Notes:
Incendiary glance
Be come and collide in me
Zoom in enhance hold
While I go helplessly sky high
Magic eye sugar rushing don't stop
Must be Dreaming - FrouFrou
I don't have anything else to say, ahah ;) Enjoy! =)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
LEVI
"It makes me feel like an old man."
"Why?"
"You know, when you help them bathe, even though they're naked, it doesn't matter. Who cares about an old man's ass anyway?"
Eh, You must be kidding me... What were you doing and where were you looking when I fucking cleaned you last night or when I just helped you get out of your clothes and enter the bath? I'm pretty fucking sure I was avoiding looking at you at all costs... and failing. I felt like my eyes wouldn't leave your round ass, your thighs, your stomach and your nipples contrasting with your skin just... RIGHT THERE IN MY FACE! I avoided direct contact between your skin and mine as if it would send an electric shock through me... and it probably would have done just that. It was right by me, by my face. Fuck. I wanted to fucking touch you so bad and I did, but I tried to keep it as normal as possible... which was kind of difficult. To me, at least. I look away. I splash water in your face to make you shut up with all the silly stuff you say and to distract you.
"You're dumb."
"Shut up! I'm just... I don't want you to think it's just Eren Jaeger naked." You're upset, but you grin like a fool with water sliding down your skin, your wet hair sticking to your face and that move you do with your hands to push it all back... Fuck, as usual, you're the best porn and you don't even do anything, eh. I'm gone. So fucking gone.
"I didn't..." I sigh and stand up to leave. You're not even doing anything to clean yourself. You're just there in a bath that's not full enough to cover you completely yet. It covers your waist, at least, but I can still see your long legs and your chest if I take a glane toward you. "Come on. Clean yourself. Are you going to drown while I'm in the kitchen or... you think you'll be alright?"
And then, maybe, you'll finally get started instead of just talking and fooling around in the water. You even gathered all the bubbles to put them over your dick and your nipples earlier, like a bikini, and you fucking laughed while telling me to look at you... are you crazy? My eyes went down that happy trail until they reached the happy place... more like; reached the bubbles covering it. I almost sighed. Don't make me want to jump you more than I already do by looking at you.
I'm not sure if you're plain stupid or just trying to lead me there... It wouldn't be a first.
"I'm fine."
"OK. I'll go check the teapot for you. You should drink a little bit of tea before you go to bed."
"Is there something in this tea? Are you trying to drug me?"
I really doubt I'd need to drug you... And I have no clue what's up with Armin and you, but I don't think he' d like that.
"Nah. I'm not interested in Eren Jaeger's old ass... looks flat and uninteresting as hell." I tell him as I exit the bathroom, but leave the door open so I can hear if he needs anything... or fucking falls while he tries to get out, because that's what happened when he tried to get in alone.
-x-
With his incredibly hot body temperature under the covers of the bed, the sound of his breathing in the room, his hands pulling at my shirt and his feet touching my cold ones; it doesn't feel so empty anymore in the room... and I love it, and I wish it could stay that way, but I know better.
Eh... Why not? Why the fuck not? Petra is over it. We even argued over it... It seems she realized Eren kind of made happy in general, I guess. She said I wasn't agreeable in the least after I parted ways with the kid... even Erwin took her fucking side. Yeah, because she told him that I had someone for a little while, someone younger. Mikasa wouldn't mind, I think. Then, what? It's not about me. Not this time. It's about him.
I'm not some dumb fuck who doesn't notice or pay attention. Damn. I didn't see it right away, but the exact moment Armin saw Eren I noticed the way he looked at the brown haired boy. It was weird... It was weird because I felt like I was looking at Eren in a similar way. Fuck, I'm pretty sure we were looking at him with the same kind of gentle affection at that moment... His eyes probably had the same path as mine over his long legs. He probably didn't recognize the shirt and the boxers Eren was wearing. The boxers were a bit small. I knew they were a bit too small and too tight for him, but I didn't have anything larger in my wardrobe... so, he kept playing with the hem around his thigh with his fingers and I noticed how Armin's blue eyes often went there. I did too, fuck yes I did. I wanted it to be my finger slipping under the fabric to loosen it slightly, not his own. The shirt though, it wasn't small. If anything, it was big. I liked my sleeping t-shirt to be big... very big. And then, there was his face; his fucking perfect face when he's not completely awake yet with his messy hair. Yeah, when I saw Armin's eyes, he was definitely trying to keep his eyes on his face. Eren probably didn't notice. Definitely not.
Me, on the other hand, I recognized every single piece of clothing he had on... because they were mine. Maybe the tightness of the boxers on Eren's tanned skin gave it away that it was mine, but Armin said something... and I felt like it was for me. A warning. He said Eren wasn't there when he woke up. It could have been said in millions of other ways, but he went with this one. I tensed, of course I did. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want this. I shouldn't have been upset because it was my fault, but I was upset anyway. I didn't want to imagine anyone else touching Eren. Ever.
I was pretty sure of it by now; there was something between them and I couldn't be kind to Armin anymore. I couldn't fucking tolerate him in my fucking apartment with Eren... I wanted to make Eren mine, to take him in front of Armin. Fuck. That was crazy, but it went through my fucking mind. It is still there. It bothers me when I look at Eren sleeping right next to me. It tells me to touch him... not like when I was washing him, no. To touch him like I did when we went in that room hours from here. He moves. He's slowly waking up and I'm keeping my hands to myself... and I can't do this forever. We're not like this, but we're sleeping in the same bed. One of us needs to leave. Right now.
It'll be you.
"You can't stay here, Eren... Not again.''
-x-
I wish you could stay here forever... live with me and just do it correctly, this time.
I'll never admit it though.
-x-
You kiss me like the sweet first kiss we never shared... One of the many steps we didn't take. You kiss me like you don't even know how anymore. You kiss me like I'm delicate, like I'll crumble. You kiss me like I'm precious. You kiss me with all your damn intensity and roughness in check for once... You know, you kiss me like you love me. I knew you loved me the moment you appeared in my apartment and said my name... And you still do. Fuck, you still love me.
Fuck, I barely register what you say, but I nod. I fucking nod to your words even though I'm too drunk to even understand. Speak in French. Speak in fucking Chinese. It doesn't matter, I nod and I'll come back to this another time, because now I'm too busy giving it back to you... That kiss. That lovely kiss and the one apology you deserve... because, yeah, I fucked up.
-x-
I wonder for an instant if you kiss Armin like that... and if you caress him everywhere in the same gentle way that you are caressing me right now, but it really doesn't take long before I just think about you.
You and your fingers giving me goosebumps and I can't fucking leave your eyes to see if I'm having the same effect on your arms when I move my hands up and down lightly on them.
I just hope it gives you the chills, because fuck you definitely are giving them to me.
-x-
I don't know how many minutes... No, Hours!... We spend between the sheets of this bed too big for one person with our lips linked and our hands exploring each other slowly. The kisses got deeper. Lips parted and tongues met midway, but it remained the slowest and the most gentle kiss of all the ones we've shared. I took forever to remove your clothes and you're not even done removing mine. You're laying on the bed on your side right in front of me. You're naked right in front of me! And it's the first time we both manage to keep our urges in check to enjoy the light touches and the humming we share in each other's mouths. It vibrates... just like you vibrate under my touch when I trace your happy trail with the tip of my fingers. You suddenly feel like a wave under me and you slide on your back slowly. Your legs open as if you're asking for me to finally touch you, but I gently push you on your stomach... breaking our kisses and stopping you from removing the last piece of clothing covering me. No. Not yet. I feel like I'll burst the moment you touch me and I know you'll go there when you're done with my boxers. Not yet. Not yet.
I don't think I've ever been this kind of lover before.
I've never felt like I needed to take my time with someone... to do it properly. If I think about it, I was good with the rushed experience we had in the hotel room. We did everything I had ever imagined while touching myself and I thought it was fine, but it suddenly feels like this; right now... when I take my time, when I cover your back with kisses, when you push your upper body up to look at me with theses perfect and loving eyeswhile my hand moves down to your legs and my mouth to your lower back... to the start of the curve of your pretty little ass.
Right, I lied earlier... I totally checked your round little ass out.
Sure, you're not a hot mess of moans. Sure, we could have fucked like twice since this whole thing started... but isn't this better? Isn't it perfect this way? Your breathing is still ragged and you whine when I push your hips down gently because... Yeah, you're naked. Yeah, you're hard and, yeah, it rubs against the sheets. Sorry, I forgot about that detail. Your cheeks are red. Your lips are swollen. You giggle lightly when I kiss the soft flesh of your cheek before turning you over again to get you on your back and it's fine like that. Whatever sound you make, I'll love it.
You're a different kind of mess, but you're not less tempting. You don't have to spread your legs and I don't have to lower my eyes to see the leaking hard on against your stomach to know... Fuck no. Don't worry, about it.
-x-
Why are we in this position again? My arms are shaking, fuck, and I'm struggling so hard not to face fuck you. Damn it. It seemed nice a second ago, when you slowly led me to move up above you. It seemed like a nice idea because I still needed you to get off that last piece of clothing and you were kissing my chest, my navel, my hip bones and my thighs... but, then your lips attacked the remaining flesh you hadn't touched yet; my dick. I groan, because Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! You teased me forever and now that I'm buried into that sweet little mouth, I feel like my self-control is slowly breaking apart. No. It definitely is. I don't want to do this... but...
''Shit.''
You're already taking me way too far for my sanity. Your humming response makes everything vibrate around me. I am really trying hard to stay reasonable and let your hold over my hips guide me into the rhythm you want us to have.
''Eren... Fuck, my arms are about to give in.''
Once again, he giggles the moment his mouth his free and follows when I drop on my back by his side. He crawls on top of me with thousands of kisses on my stomach as he makes his way back to face me. There's a smile on his lips; a loving smile and he leans forward for a kiss... and I wince a little because, Fuck that kiss will taste like my own dick and that's gross, but he kisses my cheek and reaches for the nightstand... Little Fucker explored my bedroom, it seems and found my stuff!
I could be ashamed and a little bit upset that he was noisy like this, but Fuck! When he opens the bottle to pour it on his fingers and starts to make himself ready for me, I can't really complain and I find myself caressing his back and his shoulders... I even whisper sweet nothings in his ear.
-x-
I do until we're kind of sitting there... He sits on top of me and he's just moving slowly, fucking slowly. I don't know, I could probably say this is just because we're doing this slowly from the very beginning and it is true, but that's not quite right. Eren is moaning each time he moves his hips gently, but he is still moving them. I think whining is an even better word, because that's what it sounds like, like he doesn't quite know what to do, like he doesn't want to stop and let me down, but I can still feel the hot liquid on my stomach... He came. He did the moment I entered and brushed against his sweet spot. He had an incredible reaction to the sensation, of course. He got tight, it felt great and he looked amazing, but... Yeah, he came right away.
And now, he's just being incredibly sensitive and beautiful in my arms. He looks like he's in a daze. He looks my way, but I can't tell where he's looking through his long eyelashes and his eyes almost closed. He's blushing like mad and I can hear a faint: ''Sorry'' under his breath at times.
Sorry for what? For being so fucking perfect? Because you are. I don't care if you came already.
You tell me not to stop. You're obstinate and you keep moving your body while I massage your back and your side. You tell me to give you a second. You tell me to wait... you repeat it.
''...Just a second.''
And I'm just there... I'm just there and completely overwhelmed by everything going through me at this exact moment. I search for the words. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out except my loud breathing, sometimes more like a moan than anything else. I feel like we stay in this position forever and I don't mind. I don't think I'll stay this hard very long, but it doesn't matter, because the truth is... I...
''I... I think... I love you.''
Oh wow, this was the worst confession ever, I swear... and yet.
You smile. You fucking smile and you laugh, and I don't care if you sucked my dick just minutes ago. This time, you come for a kiss and I'm more than happy to give it to you when you whisper with a broken voice against my lips: ''I love you too.''
It's not the first time you say it, I know, but it's the first time I actually take it.
-x-
I'm pretty sure Armin Arlet wouldn't like it if he knew what we did all morning.
-x-
''Can I assume... that I can stay?''
Oh... right. I forgot. I did say that earlier, uh. I feel him move behind me. He reaches for my face and he tries to push my head so I can look to his, but I keep my eyes to his feet against the edge of the bath... still tan in fucking winter and next to my white ones. My creamy white skin looks even more pale next to his, but I kind of like it. Kind of.
''Hey, Levi! Stop ignoring me.''
Argh, just give it a rest... and give me a break. I'm still not over the words I said earlier. Give me a chance to put myself back together. I told you I loved you... It just spilled out. I didn't mean to. Not that it's not true or anything, but it makes me feel vulnerable suddenly... as if it gives you power over me. I don't really get it. It's not like I feel like I have power because you love me though. It's just... me. I guess. I've never been one to tell my feelings. I never told Erwin I liked him or anything. It was obvious I kind of liked him to some extent. I told Petra, but it was different... with Petra, things were different. I was young and I really loved Petra. I still do. It's just that I never really understood how I loved her. I did tell her that I loved her, but it wasn't something I did often. She was saying it more than me... and she didn't need me to tell her. She said that she knew I loved her and that was enough for her... until her new husband spoiled her, that is.
So... Yeah, now I'm at a loss.
It's not that I don't want Eren to stay around me like it used to be. It's quite the opposite actually. I'm just... I don't know. It's not like it'll change anything. It's just that it'll mean, I accept it. Instead of making it seem like it bothers me, it'll be of common accord. His. Mine. Ours. Sure, it's fine on my side, but what about his... I keep thinking of Armin and I try to find an explanation for them. I give myself a headache around their relationship. I find excuses for them, because I don't want to accept it... Oh it must have been a misunderstanding. Oh it's just Armin who likes Eren and nothing happened. Right? Right?! Fuck, this is annoying me so badly. I don't like Armin because he's a liar, but I feel like an asshole for blaming it all on him. As if it's his fault Eren is just... his charming Eren self.
''...Yeah, you can.''
He hugs me tightly against him, pressing my back against his chest and I swear I can feel his heart beating loudly... or is it mine? I don't know anymore! I don't mind. I don't mind the closeness of our bodies. I don't mind the water getting slightly colder. I don't mind the bubbles becoming less abundant. I don't mind if he sees me naked, he already did. I don't mind if he doesn't speak for a while and just keeps quiet. It's a comfortable silence and I like it when it's calm like this. I don't mind if he plays with my hand absently. It doesn't bother me. I can close my eyes and enjoy the calm... and just think. Think about him. Think about us.
''Eren...''
''Mmmh?''
And think of what needs to be said.
''What's up with Armin?''
He tenses a little bit behind me and his hold on my hand tightens.
''Nothing.''
''What's up with Armin... and you?''
''Oh...'' Don't Oh me and answer, fuck. It's bugging me so bad. It's annoying. I don't want this to linger at the back of my head all the time. I just told you I fucking loved you... and you did too. Do you realize how rare this is for me? Do you realize how far I am into this? Fuck.
''Oh, what?''
''It's nothing.''
''Definitely didn't look like nothing... He looked like he wanted to bring you back home, that's for sure. I don't know... I feel like he really likes you or something. I just never noticed before.''
''I know. I mean, It's just... I knew for a while now, but it's weird now because... Well, we kind of... when you dumped me... we...'' Pause. Hesitation. There's so much. He's struggling. He doesn't know what to say or how to say it. I am not helping. He's loosening his hold on me. No. Wait. Fuck. I'm suddenly feeling like an idiot. I know the answer... I think I know it, but I don't want him to say it. I don't want to know that you two... ''We had that kind of relationship.''
''That kind of relationship?''
''That kind of relationship.''
''What is that suppose to mean, brat.''
Why am I getting away from you! And why am I insisting on this!
''Well, we fucked...''
''Oh...'' Fucked? No. You didn't fuck. You didn't fucking fuck! I mean, I just knew... yet, I didn't. It's Ok. You fucked. You needed it. It's Ok. Totally Ok.
''Just...a bit.''
Ok... I mean, I knew you did. It's alright. Totally fucking Ok. I'm telling you.
And I wish I hadn't moved and turned in the bath to see his face when he said it... because the way he reacts to my expression, is rather painful. He bites his lips nervously. He shakes his head like he's saying no. Like he's saying no, I'll be honest. I can do this. He says: ''Actually, we did it a lot... but, I...''
I don't know. I'm not even sure myself why I'm reacting like this. I'm not even sure what kind of face I make... I think I'm pretty good at maintaining a pretty good expression, but I guess I fail. Our eyes meet. His eyes; they open wide like he's suddenly alarmed... like he suddenly realizes I'm not taking this as well as he thought I would. I don't care. I mean, I think I don't. It's ok. Eren is mine now, right? But it fucking bothers me. It's my fault. I told him to get out of my life, but I didn't think it'd be this easy to fucking find a replacement... to fuck someone just to fuck. I don't know. I didn't do it... and I fail to understand. I fucking can't understand.
No. You can get through this, Levi! Don't shut him out again. You weren't dating or anything. You made it pretty clear that you were done... and yet, I know, I know I'm being unfair when I stand up and get out of the bath... the bath I enjoyed. I really did.
He follows. He stands up and he doesn't even dry himself or take a towel before he follows me into the bedroom. He freaks out. I hear him call my name. I hear him apologize and I know he doesn't have to apologize. He doesn't have to. I shouldn't be upset! It's been MONTHS since we last saw each other!... Yet, I hear him being honest with me. I hear him saying it again... ''Actually, we did it a lot...'' and I fucking cringe at the sound, at the picture going through my head... Of Armin holding him. Of Armin kissing him. Of Eren having sex with him. I even wonder who fucking topped... and I know I'm going too far. I'm just making myself upset.
''I'm fine, Eren. I... I just need to calm down.''
And I close the door of the bedroom.
-x-
You sit against my door and it feels weird to be sitting against the same one... just on the other side. I heard you walk around for a bit. I heard you go in the bathroom to let the water drain. I heard you rummage through the bathroom and I assumed you got a towel. All your clothes are on this side of the room. I heard you come back and sit back against the door. I heard you call my name... and I heard you cry again. You really are a cry baby. You're so honest. Painfully honest. You just showed it to me again; your honesty. It was a quiet type of crying. I could hear you sob, but it was low... very low. I heard you lean against the door and talk just above a whisper.
I heard you say sweet nothings to make me feel better, but I was already better. You excused yourself again. You said it wasn't like you didn't love me. You said you thought of me a lot whenever you did it... Fuck, you admitted that you thought about me while having your dick up in his ass and I smiled. I fucking smiled like a coward and I felt horrible for Armin at the same time. Whatever you said, I knew we were both cowards. I just needed to get over the fact that you weren't mine only while I was away and didn't want you.
And I did get over it.
By the time I open the door, you are dry... and I notice you took care of the wet floor with towels. I love you for that. You know how I like my apartment to be.
You smile when you fall backward into the room and fall face to face with me, but I know you're hiding your insecurity, so I speak up. ''You really need to apologize to Armin...''
Pause. Silence. You stay there. You lay on the floor in the doorway... and I stay right there, on my knees, beside you. I play with your hair a bit... in a way I try to be reassuring. Don't worry. I'm not leaving you or anything. I'm not done loving you... Fuck, I love you way too much for that. I'm just making sure that this thing with Armin is done. That you are going to take responsibility for what you did to him and apologize for being like that... for hurting him.
''I will.''
''...because you're not going back to him.''
''I'm not.'' I swear, the smile he makes is blinding... My face is burning, Fuck. I look away from him. I know. I fucking know what this sounds like. This is exactly what it sounds like, brat. Yeah. I guess that means we're kind of a thing now. I guess. Damn. This is embarrassing, but for Eren Jaeger this looks like the best day of his fucking life. He's beaming, I swear. ''Definitely not.''
-x-
''I really, really, really, REALLY love you!''
''I know. I know.''
''No. You big meanie, you should say me too!''
''More like Fuck you.''
''...You did.'' Pause. His eyes flash with mischief and he leans forward against the counter... He fucking arches his back and makes sure I notice his ass... Damn. Asshole! ''Round 2?''
''I'm trying to be serious, here.''
''You didn't even finish in me!''
''...I said, I'm trying to be serious.'' Fuck. That totally went to my groin. Stop doing this right this instant, Eren. I'm trying to talk about your fucking healing. You were so worried about this just minutes ago and now... Now, you're asking for a fucking Round 2!? Get off my dick for a second and let's finish this conversation. You can sigh all you want. Let me get over this first... I'll be more than happy to comply after it.
I didn't call Mike. Not yet. I knew exactly what Armin wanted me to do with the information that Mike was actually reliable... and could help. I knew, because Armin and I probably thought the same thing upon seeing the way Eren healed himself. He wasn't normal. He was incredibly hot when he healed... as in, burning hot. He was healing in a similar way to what he used to... back then. I mean, if Eren's current family situation had been different, I probably wouldn't have thought of this at all. I mean. He'd have a mom who gave him birth, fuck... but now, with all of this, I wasn't so sure this Eren Jaeger had a Mom who gave birth to him. More like, I was pretty sure I was right. I just wanted to confirm it... So, here I am, I am trying to explain to a shithead what the Replayer is because... well:
''I want you to dive into the Replayer, Eren.''
''Why? You just told me they could try to make Titans if I showed them how Grisha did it in the first place...''
''Yeah, but it'll be just you and me... and Mike, if Armin is right.''
''Isn't it dangerous, Levi? We're going to get into that building, get me into the Replayer to be Eren, once again, just to know how I died? I mean, is that really important? It doesn't feel like it's worth the risk... just for our curiosity. I told you anyway, I died on the shore and I really don't see how this is connected to how I healed.''
Pause. Silence. Oh right, he's still going on about that, uh. The shore. He thinks he died on the shore like I did... but I'm positive I died on that shore, not him. I'm 100% sure because the Replayer showed me, but he looks so fucking convinced that it's kind of hard to just walk over his belief to make him see what I think... at least, to consider it. At the same time, I feel like it might be better to introduce him to the idea that, maybe, just maybe, he didn't die on that shore. Maybe, just maybe, the Replayer will show him something different... like how he...
''I really don't think you died on that shore, Eren.'' I start and I can feel him getting restless around me. He asks questions. Why am I saying that? Why do I think that? Why does he remember the shore? Isn't that weird?
''Yes, it's weird... and I might be wrong because I'm not sure why you remember the shore, but... to be honest, I... I think you didn't die. I think that, maybe, just maybe, Eren Jaeger didn't die.''
I swear, he looks at me like I said the most stupid thing ever. He fucking laughs and he says: ''Then what? I'm not really Eren Jaeger and there's another Eren Jaeger somewhere?''
And it makes my stomach turn because this is going to be hard on him if I'm right, because... Fuck, he might just be...
Notes:
I AM SO GLAD TO HAVE THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM OMFG! ABOUT TIME, LEVI! DAMN IT!... no, but seriously! I glad this one is done ahah =) The next two chapters are already started... and on the way! I couldn't wait and already started to work on the Replayer chapter with Eren! Yay! =) Hope you liked this chapter! Other than that, well... I discovered the website/application: Polyvore and I was thinking of playing around with it and make outfits of Eren and Levi, what do you think?! I don't know. I've seen that somewhere and I actually liked it a lot so... Well, I was just thinking. Maybe it's just me and I had too much free time at work today! lol xD
I must be dreaming
Or we're onto something
Hey just watcha make me
For I don't fall in love lawlessly
I must be dreaming
Or pinch me to waking
So undeniably yours
As long as I'm losing it so completely
Must be Dreaming - FrouFrou