Stephenie Meyer made up the sparkling guys and girls, I play around with them.

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Day 10:

Thursday

Edward

There was no excuse for that last remark. Sure, it was the honest truth. He wouldn't have chosen her because his attraction with her had been instant. So knowing himself pretty well, he would have avoided that.

He closed his eyes, totally hating himself in that moment. The conversation had been going so well. He had gotten completely carried away, just being swept up by the sound of her voice and what she was willing to offer of her background. Instantly, he had been so hungry to keep her talking that he barely managed to reel in his curiosity.

Though accepting that he was attracted to Isabella, he wasn't ready to jump head first into the deep end of the pool. No, he was only ready to just dip his toes in the shallow end.

Last night had been torturous, not only for Ben, but for Edward too. Breaking off their affair had hurt. It really, really hurt and Edward had spent the better part of the evening doubting his decision to let Ben go. He felt so alone and retched to the bone that he had hurt his lover that deeply. He knew very well that they had grown strong feelings for each other, despite the fact that they had agreed to keep things casual. However seeing Isabella again this morning, Edward knew he had done the right thing. Isabella Swan couldn't be ignored and staying with Ben knowing and accepting that attraction was deceitful and was something that Edward couldn't succumb to. Ben didn't deserve that.

Picking up his phone, it took him more than five minutes to decide whether or not to call Ben. He opted for a text because he desperately wanted to know.

I'm worried about you. Are you okay? E

It took about five more minutes until there was an answer.

Not today, but someday.

Ben's answer was concise and said it all. Edward had broken his heart and thereby, a piece of his own.

Escaping to Studio B in need of some solace, Edward sat down at the piano in the darkness. He didn't play, just kept brushing his fingers soundlessly over the keys lost in thought. Why did all of this have to hurt so much? Why did he have to go back to being so confused again? He wanted his life back, but meeting Isabella Swan had changed him irrevocably. He just didn't know how yet.

Surrounded by darkness, Edward couldn't escape the memory of the man he let go last night. Having seen Ben around the office building and putting his ear to the wall, Edward came to realize that Ben was indeed into men. The attraction was instant, needy and above all had filled a physical void in both of them. That was where the casual concept of their relationship had stemmed from. The beginning had been physical, but it quickly morphed into an emotional connection neither of the men had addressed yet. Ben hadn't dared and Edward wasn't quite there yet, but he still cared deeply.

It wasn't hard to imagine the future that would have been had Isabella Swan not come into his life. A future with Ben was right at his fingertip, but now that she was here, it wasn't within grasp anymore. With that said, Edward would have wanted that future. Would Ben have moved in with him? Would they have bought a house together? Would they have chosen to have kids down the road?

"Edward?" The soft, honeyed voice brought him out of his reverie. Lifting his head from where it was lying on his arm over the piano, he realized tears had begun to fall. He had slipped so deeply into his grief over losing aspects of his life he thought were settled for good a long time ago.

Before facing her, Edward cleaned his face. He was embarrassed by the sudden display of emotion. "Yes, Isabella."

"Your three o'clock appointment is here," she said softly. Her brown eyes regarded him sympathetically.

"I'll be right there." Edward took a deep breath, realizing most of the day had gone by with him just sitting here.

Even through the distance, he could see her frown. "I don't want to meddle, but are you okay, Edward?" she asked, obvious concern dripping into her voice. There was no doubt in his mind that she had seen his tears.

Turning on the piano pew, Edward tiredly leaned his elbows to his knees and rubbed his palms together. He could only echo the words Ben had texted to him earlier. "Not today, but someday," he said.

Isabella tilted her head slightly to the side. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Talk. Edward knew at some point they needed to talk, but that time hadn't come yet. Besides that point and his own torn emotions, who said that Isabella Swan would even look twice at him? Just because other women had fawned over him, it didn't mean that she would. She was not that kind of woman.

"Not right now." He stood, without going to the door. "Better not to tell anybody about…" he didn't really want to admit he'd been crying. Bella smiled a small devious smile and tapped the side of her nose, conspiring with him. "Isabella?" he called after her when she was about to exit. She turned to look at him again. "I really didn't mean what I said, that I wouldn't have chosen you." He snorted cynically, suddenly seeing the irony of it all. "I already did."

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*Clears throat* Well most of you have seem a bit confused as to what the hell was going on with Edward. Did this little chapter help?

Chartwilightmom and Dazzled Eyes22 helps pre-reading and betaing and keep my head on straight. That's no small task. Also thank you to Kroseph and Nicoconsd for your thoughts, attention to detail and help with future chapters. Lastly all your comments make my day. I love reading them and responding to them

Yesterday I posted the 4th chapter of Not For The Faint Hearted. Check it out if you're bored.

Twitter… Elvirina_Nelly