CHAPTER NINETEEN

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says 'I'll try again tomorrow'." ― Mary Anne Radmacher

Steve had finished unpacking his bag in the room Jarvis had showed him to. It was the same room he'd stayed at the last time he was in the tower so he at least knew where everything was and how to get back to the living room from there. He'd left Amelia's suitcase unpacked, still refusing that she'd be sleeping the night in his room despite her being so sure that she would.

That's how things normally went though, every time they went to different locations he'd pay for her to have an apartment or room of her own and she'd just sneak her way back into his own room every single night. Steve couldn't actually remember the last time he slept in a bed without her next to him.

However, just because he was in a different time period didn't mean he'd lost his morals and he'd been taught when he was a young man that people shouldn't live together until they'd reached an appropriate point in their romantic relationship.

Plus, he wasn't just creating space between them to be polite. He was creating space because he felt it was very necessary between them, things had transpired over their year together and it felt like the pair had only grown closer, their feelings for one another growing as well. Steve was trying to do Amelia a favour by enforcing their platonic friendship because he was a firm believer that she needed to love herself first, if they became anything more serious before that point he'd feel like he was just taking advantage, even though he knew Amelia would probably feel differently.

Though he was the one who'd come to that decision it didn't mean it was any easier for him to separate his romantic feelings from his friendly feelings, especially because as the year progressed they'd become one in the same.

He arrived at the living room to find Amelia sat on the couch alone. She was leant forward in her seat, head in her hands and she was staring off into the distance clearly lost in thought. Though he hadn't intended to at first, he found himself observing her from afar, taking in her beauty just for a moment and allowing himself a moment of weakness. She was beautiful to him, maybe not in the classical way, she wasn't dainty and she definitely didn't work on her appearance like some other women did. He wasn't sure if she even knew what makeup was yet. But among her ordinaryness there was something stunning. Amelia had packed quite a bit of muscle over the year, training herself rigorously to make up for how frail she'd physically become during all her weeks in prison, and she'd also allowed her hair to grow out. It settled in dark brown waves, down to the crook of her neck, for the most part she'd shove it behind her ear so it didn't get in the way of her vision, revealing a jawline as sharp as any knife she wielded and freckles that dotted their way down from her forehead to beneath the leather jacket she wore.

It wasn't just her physical appearance that he was charmed by, bizarrely the paradox that was her personality had actually become a part of her glamour. Sometimes she was incredibly innocent, she'd say things that revealed her understanding of the world was similar to that of a childs, and yet on the other hand she was headstrong and could definitely hold her own in a battle. She wasn't sugar, spice and everything nice, she was fire and lightning and perhaps that was the loveliest thing about her. It was one of the things he admired most, that was for sure. Whenever he thought back about their journey his heart would swell whenever he remembered just how much Amelia had gotten through. Her fire and lightning was more than just a pretty picture, it's her own creation that came with her as she rose like a phoenix from the ashes Alexander Pierce had set.

"Shut up," Amelia outwardly hissed, pushing her head further in her hands and beginning to rub at her forehead as though it was aching. Steve cocked his head, perplexed as to who she was talking to considering there was no one else in the room and as far as he was aware it had been completely silent for the last minute and a half he'd been observing her (that's what he preferred to call it, rather than saying he was just staring at her).

It wasn't the first time he'd heard her talking to herself, it wasn't even the second time. But every time he tried to talk about it she'd do the exact same thing she did whenever he asked her about what Pierce did to her, she'd close up and leave or do her very best to change the subject.

Trying to be as casual as possible, he shoved his hand into his pockets and rounded the couch that she was sat on, "who are you talking to?" His thought was light, careless, disguising the genuine concern that clouded his brain.

Amelia's head shot up from her hands and for a moment she looked like a deer caught in headlights but she soon recovered, trained in the art of pretending like everything was okay. "No one," she answered smoothly, and then she did just what he'd suspected she would do by changing the subject, "did you unpack our bags?"

"I unpacked my bag, you can unpack yours when we find out what room you're staying in." Amelia glowered at him, leaning back in her seat and crossing her arms over her chest, despite the glare she still had a coy smile on her face. Steve followed her lead, seating himself next to her and relaxing the best he could beside her despite all the things he was worrying about. He was worried how Tony was reacting about Amelia being alive, he was worried about how Amelia was reacting to finally facing a piece of her original life, he was worried about how she was coping with generally everything, and not to mention he was worried about Bucky. It was a part of his nature to try and fix things himself even if the problem wasn't necessarily his to bear, especially when it came to people he cared about. Steve scanned the room once more, checking once more to see if there really was no one else in the room. "Where's Tony?"

"He left," she explained, saying the words as if it didn't affect her, not realising that Tony had actually done something wrong, at least in Steve's mind he had.

The soldiers eyes widened and his mouth dropped open slightly, "he left you?"

She was a bit wary of the anger displayed in Steve's tone, making her lean back a little away from him, "yeah, we did the blood test and it came back positive. After that he just left, got in this weird metal suit thing and flew off."

"Oh, Tony," he sighed, disappointed at the outcome. He wasn't really surprised though, he'd hoped for the day to go a certain way and of course Tony had chosen to go against that and make things more complicated. Steve wasn't sure why he'd even hoped for a different outcome, sometimes Tony was just too selfish.

The elevator released a musical ding and the doors opened, both Steve and Amelia turned to see who had entered the room, expecting Tony but being met with the sight of a strawberry blonde rushing into the room. The mysterious woman's eyes instantly fell onto Amelia as she approached the pair sat on the couch, her heels clapping against the hard ground. "Are you her? Are you his sister?" The question passed the woman's lips eagerly, scaring Amelia more than Steve's rage had, automatically a hand of hers rose up in case she needed to defend herself. The woman didn't look like the type to attack, she was dressed in a pants suit similar to the one Amelia's brother had been wearing, and she looked just as well groomed. At first the assassin thought she had a weapon in her hand but after further inspection she identified it as a purse. Warily, Amelia nodded her head, the movement causing the standing blonde to throw up her hands in the air and then clap them together, "oh my god, you're alive. That- That's amazing," it seemed the woman was lost for words as she moved her hands over her mouth. Amelia was beginning to like the woman's reaction more and more, it seemed she actually wanted her there and Amelia couldn't help but wish that her brother had reacted in a similar fashion.

"Pepper," Steve said, interrupting the blonde's gleeful chatterings and identifying her for Amelia, "no offence, but how come you're here and not Tony?"

Pepper's hands fell down, situating themselves in front of her body as she looked at Steve with an expression that said 'were you expecting something different?' which was explanation enough for the soldier and it painted a pretty picture of what exactly the man had gone off to do. He'd heard of the man's self destructive tendencies and he supposed that's exactly what Tony had gone off to do. "He rang me up," she said, trying to defend her boyfriend from the soldier's obvious disapproval, made clear by the frown on Steve's face. "He told me to come here immediately and make sure you guys are okay, he just needs time to process the news. I promise he'll be back soon," she explained the last part to Amelia, not really sure of the brunette's personality but still trying her best to provide some sort of comfort.

Meanwhile Steve looked to Amelia, trying to gouge her reaction. All she was displaying was a polite smile though and he found it oddly frustrating. It would make more sense for her to be annoyed. When they escaped SHIELD together and Natasha joined them she'd fought against the prejudice Nat had showed, and yet this time all the brunette was doing was sitting back and taking it.

"Well that's alright," Amelia mused, "do you know when he'll be coming back?"

Pepper shook her head in response, "I'm not sure. But until he does I plan on taking care of you, have you been shown to your room yet?"

Both Steve and Amelia felt grateful towards how open and kind Pepper was being to the situation rather than closing herself off like Tony had done. Amelia could understand why though, the way she saw it was that her brother was just doing what she had done for years. She'd decided to be patient with him and give him a chance just like how Steve had done for her.

Amelia stood up, wanting to retreat from the situation for a moment so she could let her face relax from all the smiling she'd been doing. "It's fine, Steve can just show me to his room, that's where I'll be staying." Amelia said the words innocently, a catalyst for the peach blush rising on Steve's face and the wide eyes on Pepper's face.

Pepper's mouth opened and closed, resembling a goldfish as her mind worked on stringing some words together that made sense, "oh, are you two-"

Steve stood up as well, immediately jumping in to try and fix the situation she'd just caused. "No we're not," he explained, waving his hand around as though he were slapping whatever thoughts had arose in the blondes mind, "we're just friends."

"Did I do something wrong?" Amelia asked, noting the blush she'd caused Steve to have.

He gave her a side eye, most of his attention still fixed on making sure Pepper didn't make anymore assumptions about their relationship because he really didn't want it getting back to Tony. The soldier daren't think of how Amelia's brother would react. "I'll tell you later," he said in order to hush her. Amelia knew he probably wouldn't tell her later, he'd said that a few times before and used it to try and end a conversation. The last time he said it was after Sam made a crude joke, she'd asked for an explanation but Steve quickly moved past it and never returned to the subject, she still wondered to that day why exactly a cat had been soaked.

After that Steve and Amelia began to argue about the rooming situation. Steve was adamant that she needed to stay in her own room, trying to explain that it wasn't normal for two friends to share a bed every night but she eventually got her way through playing the sympathy card. What she said was true though, she really couldn't sleep without him there anymore.

Pepper watched from the sidelines, trying to keep her smile at bay as she watched Steve fall defenceless the moment Amelia put on her puppy eyes. Cute, she thought, noting that there was definitely something going on between them despite what Steve had said.

By the end of the small dispute Amelia had made it clear that there wasn't actually any choice for Steve because even if they did get given separate rooms then she'd just find his and sneak in there. Finally he relinquished, telling Pepper that he'd just show her to the room. Pepper said whilst they finished setting up their room she'd get the building's chef to make some dinner for everyone. It was nearing dusk and Pepper explained that a meal would be a good place for them to get to know each other, also stating that if Tony returned then he could join them and finally discuss everything that had transpired. Once the plan was agreed upon they parted their ways, Amelia and Steve going down to the room.

She was impressed by how big the room actually was, far too use to studio apartments and inadequate spaces. One wall was entirely made of glass, showing the outside city in all it's glory, "I think I can see our old apartment from here," she laughed before locating her suitcase inside of the walk-in closet. Steve went to sit at a desk in the room as she busied herself hanging up the clothes she'd brought. Both of them knew the clothes wouldn't stay hung up and in no time they'd probably just end up on the floor for him to pick up because neatness was not on Amelia's list of special skills.

The door to the walk-in wardrobe was left open so that Steve could still see her, the familiar blue eyes a constant reminder that she couldn't drop the carefree act just yet.

"So, how are you holding up?" The soldier questioned, his hands working with a mind of their own as they collected a notepad and pen and began to doodle.

"I'm fine," she replied, the words robotic, a programmed response.

Steve sighed though Amelia was too busy to notice it. He'd spent the past year with her trying his best not to push her too much on certain subjects, and while it had been a nice year together he was beginning to realise how much of a pushover he'd become. He cared for her, he wanted to be there for her, but she wasn't letting him and he partly blamed himself for that. When Amelia turned to face him she's met with a look she'd never seen on Steve's face before, he was looking directly at her, solemn, a look that said 'tell me the truth'.

She sighed too, dropping the smile off of her face finally. Things were undeniably changing, she'd started seeing a therapist, she was meeting her brother and their year of being together was over. She left the walk-in wardrobe with her suitcase still left open on the floor barely empty, and she sat on the bed across from him. "It's not easy," she confessed, giving the best she could to rid that expression off of his face, "but it can't get any worse than this. Plus, we get to eat some food later that hasn't been cooked by me, it should be good."

"Amelia-"

"Don't call me that," she physically winced when she heard him use that name, her shoulders tightening and her eyes falling closed momentarily, "just call me Freckles, okay? I'm not Amelia, not yet."

Steve's eyes fell to the floor as he considered the new information she'd given, finally a glimpse into her mind. She didn't feel like she was Amelia Stark yet and she was struggling with what had occurred between her and Stark. Now he knew, he could help.

He stood up from his chair and opened his arms invitingly, "would a hug help?" He wasn't a therapist, he couldn't give her some sage coping mechanism to get her through this. What he could do was let her know that he was with her until the end of the line.

Amelia discovered at that moment that smiles weren't always painful, not when they weren't forced, "are you sure?"

About four months into their year together he'd been forced to make a rule that she couldn't just hug him when she felt like it because sometimes the situation they were in didn't allow for such a thing. It was her least favourite rule he'd made, right above 'no ice cream for breakfast'.

This was one of those situations that called for a hug though.

Hugs with Steve were never long enough for Amelia. In his arms she was safe, her worries disappearing like rain on summer earth. In that embrace, she was cocooned better than any butterfly-to-be. She'd heard about peace and she knew the definition, but she never experienced it until she was in his arms.

"Things will get easier," he asserted.

And she wanted to believe him, she wanted to believe that there really was a light at the end of the tunnel and she just wasn't able to see it yet. But as she raised her head, aiming to look into Steve's calming blue eyes, she was instead met by the icy gaze of Alexander Pierce who was stood right behind Steve. He was pressed against the wall across from her and he laughed, as though to say 'yeah right'. Then she realised that Steve didn't know enough, if he did, he wouldn't be saying such a thing.

Still, she just pressed her head back once again into Steve's chest, letting herself enjoy the experience fully before reality hit her once again.

After they hugged Amelia returned to unpacking her bag, her side of the wardrobe a collection of black whilst Steve's was a mix of blues, greys and whites, the odd bright colour mixed among them.

Six O'clock arrived soon after and Jarvis called them up to the forty-second for dinner. During that interaction Steve finally explained to her who Jarvis was, an AI that Tony had created which basically ran the building alongside her brother.

When they arrived upstairs (Steve deciding to take the stairs with her) they found a plate full of glorious food. Gluttony became the only sin Amelia condoned as she scoffed down the appetiser and the main course, enjoying every single bite as though it was her last meal.

Pepper was a great conversationalist, whilst polite she knew how to make people laugh and there was barely any tension in the air, Tony forgotten about. And despite her little slip-up earlier when talking with her brother, she displayed how far she'd come when talking with Pepper. Steve sat to the side, cutting into his steak with a small smile on his face, doing nothing to fight down the little ball of pride that was bouncing around his stomach. She talked about movies she'd watched, and music she really liked, able to show her vast knowledge on cooking and baking and it had Steve remembering every moment because he was with her when she watched those movies and when she listened to that music (thankfully it turned out she had a similar music taste to him) and when she discovered her love for creating edibles.

It had turned out to be a good evening, one that she wouldn't forget anytime soon. It became even more unforgettable after her brother returned home.

The elevator dinged open, gaining the attention of everyone seated at the dining table and once the door opened they were met with the image of Tony, still in his iron man suit, sat on the floor with a bottle of whiskey enclasped in his hand. It seemed the chime of the elevator had coerced him out of some drunken stupor, making him jump a little and they all had to watch as he pathetically tried to stand up, using the wall as his only support and stumbling multiple times. By the time he actually managed to get back on his feet the elevator was beginning to shut, he stumbled forward and gripped the door too harshly with his metal hand, causing the door to be crushed beneath his super-powered grip.

It wasn't until he was out of the elevator and had taken off the mask of his suit that it became clear just how drunk he had gotten. One of his eyes was more closed than the other, his hair sweat-drenched and matted against the tanned skin on his forehead. It was clear in his dark eyes that the man's brain had, for the most part, been anaesthetised by all the liquor he'd consumed in the few hours since he'd left.

The one thing that all those who sat at the dining table shared was their disappointment. Steve had dropped his knife and fork onto the table far harder than he'd meant to, making a fist with one hand and wrapping the other around it so he could keep it in front of his mouth before any disapproving words could slip out. Amelia was much quieter, simply staring, Alexander's voice in the back of her mind telling her that she had been the one to push him to such a state. Pepper just watched with an expression on her face that said this wasn't the first time she'd seen her partner in that state.

He walked into the middle of the room and stopped, standing up a little taller and pushing his shoulders back but still wobbling, standing in a sad impersonation of a superhero pose. He brought up the hand he had his liquor in, pointing it somewhere between Pepper and Amelia. "Get away from her," he slurred, panting slightly, "Pepper, get away from her."

The blonde didn't instantly move, not even taking what he'd said into consideration, putting his abrasive behaviour down to the alcoholic he'd consumed.

His gaze then targeted Amelia, locking her in such a disdainful stare that she had flashbacks in her mind of the look Alexander Pierce always gave her whenever she acted out, it embodied true detestment. "She's nothing but a killer."

Amelia didn't have any fight in her to argue against him after that, not fully able to comprehend why but knowing that the ache in her chest was far worse than any sort of stab, it was more like a bullet had torn through the organ inside it. When her head fell down and her hands dropped onto her lap, Steve got mad.

He stood up, marching over to Tony and putting up his arms ready to face the man's challenging behaviour that never seemed to yield, "you're drunk Stark, go to bed." It wasn't a suggestion, wasn't even a request, it was a demand.

Tony Stark didn't take too kindly to demands.

He stumbled closer to Steve, trying to look his frenemy in the eye but struggling to do so as his voice swayed from side to side, "have you ever looked in her folder, Cap? Paints a pretty disturbing picture."

"Yeah, I have. Did you decide to skip the part that says she was tortured for years and forced to kill?" Steve defended, tone cold like stone.

"Oh how cute," Pierce whispered into her ear, "he thinks you were forced to killing."

Amelia shot up from her seat, joining beside Steve and taking a hold of his hand, patting it with her other and calming him down enough for him to put both hands down but his body remained rigid, still ready to face off with Stark. "It's okay," she asserted, her voice unusually mousy, "he's right, I did the killing, it's on me."

Her brother threw up his arms, liquor spilling from his bottle due to the dramatic movement, "she admits it!" He hoorahed theatrically.

"Hey!" Steve yelled, throwing his voice up to the same octave that Tony had used, "you need to back off." The soldier simply wouldn't allow someone as messed up as Tony to dismantle all the progress he and Amelia had made with her view of herself, it had been the first thing on his list of things to improve once Hydra had fallen and they'd just begun to make advancements.

A feeling of deja vu hit both the billionaire and the soldier but both of them chose to ignore the fact that the last time they got into a situation like that they were disrupted by a Norse god up to no good, putting them in quite an uncomfortable situation.

Something Amelia had learnt through watching a lot of television was that most species of animal bare their teeth when making a threat or trying to display their leadership, reminding their foes that their clenched jaws can and would open yielding throats. Amelia thought of that when her brother smiled at Steve, and through his teeth, said: "make me."

As though God himself was giving an opinion on their fight, thunder rumbled outside.

Out of fear for both her brother and her close friend Amelia dropped Steve's hands and raised her own, pushing the air apart with them, using her powers to force Tony and Steve to move a safe distance apart. Tony's eyes flashed to hers, fury burning her skin like acid. "Or do you want to fight me?" He spat out, "maybe even kill me, huh?"

"I don't want to kill anymore," she responded, desperate, but disappointed at the lack of resolution in her voice.

"Are you sure about that?" Tony asked, laughing emptily, "do you think someone like you is capable of doing anything else?"

The question had her silent, even Steve didn't have a response to it, all he had was a desire to hit the man.

But the feud wasn't allowed to continue.

Outside lightning crashed down onto the landing pad which Tony normally used (unless he was too drunk to fly, in which case his preferred method of travel was a taxi and the building's elevator), it caused alarms to blare inside Amelia's mind. She instantly moved to stand in front of Steve protectively but before she could demand he get out of there, her soldier had already placed a hand on her shoulder, something he did when he needed her to back down from a fight, "it's okay, we know him. He's a friend."

Amelia was beginning to question his definition of 'friend' - though Natasha and Sam had turned out to be great people - he called Tony a friend and that clearly wasn't the case from what she had observed.

Once the lightning faded a man stood where it had hit, he stood tall and was packing quite a bit of muscle. His hair was a blinding blonde, around the same length as Amelia's own hair. His clothes were peculiar, on his back there was a red cape that danced in the late night gale as he approached the entrance to the room they were in, and in his hand he seemed to be holding a very large hammer, reminding her more of a meat tenderiser than the tool.

A/N: So, I saw Infinity War. I have no words. When I left the cinema it genuinely felt like the entire world around me had changed.

[PLEASE READ ME-] I've been thinking, and I want to post more chapters than just one a week, I feel so motivated rn and I think I could manage it but there's a lot of ways I can go about it. I can do another week of updating every day, and then from there I'd have to upload a chapter as soon as it's written, or I can just do like two new chapters a week? Please let me know your thoughts, and if you have a preference for days also let me know!

To BigBangVIP, now I understand why you used the word 'recover'.

To Sam0728, and here we see the can of worms unfolding, ik by AOU he was pretty much done with that whole 'parties and alcohol lyfe' but I feel like with it being something THIS BIG he'd return, y'know?

To kuppcake, thank you and I hope you did enjoy the chapter!

To Unajet, it's killing me how hesitant they are, part of me wants to just shove them together but plot and character development and all that stuff so

To OfSeashellsandStars, thank you so much! I'm trying to be proud, I swear, but I dont think I can ever stop myself from worrying if I've written things as great as they can be, I always try my best though! That I promise :)

To TheQueenOfGoodbyes, I love Tony for his complexity too, it's both a joy and a burden to write! And don't apologise for leaving a long review, I bloody love long reviews!

And a big thanks to everyone that read the chapter!