A/N: Ok, FYI--we are very close to the end! Just one more chapter after this one. BTW, this chapter has some s-e-x in it, so be aware.

And, on a side note, the wonderful CMAli has created a fun series of "interrogations" with Criminal Minds fic writers, the second of which features... (drum roll)... ME! Check it out and leave her some love. It can be found under her author name or the title, which is "Interrogations."

Love you all!!!

Seds

In the time leading up to his first day at the BAU, Derek had begun to doubt himself. He felt that he was leaving the better part of his soul in New Orleans, even though there was nothing left for him in that town anymore, and he couldn't wait to leave. Without Spencer, it was just a dirty, dangerous city, with hot muggy weather and not enough money.

The day he turned in his badge and gun was one of the rare really good days he'd had since Spencer left. He had no regrets about leaving the force, other than a twinge or two for the few up-and-coming officers and detectives that were still not burned out. He gave them his number and told them to call if they ever needed to talk, and they promised to do so.

And, there was Cassie's ghost. She seemed to walk beside him as he went from chatting at the front desk to cleaning out his office, then down the hall to the conference room where they had first met. He stared in, remembering.

"Why, Officer Morgan, I had no idea that the N.O.P.D. employed such handsome gentlemen. I just know that you're going to find my things for me--I can feel it in my bones. Now, where's that silly old form you wanted me to fill out?" She'd looked at him with those huge brown eyes that sparkled with mischief as well as sincere admiration, and he'd found himself flailing to maintain his composure in a way he hadn't acted since he was a twelve-year-old schoolboy.

He remembered every word she'd ever said to him, her laugh, the way she moved, and what she'd been wearing. Leaving the station seemed like one more unspoken goodbye to the person who had sustained him in so many ways before he met Spencer.

But, otherwise, he felt a sense of relief that almost countered the heavy depression that had dogged him in previous weeks. And, only a few days later, as he was packing up the contents of his apartment, he heard on the news that Police Chief Palmer had been suspended--an FBI investigation had brought to light some shady dealings the man had apparently been doing with federal money. A smile crossed Derek's face and he wondered if Agent Hotchner's "business" in New Orleans had had anything to do with that.

He was willing to bet that it did.

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Derek had house-shopped online and narrowed his choices down to three. When he went to Quantico to complete his courses, he checked out each one and finally made a decision--he settled on a small house that needed repairs, but it was in a good area for a good price. He was handy with tools, and it would be easy to sell, if he ever needed to do so.

Once Derek moved to the new city, everything sped up to a point where he had little time to think, and for that he was grateful. But, it wasn't the way he had imagined it would be. Going home to an empty house hadn't been part of the equation. Still, the pain was easier to push aside when there was so much to learn and do and discover, and the ragged stabs of loss gradually lessened as the days became weeks.

Mr. Derek Morgan could hardly wait to become Special Supervisory Agent Derek Morgan, and he hoped that with the badge would come some sort of soothing memory loss so that he could finally sleep alone in peace.

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Penelope Garcia stared.

It was Derek's first official day at the BAU and Tech Analyst Penelope Garcia couldn't help but stare. She gamely tried to absorb the words Hotch was saying to her, but became hopelessly distracted shortly after "... our new agent, Derek Morgan."

"Our," she thought. "Ours" meant hers--it was like Christmas! Finally--some eye candy for the BAU ladies. She made a mental note to bake some cookies for Hotch. She believed in encouraging positive behavior.

She extended her hand and almost gasped when Derek's warm flesh enveloped hers in a snug grip. She could tell instantly what kind of man he was--the kind who could handle himself in any situation, the kind who could shoot an unsub without a second thought. The kind who could wrap those powerful, sinewy arms around a girl and make her feel warm and safe and loved.

And then he smiled, and it was a killer smile, and Garcia's heart rate shot up. Because, Derek Morgan was...

Breathtaking.

She stifled the urge to out-and-out flirt. Time enough for that later, when Hotch wasn't around to give her a disapproving glare. For now, she was content to bestow a killer smile of her own on the gorgeous hunk before her, wink, and say "Call me Garcia."

Derek absorbed the details of the lively blonde's presence, then glanced around her colorful office. After being introduced to a series of gray walls, grim work spaces, and subdued demeanors, Garcia was a delight. Derek felt an instant connection to her.

Meeting the rest of the team was a pleasure, too. Gideon, Elle, JJ--all struck him as consummate professionals, but each seemed to have a special aura about them, and each seemed to bring something unique to the table. As they gathered in the conference room for Derek's first team meeting, he looked around and wondered what it was, exactly, that Hotch thought he, Derek, would be bringing with him.

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A few days later, Hotch stood at Derek's desk and without saying a word, tipped his head in the direction of his office. Morgan understood that he was being summoned and quickly followed behind him. Once inside, Hotch closed the door and Derek gave his boss a puzzled look.

"What's up?"

"Have a seat. I just wanted to go over some things with you. Are you settling in all right?" Hotch sat at his desk and pulled a file out of a drawer.

"Yeah! It's been great. The team is fantastic, the work is--wow, it's... I don't know what the word is, but I'm so into it. I love it here, Hotch, thank you again--"

"I see you now have a permanent address. A house, correct?"

"Right. I got a pretty good deal--"

"I want to come by some time and do a security check."

"Security check?"

"Yes, I want to test your alarm system, examine ingress and egress to and from your street as well as within the house itself, look at rooftop visibility, etc."

"Wow."

"Yes. We all tend to relax when we're at home, and I feel it's important to help my agents become aware of points of vulnerability."

"You're welcome any time, Hotch."

"All right. There's something else--you said if I hired you that you'd tell me what I needed to know about the status of your personal relationship. You haven't told me anything--may I assume that there's nothing to tell?"

Derek shifted in his chair and sighed. "Yeah. It... didn't work out after all." Derek glanced at Hotch and thought he saw a small flash of compassion in the stern man's eyes. Then, it was gone and Hotch looked down to make a note before speaking.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Derek shrugged. "That's the way it goes."

"Are you all right?"

No, Hotch, I'm not. My heart is broken and I feel like I'm missing a limb. Thanks for asking. "Sure. I mean, you know, it hasn't been easy, but I'll be fine. It's probably for the best."

Hotch stared at him silently, making him squirm a bit. What did the man want him to say?

"Why do you think it ended?"

Fuck, man, I don't know. I'm a stupid idiot? "It's hard to say. In the end, I guess we just... wanted different things."

"Did your work have anything to do with it?"

"Uh--no, I don't think so. Listen, it's over, do we really need to talk about this?"

Hotch's expression didn't change, but he closed the file. "No, of course not. Again, I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"Thanks."

"Please let me know if you need anything."

"I will."

Hotch nodded and Derek got up to leave. He shook his head slightly as he closed the door behind himself. Hotch was an odd bird, but so far, he had Derek's total respect.

The weeks passed. Derek got in the rhythm of the BAU team, learned the ropes, and became one of them. They all liked the smart, street-wise young man, and were soon impressed by his skills and fluid integration into what they were doing. As cases came and went, they found themselves relying on Derek, and he found his doubts about himself disappearing.

At last, he was doing what he was born to do. It almost made his heartsickness bearable.

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On a Saturday morning, three months after his first day on the job, Derek prepared himself for a run. He wore athletic shorts and a snug t-shirt, and he did a series of stretches and exercises in his living room. He then grabbed his house key and cell phone, and headed to his front door.

But, when he opened it, he found Spencer standing on his porch.

One hand was raised to ring Derek's doorbell, the other was grasping the strap of his battered messenger bag, which was slung across his shoulder. He had a duffle bag at his feet. His hair was shorter, trimmed so that it fell over his forehead and in soft layers around his face. He'd regained a little weight so that he didn't look so much like a concentration camp victim, and he was cleanly shaved with a little color in his face.

Derek couldn't form a word. He just stood there with his mouth open. Then Spencer smiled.

"Hi, Derek."

"Hi, Spencer," Derek found himself parroting. He took a deep breath and got a hold of himself. "Damn, boy, I did not expect to see you standing there."

"Yeah--sorry about that. I got on a plane this morning, and just... went." He shrugged apologetically, then looked Derek up and down, lingering on the front of Derek's shorts. An eyebrow shot up and a grin of frank admiration was on his face. "You're looking well. Very--athletic."

Is Spencer Reid actually flirting with me? Derek wondered, amazed. He felt like laughing out loud. "Well, so are you, kid! In fact, you look good enough to eat. My God, get in here, will you? Come on, come inside--" He ushered Spencer into his foyer and closed the door. They faced each other, and neither one seemed capable of speaking.

Finally, Derek asked in a low voice, "Come on, kid--why are you here?"

"What?"

Derek sighed. His mind was rapidly trying to prepare him for whatever it was that Spencer would say, but he couldn't stand not knowing for another minute. "Do you need money? Are you--sick, or something?"

"No! No, Derek--I'm fine, I don't need anything."

"Then, what are you doing here?"

Spencer could feel Derek's defensiveness. He put a reassuring hand on his arm. "You said I could come back."

"Huh?"

"You said if I changed my mind, that I could come back to you. And, I did! Change my mind, that is. So, I have. Come back to you. If that's ok?"

Derek stared. "Come back to me... Are you serious?"

Spencer nodded.

"Wha--what's happened? Why?"

Spencer cast his eyes to the floor and pursed his lips, considering his answer. Then he looked up. "My mom yelled at me."

Derek put one hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. "She yelled at you? What, was her little baby boy getting on her nerves?"

"No--she called me stupid."

"Stupid."

Spencer nodded sheepishly. "She's never called me that before, Derek."

"Uh-huh. Well, why did she call you stupid?"

"She said... She said I was stupid--to run away from someone who loved me so much."

Derek tilted his head and frowned. "Spencer--how could she know--I mean, I never told her anything about us, I only spoke to her once--I never said a word--"

"Your letters, Derek. She read your letters." A soft smile lit the boys' face.

"But--I didn't say anything in those, either! I was just telling her about--"

"You wrote to her every day while I was in the hospital, just like I would have done. That's an act of love in itself. And, she let me read them. No, you never put it into words--but Derek, every one of those letters was a love letter. She could tell, and I could, too. It was... easy to read between the lines."

Derek ran a hand over his scalp. "Ok, so why'd it take you so long to come to this revelation?"

Spencer looked down again. "I went to see her as soon as I got back to Vegas. But, she'd gone into a decompensation phase of her illness--it happens every couple of years, her medication has to be adjusted, and it takes a while. I only began having real conversations with her a few weeks ago. And, she just gave me the letters last night. After I read them, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about how wrong I'd been about--everything."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't believe we really loved each other." He raised his eyes and searched Derek's face as he chose his words carefully. "I-I always thought that what I felt for you came from weakness--I was hurting, I was frightened, I was worried--and you always made those feelings go away. You just--took care of me. I was grateful." He shrugged.

"And, I never believed you really loved me. I thought I was--like a kitten you plucked out of a drainage ditch, you know? Needing to be rescued. You're always saving people, always being the white knight. I figured, once you saw that I was getting stronger, you'd lose interest anyway. I thought... I thought it would be better for you, too. To let you get on with your life."

"Spencer--"

"No, no--now I know I was wrong!" He brightened and gave Derek a hopeful grin. "I hated being away from you. And, it wasn't because I needed your help--heck, I got a job right away, and in a couple of weeks, I got a better one. And now, I'm dealing blackjack at one of the ritziest casinos on the strip! I can afford to take care of my mom, get an apartment, and even buy a car if I want to. But, it's not like I thought it'd be. I miss you, Derek. There's a piece of me missing. I want us to share our lives--if it's not too late." He took Derek's face in his hands and worriedly looked into his eyes. "Is it too late? Is there someone else? Derek--did you stop loving me?"

Derek felt as if his brain would explode.

"Fuck no, I didn't stop loving you! I've been going crazy without you. Everything I've done--I've tried so hard to get you out of my mind, but it just doesn't work. Come here, I want to show you something." Derek grabbed Spencer's arm and led him into his living room. He pointed at a wall full of hand-built bookshelves on either side of the fireplace. They were filled with books.

"My books!" Spencer whispered.

"Yeah. You know how much it cost to move those damn things? How heavy they are? And, I built those shelves myself. They're solid." He tugged at one sharply, but it didn't budge. Derek did quality work.

"Why? Why'd you do this?"

"Because. Having them around made me feel like you were still with me, in a way. And, it was an act of faith. I figured I'd give you a few more months, then I'd go to Vegas and camp on your door until I talked you into coming back with me. I understood that you needed some time for yourself. But--I knew we'd be together again. Someday. Eventually." Derek gave him a rueful smirk and they both laughed. Then, Spencer threw himself into Derek's arms.

"Oh, Derek--I love you. I always loved you, but my mom was right--I was just too stupid to see it."

"No, no--you were just young and mixed-up. I love you too, Spencer. I love you, and I'm never letting you get away from me again."

Spencer looked up at him. "So, it's ok if I stay? You--you really want me back?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "How much clearer can I make it? Yes. I want you back, I want you to move in with me. I want things to be the way they're supposed to be--you, here, with me. In our house. Forever. Period."

Spencer nodded. "I'd like that. And, I'm so sorry, Derek. I'm sorry I hurt you."

Derek hugged him tighter. "It's ok, kid. I--I think we both learned a lot. We'll be better for it." He pulled back and kissed Spencer, and suddenly--somehow, they both felt whole again.

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They spent the day talking. They both cried at one time or anther, but they both ended up laughing, too. Derek couldn't believe the change in Spencer--he was still the gangly, awkward young man he knew so well, but there was something about him--a confidence, a light in his eyes--that told Derek his mind was healing, as well as his body.

That afternoon, he took Spencer with him to buy groceries, and they cooked out in Derek's back yard.

"We can get a dog, Spence. What do you think about that?"

"Uh--well, I guess so. Maybe a little one."

"We'll discuss it." Derek grinned at him. "And, you can go back to school."

"I know! I already found a program that I like. It'll be centered around behavioral psychology, with a focus on the abnormal mind. I think I might want to go into criminology, at some point."

Derek pursed his lips approvingly and nodded. "Well, there's plenty of work to be done in that area, I can tell you that already."

They ate their dinner, and afterward, they settled on the couch and snuggled together. They began kissing and exploring each other's bodies, refreshing delicious memories. Soon, their hunger for each other became so urgent that they decided to make love right then and there. Derek got Spencer out of his clothes, and he shucked off his own, as well. He went to find the needed supplies, and when he returned, he found that Spencer had already begun to prepare himself for him.

"Please, Derek," he gasped. "I need you inside me. I want you, I want you so much."

"Well, yes, sir--let's see what we can do about that!" Derek said with a grin. "Although, you seem to be taking care of things all right by yourself." He used the gel, then pulled Spencer's hand away and replaced the boy's fingers with his own. He probed gently for that sensitive spot, sliding in and out in a smooth rhythm until Spencer moaned. He bit Derek's neck, then whispered, "Want you..."

"All right, baby. I guess you're ready."

Derek slipped on a condom and slid inside his pretty boy--it had been too long, and he fit so perfectly against him, that the frantic thrusts of their bodies brought them to release much too quickly. They lay there afterwards, wrapped in each other's arms and legs, breathless and laughing.

"Well, we got that out of the way quickly, didn't we?" Spencer asked between panting breaths.

"Yeah, sorry about that, kid. I couldn't hold back. It's been a long time since I--since I had you in my arms."

"I know. Too long..." Spencer kissed him and smiled. "It was wonderful, anyway."

"Yeah. Well, at least it took the edge off. We'll go another couple of rounds in bed later, and take it nice and slow. I intend to--thoroughly reacquaint myself with your skinny little ass." Derek was languidly playing with Spencer's hand, and suddenly he looked at him. "I haven't been with anyone else, Spence. Have you?"

Spencer shook his head. "I don't ever want to be with anyone else. Ever."

Derek nodded. "Ok. It wouldn't have mattered. I just... wanted to know."

Spencer sighed. "You mean--Cassie?"

Derek nodded uncomfortably.

"She's gone, Derek. I haven't even... She's completely out of my head." He tilted Derek's face upward. "That's what you wanted, right? That's what was supposed to happen. 'An integration of the two personalities.'"

"I know."

Spencer gave a rueful laugh. "But--you miss her, don't you?"

Derek shook his head, trying to find the right words. "Cassie was like cotton candy--sweet, fun, but, not really there. She'd just--melt away from me. You're real, kid. You're the one I want. Always."

Spencer pressed his forehead to Derek's. "I'm glad. I miss her too, sometimes. But, it's better this way. I feel--normal, somehow. In a weird way."

Derek laughed and held him closely. "Well, thank God. Thank God for that, Spencer. I love you, baby. Let's go to bed, huh?"

"Ok."

They headed for the bedroom and were soon busy making up for lost time.

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That night, Derek slept peacefully for the first time in a long time. His body was tired, but perfectly sated from a series of lengthy lovemaking sessions with Spencer. The boy had been wonderfully eager for him, and he'd joyfully given Derek his mouth and his hands and his body with no hint of his old hesitation or reticence.

For Derek, drifting off into unconsciousness came easily once again, with the boy's slight frame wrapped tightly in his arms. He smelled so good, and felt so warm, snuggled against him under the covers. For the first time, Derek felt at home in his own bed again.

He woke in the night to a soft caress on his face. In the moonlight, he could see Spencer smiling at him with bright eyes. He smiled back.

"Hey, babe. Can't sleep?"

"So, it's 'Agent' Morgan, now, is it?" came a soft, sultry voice. "I'm so proud of you, honey."

Derek frowned, puzzled. Was he dreaming? "Cassie?"

"Uh-huh. You've done so well. And, my goodness, it feels good to be in your arms again."

Derek cleared his throat and tried to sit up a little. "Cassie--what's going on? Is Spencer ok?"

"Spencer's fine, Derek. He's so happy. He loves you so much. I just came to say thank you--and goodbye."

"Goodbye?"

"Yes, honey. I'm going away."

"But--"

"Spencer doesn't need me anymore, sugar. That's a good thing! I came out of his pain and fear and suffering, and I'll always be there if he needs me--but I don't think he will. I'm happy, Derek. I can finally rest. You know?"

"Cassie. You helped me so many times." He smiled slightly. "You got me through some bad stuff, and you always knew how to make me smile. I'll miss you. I'll miss you, baby."

She laughed softly. "I know. But, I'm a part of Spencer, now. You'll see me in his eyes. You just have to look..." She gave Derek a gentle kiss on his lips and settled back into the warmth of his chest. After a few moments, Derek could tell by Spencer's even breathing that she was gone. Tears sprang to his eyes and he murmured, "Goodbye, Cassie. And, thank you." With that, he gathered Spencer closer, and brushed his lips over his forehead.

He pulled the covers higher around them, whispered, "I love you, Spencer," and soon slipped back into sleep.