Disclaimer: still not mine
AN: Two more chapters to go
Mac had been quite nervous sitting in her room when she knew Harm was in his appointment with Dr Eldon. She knew she wasn't well enough to go with him and she could only hope he was telling the doctor the truth. Filling in most of the morning by sitting in the nursery with Frankie, Mac was getting edgier as the clock ticked over to midday.
"He'll be here soon," Harriet said, startling her from her thoughts as she wandered back to her room.
"Who? Oh, Harm...I know," she replied.
"Then why do you look so worried," she said, taking her arm and guiding her to her room.
"I just want to know what the doctor is saying," Mac answered, easing herself back into the bed.
"He'll say Harm is just tired and rundown, it's to be expected, Mac," Harriet said gently. "Let's face it, the man hasn't been well since the start of the pregnancy."
Mac nodded; she'd been thinking the same thing. "Now, don't get yourself all worked up," Harriet said, pushing away the lunch meal which had been delivered and picking up her basket. "Eat lunch instead."
Mac smiled when she saw the roast turkey and cranberry sandwiches Harriet had brought in along with the choc chip muffins and bottle of apple juice.
"Just thought you'd prefer this to whatever the hospital was offering. Especially since you have to fast again soon for the next surgery," Harriet said.
Mac groaned. "Don't remind me," she said. "I'm really not looking forward to it."
"No one ever does, honey," Harriet said, handing her a sandwich. "But, you had all your bad luck on Saturday after Frankie was born so this one should be plain sailing."
"I wish I had your optimism," Mac said with a sad smile.
"Well, it's a good thing I have more than enough to share with you," Harriet said, unwrapping her own sandwich.
"You know...Harriet, if something does happen," she started slowly looking at the sandwich rather than her friend.
"It won't," Harriet interjected.
"I know, but if it does..." she continued.
"If it happens, I promise you I will make sure Harm and the kids are well looked after," Harriet said, knowing exactly what Mac was thinking.
"Thank you," Mac said before turning her attention to her lunch.
Halfway through their meal the door opened and Harm and Frank appeared.
"Hope one of them has my name on it," said Frank, smiling when Harriet handed him one.
"One turkey, hold the cranberry," she said, having made the arrangements with Frank that morning while Harm slept.
"What about you, Harm?" she asked, "I have turkey, or I have tuna salad, which would like?"
"Um, the turkey, please," Harm said, as he kissed Mac's head and squeezed her hand.
"What did Dr Eldon say?" Mac said putting down her lunch.
"Eat up, I'll tell you later," he replied and Mac smiled, knowing he was a little hesitant about talking about personal issues with an audience.
With lunch gone, Harriet and Frank excused themselves to take a trip down to the nursery while Harm remained by Mac's bedside.
"Harriet's food beats hospital food," Harm said, finishing his drink.
"Yes, it does," Mac agreed watching him.
"She could go into business and ..." he continued but Mac shook her head. "She shouldn't?"
"What did Dr Eldon say?" she asked, which was of far more interest to her than any possible catering business of Harriet's.
"Dr Eldon and I had a long talk and he did a few tests..." Harm began.
"Did you tell him the truth?" Mac interjected and Harm nodded. "Are you sure?" she pressed. "You do have a tendency to downplay things."
"I told him the absolute truth and dad mentioned things I omitted," he said, taking her hand.
"Dad went in with you?" Mac asked in surprise.
"Yep, he insisted. Said he wasn't going to have you mad at him for me wasting this opportunity to get on top of things," Harm said with a small smile.
"Good on dad," she said, before squeezing Harm's hand. "So, what did he say?"
"He said I have a still have a slight infection and anaemia and I'm just really run down," he reported honestly. "He said more sleep, more iron, more sunshine and I'll be as good as new."
"A big juicy steak would help you, you know that, right?" she said with a giggle, feeling more than relieved that all his ailments were minor and easily fixed – she'd been dreading something more sinister.
"I might leave that steak to you when you're up to it," he said, "I might just eat more spinach and take some extra supplements."
"I would so like to be able to take you home and put you to bed," she said, stroking his face.
"Me too," he replied. "And before too long you will be. Dr Perkins said once tomorrow's surgery was over you and Frankie could be home sometime next week."
"Frankie too?" she asked surprised.
"Yep," he replied. "Every test has been good, so he'll be in the regular nursery from tomorrow."
"When I first thought he was going to be so early, I had visions of NICU and months in hospital...and there's been none of that trauma," she said shaking her head in disbelief.
Harm just smiled; true there hadn't been that trauma for Frankie but his mother had put him through enough for the both of them...for a lifetime.
The following morning, Harm was at the hospital by 0700 and Mac wasn't complaining as she knew she was being taken to surgery before 0800 and she was nervous. Harm sat by her bed, holding her hand and caressing her face, trying to make small talk with a very distracted wife.
As the dreaded hour drew near and the nurse came in, Harm could see the distress building behind his wife's eyes. When they got a moment alone, he crawled into the bed and held her.
"Tell me," he whispered, kissing her head.
"I love you," she replied and Harm kissed her head once more.
"I love you too," he said, "But that's not what I meant."
"I know," she whispered. "Just easier to say than ..."
"Than the fact you're scared," he said, and pulled her closer.
"Am I that obvious?" she asked, playing with his shirt.
"Only to me," he said, caressing her face. "What are you scared of?"
"Oh, well," she began before pausing "I just want to be alive and well after it's all done."
"And you don't think you will be?" he asked, pulling back in surprise.
"I know there is a strong possibility that everything will go perfectly well and I'll be back in here and awake in a couple of hours, holding Frankie," she said, her voice filled with false confidence. "But the last surgery wasn't supposed to go the way it did...and it did...and I... well, in Lily's dreams at least, I died..."
"Oh, Mac," he said, pulling her to him. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was trying to suck it up, you know...be a good marine...after all, everyone keeps telling me I'll be fine but..." her voice trailed.
"You're allowed to be scared, gorgeous," he said gently. "I'm scared..."
"You are?" She looked up to find him nodding.
"Of course I am. You are the love of my life and that last surgery scared the hell out of me..." he said before kissing her. "But I have confidence in you and in Dr Mollison and, in my heart, I feel like it's all going to work out."
"I'm glad to hear it," said Dr Mollison as she checked Mac's clipboard. "Now, I'm heading in to scrub up, the orderly will be here in a few minutes to take you in. Any last questions?"
Both shook their head.
Mac's grip on Harm's hand was strong as she was wheeled back to the OR. Harm had offered to bring Frankie for a quick visit before the orderly came but Mac had said no, knowing that she would be a complete wreck if she saw her little boy.
As they approached the door she wanted to reconsider and was very tempted to ask Harm to get their baby but she knew she was just putting off the inevitable and closed her eyes tightly, squeezed Harm's hand and prayed it would all turn out for the best.
Leaning over, Harm kissed her head and left his lips near her ear.
"Hush, little baby, don't say a word," he began, knowing how comforting she found the song.
"Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird,
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring."
"You promise…" Mac said interrupted.
"Promise what, gorgeous?" he asked, pulling back slightly to look at her.
"Buy me a diamond ring?" she asked with a watery smile.
"Hand on my heart, Mac, I promise, that on the day I take you and Frankie home, I will stop at any jeweler's you choose and buy you anything you want," he said, before kissing her and sealing the promise.
"And I can get anything?" she asked, caressing his face.
"Mac, I'll buy you the whole damn store," he said, such was his love for this woman.
"Sir, we need to keep going," said the orderly and, just like that, she was gone.
Before Harm could take his seat in the waiting room, Frank appeared and put an arm around his waist.
"You and I are going on a mission," he said, leading his son to the elevator.
"I want to stay here," he said, pointing to the OR.
"They have your cell number, they have mine, and the surgery will take at least an hour," he said as he pressed the down button. "We'll be back by then."
Realising he wasn't being given much of an option; Harm followed his dad into the elevator and waited to see what eventuated. Truth was he didn't really want to spend the next sixty minutes panicking about his wife in the confines of the surgical waiting room.
"Where are we going, dad?" he asked as they exited the hospital and headed to the car.
"Not far," Frank replied, activating the central locking and opening the driver's door.
"Dad, really...I don't want to leave the hospital..." he protested.
"Sarah knows where I'm taking you and she has no objections, actually, she suggested I do something, the venue is my idea though," he said, slipping into the driver's street.
Deciding to go along with whatever the plan was as it had Mac's okay, Harm climbed in and put on his seatbelt.
It stunned Harm when he realised the destination but he said nothing. Not when Frank parked the car, not when they both climbed out. It wasn't until they were walking towards the wall, Harm finally spoke.
"Why did you bring me here?" he asked, as they headed to where he's father's name was written.
"Because you came here the day Lily was born and on the day the twins arrived," Frank said as he produced a Polaroid picture from his pocket. "So, I only thought that given this one..." he handed the photo of Frankie to Harm, "Has his name, that he should get to hear all about him too."
"Thank you, dad," he said tearfully as he took the photo. Frank was right, he'd spent time telling his father all about the previous arrivals but this time, given the circumstances, he hadn't even thought about it.
"I'm just going to head over to the van and get some coffee," he said, patting Harm's back. "Take all the time you need."
"You can stay, dad," Harm said, "I'm sure he won't mind."
"I'm sure he wouldn't," Frank replied. "But I'll leave you all the same."
As Frank wandered over to the food van parked on the side road, he turned to check on Harm and found him holding the photo of his son and talking. In any other place, this would cause concern for one's mental health, but for many, many years now people came to the wall and talked to their loved ones and Harm's actions were considered normal.
It was twenty minutes later when Harm appeared by Frank's side with his own coffee and sat next to him on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.
"I phoned the hospital," Frank said, playing with his empty cup. "Everything is going well with the surgery."
Harm sighed deeply. "Thanks for doing that," he said, taking a sip of coffee. And, ah, thanks for doing this for me..."
"You don't have to thank me, son," he said, shoulder bumping him. "We're family."
"And I'm forever grateful for that, dad," he said, "I don't know how my life would have turned out if you hadn't loved mom and persisted with me. I loved that man..." he said, nodding towards the wall. "But I never really knew him...it was more through default...I guess. But you, I know you and I love you and I'm lucky to have you as my dad."
"When did you get so good at speaking about your feelings, Harm?" Frank asked, misty eyed.
"Mac...she's brought out the best in me...It's still hard at times, you know, but I'd like to think I'm getting better at it," he said quietly before standing up. "After all, I want my boys growing up being open and honest about their feelings so I need to be a good role model."
"You already are, son, you all ready are," Frank said, standing up too. "Let's go see number two son and tell him how much you love him..."
"Sounds like a plan," Harm said as he tossed his near full cup into the trash.
Food van coffee was no better than hospital coffee.