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I own lots of things in life, but sadly, Twilight isn't one of them! Thanks to Katelyn for beating! A special thanks to Kim, Rhonda, and Kristen for pre-reading! Their suggestions are worth more than gold!
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Meeting Myself: Chapter 21
Walking out of the OR was the hardest move I had ever had to make. As a doctor, I've had to explain to many families why a baby had died. On one occasion, I even had to explain how a mother died. In neither of those situations did I feel this kind of dread.
Rosalie was knocked out within seconds, and the baby was born three minutes later. My original diagnosis of placental abruption was confirmed when I saw the placenta completely detached from the uteral wall.
I immediately turned into 'Dr. Cullen' and had to forget who I was working on. It was the only way I could make it through the surgery without breaking down. All Emmett and Rosalie wanted was a healthy baby, so when a screaming seven pound three ounce little boy was born, I felt relief...until the bleeding wouldn't stop.
Nothing worked; no amount of medical knowledge I had would stop her bleeding, and without having the time to consult Emmett, and with Rosalie completely unconscious, I did the only thing I could to save her life. I performed a hysterectomy.
It wasn't until I was done and we moved Rosalie onto a fresh bed to bring her into recovery that I leaned over and whispered my apologies into her ear. I prayed that she would forgive me, because had I acted sooner, this may not have happened. I knew it was illogical to blame myself, but they trusted me. It was under my watch that this happened, but I chocked up my own emotions to check on my nephew.
Before I could face my family, I needed to know how he was, so I walked into the attached nursery. A Pediatric nurse was walking around with him bundled up in her arms. His eyes were closed, and he looked content, but it was so wrong...he should be with Rosalie right now, and she was on another floor waiting to wake up.
"Can I take him to his father?" I asked after a second, and she nodded.
"He'll need to eat soon," she spoke before I walked away holding the small bundle in my arms.
Each step I took felt heavier and heavier as I walked to the doors I knew my family was on the other side of. I was sure my father was now here, along with my terrified teenager, my frantic mother, an angry friend, and my inconsolable brother.
When the doors opened, Emmett was the first one at my side.
"How is Rosalie?" he ordered me to speak harshly.
"She's in recovery, and she will be okay. There were some complications, and I think you should sit down first," I stated, but his eyes stared down at my arms.
"Is this?" he asked, and I nodded.
"Emmett, this is your son," I informed him as I held my arms out.
His hands shook as he took the tightly wrapped bundle out of my arms.
Emmett brought his lips to his son's head before moving to take a seat.
"Now tell me about my wife," he stated a little calmer than before, but his tone still held an edge. Bella came to sit down next to him and kept her hand on his shoulder.
"Rosalie's placenta abrupted, which means the placenta started to detach before she had time to push him out. That is what caused the bleeding and why an emergency c-section was needed. Now, once the baby was born, there was a heavy amount of bleeding, and I swear to you, I tried everything I could to try and stop it..."
"Edward, I don't understand medical terms. Break it down, please," Emmett stated, and I nodded.
"When the bleeding wouldn't stop, it became life or death for Rosalie. I did the only thing I could to ensure she lived," I explained as I took a deep breath. "Rosalie will no longer be able to have anymore children. I'm so sorry, Emmett. If there was anything else I could have done, I would have..."
I heard my mother gasp, but Emmett just blinked up at me.
"So, let me see if I have this," Emmett's voice was shaky. "Rosalie will never be able to have anymore children, but she will live?"
"Yes," I answered simply.
"I need to...I need to see her," Emmett started to panic as he cradled the baby closer to his body.
"Emmett, as soon as Rose wakes up, she'll be brought down to her room, so we should head back there. As soon as I get you situated, I'll go check on her, okay." I directed like I would a child. I could see that he was like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, and I needed to keep him as calm as possible.
When my eyes met Bella, I looked away quickly. I had no idea what she'd want to say to me, but I knew it couldn't be good. I feared any progress I made with her had now vanished, but I refused to let myself think about it as I walked with Emmett and our family back to Rosalie's delivery room.
The nurse's had already brought in a bassinet along with the basic needs for the baby. He continued to sleep soundly in Emmett's arms, and I was thankful that he stayed naive to what was going on with his mother.
"I'll be back, okay. I'm going to check on Rosalie, and I'll be right back," I stated, and Emmett could only nod.
I flew out of the room and down the stairs.
I was surprised to see my dad reading Rosalie's chart as she laid asleep on the bed.
"I failed her," I said as I got closer.
"You couldn't have prevented this, Edward," he snapped at me.
"I could have done more...something..." Tears started to flow down my eyes as my dad yanked the curtain closed.
"Edward, you will get yourself together. She's alive...you couldn't have known, and I talked to Bella. You didn't know, you did what you had to," he forced down my throat.
"She is going to hate me," I said to no one but myself.
"I won't pretend this won't be hard for Rosalie to get through, but she will. You kept her alive, and you kept her son alive. Edward, they couldn't have asked for more. I doubt I would have been able to do what you did. You're a good doctor, but you're not God," he lectured, and I nodded.
"She should be up in about an hour or so," I stated, and he nodded.
"Go to your brother, I'll stay with her," he offered. As much as I wanted to fight him, I promised Emmett I would come straight back.
So that is exactly what I did.
I ran back to OB and into their room.
Emmett sat in a chair cradling his son, looking lost.
"How is she?" he asked immediately.
"She's still asleep, but she'll be awake soon. Emmett, we need to talk, though," I explained, and he nodded. It was the first time I saw Emmett even entertain the thought of letting his baby be held by anyone else, so Bella stepped in with open arms. I could hear her humming to him as Emmett came to sit down next to me.
"Don't cliffnote," he ordered, and I nodded.
"Rosalie's surgery hit a complication when I couldn't stop her bleeding. If I had time to consult you, I would have, but I didn't, and Rosalie was unconscious, so I made he best decision at the time. I performed an emergency hysterectomy, and it did control her bleeding and stabilize her.
"More than likely she won't see any physical complications from that, but I need to warn you, emotionally she will probably be a mess. This was the absolutely worst case scenario, and Rose didn't want this, so she is going to need you like you've never been needed before.
"Mood swings are common, and there is a chance we'll have to regulate her hormones with medicine. With your age, Rosalie was close to being pre-menopausal anyway, but this is different. She will probably experience a range of emotions from excitement about your son to depression about what happened. Does this all make sense?" I asked.
"All we wanted was a baby," Emmett muttered, and I reached my hand out to his.
"You have the baby, and Rosalie will be okay. Maybe not at first, and she will probably never be identical to before, but most women aren't after they have a baby regardless. I will do everything in my power to make sure Rose has the best recovery possible, I promise," I tried to reassure him, but I could tell he was still in shock.
I could hear the soft cries of a baby as Bella walked over.
"He's hungry," she whispered, and I nodded.
I went into the under carriage of the bassinet and grabbed a bottle.
"Rosalie didn't want that," Emmett snapped.
"Emmett it's okay," Bella interjected. "Just because he has a few bottles doesn't mean she can't breastfeed. But he needs to eat now, and you get the first honors."
"I don't know how to do this..." he whispered, and Bella motioned for him to sit down.
I watched as Bella showed Emmett how to position him in his arms and hold the bottle, which the baby readily took.
I glanced down at my watch and realized an hour had passed as I just watched Emmett feed his son. I walked towards the door when Emmett's voice called out.
"She's not alone...I mean, when Rose wakes up. She won't be alone, right?" he asked.
"Dad is with her, and I'm going back now," I explained, and he nodded.
As I walked out, I saw my mom and Savannah walking back up with food and drinks in their arms.
My mom looked like she was in a haze, but it was Savannah who stopped to talk to me.
"Is Rosalie going to be okay?" she asked in a small voice.
"She's going to be fine. Her recovery will be a little different, but she's going to be just fine," I reassured her with a small smile.
"Dad," Savannah said as I turned away. "You did a really good job today. I don't think anyone else could have saved them both."
Savannah smiled before walking in after my mom. I really didn't know what to say to that, so instead, I walked back to recovery.
"How is she?" I asked my dad as I walked in.
"She's starting to wake up a bit," he answered. Rosalie's eyes snapped open, and she tried to move, but I held my hand out to keep her down.
"Rosalie, can you understand me?" I asked as I watched her eyes open and shut.
She tried to slur a yes, but she was still heavily medicated.
"Rose, you're in recovery. Your baby is healthy, but I need you to relax while the medicine wears off..."
I had the same conversation with her for about an hour as she slurred less and less.
Finally, her clear blue eyes opened, and she could actually speak.
"My baby...where is my baby?" she asked frantic.
"With Emmett; he's just fine Rose," I soothed.
"I'm alive, but I can't move..." she tried to struggle a bit, but I placed my hand on her shoulder.
"Rosalie, do you remember anything?" I asked, but she just shook her head no.
"Your placenta abrupted, and I had to perform an emergency c-section. So, it's going to be hard for you to move, but if you think you're ready, I can bring you up to your room now," I explained, and she nodded furiously.
A few nurses popped in to assist, but my dad and I explained that we had it.
"You're sure he's okay?" Rosalie asked as we waited on the elevator.
"I promise he's fine," I reassured her.
"And, I'm going to be okay?" she asked next.
"You will be fine, too," I explained, though deep down I felt horrible for not explaining the entire truth yet. I wanted Rosalie to meet her son first before she had to absorb the blow first.
"Okay, then..." she sighed, and I realized she was taking this better than I thought she would. However, that didn't mean the hormones and emotions wouldn't come later, but we'd all be watching.
"Look, I can move my legs," Rosalie pointed as she lifted her legs up a bit.
"Are you in any pain?" I asked, but she shook her head. "They gave you an IV shot for pain, but in about an hour I'll start you on oral pain killers," I informed.
"Can I still nurse? How long have I been out for?" Rosalie panicked a bit.
"You can breastfeed tomorrow. The medicine we used to put you out needs time to clear your system, and you've been out for several hours. Emmett fed him," I relayed, and Rosalie's face fell.
"That isn't how it was suppose to happen," she muttered with tears in her eyes.
We were only a few feet away from her door when I stopped moving.
"Rosalie, childbirth isn't a perfect science. Sometimes it goes perfectly and other times it doesn't. What matters is you are alive, the baby is alive, and I promise, looking back, he's not going to care about the first day of his life. He'll be thankful he had two parents who loved him more than anything else, okay? I'll talk to the nurse's about getting you a pump, we'll just have to dump everything until tomorrow. After that you're free to nurse as much as you want, okay?" I tried to give Rosalie the best pep talk I could, and she only nodded her head in understanding.
When we walked through the door, Emmett jumped out of the chair. The baby still in his arms as he rushed to Rosalie.
"Once second, Emmett. Let us move her to the right place," I ordered as he gave us a large space to move the bed.
Rosalie held out her arms as Emmett placed their now awake son in her arms.
I heard her whisper down to him as Emmett sat on the edge of her bed.
"Babe, he just opened his eyes. I think he knew the important one was coming," Emmett joked. Rosalie smiled, but didn't take his eyes off the baby.
Savannah walked out from the side of the room and grabbed my hand. She gave me a half-hug before telling me she was going downstairs to get me some food. I kissed her forehead and let her walk out.
Bella sat quietly on the other side of Rosalie as they started talking about the baby. Of course, Bella asked Rose how she felt and gave her the best advice she could for easing her recovery now.
I stood frozen in place waiting for a shoe to drop. My emotions had been pinned up inside of me since second one because I couldn't let them get the best of me. If I had, I could have lost them, and then I'd never be able to face myself, or my brother, again. However, it wasn't until Emmett asked Rosalie how she felt about only one that I realized I forgot to tell him she didn't know yet.
"Well, I know we said only one, but another wouldn't be so bad. Just maybe without all the problems." Rosalie shrugged off his comment, and Emmett's eyes snapped up to me. My own eyes widened causing Rosalie to look up. "What? Hold on, there is something you're not telling me. Emmett? Edward? Bella, what aren't they tell me? What are you hiding?"
I gulped before walking back to Rose's bed. As much as I tried to soften the blow, Rosalie started to cry. When Rosalie turned her head to Emmett's chest to sob into, Bella put her arms out for the baby.
"NO!' Rosalie screamed. "He's mine, you can't have him. Emmett get them out...all of them. I don't want anyone in here right now."
Bella blinked a few times before she stood up and breezed by me. Emmett looked terrified as I walked out of the room and let the nurse's know they would need some time.
My mom breezed by me with a floral display, but before I could grab her, my dad stepped in and ushered her away, whispering the details of what was going on. Even though I was separated from my brother and his wife by a solid wooden door, I could still hear her crying.
My chest got heavy, and I needed time to breathe. I walked to the lounge and was relieved to find it empty. All of the anger and rage boiling in my chest released as I took a chair and flung it across the room. The sound of wood breaking and shattered glass echoed around me as I slumped to the floor in defeat.
I didn't understand why this had to happen to them. Of all my patients, why them? My brother trusted me, and I brought him back half of his wife. Rosalie trusted me, and I gutted her. I didn't even know my nephew's name yet, but I prayed his parents would be okay. I didn't want to see Rosalie tomorrow like I did Natalie. I'd never be able to face my brother again if I did.
When a body came down to sit next to me, I realized how lost in thought I was. I should have guessed it was Bella, but I still turned my head for confirmation.
"You saved the baby," Bella stated simply.
"I could have lost him," I replied back emotionless.
"You didn't. Edward, you couldn't have known it was that. She had no warning signs until it all hit; even I didn't think it was that," she tried to explain, but I held my hand up.
"They trusted me," I sounded so defeated.
"They'll still trust you. I still trust you. You kept them alive. The next few days, maybe even weeks or months, may be hard for them to work past, but they'll be thankful for what you did," she tried to soothe, but all I could do was sigh. "Edward, you need to snap out of it. You're still a doctor right now. Give them some time and check on them. Walking away will only make it worse, trust me on that."
"I don't understand..." I trailed off.
"The doctor who let my son die, well, I never saw him again. To this day, I wish I could just to scream at him. You may be Rosalie's punching bag a time or two, but it'll help her. You're an excellent doctor, Edward. If that were Jacob, hell, maybe even your dad, we'd be planning a funeral. You know that, don't you?" Bella sat on her knees and faced me. She took both of her hands and placed them on each side of my face. "Edward, please tell me you believe me. You being such an excellent doctor is part of why I like you so much."
Bella's comment was innocent enough, but with my lack of braincells, I had to make a joke of it anyway, "You like me?"
"I do, now stand up and act like the doctor I know you to be," Bella ordered as she stood up in front of me. Her answer had caught me so off guard I blinked a few times.
"Wait, what?" I snapped. "I don't understand."
"Which part?" she asked.
"The liking me part. You like me as a doctor or you like me as a person?" I questioned.
"I like you as both," Bella replied while her eyes locked on mine.
"You used to hate me," I spoke out loud.
"I've never hated you. You confused me, and I'm not confused now." Bella chuckled nervously as she stood up. "I don't think this is the best time to be having this conversation, though."
Before she could speak anymore, I stood up and lowered my head to hers. It only took a few seconds before our lips met, and Bella started to kiss me back. She was warm, sweet, and tasted like coffee, but I didn't want to lose the only possible moment I had with Bella. I knew it was selfish, it was forward, but it felt right.
Our lips moved in sync for another minute before I pulled away. The reality of my advanced finally caught up to me, and I froze.
"I, um..." I tried to stutter, but failed.
"Yeah, that was..." Bella trailed. "Look, we'll talk about this, but right now. Yeah, right now, you need to go be Dr. Cullen, so go do that..."
"Okay," I accepted and turned towards the door.
"Edward," Bella called. "I have faith in you."
I smiled and walked out of the door and to Rosalie's room.
Savannah stopped me in the hall to let me know she dropped off some food in my office, and my mom was going to take her home.
"Are you okay?" I asked before she left.
"Yeah. I'm glad you do what you do, because I sure couldn't," she replied with a scared face.
"It doesn't always go like that," I tried to soothe. This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I thought about birth control.
"I know but still..." She shuddered before my mom came up behind her.
"I'm proud of you, Edward," my mom interjected, but I shrugged. Pride was the furthest feeling from my mind. "I see it in your eyes you blame yourself. Don't, you couldn't have predicted this. No one could."
I nodded as they walked off. I hugged Savannah before she left and told her I'd be home by dinner time.
I knocked on the door as I popped my head in.
"I came to check on you," I explained to Rosalie and was surprised I didn't see Emmett at her side.
"He went to get me real food," she answered my unasked question.
"May I?" I asked as I motioned to her stomach.
"Tell me what happened," Rosalie ordered as she lifted the blanket to give me access to her stomach.
So, I explained everything that happened. From start to finish without leaving any details out.
"Why didn't you tell me about the heart rate drops?" she asked quietly.
"Because it's normal. The drop wasn't severe, and it's common when a baby is moving into the right position. If it continued for longer than an hour, I would have said something, but then he went back to normal and only spiked a few times before your water broke," I explained.
"So, you didn't know what was happening?" she pushed.
"No, if I even suspected what was happening, I would have pulled in an ultrasound machine and got you into the OR in seconds. Rosalie, I swear to you, if I even had an inkling, I would have done things differently," I pleaded with her to understand. "If I had told you, you would have panicked, and that alone could have caused him to go into distress."
"Okay, so now what?" she questioned simply.
"Well, you'll stay here for a few days, and in a few hours I'd like to see you up and walking. You'll continue with oral pain medicine until you feel you can go without. Your stomach has already begun to heal, but it should be completely closed in a few weeks. Until then, no heavy scrubbing, but you can take a shower in the morning. After that, I'll run some labs to monitor your hormones. Best case scenario, you need nothing, worst case, we regulate them with medicine," I answered.
"Okay," she whispered. "I'm sorry about earlier..."
"Don't apologize. It's a normal reaction, and I would never hold that against you," I assured her. "You know, I don't even know his name." I looked over at the bassinet and saw he was starting to wake up.
Rosalie tried to move but fell back into the bed with tears in her eyes.
"Hey, I'm here," I soothed as I picked him up and placed him in Rosalie's arms. He blinked up at her a few times and opened his mouth. I grabbed a bottle and set it out for her to use if he needed it.
"Edward," Rosalie said softly, and I looked up at her. "His name, it's Jeremiah Edward."
I blinked at her a few times, my mouth rendered completely speechless.
"Edward, you saved us. It's not going to be easy getting past all of this." Rosalie motioned to her stomach with her spare hand. "But you kept us alive, and I'll forever be grateful for that."
"Rosalie," I crocked, my eyes mirroring her teary ones. "You're going to be the best mom I know."
"Thank you," she whispered as she started to feed Jeremiah. "Oh, and could you call Alice? I know Emmett scared her too much to visit, but I think I'd like to see her now. If you see Bella, I want to talk to her, too."
I nodded my head and left, only to run straight into my brother.
"How is she?" he asked.
"She's good. Her wound is clean, and it'll heal fairly quickly. She's a fighter," I answered.
"Thank you," he said solemnly with his hand on my shoulder. "Dad explained it all to me, and just...I couldn't lose them."
"I know," I answered back and moved so he could get in.
Behind the nurse's desk, my eyes locked with Bella's. She offered me a small smile before standing up and walking over.
"Go eat something," she ordered. "I've got it from here, Doc."
If only I could write a 4K chapter everyday-seriously, my next update should be around the weekend. I should be able to write tonight and Friday.
Let's see, a few people have asked about Savannah and birth control. Savannah has made it known she is a virgin, so she is not on any form of contraceptives at the moment.
When will Angela pop up? Soon-ish.
How many more chapters? Not sure, we're past the half way mark, but there is still quite a bit of story to cover.
Will we see Rosalie's recovery in every chapter? No, though it's not that I'm dismissing it. Edward will still think of her often, see her often, and be her doctor, but the story will focus in other places too. In truth, Rosalie will go on a total rollercoaster. Not having the birth experience you want can be earth-shattering to a mother (I was one of those) and doubling with the understanding you can never have child again, even if you didn't want anymore, is hard to swallow. If I wanted to show everything she'll endure, honestly, she'd need her own story.
Now, for my author friends who have not heard about Emergency Team Beta's Boot Camp, I highly suggest checking it out! Everyone I know who has used this service has loved it-so, yeah, check it out at: http:/emergencybeta(dot)com/ebs-writing-boot-camp/ I plan on doing it again!
Fandom For The Storm is also accepting donations and I have submitted my first meeting Myself outtake. It is Savannah's POV on visiting her parents grave.
To follow me on twitter I am SammieLynnsMom and facebook I am SammieLynnsMom Fanfiction
FAN FIC REC OF MY UPDATE:
My wonderful, bestest friend ever morethanmyself started her new story: The Space Where You Belong It's going to be SOOOO good! Check it out! it's E&B! http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7151673/1/The_Space_Where_You_Belong