Inspired by the Tour de France 2012. Team Torchwood get on their bikes …
Two Wheels
"This is ridiculous!" shouted Ianto.
"It's wonderful!" replied Jack with a beaming smile. "Race you!"
In moments Jack was pulling ahead. Pedalling hard, Ianto tried to keep up but his calf and thigh muscles couldn't cope with the unaccustomed demands. His arse was painful too; why did saddles have to be so narrow? Bowing to the inevitable, Ianto slowed his pace and watched Jack getting further away. Ten minutes later he drew up alongside his boss.
"What happened to you?" asked Jack He was stationary, still on the bike but leaning against some railings.
"I told you. Haven't been on a bike for years."
"You're the one who wanted to ride."
"That was then." Ianto stood and rubbed his aching behind.
"Hey, that's my job!" protested Jack with a familiar grin.
Ianto did not bother to reply, too relieved to be out of the saddle. It had been his idea to take this ride. Finding the bikes in what Jack called 'the stables' of the Hub had inspired him. There were all manner of machine: penny-farthing, velocipede, 'sit-up-and-beg', tandem, road racers of every era, mountain bikes and one Chopper. Jack had been excited about the find, relating all manner of tales about how each machine had been bought and used by Torchwood in the past. In no time they had picked out a couple, cleaned them off and pumped up the tyres. Jack had found a route on the Internet - the Castle Route – that went around the city centre and out to Penarth before returning to the city centre via Cardiff Bay. They had started halfway round and cycled to Penarth and back over the Barrage. They were now by the Norwegian Church looking across the Bay.
"How come you're so good at this?" asked Ianto. He'd feel better if Jack looked just a bit sore or out of breath. Damn his immortal body!
"Never forget how to ride a bike. Come on, get on. We've got to get up to the Castle yet."
"No. That's it for me. I'm walking back."
"You big wuss!"
"Sticks and stones, Jack. Sticks and stones." Moving before his muscles seized up for good, Ianto began pushing the mountain bike. He could see the water tower and the Tourist Office and couldn't wait to get inside and sit … no, lie down.
"You really walking?" called Jack. He hadn't moved. The unscheduled ride had been an unexpected pleasure. He had forgotten how good it felt to speed along using muscle power alone with the wind in his face. Years of sitting in cars had spoiled him. When Ianto kept on walking, Jack pedalled very slowly, jiggling the front wheel to keep alongside. "We should use bikes on Weevil hunts."
Ianto gave him a long-suffering look and trudged on. "How you going to carry the equipment? Or the Weevil?"
"Could get a trailer. You can ride in the trailer too, seeing as you can't keep up!" He beamed. "Save your pretty legs."
"It's not my legs that are the problem!" muttered Ianto.
Jack's enthusiasm was fired up and he carried on, "Gwen and Tosh can use the tandem. That'd be cool." He imagined their pert arses on show and grinned.
Despite himself, Ianto smiled at the absurdity of team Torchwood cycling everywhere. His picture of Gwen and Toshiko had them dressed in long skirts and hats riding the tandem like women in the old photographs Jack had shown him earlier. He was about to say so when he saw Jack's lascivious grin – clearly he was thinking of something else. It didn't take a moment to realise what. Ianto scowled.
"Stop it!"
"What?" Jack looked down and around; he wasn't doing anything he shouldn't. "What are you talking about?"
"Your one-track mind." He walked a little faster past the National Assembly Office.
"Oh that." Jack pedalled off in a big loop up to the steps and back. It was dusk on a weekday evening with not many people about leaving him plenty of room. He returned to Ianto's side. "Suppose it'd be too slow if we put Owen on the penny-farthing."
"Chopper, that'd do for him." That appealed to Ianto. Having the sarcastic doctor on the large-handled, small-wheeled Chopper beloved of children in the 1970s would be fitting payback for his continual carping.
"You're a cruel man, Ianto Jones, a cruel man." They continued in silence for a minute or two, down the slope to Roald Dahl Plass, then Jack said, "How about we have a ride? Just for pleasure. All of us. Tomorrow. There are enough racers and mountain bikes." He wanted everyone to share his enjoyment.
"Not sure how much pleasure there'd be. Sounds more a team-building exercise than pleasure."
"You're a genius!" Jack clapped him on the shoulder and pedalled off up the Plass; the huge open space of Mermaid Quay too tempting to pass up.
Ianto watched him go with a sinking heart. He should have kept his mouth shut. Oh well, maybe Toshiko could give the Rift a poke and there wouldn't be time tomorrow. With Jack's normal attention span, he'd have forgotten the idea after that.
-ooOoo-
A week later Ianto was astride a bike again. Contrary to his predictions, Jack had not only remembered his idea, he had made all the arrangements himself. He'd overhauled the bikes, researched a route and worked on the rest of the team until they'd had no excuses left. So here they were. A sunny and – unfortunately – quiet morning spent cycling the Rhymney Trail.
"All ready? Off we go then," said Jack.
He took the lead with Gwen alongside him. They looked very professional. Jack had bought the proper gear for them all including helmets but only he and Gwen had chosen to ditch their tracksuits and show the skin-tight Lycra shorts and shirt that left nothing - absolutely nothing! - to the imagination. Jack's was a bright gold – the same as worn by the leader of the famous Tour de France – and Gwen's green and white. The others had reluctantly donned their equally tight and garish gear but kept the track suits on over the top. They exchanged long-suffering looks and set off after their two colleagues.
The Trail was mainly off-road and level, a good choice for unpractised riders like them. It meandered through a newish park alongside the River Rhymney with lots of trees, birds and other wildlife to admire. The Torchwood colleagues were soon strung out. Gwen set a good pace which Jack matched with ease. Ianto and Toshiko pedalled steadily some yards back. Owen, who thought the idea a complete waste of time, brought up the rear. His curses floated up to the others in a constant flow.
Jack left Gwen and circled back like a mother-hen come to ensure all his 'chicks' were safe. "How's the pelaton doing?"
"The what?" asked Toshiko. She was pink with the exercise and had unzipped her tracksuit top showing the light blue cycling gear beneath.
"Pelaton. The big bunch of riders who stick together for mutual support."
"It's French," protested Ianto. "Means little ball."
"That too. You all right, Owen?" called Jack. The doctor was adrift by ten yards or so and clearly not enjoying himself.
"No I'm bleeding not! How the hell did I let you talk me into this?"
Jack laughed but chose not to reply. He was in his element and not about to get into another argument with Owen. He glanced at Ianto and frowned. "Aren't you hot?"
"No." Ianto felt a drop of perspiration roll down the side of his face and guessed he was red in the face but he was not going to remove his tracksuit, not yet anyway. The Lycra clung to his body in embarrassing ways. A sideways glance gave him a good view of how Jack's outfit accentuated his figure, including the bulging crotch. More heat rose into Ianto's face and he looked away quickly.
"Up to you, I suppose." Jack shrugged and crossed behind the two riders coming up alongside Toshiko. "Feel like stretching your legs, Tosh?"
"All right." She changed gear and pedalled faster.
Toshiko and Jack moved up to join Gwen and the three of them rode abreast, chatting about how this part of Cardiff had changed in recent years. Behind them, Ianto slowed sufficiently for Owen to catch him up.
"Bloody mad, that's what they are," said Owen.
"Oh, it's not so bad. You still on for later?"
"Oh yeah." Owen's malicious grin spoke of devilment to come.
For twenty minutes, the Torchwood team continued along the track. They stopped at a viewing area to drink from the fancy water bottles strapped to the bikes. Toshiko had removed her tracksuit bottoms by now, into the swing of the ride and no longer concerned about how she looked. Ianto deigned to unzip his top but Owen remained completely swaddled in his tracksuit, slumped on a bench grumpily looking out over the river.
Gwen stood looking at a map of the Trail on a large information board. "If we keep going we'll join the road in a bit. You want to do that?" She looked at Jack.
He came across to join her. "Sure. There's a pub right … here." He put his finger on the map. "Should be in time for lunch."
"Someone mention a pub?" asked Owen, looking round.
"Trust you!" Gwen rolled her eyes and took a long drink from her water bottle.
"Maybe we ought to … I don't know, have an incentive?" suggested Ianto.
Jack grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Everyone who makes it gets a snog from me!" he said gleefully. Gwen laughed, rather liking the idea, and even Toshiko tittered.
"I'm for staying here then," said Owen with a grimace.
"I was thinking," said Ianto as if he had not been interrupted, "of last one to arrive buys the drinks."
"Don't you want a snog from me, Ianto?" Jack moved closer, admiring the Welshman. Ianto looked sleek in the red and black outfit but he'd look even better if he removed the tracksuit bottoms.
"Prefer a long, cool lager."
Owen stood up. "Me too. But let's make it more interesting. Last one buys the drinks but first one gets the weekend off." He looked at Jack. "What'd 'a say, Jack?"
The Torchwood leader Jack looked at his team. They were all challenging him to agree and he had sold this as a team building exercise … He didn't have a choice. "All right. Providing there's not a major incident."
"I could do with a weekend," said Gwen moving to her bike. "Could have a lie-in for a change."
"I could go and see my family in London," said Toshiko with a smile for Ianto.
After confirming the route they agreed to cycle to the next junction before beginning the race. Toshiko urged them not to take chances on public roads but her pleas fell mainly on deaf ears. The roads they were going on were minor routes and were quiet in the middle of the day. Jack stood back and watched admiringly as Ianto finally revealed his shorts and folded the tracksuit bottoms in the saddlebag. Owen stuffed his tracksuit into his saddlebag anyhow showing off an unexpectedly muscular torso and thighs clad in navy blue and white. Back on the bikes, they proceeded in a group each eyeing the other as the junction neared.
Then they were off.
Gwen took off early with Toshiko on her wheel, both deciding that they stood less chance against the men and needed a decent advantage. They held the lead as they emerged onto Rumney Hill and had to work hard to get up the incline. Behind them, Jack, Ianto and Owen jockeyed for position. All of them were confident of overtaking the girls but none of them was willing to let the others get an advantage. Jack was particularly confident having seen the other mens' efforts so far that morning. He planned to stay back and make a late run. As they neared the crest of the hill, Toshiko was a yard ahead of Gwen with Ianto, Owen and Jack in that order. Coasting down the hill, Gwen moved up beside Toshiko and stayed there. The men followed in single file. They were all in the same positions as they entered Rumney heading for the Cross Inn on Newport Road. Two hundred yards away, Owen put on a sudden spurt and he and Ianto got away from Jack, riding on the wheels of Toshiko and Gwen. The four of them swung into the pub car park together and rode abreast to the main door, kicking up gravel as they came to a dramatic halt. With matching grins, they turned to watch Jack ride in behind them.
Jack realised what they'd done, of course. It had all been planned. They had tied so they all expected to have the weekend off. And he had come in last so had to buy the drinks. They would probably make him pay for lunch too. He halted facing them and sighed. "You can't all be off together," he said.
"Owen and me this weekend, Tosh and Ianto next," said Gwen. "Right?"
"All right."
"Now that's sorted, better get the drinks in, Jack," said Owen. "I'm feeling really thirsty after that."
"Me too," added Toshiko with a giggle.
She and Owen got off their bikes and pushed them into the pub garden. It was a beautiful day for sitting outside. Gwen gave Jack a sympathetic pat on the arm before following them. Ianto paused, looking in the saddlebag for the tracksuit bottoms.
"Don't," said Jack. "Please?"
Looking up, Ianto recognised the simple smile that Jack reserved for their private moments. Their boss had been manoeuvred into losing the bet and was taking it well, perhaps he deserved a reward. "All right. But only because I'm hot."
"Don't need to tell me that!" Jack put and arm round the Welshman's shoulders and grinned. "Let's go get those drinks."
Congratulations to Bradley Wiggins on winning the Tour de France today. Fantastic effort by the whole of Team Sky.