"It's right… here." she said, walking up to the toll bridge standing squarely in a long part between the trees guarding the riverbanks. The light grays of evening began to deepen into a rich purple nighttime as she wandered over to the center of the bridge and leaned against the rusted railings.
"You brought me on another little field trip for a bridge?" she watched him saunter over lazily. He wore his usual smirk, but there was tiredness under his eyes, a slight slump to his shoulders.
"You needed to get away from that house. Three days, after that first morning, of waking up in the middle of the night screaming Killian?" she crinkled her eyebrows, "That's one hell of a dream."
He took his place beside her, arm touching hers as he let out a long breath, "And the place you thought of taking me was a bridge?" He barked a laugh.
She smiled confidently and pointed, "Look up."
He turned his head towards the sky and she saw his jaw relax and his eyebrows to twitch upwards ever so slightly. If she hadn't been looking so closely, she wouldn't have even noticed a change. But following suit, she stared up at the huge expanse of the sky, flecked with silver light.
He tapped her shoulder and she caught his gaze, mood brightening in spite of herself when she saw his easy smirk reemerge, "You see that one? Up there?"
Her eyes followed his guiding hand, catching a curiously bright fleck of a star above them, "That's… Neverland right?"
He nodded, "Second star to the right—"
"And straight on 'till morning," she finished for him.
He let out a short chuckle, "You could say I wasted away up there… plotting and crazed."
She looked at her feet, waiting for him to say what weighed between them for days on end.
"You expect something of me, lass." his voice was pointed and frustrated.
"No." she kept her gaze on the ground, "I think I'd be scared to get whatever it is I'm waiting for."
"There's nothing to fear if it is only a dream" he sighed, and brushed his hand over hers, "Rumplestiltskin has her heart and he's squeezing and laughing. And I'm watching the life flicker out of her eyes. It's smoke before I can react. She says I love you. I have no words for her when her chest rises one more time and stills."
Emma didn't move, "I… think I understand."
"No." his reply was curt, "No you do not."
She looked up at him, slightly irritated, "What's not to get Killian? Milah still haunts you."
"You. Haunt me."
She she snapped her eyes up and saw him glaring hard at the sky.
"You really are something to me…" he bit off the sentence, still looking up.
"Something huh?" and suddenly it was out in the open. They had danced around it over and over because of pride, selfishness, a sense that whatever "it" was sentenced to some abrupt fate. They were ramming against the same wall over and over and hoping that it would break while they continued to build it higher.
"I don't know what else to say, Emma." he said as he grabbed the sides of her face and crushed his mouth to hers. It was desperate, and hard and she responded gently until his lips softened and he could mould to her.
Slowly pulling away, his eyebrows pinched downward and she saw him clench his teeth, "Damn you. Damn this. I've gone mad haven't I. I hate myself all the more for it."
"You're scared I've replaced her." she couldn't keep the accusation out of her voice, "You're scared I'm changing you."
He looked at her with a fully unguarded expression, cold and pained.
"I'm the villain of the story."
As if that explained everything that pushed him farther and farther from her.
His face was emotionless as he stared ahead. He betrayed nothing, hardly a stir of life in his features except for a blink every so often. The frankness and dry honesty of the sentence dropped to the floor like the short metallic clattering of pins. What surprised her most was how easily it slipped from his mouth, all the weight of the blame pressing in. He was admitting nothing, but explaining to her like she didn't understand something unspoken.
She didn't try to understand. Before her right then he was just a character in a book, no more than an airy description and no more real than the dreams that haunted their sleep. She inadvertently reached out and touched his jaw, like she was testing to see if he really was there.
"There's no glory in such a role." he chuckled darkly, "I'm meant for one thing. I'm not meant to have a happy ending."
"What are you saying, Killian." it wasn't a question.
"Goodbye."
"What?!" she stepped in front of him and forced his eye contact.
"You misunderstand, love. Not right this very moment." he tried to touch her shoulder but she stepped back, "In advance, just as reassurance that I said it."
She shook her head, at a loss for words. She didn't know why it hurt her so much. Why she just knew this meant something awful. But when he reached out again she locked her arms around his neck and pressed their foreheads together.
"You say it like it's going to happen." she didn't hold back the disgust and anger.
His reply came like an apology, "I say it like I want your happiness when it does."
She had seen it coming. Hell, it was right in front of her.
She woke up but two days later and the bed was cold. His clothes weren't strewed haphazardly across her floor. There was no sound from downstairs. And fuck she was dizzy when she pulled herself off the mattress and stumbled around as she dressed.
Where? Did it even matter? Gone was gone and she'd fucking seen it coming.
She choked on a breath and coughed violently as she ran down the stairs. Not sure where she was going as she strapped her pistol and sheriff's badge to her hip. She was tearing down the main street in minutes and out towards Gold's shop. But he wasn't there. She tried the docks then the toll bridge and came up with nothing.
It didn't make sense. If he crossed the town line, he was gone for good. And then it hit her. And she started running.
By the time she saw the simple green sign at the edge of the town line, she could make out his lone form, staring at the neon orange line painted on the asphalt.
She didn't remember calling to him, but when he turned around she screamed his name again. She stopped a few feet in front of him breathing hard. Finally aware of her surroundings and forming slightly coherent thoughts. It shouldn't have been a relief to see him, but the calm washed through her as she approached.
"Emma—"
"Don't you dare, 'Emma' me." she gave him a poisonous look, "Did you think I was going to let you off so easy? What the hell do you think you're doing."
"This. Us. Whatever we care to label it. It's destroying the two of us. It was a mistake, coming to care for you this much. Suddenly I have something to live for? Suddenly I have delusions of being happy? It's a lie Emma. It's a goddamn bloody lie." he looked like he was begging her, "I see her face. I see yours. And fucking hell I see the Crocodile's. My hate hasn't diminished. But now I'm being pulled in two directions, between getting what I've always wanted and having everything I never knew I did. Not hurting the people you care about."
Her voice was deadly, "So you're willing to risk forgetting. Everything."
"You don't understand, lass—"
"I damn well understand that you're leaving, don't fucking patronize me Killian." she tugged her pistol out and pointed it directly at him, "I'm not going to let you you. I'd sooner shoot you in both your legs."
His voice turned hard, "You would have done so already if you'd meant it."
She laughed a high, mirthless laugh, "And you would have already stepped over that border if you were serious. Stop playing games with me, Killian."
He twisted his hook between his fingers "I'm not playing, love. You're so bloody difficult to walk away from. I—I can't explain the kind of torture it is."
He took a step sideways as if he was turning away, her voice dropped to a threatening growl, "Take one more step, Killian. I fucking dare you."
His eyes snapped in blue electricity as he stared her down, "There isn't a choice."
That's when she lost it.
"YOU MADE THIS A CHOICE WHEN YOU DECIDED TO TAKE ME UP THAT BEANSTALK."
He was silent for a moment, as if taken aback by her sudden outburst.
His gaze glossed over for a minute and he spoke mechanically, "I would have regretted every moment henceforth if I hadn't decided to trust you Emma. You were one fucking hell of a distraction—"
She threw her hands down and swayed on her feet, feeling sick, "IS THAT IT? I'M JUST SOME KIND OF FUCK BUDDY? OR I WAS JUST A COMPLICATION THAT GOT TO BE TOO MUCH AND YOU JUST DECIDED YOU COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE SO YOU WANTED TO LEAVE ME HERE JUST LIKE EVERY. OTHER. ASSHOLE.—"
"EMMA." his voice broke when he screamed at her to cut her off, a stream of silver moisture sliding down his cheek as his cool composure dissolved as well. It was enough to silence her as her expression turned pitiful, pinched in sadness.
He seemed to lose his train of thought for a minute, then steel himself.
"I love you."
And he stepped across the barrier as she screamed and leapt after him, watching him tell in pain and crumple to the ground. She fell to her knees and pulled him roughly into her arms, shaking and crying as she shouted over and over again.
"I HATE YOU. YOU ASSHOLE. COME BACK. I HATE YOU."
And she kissed his closed eyelids and sobbed until she couldn't breathe whimpering "Come back. Come back." As if willing it would make it so.
His eyes snapped open suddenly and she nearly choked on her words as she begged, "Killian?"
The world went dark as she felt herself slump over, the innocent "Who's Killian?" ringing in her ears.