Chapter Twenty-One: Paternity Court

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"All rise!" The bailiff bellowed. "The Honorable Judge Franklin Watson residing in the case of Fisher v Haddock!"

A bald, bespectacled old man came in, sitting before Mister and Missus Fisher on the plaintiff side and Captain Haddock on the defendant side. Tintin sat behind Haddock.

"Good evening," Judge Watson greeted the court, after allowing them to be seated. "We are gathered here today in a paternity case that will determine the custody of a little girl, Jane Doe 41747. She is your granddaughter, correct, Missus Fisher?"

"You are correct, Your Honor. Col-I mean, Jane has been living with our family ever since she was born."

"And when was Jane Doe born?"

"April 17, 1947."

"So she is ten years old?"

"Correct, Your Honor."

"Who does she live with?"

"My husband and I, Your Honor. We may be old, but we try our best."

"Where has she been living for the past thirty days?"

Missus Fisher sucked air through her teeth. "In Belgium, You Honor."

"Why was she in Belgium, Missus Fisher?"

"We believed that Mister Haddock was her father. We purchased her a ticket and sent her there."

"No!" Haddock yelled. "You threw her out after Agnes was taken by the paddy wagon!"

"Mister Haddock!" Judge Watson yelled back. "Wait your turn!"

Watson turned back to the old woman. "Who is Agnes?"

"She is our daughter, Jane's mother, Your Honor."

"What is her full name?"

"Agnes Anne Fisher."

"Is it true that Agnes Fisher was institutionalized?"

"Unfortunately yes, Your Honor. She is currently incarcerated at Portland Psychiatric State Hospital. Here are papers proving it."

"What was she institutionalized for?"

Missus Fisher began weeping. "Oh, I'm sorry, Your Honor," she said, handkerchief in hand. Mister Fisher took the other hand. "It's so hard…"

"Mister Fisher? Do you know why she was institutionalized at Portland Psychiatric State Hospital?"

""Course I do," he gruffly replied, "she tried to kill herself."

The audience gasped. Missus Fisher sobbed.

"I am sorry to hear that. Who found your daughter?" Judge Watson asked the Fishers.

Missus Fisher spoke before her husband. "Jane found her in the bedroom."

Further gasps. Haddock turned white.

"Were you aware of that, Mister Haddock?"

"N-no, Your Honor. Not that part about Col- Jane Doe."

Judge Watson returned focus to Missus Fisher. "Go on, either one of you."

"Jane was always a handful, but it got worse after her mother was institutionalized. Agnes fell from morality so it was only a matter of time. We disciplined her, but it wasn't enough."

"How did you discipline Jane Doe?"

"Spanking. The usual way," Mister Fisher replied.

"Spanking! The usual way!"

"Mister Haddock!"

"Your Honor," continued Missus Fisher, "despite that her interaction with this man years ago was what perhaps caused her downfall, we were aware that Mister Haddock came into money and changed his image. We thought that if she left for his family home that he would help straighten our granddaughter up."

Judge Watson nodded. "Very well. I'll continue with your testimony soon. But first, I'll give Mister Haddock a chance to speak."

"Finally!" He said. "First off, I would like you to know that I am Captain Haddock, not Mister Haddock."

"Do you still captain a ship, Captain Haddock?"

"…No?"

"Then Mister Haddock it'll be."

Laughter erupted behind Haddock. Tintin blushed along with him.

"So Mister Haddock… I believe I've heard of you and your friend behind you before. Adventurers-slash-explorers, yes?"

"Uh, formerly. Fell out of the habit. What's that got to do with me?"

"What a shame. But with your riches you have enough to live comfortably. And to take care of a young child, correct?"

"Of course, Your Honor! Col-Jane was treated very well in my care!"

"I'll make that judgement, assuming the paternity results are in your favor. What makes you believe that you are Jane Doe's father?"

"What makes me think?! You have a picture of her before you, yeah? The nose most obvious!" Haddock boomed, pointing at his features.

"No need to yell," Judge Watson shamed him. "I do see similarities between the two of you. However, it is entirely possible that people that look very similar are not related at all. It's pure coincidence."

Haddock grunted.

"However, you have interacted with Jane Doe's mother before, correct, Mister Haddock?"

"Interacted? Blistering barnacles, 'interacted' is so… sterile. We more than interacted, Your Honor. We dated for awhile before I left Maine for a shipping contract."

"During that time you dated, did you interact in ways that are immoral?"

"Pardon?"

"Did you lay with Miss Fisher, Mister Haddock?"

"Thundering—Well, as I said, look at Col- Jane! She had to come from somewhere!"

Some chuckles came from the crowd.

"Hmm…" The judge rubbed his temples. "How many times?"

"What are you, a pervert?"

More chuckles joined the previous laughter.

"Mister Haddock, I am most certainly not a pervert. If you do not take this matter seriously, I will have you detained and custody will retain the Fishers's with no test result. Do you understand?"

He glubbed like a fish. "Yes, Your Honor. It was only once that I am aware of."

"That you are aware of?"

"Alcohol is a horrible spirit, Your Honor."

"Mm-hmm… Missus Fisher, you requested that Jane Doe return from Belgium last week, correct?"

"Yes, Your Honor. I requested by letter that she return and that we conduct this test to fully determine paternity once and for all. You see, Your Honor, not only did we realize that we left her with a man that may not be her father after all, but also possibly left her with a sexual predator."

"I beg your pardon?!"Mister Haddock screeched.

"Mister Haddock! Control your temper or you will be detained. "In what way do you believe Mister Haddock to be a sexual predator, Missus Fisher?"

"Why, he lives with the man with the funny hair, right? Or vice versa? What if they're…. you know… Funny men?"

"Funny men?"

"Queers, faggots. Homosexuals. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors at that house?"

"Do you lay with your friend, Mister Haddock? This is a serious accusation."

"You're not going to ask her for proof?" Haddock asked.

"I am asking you first. Do you lay with Mister—?"

"I- No! Haddock said, animated. "He's only a friend! He was an orphan and he needed a place to stay, and I had room to spare! Another friend lives with us as well for the same reason! There is certainly no hanky panky going on!"

"That's not what Jane told me, Your Honor," Missus Fisher replied, "She mentioned something about the two holding hands during walks with her."

"Is this true, Mister Haddock?"

"Y-Yes…"

Some hushed gasps filled the courtroom.

"… Because it's a thing in Belgium for two friends, male or female, to hold hands while walking! We Europeans engage in much more physical contact than our American friends. I know having worked in both regions."

Judge Watson looked at him plainly. "I suppose that is true, having fought in the Great War. Missus Fisher, do you have any further evidence that Mister Haddock engages in illicit homosexual activity?"

"Why… no, Your Honor."

"Very well. Do you have any further reason why Jane Doe should stay with you, should blood tests conclude that the defendant could be the father?"

"A young girl requires a woman's touch to grow into a fine young woman herself. There are no female friends of Mister Haddock as far as I am aware. Your Honor… I messed up with my dear Agnes. I know my mistakes with her. I know I can do better, much better, with Jane Doe."

"Well then. And Mister Haddock, do you have any further reason why Jane Doe should stay with you, should blood tests conclude that you could be the father?"

"Besides that I am the father and a child deserves their father? As I am quite wealthy, I can afford the best care she can get on my continent. A good education, and oh, there's an American military base nearby so she can still know about English and American freedom."

"Will she be allowed to visit her grandparents?"

Haddock gave a look like he was just punched in the stomach. He seethed, "yes, if that is what Jane wishes."

Judge Watson readjusted his glasses. "Crick, bring Mister Sells in."

The short, mustached man in a bruise red suit was sworn in. "Mister Sells, you have the results of a blood test comparing the blood types of Jane Doe 41747 and Mister Archibald Haddock?"

"Indeed I do, Your Honor."

"May you read those results aloud?"

"Yes Your Honor." He cleared his throat. "Jane Doe 41747's blood type is A+."

"And Mister Haddock's?"

"Mister Haddock's blood type is AB-."

"What does that mean regarding paternity?"

"It is highly unlikely that Mister Haddock fathered Jane Doe 41747."

"What?! No! What kind of blasting kangaroo court is this?!" Haddock yelled.

"A court that just determined that you're both not the father and in contempt of court. Crick, take him away. Judgement for the plaintiff, it is so ordered." The gavel slammed.

"No! No! She did something! I know it!" Haddock yelled as Bailiff Crick took him away in handcuffs. He pushed towards a smiling and husband hugging Missus Fisher. "Tell that witch to spill her secrets! She did something! That's my daughter! That's my girl! That's-"

"Enough," Bailiff Crick said, whacking the now weepy man with his baton.

He looked enough back to see an also confused Tintin up from his seat.

"It can't be," Haddock struggled under his breath between tears, "it can't be…."