Oh trust me, I can find you more to sort." Rocket shot back. I laughed at him and smiled, feeling better and sighing to myself. It was only a little bit, but some shocks take time to recover from.
"I bet you can goofball. Bring them on up, I got bored up here really and decided to be productive for a change. The view is really nice though." I said and he looked up at the stars, his ears perking up as he looked at them with me.
"I come up here sometimes too, mostly when I need to get away from everyone or when Peter is yelling at me about stuff. And to hide stuff I break, which explains all the broken parts. I like the view though." Rocked said, still looking up. "All those stars makes you feel small, and kind of special."
"Reminds you that Fate makes no mistakes." I said, standing up and looking out at the stars. I didn't hear when Rocket left, taking the bin with him on his way out. I was too focused on a nebula that drifted into view, studying it and letting it take my breath away. The orange and green gasses pulled into the center and drifted around the glowing mass, all that cosmic debris drawn to its gravity and holding it for eons. I stretched my fingers over the long, orange tendril that reached into the cold void of space.
"All this really does remind you of that." Loki said behind me, making me jump out of my skin.
"Don't sneak up on me like that!" I snapped at him, looking around and seeing the bin I filled gone. "Where is Rocket?"
"We passed on the stairs, this is a wonderful view." Loki replied, he looked at my work and frowned. "Why are you sorting junk?"
"Something to do while I wait for anything to happen." I replied, shrugging at him.
"It is beneath you." He sighed and I shook my head in response.
"No, it is not. No task is beneath me at all, it is just something needing to be done." I replied and sighed at him. "Why does all this crap keep happening to me?"
"Because, sometimes fate is inconvenient?" He tried, I shook my head and rolled my eyes in response. I picked up several bins of usable parts, adding them to the neat stack I made earlier and arranging them so they could easily be gone through. Loki watched me as I collected another one, pulling it and struggling with the weight. He pushed it easily, helping me a bit to position it so I couls sort through it..
"Not really helping with that pearl of wisdom, but nice try." I quipped, reaching into the bin and sorting pistons into one of the crates I used and the rest of the stuff into others. He handed me a hose, obviously debating if he should say more and how he should say it.
"Let me ask you then, are you truly scared that I will abandon you because of your birthright?" He asked me, waiting for an answer. I leaned toward the empty bin, staring at the bottom of it and feeling ashamed about my stupid fears.
"In a way, yes. And it is not my Birthright really, it is the asshole who made me and then left me to rot." I answered, my voice very small. Loki sighed, walking to me and hugging me close to him. He nuzzled my hair, making me sigh against his chest as I fought back tears.
"Even if there were something left there, I would have been honored to be your Consort. You are most likely the last Orokai, and that makes you very special. Yes, a hybrid really, but the last of them. You need to stop worrying about that which will never happen. You will get so caught up in the what may be, that you will forget to enjoy my presence when I am with you." He said and I wrapped my arms around him and held tight to him.
"Really. It does not bother you at all?" I challenged, he rolled his eyes at me but laughed and kissed the top of my head.
"What bothers me is that you would think I would love you any less." Loki said, lifting my chin gently to make me look at him. "My beautiful Queen with stars in her eyes."
"I love you so much, it scares me sometimes." I whispered, hugging to him tightly again. I looked up and saw him smiling at me, his eyes shining at me as he returned the embrace.
"I feel the same myself, as if loosing you would be the death of me." He said, softly kissing me. My heart skipped a beat, making me blush a bit. We broke our kiss and he smiled at me, noticing the color in my cheeks.
"Your heart missed a beat." He said, and I grinned.
"So did yours." I quipped back and tapped his nose. He kissed me again, laughing at the change of my pulse when he did it. We smiled at each other, laughing that he still had that effect on me after so long together.
"Stop." I giggled, pushing at him as he kissed my neck and making him laugh back. "I'm gross and dirty."
"Never. I do not mind "gross and dirty" on you." he replied, making me laugh and shake my head. I hugged him tight and suddenly felt incredibly homesick, Aulder's stormy blue eyes filling my mind. My chest felt heavy and I could feel tears burn at my eyes. I gasped for air, but my lungs felt crushed in my chest. The tears came and I felt my knees wobble, sobs wracking me as guilt for not thinking about him punched me in the gut. He let me sink to the floor, holding me and rocking me gently as I cried and my sobs were the only sound in the space for a long time.
"Aulder." I gasped into his chest, shaking and afraid I was going to shatter.
"I know Little Mouse, he is safe. I promise you that, I communicated with Heimdall and he has had much to do with all that is occurring in Asgard. He told me that more are abandoning the Castle and City, Raithbourne is loosing control of the people as time goes on. He is letting his fears dictate his choices, filling the dungeon with perceived enemies of his and becoming more paranoid of everyone. Have no fear though, Alder is safe with our allies, and will remain so." Loki said, stroking my hair. I sniffed and wiped my face with my hands, getting dirt from them on my face.
"What about Elowynne? I promised that I would help her escape her father." I said and Loki pressed his lips together.
"She and Sventaka are imprisoned, labeled traitors to the Crown and to be tried soon." Loki replied. I shook my head and fought more tears, but they won ultimately. And began falling.
"What are we going to do?" I sobbed again, his arms tightening around me as I cried.
"I know your worry." He replied, trying to calm me. I pushed at him, trying to free my self to make him understand what he was not hearing.
"You don't know, you don't." I said and sobbed again. "I feel so scared and hollow inside. Asgard is falling, my friends are in danger, and I am unable to to protect my own child because I was selfish and ran. I have no identity anymore either, so what am I supposed to tell everyone else about all this? What do I even tell myself?"
"You tell yourself that you are a wife and a mother who is loved, and you never forget that. Find any way of identifying yourself that suits you and claim it as yours. I am however, very fond of this one and would beg you to preserve it. You are who you make yourself, and believe yourself to be. No one can dictate that for you, and they are fools to try." He said, holding my cheeks and looking into my eyes. I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around him, feeling like someone again and never wanting to let go. I closed my eyes and tried to make myself believe that my destiny was mine alone, and that no one could force me into a future I did not want. But it all still seemed like a lie.
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The meeting to plan their attack with the Ravagers had gone well, leaving Loki pleased that in a few hours they would be arriving at Asgard and striking Raithbourne very hard. He walked the halls quietly, reflecting about everything that had occurred over the last few days. So much had changed, new revelations to sort out and process in his mind. He still had a price on his head though, and the longer they stayed out among these people, the longer he faced them cashing in on that bounty.
He heard Mantis chatting with Drax and moved on without a sound, his mind focused on one person alone. While the Empath fascinated him and he desired to know more about her race, he wanted to find Lilliana more. He had left her hours ago and wanted to ensure she recovered from her breakdown, and that she was going to be ready to act on their plans. She had been forced to deal with too many blows in too short a time, and he worried about her now. He prayed that she would still be her true self when they returned to Asgard, and able to care for their son.
He found her in a common room alone, standing over the box on the table in front of her. Her face was drawn and grim as she reached out and touched the stone in the center of it, opening the chest to view its contents. He watched her hands tremble as she picked up the crown, setting it aside after looking at it for a long time. She then lifted out the ornate sword, turning the blade over in her hands and studying the etching on the blade. She tested the weight, swinging it in her hand and practicing her stance. He was about to walk in to adjust her feet, but paused when he noticed movement in a chair behind her.
"It is a graceful and beautiful weapon." Gamora said, making her jump in alarm. "Do you know how to wield it?"
Loki observed silently from his place, angry that Gamora would ignore his warnings but Lilliana impressed him with her next statement. He wanted to step in as the daughter of Thanos stood and walked over to his wife, but remained in the shadows at the ready. He would be ready should any move be made against Lilliana, and he would not hesitate to cut the other woman's throat if he had to.
"A little bit. Loki taught me some, but that was when I was not pregnant and completely ungraceful. You really should not be here, but you probably don't care." Lilliana replied. Gamora leaned against the table, laughing in response to her statement and crossed her arms.
"That condition can put a halt to sparring, but you are not pregnant now. Let me see your stance." Gamora ordered her. Lilliana stood with the sword in both hands, bracing her feet for better balance. Gamora shook her head and thought to herself briefly about what she was seeing, obviously unimpressed with how out of practice Lilliana was. From his vantage point, he could see an exasperated look cross his wife's face, dropping her stance and holding out her arms.
"What?" Lilliana snapped, rolling her eyes and groaning.
"You are very out of practice, widen the space between your feet a bit and relax your shoulders." Gamora instructed, standing next to Lilliana with her own sword drawn. "Like me. That blade of yours is honed on one side and curved, so all your movements should remain fluid. Like a dance, and be sure to keep the blade faced away from you and to use the other side to block."
Gamora demonstrated several movements, each one meant to strike a killing blow to an intended target. The deadly grace the woman possessed amazing in its accuracy, and frightening at the same time. Soon, both women were moving together as the practiced the movements demonstrated. The both of them turning like dancers, no jerking motions to define their deadly grace. Loki focused on Lilliana, studying every turn and pivot with the sword in her hand and found her beautiful beyond words.
He knew that she did not truly need the weapon in her hands, the power in her enough to kill if the whim ever took her. She chose to celebrate life however, swearing to never kill or harm unless it was truly necessary. That was where her true heart lay, in protection not destruction and he wondered sometimes how far she would go to keep her word.
"You are understanding the concepts. Plan each swing and movement to turn, give your enemy no chance to come close to you or they will be struck down. Think and observe you opponent, then strike. You are shorter and thinner, use your stature as an advantage and use your mind. Look for your strength in their weakness, and if you have to, use their strength against them. You do not have to be muscular like Drax to be dangerous, just smarter." Gamora said, raising her sword and turning toward Lilliana with it. He was concerned about her intentions, sparring could leave Lilliana open to an attack from the other woman and he moved to stop it before Gamora could take the first swing. He stopped, observing again and letting his judgment not give him the wrong idea about the other woman. He watched Gamora show her a block, turning her arm and positioning the sword in order to keep away the attack. Lilliana listened closely, learning from the other warrior and laughing a bit in return. Both women moving slowly as they mocked a battle, Lilliana learning to defend herself with the curved sword.
"You know, if Loki catches us we are both in huge trouble. He told you to stay away from me." Lilliana said, Gamora laughing in return.
"We can always tell him that you are settling the score between he and I." Gamora laughed, both women smiling at each other and continuing their lesson.
"Just hope he buys it, I'm a terrible liar." Lilianna said and blocked a strike from the other woman, grinning to herself as they worked together.