** As usual, I don't own the characters.
Thanks to MyCrookedSmile for doing an awesome job beta-ing. =)
Thanks to ZephyerSky for pre-reading several times and for letting me have custody of the brain long enough to finish this. LOL
Please read the A/N at the end for update info. **
From Chapter 19:
He rested against her for a few minutes before rolling over and tugging her over to lie on him. She rested against his chest, listening to his heartbeat slowly calm under her ear. His hand traced a lazy pattern on her back and she sighed contentedly.
"I love you," she whispered. He tilted her chin up so that she was blinking sleepily up at him. He kissed her gently and then lay back, enjoying the feeling of her nuzzling into the curve of his neck, her hair tickling his chin.
Finally, just as Bella's breath started to even out in her sleep, Edward answered her.
"Always."
Chapter 20
Time passed, even though Bella tried desperately to hang on to every moment. Whole days went by in the blink of an eye. She often found herself panicked at the end of a day, wondering how it had slipped through her fingers so quickly.
She woke late one morning in early January and stretched in the rays of deceptively warm sunshine streaming through her window. For thirty blissful seconds, the smell of Edward on the pillow next to her lulled her with memories of their lovemaking the night before. Bella flushed at the memory of his skin slick against hers as he moved over her.
But then reality crushed down on her, forcing her to curl inwards, crossing her arms over her waist. Dread twisted her stomach into knots and she forced herself to breathe evenly in and out. For once, there was no temptation to cry and her eyes remained dry.
Bella forced herself to think rationally. She knew that they were no longer talking weeks until he left, only days. She realized that she didn't know what to expect from the experience. She wondered where they would say goodbye and if he would be able to email or call fairly regularly. She found that she was curious about what his living conditions would be like and even how he would deal with his Dunkin' Donuts coffee addiction while there.
Stretching out on her back, Bella lifted her arm to watch the new bracelet on her wrist shimmer in the light. A Christmas present from Edward, the delicate white gold band rose and fell in waves, interrupted intermittently by six brilliant blue sapphires. Bella smiled and tenderly fingered the graceful metal.
Edward gifted the bracelet to her in front of his parents, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie on Christmas morning. But infinitely more precious to her was the gift that he'd chosen to give to her privately.
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He waited until they were alone in his bedroom on Christmas night. She lay drowsily on his chest, idly stroking her fingertips across his skin and enjoying the goose bumps that popped up under her attentions. Bella realized that Edward was drumming his fingers restlessly against his hip.
"Edward," she said softly, resting her hand on his to still it. "What's wrong? You're so restless tonight."
He ran his hand across his hair before looking down at her.
"I have one more gift for you, sweetheart." He sat up and reached into his bag on the floor by the bed.
Bella sat up and crossed her legs in front of her. Gifts tended to make her rather uncomfortable, but it was okay since it was just she and Edward now. She heard clinking, but when he turned back around she couldn't see anything in his hands.
"Close your eyes and hold out your hands." Edward grinned expectantly at her.
Rolling her eyes, Bella complied, cupping her hands in front of her. She waited patiently until she felt a cool metal chain slink into her hands.
"Can I open my eyes now?"
Edward laughed. "Of course."
It took her several moments to make sense of what she was holding and another almost full minute to force her voice to work around the lump in her throat.
"I was hoping you would wear these while I was gone," Edward whispered.
Bella held the silver dog tags gently, tracing one finger reverentially over the information embossed into the metal. She blinked quickly against her tears and then looped the chain around her neck, tucking the information plates under shirt so that they rested cool against her skin.
Unfolding her legs, she settled herself into Edward's lap, wrapping her arms around him.
"Thank you. I promise I'll wear them everyday." She kissed him then, letting the fire burn through them hot and slow.
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Edward stood against the wall at the company with his leg tucked up behind him. Emmett leaned companionably beside him as they both smoked in silence. Soldiers walked purposefully back and forth around them as the officers prepared to inspect the bags that they were shipping out with.
"Rosalie's pregnant," Emmett said suddenly.
Edward turned to him in surprise. He grinned at the ecstatic expression on his best friend's face.
"That's great, man. Really awesome!" He shook Emmett's hand and pulled him into a manly one-armed hug.
"Thanks. She's superstitious though and doesn't want to tell anyone just yet since we just found out. But, dude, I had to tell you, you know? Plus I'm just so fucking excited." He laughed, flipping his cell phone open as it trilled. "Damn. It's the first sergeant. I'll see you later."
Edward watched him walk away before taking one last puff of his cigarette and then grinding it out under the heel of his boot.
Emmett's news made him strangely melancholy. He was happy for him and Rosalie, of course. They'd waited for so long after all, but somehow he couldn't shake the wistfulness.
He realized that he and Bella had made no promises to each other yet. They still had not even discussed whether they both wanted children or not; Edward just assumed that she did. Of course, he also knew what happened when people started assuming.
Pulling out his lighter and flicking the flame on and off, Edward let his mind drift. He wondered what Bella would say if he asked her to marry him. He pictured her on a beach, barefoot, the wind whipping her white dress around her knees. She was smiling with a white flower in her hair.
His hand was shaking as he lit another cigarette.
Before Bella, the idea of weddings and marriage and everything that came with those things made his blood run cold. He'd always figured himself for a loner, finishing his career in the Army as a crusty old sergeant major, striking fear into the hearts of rambunctious children that dared walk on his lawn.
But now….well, now he saw visions of Bella in white dresses, nurseries awash in pink and white, and t-ball games on Saturday afternoons.
He wasn't scared anymore. Edward wanted those things. Wanted them very badly.
It was time to have a serious conversation with Bella.
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Bella rushed through her apartment, grabbing clothes out of laundry baskets and drawers before stuffing them into a duffel bag. She couldn't believe that she had put off packing until the last minute. She knew that Edward would be off work any minute and headed her way, expecting her to be ready when he got there.
It was the last weekend before Edward's departure and they were headed to the mountains for a long weekend. As a Christmas gift, Carlisle and Esme gifted them a weekend away, renting a tiny one-bedroom cabin in a remote area.
Edward's key turned in the front door lock just as Bella tugged her boot on and zipped up her bag. She turned and smiled as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close for a kiss.
"Mmmmmm. Hello," she whispered, hooking her thumbs on the waistband of his uniform pants.
Edward kissed her again, trying to keep his desperation from seeping into the kiss. Finally he pulled away, but buried his face in her neck.
"Are you ready to go?"
"I am. Don't you want to change first?"
He inhaled deeply, then pulled away grinning. "Give me ten minutes."
True to his word, they were on their way ten minutes later, stopping at a fast food place to get something to eat. Edward drove, keeping his hand wrapped around Bella's on the console between them. He let her nap, knowing that she still wasn't sleeping well from the anxiety.
Two hours into the trip, they finally exited the interstate and began following narrow, winding roads. Edward struggled against the ice that was compacted under the snow on the asphalt.
Following the directions on the cabin brochure, Edward turned down a gravel road where the headlights barely cut through the gloom. He stopped by a mailbox and looked up at an almost vertical driveway. Bella leaned over and peered out his window.
"How exactly are we supposed to get the car up there?" she asked, shaking her head.
"Either the snow chains work or we leave the car down here and hike up."
It took some maneuvering by both of them, but they finally got the snow chains on the tires and worked their way up the driveway.
After unloading their bags and groceries, Edward and Bella collapsed on the couch without bothering to remove their coats. She burrowed her cold nose into his sweater.
"We really should get up and make something to eat," Bella said as she yawned. Edward murmured something unintelligible, but neither one of them made any attempt at moving.
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Edward woke several hours later to complete darkness. Pain shot through his back as he attempted to sit up and he groaned. His mind registered how cold it was in the cabin even as Bella shivered next to him. He scooted out from under her and fumbled around until he found the switch on the lamp.
Groaning under his breath, Edward grabbed the throw from the back of the couch and wrapped it securely around Bella, trying not to jostle her awake. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself and stumbled to the bedroom. He turned the space heater on and then closed the door, hoping the small heater would heat the room while he tried to figure out why the heat wasn't turning on.
Edward found the thermostat, but no amount of playing with the knob or hitting the box would make it turn on. Knowing it was futile to try calling the rental agency that late at night, he made his way back to the couch. He scooped Bella up and carried her to the bedroom.
She blinked blearily at him as he sat her on the side of the bed.
"It's fucking freezing in here!" she complained, digging through her bag for a sweatshirt and pajama pants. Edward grimaced.
"I know. I couldn't get the heat working. But I found some extra blankets and we've got the space heater. As long as we leave the door shut and huddle for body heat, we should be fine."
Groaning, Bella burrowed under the blanket until just the tips of her hair were showing. Edward couldn't help but grin as he slid in next to her. Wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close, he curled up behind her and drifted off.
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Bella woke the next morning toasty warm with Edward still wrapped around her. Sometime during the night, they'd both slipped out of their pajama pants and sweatshirts, preferring to be skin to skin once the small room heated to a comfortable temperature with the space heater.
His hips moved against hers under the stack of blankets they'd piled on the bed and his mouth pressed open-mouth kisses against the skin of her shoulder.
Goosebumps broke out along her spine and she turned to face him, meeting his lips with her own. He sighed contentedly against her, pulling her body closer. Hitching Bella's leg up over his hip, he pressed into her immediately. Bella gasped and Edward paused.
"Did I hurt you, love?"
Bella answered him by kissing him again, running her hands across his strong shoulders. She rolled her hips against his, taking him deeper and causing them both to moan in the early morning stillness.
They moved quietly, loving without words until the flame flashed through them and the fires banked.
Edward rested with his head on Bella's stomach as her fingers scraped lightly over his scalp. He listened in the quiet as her heartbeat calmed and her breath returned back to normal.
"Bella, have you ever played the Name Game?"
Her fingers stilled momentarily and then resumed their motion. She hummed noncommittally. He shifted to look up at her, his chin resting against her.
"When Alice was young, probably 12 or 13, she used to pair her name with that of her crush. And then write it all over her school folders and journals." He grinned and traced his fingers along her ribs, causing her to squirm under him. "So I want to know, have you ever done that?"
Bella blushed, thinking back to the first time she met Edward, the way she fell asleep whispering her name linked to his.
"I don't remember, Edward. I'm sure I did. This is so random! What brought this up?"
He moved beside her and lay back, staring up at the ceiling. Capturing her left hand in his, Edward absentmindedly traced her fingers with his. Bella rested her head on his shoulder and waited for him to work through his thoughts.
Finally he blurted out, "Rosalie's pregnant." Bella sat up and crossed her legs underneath her so that she could look at him, but Edward avoided her gaze.
"That's a good thing, right?" Her voice wavered a bit.
"Of course! It's just…" He paused again, considering his words. "It's a great thing, but it's brought up some…thoughts for me." He continued to watch his fingers skimming along Bella's skin.
"Like what?"
"Like if you would consider marrying me some day." Edward's gaze flew to Bella's and the words began to pour out of him. "I mean, I'm not proposing right now. I know we haven't been together long enough, but you know I love you. And I just want it to be in there somewhere that it's something that I want, you know? And maybe someday, a few kids running around. I mean, we've never talked about kids, but I would really like to have a couple. Or one. Or five. Whatever you want."
Finally Bella clapped her free hand over his mouth. Smiling she leaned forward and kissed him gently.
"Edward. I want all of those things and I want them with you. When we're both ready," she whispered, her heart stuttering in her chest at the fact that he was already considering marriage and kids.
He tugged her hand until she rested against his chest. Still smiling, Bella lazily trailed her fingertips over him.
"There is something else I need to talk to you about," Edward sighed. Bella hummed quietly, but didn't say anything. He continued.
"I don't have time to change my will before I leave, but –"
Bella jumped up from the bed.
"I don't want to talk about this," she ground out, bending down to grab her pajama pants and sweatshirt. Edward sat up.
"Come on, sweetheart, we have to discuss these kinds of things before I leave."
"No."
She flung the door open and marched out through the freezing living room and into the kitchen. She began to bang the cabinet doors open and shut, searching for the coffee filters for the machine.
Edward walked in to the kitchen just as she measured the water into the pot and flipped the switch to start it percolating. She began to wipe down the already clean counters, avoiding his eyes.
"Bella, I don't have time to change my will, but I've made my wishes clear to my parents that you're to be included if something happens to me. They've promised."
She went absolutely still and Edward pressed on.
"I've also drawn up a Power of Attorney for you so you can make decisions on my behalf while I'm gone."
Bella whirled around, her face ashen and her eyes wide.
"Edward, I don't want a Power of Attorney or whatever. Please don't put that on me."
He stepped across the kitchen and laid his hands on her shoulders. He rested his forehead against hers momentarily before pulling back so that he could look her in the eye.
"Relax, sweetheart. There is no pressure. I just want you to have it in case something comes up. I'm not expecting there to be anything you have to deal with; it's just in case. Okay?"
She bit her lip to keep it from trembling.
"I..I just can't imagine something happening to you." A tear slid unchecked down her cheek. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned against him. "You have to come back to me. I can't stand the thought of not…."
Bella broke off and Edward tangled his fingers in her hair. Tugging lightly until she looked up at him, he kissed her.
"I'm going to be okay. I promise I'm coming back. I love you and the minions of hell themselves couldn't keep me away from you."
He kissed her again as her breath stuttered out of her. Before either of them could deepen it, someone knocked at the door.
Cursing softly, Edward released her and turned to answer it. Bella shivered and then quickly wiped away the wet tracks that her tears left on her cheeks.
Edward returned just as she finished fixing their coffee.
"That was the rental company maintenance guy. He got the heat fixed so I went ahead and turned it back on. Hopefully we won't freeze when we get out of the shower."
He took a sip of his coffee and moaned appreciatively. He wrapped his arm around Bella's shoulders and pulled her close.
"How about I take you to breakfast and then we go sightsee? I have somewhere special I want to take you." He smiled down at her and Bella's breath caught in her lungs.
Remember this, she told herself. Remember the scent of coffee on his breath and the excitement in his voice and the way he's smiling so beautifully down at you. This can get you through.
Willing the tears back, she grinned back at him. "I would love some breakfast."
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They gorged themselves on the unhealthiest breakfast they could think of, chocolate chip pancakes with maple syrup and lots of butter, scrambled eggs, sausage and copious amounts of coffee.
Edward followed docilely behind Bella as she ducked in and out of shops in the small, quaint village. She exclaimed excitedly over the handcrafted goods and homemade canned jellies and sauces.
They made love in front of the fireplace that night and woke up early the next morning. Bella navigated their way to a resort at the top of the mountain, which housed winter sports; during the mild years the resort used machines to produce snow.
Edward laughed endlessly as Bella shrieked her way down a hillside on an inner tube. But she got her revenge when he yelled himself hoarse on his own trips down. She took advantage of the snow to pack a very wet snowball and threw it at him. It smacked into the back of his head and slid wetly under the collar of his coat and into his shirt. Edward glared at her while she giggled, until finally the corner of his mouth twitched and he ended up laughing along with her.
He bought her a funnel cake at the snack bar and then ate the majority of it. They rode the air tram back down the mountainside and returned to the cabin. After a short rest, a change of clothes, and a small disagreement on where to eat, they headed back out to dinner.
Edward won their disagreement and they ended up at a rustically elegant restaurant, decorated like a lodge, but with white tablecloths and linen napkins. He tried desperately to commit to memory the way her eyes glowed in the candlelight and the way her cheeks flushed after her second glass of wine.
They both slept deeply and woke refreshed, but dreading their drive back.
Their last two days together, Bella skipped her classes so that she could be home when Edward was there. In turn, he finished every work task as quickly as he could and skipped out on time with his friends so that he could be with Bella as much as possible.
The night before he left was spent quietly. They ordered a pizza, which went uneaten, and watched a movie on Bella's laptop. He touched her constantly, stroking her hair or nuzzling the soft spot at her temple, drinking in the scent of her.
He held her carefully as she cried and then, once she was asleep, watched her dream. Edward suddenly found it difficult to swallow around the now constant lump in his throat.
Before either of them was ready, dawn began to break through the window. Edward rubbed his eyes, ignoring the sandy feeling of staying up all night, and kissed Bella awake.
They made love again, soft and slow, and they both wept when it was over.
Reluctantly Bella got up to shower and Edward checked his bags again.
It was time to say goodbye.
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A/N Gah, my heart just breaks for these two. I hope you'll hang in there with me for their journey though.
You guys have to be the most patient readers out there. I never meant to go so long between updates. There was writer's block, my husband's grandfather died, my grandfather died, my husband came home (YAY!), etc, etc. Essentially, life happened and I got caught up in it with little time to write.
The good news is that I'm almost 2/3 of the way through the next chapter. I'll be out of the country for vacation next week, but the plan is to get it to my beta before I leave so that I can post when I get back. So hopefully there will be just two weeks until the next update.
Also, "Always Fighting From the Heart" has been featured & reviewed over at TwiFic Promotions. You can find their site here { http:/twi-ficpromotions (dot) blogspot (dot )com/?zx=30be8c81d701ca8d } and it's about the sixth review down. There's also a spot for comments. =)
Don't forget that you can follow me on Twitter: PangeforPrez (without the space)
Wanna yell at me for taking so long to update? Or cry with Bella about Edward leaving? Leave me a review and let me know what you're thinking.
Thus ends this epically long author's note. Until next time, my lovelies. {hugs}