Chapter twenty one

Very few situations could render Jay truly speechless; in fact he reacted to most shocking events by babbling, something he was sure his teammates would attest to with, hopefully fond, exasperation. That being said, he had encountered three situations that had left him speechless within the space of the last seventy four hours. It had started with a simple question…

'How do you two know each other, anyway?' Cole had asked between sips of tea. The conversation had been mostly focused on him and his half-sister, of his life as a ninja and her search to find her half-brother, it was the offhand comment that she was certain that she wouldn't have met them today if it wasn't for the ninja of lightning that had prompted the question.

'Well…' He glanced over at Colette, who met his gaze squarely with a calm, questioning look. She had left what they said up to him, though he hadn't been sure what he should say, or even how to start. 'We kind of… met at a ball?' The answer came out more like a question and raised more than a few eyebrows at the table.

'And just when did you go to a ball?' Kai had asked with a disbelieving scoff.

'It was fairly recent, actually…' He took a slow sip of his tea to put off what he's going to say next just a little bit longer. There wasn't much point to their knowing, to dredging up memories that had barely had time to settle… but he didn't see any way of avoiding it that didn't involve an outright lie, and after everything that'd happened he didn't want to lie to the others. 'And I was kind of unconscious at the time.'

'How did you attend a ball if you were unconscious?' Zane had asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 'Unless you were sleepwalking, which I find unlikely, as you have shown no previous inclination towards such behavior.'

'No, I wasn't sleepwalking.' He confirmed with a smile. There was something about how analytical the nindroid could be at times that had always made talking to him an… interesting experience; he remembered time and again, back when they'd first met, that he'd tried to explain a joke he'd made only to get frustrated when the nindroid would insist that it didn't make sense. Maybe it was because it seemed so normal, like any other conversation they would have, but something about the question had made the next bit easier to say. 'Technically I was dead at the time…' The air seemed to be sucked out of the room as he spoke, each of his friends taking on a grim expression as they realized just what he was referring to. 'Or, not dead-dead, I guess? I mean, obviously I was still alive or I wouldn't have been able to come back- I mean, I think that's how it works… Maybe you should explain it.'

'Oh? But you were doing a wonderful job.' Colette chuckled. 'Very descriptive.'

'Yeah, sure.' He shot back, rolling his eyes.

She gave them the same rundown on her powers that she'd given him and, surprisingly, the first person to speak after she'd finished explaining wasn't any of the ninja, but Mr. Beckett.

'I see… I must apologize, then.' He set his tea down on the table, the porcelain making a faint clack as it met the glass top table. He goes on to explain the conversation he'd had with Cole and how he'd over heard them fighting and had assumed it was just the usual fallout from someone being kicked out. 'I asked you to do what my group would not-, no, what I asked was worse than just performing without an injured member! I am truly sorry… I hope you all can forgive me.'

The room was silent after he'd spoken, and as much as Jay had wanted to break the tension with a joke or something his wit had abandoned him in that moment, leaving him speechless. If anyone asked he would tell them he was just surprised that the strict man had apologized so sincerely, and in a way that was a part of it, but that wasn't the sole reason... Mostly he found himself shocked by how easy it was for those darker feelings to crop back up, for the irrational anger and resentment to take a hold of his thoughts once again, very nearly causing him to refuse the man's apology outright.

'It's not like you could have known, Dad.' Cole had reassured his father, and it felt like he'd lost all the progress he'd made in that instance, as if this had been a test and he had somehow failed. He forced himself to act as normally as he could afterward, doing his best to shake those thoughts and feelings off, berating himself for letting it get the better of him once again.

If the others noticed his slipup, they hadn't said anything about it… at least not where he could hear them.

Maybe it was because they'd talked about it, maybe it was due to his perceived failure, or maybe he'd just been mistaken to assume they'd stopped just because he hadn't had one in a while, but that night he'd had one of the worst nightmares he'd had since this all began. It had been so vivid, the chill in the air, the way the snow glittered when the sun hit it just right, the way he could see his breath as it was being forced out of his lungs, the way the snow crunched underfoot, the snapping of bones, the flashes of color, bright red on white, and the searing pain- Somehow he managed to get to the bathroom before his stomach tried to empty itself of everything he'd ever eaten.

Distantly he realized that he must have woken one of the others when he heard footsteps coming up behind him.

'Are you alright?' Zane asked, setting a comforting hand on the blue ninja's back.

'I'm… fine…' Jay replied between measured breaths. 'It's not… like… I need… to breathe… or anything…'

'That's good.' The answer was unexpected, and he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the ninja of ice in lieu of a spoken question. 'You are the blue ninja, after all.'

'What…?' It took him a second to realize what Zane meant, and when he did he ended up laughing from the sheer audacity of it. 'Seriously? That's what you're going with? That was a terrible pun.'

'Perhaps.' He admitted with a shrug, a small smile lighting up his face. 'Feeling better?'

'Uh, y-yeah…' He was keenly aware of how he must have looked; face red, nose running, hair a mess and clothes rumpled from having tossed and turned all night. In comparison Zane looked great; clothes as pristine as when he'd first put them on, not a hair out of place… he didn't even look tired, despite having been woken up in the middle of the night.

Quickly he flushed the toilet and moved to rinse his mouth out, trying to subtly smooth out his clothes and comb his fingers through his hair. At the time he wasn't sure why he cared, it was just the two of them, after all, and it wasn't like the other hadn't seen him looking much worse… flashes of the dream came to mind and he felt his stomach lurch once again.

'Why don't we have some tea?' Zane offered, scarcely giving the blue ninja a moment to think it over before he added. 'It might help to settle your stomach.'

Although he had his doubts Jay found himself agreeing. They made the walk to the kitchen in silence, neither speaking even as the pot was filled and placed on the stove to heat. While it did feel a touch heavy, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence; perhaps the weight had more to do with what the two were thinking about more than anything.

'Hey, Zane?' He started hesitantly, drawing the other's attention away from the cabinet full of different boxes of tea. '…Thanks. For everything, I mean. You've been such a big help this whole time... I just- I'm honestly not sure where I'd be if it weren't for you, so I just wanted to say thanks. '

'I am glad I could help.' Zane answered, his happy smile slowly giving way to a troubled frown. '…but I do not feel like I can accept your gratitude. Not when I should have been there, fighting alongside you all.'

'I… what are you talking about?' Distantly he remembers the temperature in the room dropped a bit as the nindroid clenched his fists, guilt clear in his eyes while he seemed to fight to keep a calm façade. 'Do you... do you blame yourself for what happened?'

'I care about you, Jay; we all do.' He wasn't sure why his stomach did an odd twist, or why it turned to disappointment, he pushed that all aside to focus solely on the person before him. 'But when you needed me I wasn't there, and because of that… because of that you're suffering.'

'You'd just found out you were a nindroid-'

'That's no reason to turn my back on my friends like I did!'

'Zane, there's-' no way you could have known, he almost said, but bit his tongue when he remembered just how he'd felt when Cole had said those same words to his father. 'Do you really want to know what you're responsible for?' The nindroid didn't answer, but his eyes were unguarded, completely vulnerable in a way the blue ninja had never seen before. Whatever he said next, be it good or bad, he knew the ninja of ice would take it to heart. 'You're the reason that I'm literally standing here right now. You went out of your way to make me feel better when I was in the hospital, even showing me your own blueprints. If you hadn't shown them to me, I never would have had the idea to use them to make prosthetics, and then you went through all the trouble of making them and even kept it a secret from the others, too.' He took a step closer to the other, reached out and grabbed one of his shaking hands, ignoring the chill that permeated out from it, gently uncurled his fingers and then linked their pinkies together. 'And when I needed a friend the most, you were there. Honestly, nothing else matters.'

'But…' Zane said quietly, ducking his head to hide the tears that were threatening to fall.

'No.' Jay said as sternly as he could and pulled the white ninja in for a hug, one that almost had him shivering from the chill the other was giving off. 'No buts, and no more what ifs.' There was a lot more he wanted to say, thoughts and feelings that he found trouble putting into words no matter how he tried. So instead of trying to force the words he tried to pour every ounce of feeling he could into the hug and willed the nindroid to understand somehow.

'Thank you…' Zane said softly, pulling away just enough to give the ninja of lightning a small smile.

'Don't mention it.' He replied in an equally soft tone, giving the nindroid a small smile of his own.

He wasn't sure how long they stood there, caught up in the moment, and Jay could swear he felt a pull, like some invisible force trying to draw him closer to the other. It was then that the realization struck him, that he felt something more than friendship for the ninja of ice, which left him speechless.

'Jay?' Zane asked curiously, as if sensing the change in the atmosphere. He had no idea how to respond, what would he normally say? What would he normally do? He wasn't sure and that was just making it worse. 'Is everything al-' the tea pot let out a loud whistle then, catching them both off guard.

'The water's ready.' Jay stated the obvious, quickly stepping back to turn the heat off and stop the pot from whistling. 'So what kind of tea did you want?'

He had done his best to act normal from then on, but if the curious glances the other kept throwing him over his cup and subtle queries were any indication he hadn't done a very good job.

While there had been many surprising events the next day, Sensei Wu returning with his brother, Lord Garmadon, being the main attraction with sideshows of Kai being overly suspicious of the evil lord and said lord being about the worst guest you could imagine, nothing had left him speechless. Even Sensei Wu telling them they were to treat his brother as a guest hadn't left him speechless. It was quite the opposite, really, he'd had a lot to say not even counting the fact that he decided to take it upon himself to inform their sensei of everything that had happened in his absence.

It was an interesting conversation to have, explaining that, not only was Zane a nindroid, but Jay himself was now technically a cyborg, a fact he hadn't truly considered before, and something that almost seemed to elude their teacher's understanding. He tried his best to explain it in a way that someone who didn't care much for technology could understand, but he'd almost always got a little carried away when it came to anything electronic.

'It is unfortunate that such a thing has happened…' The man said slowly, quite obviously choosing his words carefully. 'But I am glad to hear that you have not let it get the better of you.' And that was all he seemed to have to say on the matter, although he might've just been trying to avoid listening to anymore techno-babble.

So he had a day, a whole day in which he had assumed nothing else was going to surprise him. Things hadn't quite gone back to normal, he still had to practice so that he could regain the ground he'd lost, Kai was practically stalking the evil lord, not trusting the man to be out of his sight for more than a few minutes, Cole was trying to plot out their best course of action, and Zane, well, he wasn't sure where the nindroid had gone off to. Much like their sensei, the white ninja had a way of appearing and disappearing when he felt like it.

He briefly considered checking the crow's nest to see if that was actually where the ninja of ice went to hide, but decided that if the other wanted some solitude then he'd let him have it. There would be plenty of time to talk later, and he still hadn't quite figured out how to act around the other. That and his determination to be ready when they went to go rescue Lloyd was the reason he chose to focus on his training.

'If you keep fighting yourself, you're not going to make any real progress.' He didn't even hear the evil lord's approach and so when the man spoke it took the blue ninja by surprise, distracting him just long enough to get knocked down by one of the training machines.

Two hands gripped his left arm, two right hands to be specific, and helped him back onto his feet. He pulls away from the grip, stumbling in his rush to put some distance between them. It'd be a lie to say that he wasn't even a little bit scared of Lord Garmadon… He was like something right out of a nightmare; Skin burned black, ribs exposed to the open air, eyes a deep red like blood, and now with an elongated back to help make room for the second pair of arms. That paired with his keen intellect and strong will made the man a very dangerous foe, at least in Jay's opinion.

'I'm not sure what you were watching, but I was fighting the training dummy.' He wasn't going to let his fear of the other show, it'd just be another weakness he would exploit.

'I see you're just as foolish as the rest of your group.' The man gave him an unimpressed look, one that put the blue ninja on graurd, how could Kai stand up to this man as if it were nothing? Even Sensei Wu couldn't defeat him on his own, just banish him, and that hadn't exactly stopped the evil lord. 'I am merely trying to help you.'

'Help me? You? And just why do you think I'd believe that?' Jay scoffed, all while trying to figure out the best way to get past him and to the door. It didn't seem safe to be alone with the other, for all he knew the man was planning to stab him in the back the moment he turned around, or maybe he'd simply fight him. With his current situation he didn't think he'd last that long in a fight, even if his friend's heard and came rushing to his aid, they probably wouldn't get there before he ended up with a serious injury at least. 'After everything you've done-'

'Because this isn't about you or me.' Garmadon said lowly, obviously already annoyed with the conversation. 'This is about rescuing my son.'

'Even if it means that you'll have one more person trying to stop you?' Jay asked before he could stop and think about it. The man had a very serious look on his face, one that he had never seen before. Usually he was gloating about how much better he was then them, or smirking as he annoyed the ninja.

'I don't care if I have to create an army that would turn against me, so long as my son is safe.' It was impossible not to believe the lord. Jay couldn't find a single hint of deceit in the other's face, just a cold determination that seemed to promise a painful end to whoever had taken his son.

'And just what would you know about this, anyway…?' The ninja of lightning asked slowly, understanding that, though it might not last, there was a sort of truce in place. He could trust the evil lord so long as their goal was the same.

'I understand how… difficult… it can be to adjust to a new limb or two.' The Lord held his four arms out for a moment to help make his point before lowering them back to his side. 'So long as you fail to accept them as a part of yourself, you will never be able to fight as you did before.'

He wanted to argue, to say that he did consider them his, but he was struck silent, speechless as his mind quickly processed the words. Was Garmadon right? Was that why he couldn't fully shake the bitterness he felt, why he couldn't just tell Mr. Beckett that it was alright? What about what he'd told Zane? It wasn't a lie, he truly did feel like it wasn't his fault, that he wouldn't even be here if not for him, but… that didn't exactly mean he saw his new limbs as anything more than prosthetics he needed to replace his missing ones.

Had he really been fighting himself this whole time?

'Think about what I've said.' Lord Garmadon quickly turned and left, his departure followed closely by Kai bursting out onto the deck and worriedly asking the blue ninja if he was alright.

He reassured the red ninja that he was fine, although Kai had demanded to know what the evil lord had said to him, Jay just said he had made a few remarks on his fighting abilities, which had the fire ninja fuming and going off on some tangent that Jay tuned out before he stormed away, probably to go stalk their guest some more.

So that was it, the three things that had left him speechless within the last seventy four hours. He spent the last two hours thinking it over, going over the events in his mind, but nothing went against the revelation that the evil lord had helped him reach.

He hadn't accepted what happened, not fully, and it was now a roadblock that was keeping him from rejoining his friends.

But what could he do about it? It wasn't like he could just spin around and magically be alright with what happened. At the same time, though, isn't that what he'd been working so hard to do? It was slow going, sure, but he was making progress…

With a huff he pushed off the railing of the ship and began to pace. This wasn't helping him at all. He wasn't making any progress, and going over the facts just left him right back where he started. He was only getting more and more frustrated at this point.

"Alright." He sighed to himself. "What am I missing?" If he could just think about this like he did his creations, then a solution wouldn't be that hard to find, right?

First there was the structure, the bones that made up the support of the machine. In this case that would be the accident that caused him to lose two and a half limbs and an eye. Then there was the mechanisms that would make up the moving parts. That would probably be… the prosthetics, he supposed. After that was the wiring that would power it all. That would be Zane, as the nindroid had helped keep him going even when he thought everything was over. And, finally, there was the casing, which kept it all together and safe from the outside… but he wasn't quite sure if that would be applicable. Perhaps the team was the casing? Yes, that sounded about right.

"What else, what else…" He was forgetting something, he was certain. "The programming, maybe?" not every machine needed to be programmed, most didn't unless there was some kind of computer involved, but it would make sense in this case, as they were probably a very advanced machine, right?

So if the programming dictates what the machine does, then what would that be?

"Jay?" Zane called out, breaking the blue ninja from his thoughts with a start.

"Oh, hey, Zane, man, I didn't hear you coming up! Not that that's surprising, I mean, you are a ninja..." The blond watches without comment as Jay hurriedly shuffles all his papers together and shoves them into a random file. Jay can only hope that the nindroid didn't manage to catch what was written on any of them. "So, uh, did you need something or…?"

"I just thought you would like to know that we're stopping at a nearby town so we can restock on supplies."

"Thanks for the heads up."

"You are welcome."

"…So, uh, you know what? I think I'm going to go for a walk, try and clear my head." Jay said nervously after a beat of awkward silence, quickly heading out before the nindroid could answer.

He thought he saw a hurt look cross the other's face for the briefest of moments, but it was so quick and he couldn't be sure it wasn't anything more than just a trick of the eye. That didn't stop the stab of guilt it gave him, though, and he mentally promised that he'd make it up to the other after he figured this all out.

Once his feet hit the pavement he found himself slowly going faster and faster, until his breathing came out in pants and he could hear the whirring of his heart clear in his ears, and he let those sounds drown out all his other thoughts.

Zane sighed once the blue ninja had disappeared out the door. Ever since he'd admitted his fault, his part in what had happened, the ninja of lightning had been avoiding him, acting stiffly, pulling away from all physical contact or just avoiding it altogether, and as much as he wanted to believe what he'd said before his actions spoke much louder than his words. Jay blamed him for what happened, maybe even considered the entire thing his fault.

He couldn't say that wasn't true, that he didn't feel the same, but it hurt more than he expected it to. Every time it was like being stabbed where his heart would have been, had he been human. It was illogical, emotions shouldn't cause him physical discomfort, and he made sure to remind himself of this every time it happened.

When he'd come in here he'd had every intention of asking the brunet if he was really ok with what happened, to ask why the other was avoiding him, but he'd chickened out, acted like everything was ok just like he usually did…

Once again he sighed, not surprised when he noticed the white puff of his breath. Controlling his powers had been much harder now than ever before, ever since he'd unlocked his true potential it was like a floodgate had been opened, and he was struggling to close it once more. He'd already frozen his friends by accident, and twice now he'd caused the room's temperature to drop.

The memory of the blue ninja shivering in his arms gave him mixed feelings, and inevitably brought him back full circle, to the fact that he'd somehow said or done something that night that had caused Jay to pull away from him.

Quickly doing his best to get ahold of his emotions, he went out to the kitchen, where Cole was writing up a list with the help of Kai and Nya.

"Hey Zane." Cole greeted, glancing up from whatever it was he was writing. "Come to help?"

"Hello." He returned the greeting, then did his best to give their leader what he thought was an apologetic smile. "Actually, I was hoping to stay here today. Do you mind?"

"Great!" Kai exclaimed before the black ninja could answer. "You can make sure that Garmadon doesn't try anything funny while we're gone."

He noticed Cole roll his eyes behind the red ninja's back. Kai's sudden obsession was quickly turning out to be quite the nuisance, it seems.

"Fine, you can stay behind." The ninja of earth conceded with a huff. Perhaps Kai had been trying to get out of going so that he could continue to keep an eye on Lord Garmadon and Cole was just happy to find a way to keep him from being a nuisance. "Has anyone told Jay-?"

"I did." He spoke a fraction too soon, almost cutting the dark haired ninja off. "He decided to go for a walk."

"Alone?" Kai asked with a troubled expression.

"I can have Falk keep an eye on him." Zane offered, trying to head off what would no doubt be another round of the fire ninja's paranoid speculations about what Lord Garmadon could get up to.

"Falk? Do you mean your falcon?" Nya asked curiously.

"Yes, I-"

"Uh, no offence, Zane, but what use is your falcon gonna be if Lord Garmadon attacks Jay?" Kai scoffs.

"I can see what Falk sees. If there is any trouble, I'll know." He did his best to keep his face neutral, to keep his voice level and his powers under control. It wasn't hard, anger was the easiest emotion to control, after all. "And besides, I am sure that Jay will be able to hold his own until we arrive to help."

"Zane's right." The black ninja interrupts, his tone implying that the discussion was over. "Now let's get going, these groceries aren't going to buy themselves." There was some grumbling from the fire ninja, but he didn't say anything else, just followed their leader out the door.

Zane, true to his word, sent his falcon out to go keep an eye on the ninja of lightning and then went to go meditate up in the crow's nest.

The cooler air that came with the added height of the crow's nest wasn't anywhere near the freezing point, but Zane found that it still helped to remind him of his home, of the snowy forest he used to live in and the little village that had taken him in when he'd had no idea who he was, and it helped to sooth his nerves.

Breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out… keep your breathing even, steady, and let your mind clear of all thoughts.

A loud rumble broke the white ninja's concentration, and he looked up at the sky in confusion. There wasn't supposed to be rain today… and the sky was clear, scarcely a cloud in sight. So why had he heard thunder? Or was it thunder? Perhaps there had been an explosion of some kind. He went to the side, looking for any pillars of smoke. If there was an explosion then it was doubtless that there would be one, and that would save him the trouble of trying to figure out where to go.

He was surprised by the sight of what looked like lightning streaking across the sky… horizontally.

Scarcely seconds later, Falk sent him an update; the bird had lost track of Jay. While Zane was sure that Jay was the fastest one of their group, he didn't think that even Jay would be able to outrun a falcon… So then that left only one explanation.

The lightning streaking across the sky had to be Jay… He must have figured out his true potential.

"I knew you could do it." He says aloud, a smile lighting up his face as the worry melts away.

The lightning first loops around above the city a few times, then streaks up and pauses, the trail turning into a single glowing dot, and then with another thunderous boom there's suddenly Jay floating before him, glowing electric blue and crackling with energy.

"Zane!" The brunet calls excitedly, and the white ninja can't help but notice the slight sound of static lacing his voice as he speaks. "Zane, guess what!" The blue fades and he stumbles onto the deck, and the white ninja steps forward to help steady him, ignoring the tingling of electricity over his skin.

"You found your true potential?"

"Yes!" Jay positively beamed up at him. "I was just running and-, I don't know, I guess it just clicked and the next thing I know I'm flying! I think I might've scared a few dozen people, too, but it was just so exhilarating!" Finally he seemed to be calming down. "It really felt like I was one with my element…"

"It sounds like you enjoyed yourself." He said with a low chuckle.

"Yeah… was it like this for you too?"

"I… did not get much time to think about it." Zane replied with a frown.

"Oh…" Jay bit his lip, looked down a bit and stiffened before taking half a step back. "Yeah, I guess you wouldn't've."

"About that…" Zane sighed, frown deepening at the other's sudden awkwardness. "Are you certain that you do not blame me for what happened?"

"What?" Jay gave him a confused look. "Of course I don't blame you. I thought I made that clear the other day." The surety with which the ninja of lightning spoke was convincing, like he truly believed what he was saying without even a shadow of a doubt.

Zane wanted to believe him, he really did, but what other reason could be causing the other to pull away from him like he was? No matter how the nindroid thought about it, he just couldn't figure it out.

"Have I said or done something to upset you, then?"

"No." Jay easily denies, shaking his head slowly. "You haven't done anything, Zane."

"Then why are you avoiding me?" He asks point blank, ignoring every part of him that's screaming for him to stop. "I must have done or said something, but I have no idea what, and if I don't know then how am I supposed to make things right?"

"Zane…" Jay's face shows guilt and something else. "You haven't done anything wrong. It's-, I just-" The blue ninja takes a deep breath, squares his shoulders and meets his gaze. "I like you."

"I like you too… That's why we're friends." He says, thrown by the sudden subject change.

"No, that's not what I meant." Jay says with a pinched expression. "I meant that I lo-, that I like you more than just a friend…"

"More than a friend?" Zane parrots, trying to decipher the meaning. "…you mean like a best friend?" Was Jay just worried that the others would feel bad if he chose the nindroid as his best friend over them? Maybe Kai would make a remark or two about it, maybe Cole would make a joke, but he doubted it would be that big of an issue.

"No! That's not it either." Jay was obviously getting frustrated. "It isn't friendship, Zane."

"I… do not understand." Zane admitted with a small shake of the head. "Do you not consider me a friend?"

"I do! Believe me, I do…" He bites his lip once more, looking nervous. "What I meant was this." Swiftly he took a step forward, grabbed a hold of the white ninja's collar and-

And suddenly Zane was absolutely certain that he sent an electrical shock straight to his brain, scrambling all of his thoughts.

Fin