I'm miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground and I
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms
I'm miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground and I
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms
Set Fire to the Third Bar – Snow Patrol
Jasper POV
When Edward and I got to the Children's Hospital we discovered the NICU was on the third floor and we were currently waiting for an elevator to take us there.
"So health wise do you know how they are doing?" I asked him as the doors opened and we stepped inside.
"Natalie is doing ok on the dialysis, and all three of them have small lungs, but so far they're doing fine. That's why we're able to see them, also thanks to dad's connections otherwise we couldn't come in without Emmett or Rose here." He informed me before the doors opened again. Across the hall there was a sign above a set of doors that said NICU.
"There's Bella." He pointed to a waiting area for the ward. She saw us too and got up from her seat, Edward left my side to hug and kiss his wife. "Hey, sweetie."
"Hi guys." She replied. "They're all ready for us, so we can go on in but you have to put these bracelets on." She held up two white bands that said 'Cullen' on it.
"What are they for?" I wondered.
"It's so the doctors and nurses know that you're suppose to be there, no band, no baby viewing." She said handing us each one. We slid them on and were on our way through the doors.
The inside looked very different from the out, in here they had brightly painted walls, animals and cartoons plastered everywhere, and instead of hospital it smelled like babies and bleach. At the center was a giant nurses station surrounded by huge rooms with large glass windows. Inside the rooms were two rows of incubators, there was three rooms in all each with a number over it. The one we stopped in front of was '1'.
"Ok, put these on." She said giving me a yellow plastic gown that tied in the back. "Then grab a package of scrub soap and wash your hands." She pointed to the sink as she reached for her own. "You scrub until you've sang Happy Birthday three times. It's a sterile environment and we don't want to expose the babies to any germs we can avoid-and not just the triplets but the others as well. I got the scoop while waiting for you to get here, all babies start out in this room," She pointed to the one in front of our sink. "And as they get healthier and bigger they move on to '2' then '3' after that it's Graduation Day which means they get to go home. So keep in mind that all these babies are brand new and really sick, be respectful of the other parents and please, please, don't stare at the other babies. Some of them are in pretty bad shape, as in we won't see them the next time we come." She was now talking to us like kids.
"I think we know how to be discreet." Edward defended us as we all finished drying off our hands.
"You better, I know I already told you what the consequences would be?" She glared at Edward.
Holy shit, he wasn't lying, Bella really is a mean little woman.
"Trust me, I got that memo." He stated.
"Put on a pair of gloves and lets go." She never took her eyes of Edward as she put her own on.
When we went in the room it became much quieter without the noise from the nurses station making the atmosphere changed drastically. In the far right corner was three incubators all pushed closely together and two nurses standing around them. One was writing something in a chart the other had one of the incubators open and was changing a diaper. The nurse with the chart looked up and saw us moving slowly towards them, she gave us a smile then waving us over. We moved quicker until we were standing right in front of her.
"Hi, Maggie, this is my husband Edward, and our brother-in-law Jasper. He's Rosalie's twin." Bella whispered to the nurse. "Edward, Jasper, this is Maggie and that's Siobhan" She pointed first to the one with the chart then the diaper changer.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, we can't thank you enough for letting us come see them." Edward told Maggie softly.
"Oh anything for Dr. Cullen, and might I say what a proud Grandfather he is." She smiled. "But anyways here we have Xavier, that's Natalie there, and Siobhan has Haleigh. Now since Natalie is currently on a course of dialysis you can't hold her, but Xavier and Haleigh are do for a bottle if you'd like to feed them." She said looking at all of us.
"Yes, I do." Bella answered a little too happily for her normal personality. "And so does Jasper." She added grabbing my sleeve to yank me forward.
"Great, I'll just go prepare them, if you two wanna sit in those rocking chairs Siobhan will come and give you a baby." She pointed next to her before leaving the room.
"Bella, I'm not so sure about this." I leaned in to tell her, it was my first chance to protest. "Maybe Edward should just do it." I suggested.
"Edward already gets enough hours in feeding a baby, you on the other hand need the practice." She said while guiding me to the chair.
I sat down reluctantly and became nervous when I looked up to see Siobhan standing above me with one of the babies.
"Are you ready to hold your niece?" Siobhan asked me.
"I don't really know how to." I admitted.
"It's alright I'll show you." Bella told me. "Fold your arms like this." She demonstrated and I tried my best to mimic it but she still had to come and adjust them. "There keep them like that." She looked back at the nurse and nodded her head.
"Now don't forget to hold up her head and support her neck." The nurse told me as she set Haleigh down in my arms. She was so light, Alice's smallest bag weight more then her.
"Oh my god." I said in complete amazement that a human being could be so tiny. "Am I doing it right?" I asked.
"You're doing perfect, you're a natural." She replied.
"Jasper is going to be a daddy himself here in a few months. We thought it would be good for him to get some practice in before he has to come off the bench permanently." Bella shared as Siobhan went to get Xavier out of his cube. She handed him to Bella-who looked just as stunned as I was by them.
Maggie returned with the bottles and handed each of us one.
"Ok when they get about a quarter of the way done stop feeding them and tell us so we can burp them. Then we'll give them back to you for another quarter and we do that until it's gone or they won't eat anymore." Maggie gave us our instructions.
That was when I really looked at her face she had some sort of padding covering her eyes and a very small internal oxygen mask. When I put the bottle to her mouth she started to stir then quickly latched onto the nipple. I could feel her tiny heart beating against my hand, it was going so fast that I became worried. "Hey, I think something is wrong with her heart, it's beating too fast." I said to anyone who would listen. Siobhan came over and quickly listened to Haleigh's chest.
"Actually it's right where it should be, babies hearts beat faster then an adult or even a child."
"Are you sure?" I wanted to double check.
"I'm positive. Your baby is sure lucky to have a dad like you, just look at the way you are with your niece who you've only held for five minutes. To be honest all the worry you feel right now is nothing compared to when it's your own child, just you wait." She assured me.
"Hey Jazz, look here." Edward told me. I looked up to see he had his iphone out and pointed at me. "Smile." He said.
As much as I hated pictures I couldn't bring myself to object so I put a grin on my face. After he took the photo I went back to looking at Haleigh's small face, and while I couldn't see her eyes I knew for a fact that she had Rosalie's. She also had her nose and chin. "God she looks so much like Rose." I looked over at Bella feeding Xavier.
"I know what you mean, this little guy has his daddy's grip, oh yes you do." She replied in a baby voice.
"Smile babe." Edward knelt down and took a close up of Bella and the baby. Her smile was as big as mine felt. I guess babies really did make people happier.
It took us about an hour to finish the feeding and Edward had taken several dozen photos with his phone the whole time we were there. Now it was time to say goodbye and I didn't want to. Haleigh and Xavier were back in their cubes sound asleep like Natalie was and we all blew kisses to them before thanking Maggie and Siobhan for their time. When we exited the room we resumed using our normal voices.
"I can't get over how cute they all are." Bella cooed. "Edward, I want another one." She turned to her husband for his reaction.
"I'm sure you do, but we have our hands full with Nes as it is." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as we left the NICU for the elevators.
"Yeah, but she can't grow up all by herself she needs brothers and sisters like you guys had. I hated being an only child." She rebutted.
"Let's swing back around to this conversation when Nessie is two." He suggested.
"That only gives you less then a year you know." I whispered to him as we climbed in the elevator.
"Don't remind me." Edward said under his breath.
"Ok so I'm gonna go pick up the baby from my dad's and I'll meet you at home." Bella turned to Edward when we got out on the parking level.
"Give her a kiss goodnight for me." He answered then kissed the top of her head. "I love you." He added as we went left and she right.
"Thanks Bella, you were right seeing them did cheer me up." I admitted.
"Anytime Jazz, anytime." She waved before starting for her car again.
It was past 11 when we got back to the house and I was so exhausted that I was sure I would pass out as soon as my head hit the pillow.
"Thanks for tonight man, it was better then spending it alone." I confessed as Edward turned the car off.
"Sure thing." He nodded his head. "Rose should be able to come home on Tuesday as long as she doesn't develop an infection, so you only have to deal with a couple more nights on your own."
"Edward, I'm not a little kid, the dark doesn't scare me anymore." I said in a sarcastic voice.
"Whatever, get out of my car so I can go home and have sex with my wife."
"Too much information." I shook my head as I opened the door to get out. "Goodnight man, kiss the wife and baby for me."
"See ya." He started the car again and backed out of the drive at 70 miles-per-hour just like before and burnt rubber speeding down the street.
I went into the apartment and immediately discarded my shoes and jeans along with my shirt. I also proved my theory true; as soon as my head hit the pillow I was gone...dreaming about Alice miles from me. I prayed for something to set her back in my arms and have everything be ok...but I knew it was just a dream.
Alice POV
After I ran into Jasper in the lobby I stood there for a few minutes in a trance, what pulled me out of it was a female's voice.
"Oh, excuse me, Mrs. Hale!" She said. I turned to see the red-head who had checked me and Jasper in walking towards me with a package in her hand. "I'm sorry to bother you Mrs. Hale, but Mr. Hale asked me to give you this." She held out the package and I saw my name was written on it in Jasper's handwriting.
"Thank you." I said emotionless as I took it from her.
"I'm so sorry." She told me before turning to leave.
I turned the envelope over in my hands a few times then shoved it into one of my bags and headed for the elevators. The ride to my floor took forever and I found myself wondering what the letter said that Jasper spoke of.
When I got in the room I pulled it back out and placed it on the table where I sat and stared at it for over a half-hour before I picked it up again. This time I opened it and dumped out the contents. It held a set of keys, garage opener, the letter, and a DVD that had "Yosemite Tubing Trip" written on it.
The-last-of-us-starting-college trip.
I picked up the letter first and debated if I should read it now or after the DVD. I chose to read it first since I remembered that trip somewhat. Turning it over I ripped the seal it had and pulled out a folded piece of paper with some of the words bleeding through. I opened it and began to read.
My Dearest Alice,
We have spent 10 years dedicated to each other, and even longer loving. If I had a chance to do it over I honestly don't know what I'd change, besides taking back that Thursday night. Please don't cry, our love isn't gone it will live on in our child for all to see, and for that I am truly grateful.
I don't think it is physically possible for me to ever hate you, I've never experienced that emotion with you, but I think if we don't end things now one day I may, and the day I did would be the day I began truly hating myself. I know you can carry on, you've proven just how capable you are and I have no worries you'll be fine, and that one day you will find the happiness you deserve. I'm just sorry I wasn't the one to give it to you, I always thought I'd be.
This isn't just another goodbye. This will be our last goodbye, the last letter I write. It's not goodbye forever, only for this chapter of our lives, soon we'll be saying hello to the start of a new one. Our fates are forever linked Alice, but no longer entwined like we hoped. No matter what though I will always I love you.
I'm going back to Emmett's and Rosalie's until I can afford my own place in Seattle, I want an active part in the baby's life and I hope you are ok with that. I would also like to be there on the day he or she is born-I don't have to be in the room-just as long as I'm there, but until then I think we should continue our separate ways. Give us some time individually. Take care of yourself, remember what you're carrying and that it's ok to just give in and be pregnant sometimes. I can't tell you enough how much I love you, but know I do, and when the time comes I'll see you again.
Goodbye Alice, maybe in another life we will find that eternal happiness we searched for in this one...but never found.
Love Immortally,
Your Jasper
Halfway through reading it my eyes started to sting and well up, by the end tears were flowing freely down my cheeks and several fell on the letter smearing the ink. I wiped away the remainder and grabbed the DVD to take to the living room. I popped it into the player and sat on the couch with the remote.
It opened on Emmett's face and him talking to the camera, almost immediately I started laugh.
"Come on Alice get off the fucking tube!" Edward had said. Everyone was in the water but me who wouldn't get off the tube.
"No, I already said I wasn't getting my hair wet." I tried to defend myself as they starting splashing me.
"Don't be such a baby!" Bella called.
"I'm not being a-" I was cut off by my tube being flipped over and Jasper appearing from under the water.
"Yes, that was awesome and I got it on camera." Emmett announced over my screaming.
"Jasper Xavier Whitlock Hale, I hate you!" I hollered as I swam toward him latching my arms around his neck and kissing him deeply as if we were alone.
"No you don't, you love me." He teased.
The camera cut to us further down the river back in our tubes and all of us obviously drunk.
"Ok, this is the start of the confessionals part of the movie, and Jasper, Alice, you two drew the short stick and have to go first." Emmett instructed us as he settled the camera on us still sharing the same tube. In fact I think I only spent the first half-hour in my own.
"Yeah, yeah, we know." Jasper grumbled clearly not happy about it. "What was it again?"
"'What We Want to Remember In Five Years." I told him.
"Right." I thought about it for a minute before giving my answer. "I guess I want to remember what the butterflies feel like because it's one of the greatest feelings in the world. And that I never forget I found my soul mate at age of two and she still gives me butterflies after all theses years."
The tears had started flowing again, I no longer gave him butterflies, now I gave him grief and suffering.
"Ok, now it's your turn." He told me.
"I got it, I want to remember what falling in love is all about because as you get older I think people forget how wonderful it feels." I gave my two cents.
I was beginning to wonder if we knew something then that caused us to say what we did. Like we'd need reminding in five years.
Where was this thing six months ago, when we needed the reminder. Or did he watch this and that's why he gave it to me?
All sorts of questions started going through my mind.
"Good answers." Emmett told us before panning the camera to Bella and Edward. "Ok, Edward, Bella your turn."
"I want to remember that love overcomes all obstacles." Bella said proudly with a smile on her face.
"You can't steal lines from Moulin Rouge that's cheating." Rosalie called. Em turned to her shaking her head in disbelieve. "Try again."
"Fine you win..." She stared out into nowhere. "I need a minute to think, Edward you go." She directed the attention to my brother.
"Alright, I want to remember...life...is precious, and we should appreciate everyday." Edward gushed.
"Oh, Edward that is sweet." I bought every line he fed.
"Yeah, that...and there will never be a car that can beat a Vanquish." He total spoiled the moment with his car nonsense.
"No, no, no, no, no, the Aston Martin is a fine ride I'll admit, but you still can't be a Beamer." Rosalie knew more about cars then Edward, but if anyone asked him he said different.
"Now let's not turn this into another car fight children, because I've got it by the way." Bella ended the brew war.
"Ok Bella, what's yours?" Em asked getting back on track.
"I want to remember...this. How we all feel about each other now, the love we share. This way if one of us gets lost we'd always have this to guide us home again." This time she didn't steal it from a movie and it was a damn good answer.
"Deep, Bella, very deep." Em congratulated. "Ok, babe, your turn." He now faced Rose.
"I suppose I want to remember...cause while you'll probably never mature into an adult...I love you." She started with an irritated voice but smile at the end. "Now hand the camera over you big baby and don't drop it in the water." She demanded as she reached for it.
"You ready?" Em asked checking himself out quickly before he looked at the lens.
"Yeah,go."
"I want to remember how great Rose's tits look now, cause while eventually time and gravity will take its toll, I still love her...and her tits." He had a goofy grin on his face the whole time as he made fun of her.
"You asshole." She must have thrown the camera at him because the frame bounced all over the place it was almost making me seasick. But it turned out to be hunger.
I turned the movie off and went to retrieve the room service menu. I had no desire to go to the restaurant seeing as how me and Jasper ate there together practically everyday. That's when it occurred to me that outside of last night he had been here with me since I was forced to move in, and in about a week I was going to move again. This time into the house he picked out for us to start our family in...now we were just another statistic, and once again doing the opposite of everyone else we knew. They were married with kids, we were having a child out of wedlock and sharing custody.
Custody. How will that work? That means I'm gonna have to talk to him. Wait his letter said not to until the baby was born, that was another 13 weeks. It's too long...but now is too early.
I knew all this but it still plagued me, Jazz did say he was going to get a place in Seattle maybe by the time the baby came he'd find something. As I continued thinking about it I realized how difficult things were going to be for us. But I tried to remember that I had decided I was ok raising the baby alone.
Yeah that was before he walked back into your life, when it was just going to be you.
My stomach rumbled again and I brought my attention back to the menu in front of me. After looking it over I decided that I wanted French toast and picked up the phone to place my order.
"Room service." A man answered.
"Yes this is 3211 and I'd like to place an order.
"Sure thing Mrs. Hale, what can I get for you?" He asked.
I was really going to have to correct them, it was starting to get to me.
"I'd like an order of French toast with powered sugar and the biggest glass of milk you've got." I told him.
"Ok, anything for Mr. Hale this evening?" He wondered and it made my heart skip a beat.
"No." I replied when I regained my composure.
"Alright, it'll be about 20 minutes." He informed me.
"Thank you." I said hanging up the phone.
I need to get out of here as soon as possible.
I went back to the living room and retrieved the phone book that was kept in a drawer. I started looking at moving companies, after circling a couple I started making my phone calls.
"Seattle Movers, this is Kim may I help you?" A sweet voice came on the line.
"Yes, I was wondering what your rates were?"
"Where you planning on renting a truck yourself or hiring movers?"
"Movers, I'm six months pregnant so there isn't much I can do on my own."
"Ok." I could hear her rapidly taping computer keys. "Two movers for five hours is $380, do you think it would take longer then that?" She questioned.
"I'm not sure, I'm currently in a hotel room, all my things are in storage. It may not even take them that long."
"What we can do is a by the hour, which is $30 per mover plus $50 an hour for the truck."
"When's the soonest they can be here?" I wasn't in the mood to shop for better prices, I just wanted out of this hotel.
"The earliest would be..." She tapped more keys. "Actually I have a crew available tomorrow unless that's too early."
"I take it. What time?"
"10 AM sound ok?"
"Sounds perfect, if they want to meet me at the storage facility that would be great." I added.
"What facility is it?" She wondered.
I gave her the information she needed along with the unit's letter and number.
"I just about have everything, I just need a name and phone number we can reach you at."
"Alice Ha-" I cut myself off and my mouth hung up in horror.
"I'm sorry ma'am I didn't catch the last name." She waited for me to respond but I was still frozen in terror. "Ma'am are you still there?" She asked.
"I'm sorry, it's Cullen." I gave her my number and waited for her to stop typing.
"Ok, we will see you at your unit at 10 AM tomorrow Mrs. Cullen."
"Actually it's just Miss, I'm not married." I corrected her.
"Sorry about that. So we'll see you tomorrow then. Thank you for calling Seattle Movers."
I hung up and leaned back on the couch letting out a deep sigh.
"Finally." I said to myself, even though Jazz had only been gone a night it seemed longer and I crushed me to see his side of the bed empty.
I'll move into the house and it'll go back to the way it was before...just me and the baby.
The way it should have been to begin with.
I was pulled out of my train of thought by the rapping on my door.
"Room service." A voice called.
I opened the door and a moved to make way for the cart to come in.
"Hello, Mrs. Hale, how are you today?" He wondered as he pushed the cart into the dining area to set it up.
"I'd complain but I'm sure you don't want to hear it Jared." I replied reading his name-tag as I went to get my purse.
He chuckled. "You'd be amazed at what some people tell me." He moved the last of the items from the cart to the table then turned to me.
"Hear some strange things do you?" I asked handing him his tip. "What's the most bizarre thing anyone has told you?"
"I would have to say it was about three years ago, I'd just started working here and I was delivering a meal for this old wealthy couple. When I asked the wife how she was doing-you know I could get in trouble for telling you this." He stopped the story.
"What makes you say that?" I had asked after all.
"It may offend you and no offense but I really need this job."
I had an idea as to what he was talking about. "Jared, I grew up with all brothers very little offends me." I assured him. "Please continue."
"Well she replied that she the sex she and her husband just had sucked since he forgot to pack his Viagra. It was the biggest over-share of my life-plus I've always found it hard to imagine old people having sex, smelling like Aspercream." It seemed he had forgotten he was talking to me and not someone he really knew. "I'm sorry, I tend to get carried away sometimes."
"Hey, I did ask." I turned to open and hold the door for him.
"Well thank you for the tip Mrs. Hale." He held up the folded bills before putting it in his jacket pocket. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Actually this is my last night here, I move into my new house this weekend." I told him.
"Oh, in that case, it was a pleasure having you stay with us-and please tell that to Mr. Hale."
"I will." Tears started threatening to fall but I held them back.
"Have a nice night." He said before departing.
Like it would even be possible.
"Thanks, you too." I replied.
When the door closed I closed my eyes and the tears fell like rain. I collapsed on the floor and continued sobbing making my breathing hitched. To myself I sounded like a three-year-old and if it had been a cheap hotel the neighbors would have been able to hear me I was so loud.
I laid on my side on the floor with one arm under my head and the other cradling my bump. "God Jazz, I'm so sorry." I cried and the tears kept coming. They went on until I finally cried myself to sleep...and went to a place where I always saw his face...only now it haunting me.