Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.
Warning: Logan/Carlos. (Italics = Flashback)
Twenty-one – Delusive Revelations
It was the middle of the afternoon. The inside of the car was loud yet noisy on the exterior—and compared to the inside of it, it was the most comfortable place to be; right in the middle of the street, possibly having the chance to be run over and die instantly and randomly, and then have to go to one of those unknown spirit realms rather than the clouds of mental frustration, sorrow and ineptness, and a few unseen choking spaces that held nothing but imaginary, stuffy and dusty air. Faces were impassive inside the car; beads of cool, glinting perspiration were slipping on different skin tones.
Mrs. Knight had tried to speak—here and there—but her words had gotten stuck like a fly caught on duct tape when she saw the supposed couple (and she still wondered about Kendall and James); she had been at a loss for any words, entirely. Furthermore, James had been shocked by the small cuts and bruises that painted his friends' faces, but hadn't asked about it as an overwhelming feeling of nausea and confusion had washed over him. He had been so determined to be neutral about this whole weird situation, but then a twig snapped in half inside his mind, and all the controlled knowledge leaked out.
Kendall had continued to drift in his deep-in-thought moment, glancing at the two, all the while gaining a few small headaches from the curious, forced glances he shot at the pair—especially out of the corner of his eyes. In front of the car, the radio was on, showing off a moderate song, resembling those pop-like classical songs that could lift anybody's mood up—but it failed with them. It only added to the thick silence that was coated with a sense of unsureness. Only Katie was unaffected, though.
She looked at Logan and Carlos with her cute yet piercing brown eyes, begging to know something, anything. "What happened to you?" she simply inquired with a tolerant smile, motioning with her hand at their defiled faces.
Her voice was like a spear through cotton; the boys' heads all snapped towards her, expressions all quizzical. They'd been so used to the silence. Carlos especially; he stared at her, face scrunched up like when a baby eats a lemon. The ribbons of thought swayed back and forth all in his mind, trying to connect something, connect it to her words. He wanted to say something, but something was pushing him back, daring him to be silent; and that something was sitting right next to him, holding a dear, strong and frightening love for him that tore through his heart and mind, and made him oblivious and questionable to everything.
So, seeming as he wasn't going to answer and Logan was obviously shut tight in his silent corner, Kendall took the chance to climb and join his little sister on the bold stair step and chimed in, "Yeah. Let me guess—you got them from hockey over there?"
He forced a cocky smile, but none of the two boys answered. Kendall gulped, and maintained his expression. He wanted to desperately do something; to get rid of this strange tension. Evidently, he knew the half cause for it. And Logan did, too. There wasn't much he could do when his best friend thought he had been betrayed through a national radio. That still didn't explain Carlos, though. Kendall thought he would've been shocked, then gone hysterical and then slept with happy dreams of forgiveness—yet those predictions didn't seem transparent at all by the way Carlos was acting—he was taciturn, as if hiding something (a strange combination at that).
James spoke up for the first time since the airport, startling Kendall—who was sitting next to him—out of his new thoughts. "So, uh, who won the game?" He looked eager; his voice was casual, no shaky vocals visible. His eyes were on the silent pair, silently roaming their blemishes, but commenting nothing about them. "The hockey game? In Canada?" he reminded. Maybe they'd had too much fun that they were tired, and forgot how to speak and move.
As James' words were said, a swirling sensation compressed and decompressed suddenly and instantaneously in the pit of Carlos' stomach. He put a hand over his mouth as the sensation continued to spiral awkwardly, and then heavily settled down.
James looked at the raven, a concerned frown on his face. "You okay?" he asked.
Carlos nodded quietly, lowering his hand to his stomach.
All the while, James stared at where Carlos' hand was resting. He raised his eyebrows and spoke, "Did something happen t–"
"He's fine," intruded Logan, not looking at James, but at Carlos with a soft, twisted look.
Carlos turned red at that moment as Logan, James and Kendall's gazes were now transfixed on him. He bit his lip and shook off his hand off his stomach and settled it on the cushy material of the seat. Gladly, the moment was broken when the door opened. A large man peeked his head in and reached for Logan and Kendall's collars; the appearance was surprising enough that it made them all jump. Carlos stared, horrified, as Logan and Kendall were slung over the huge man's shoulders like worn rag dolls. He turned to James, desperately seeking for some kind of reassurance. But instead he got a confused stare from the tall brunette, and a small wave in front of the face.
"Carlos? Are you sure you're okay, man?"
He was frozen in his seat for what seemed an eternity.
Finally, Mrs. Knight, concerned, turned around and questioned James, "Is he okay?" her tone was truly worried.
Questions unanswered, the raven kept staring as the man went inside the building, disappearing from view with Logan, who looked annoyed as ever, and Kendall, who was trying to 'keep it cool', seeming as he was forced here by James—and if he'd had the chance, wouldn't have come and told Gustavo he was sick. Majorly. The same coiling and uncoiling sensation from earlier returned to Carlos' stomach. In a moment of odd instinct, he rushed out of the car and just missed them by a second. His head hit the closing door and he dropped roughly onto the cement, the back of his head coming into contact with rough pebbles and dirt. After what seemed hours—which really was a minute or two—he let out a loud groan.
"Carlos? Carlos wake up, you're seriously worrying me," he recognized the voice as that guy's voice; the one he'd temporarily forgotten. "You should've brought your helmet… Is it still in the luggage? Mrs. Knight! Mrs. Knight!"
"Is he okay?"
"I don't know."
Then came a little girl's voice, "Whoa. That looked like it hurt."
"Is it there, Carlos? Your helmet? Don't tell me you lost it." Now he remembered: James. James' voice sounded hazy.
Carlos opened his eyes, slightly squinting as a ray of bright sunlight penetrated his aching pupils. "My helmet…?" he repeated. The sensation returned.
"It did cost a lot… Really…" whispered Carlos as his legs moved in synchronization with Logan's.
School had ended minutes ago, and they were walking home; James and Kendall had been left behind since they had to make up a test. Skipping was never a good idea.
They were walking separately, keeping their distance. Lunch was still lingering in their minds, and James' comment about Logan going out with Carlos was fresh in their thoughts. In reality, though, it was only Logan who was affected. Carlos seemed fine. Fine, completely, since he had opened his mouth and had attempted to make conversation, or at least, small talk to get rid of the uncanny atmosphere.
"I really liked it, and that's when I–"
"I get it, Carlos," said Logan as he stared at the passing concrete.
"You don't think it's stupid?"
Logan ceased walking, and looked at his friend in awe. "Of course not! Well, at first—I-I did. But now…it's…cool, I guess…?"
The raven smiled. "I know, right?" He moved his backpack to the front, quickly unzipped it and took out the black, shiny helmet. Slinging his backpack to the back, he put the helmet on his head, buckled the straps and grinned like a charming idiot. "It's the coolest thing ever."
Logan smiled back at him, silently admitting that the helmet was pretty cool, after all. And subconsciously he thought it looked awfully cute on Carlos.
A choking gasp made its way out of his throat and puffed out heavily from his mouth as he sat up abruptly, almost smashing his face against the brunette's since James had already crouched down. The tall boy's eyes were mounted with concern. He lifted a hand and Carlos followed each and every movement of it until it was on his forehead, which oddly calmed his nerves.
"What the–" James was also surprised. "Are you sick or something?" his tone was demanding.
Carlos breathed in and out, and could feel the sweat forming on his forehead from the relaxing heat of James' hand. "N-no," he stuttered out.
His eyes quickly searched the area and noticed that the woman and the little girl, whom he didn't remember the names of, were gone. He removed the hand gently with a quick swipe of his own hand, shocking James a bit, and stood up with a crooked smile that made no sense whatsoever. "Let's go inside." In fact, he didn't know where he was going inside, so he let James take the lead. This time, the snake-like sensation was stronger.
Once inside, the door that lead to the room where they were supposed to be at was unlocked, and James was grateful for that. When they entered, the air was, in a quirky manner, clear, but the faces inside were contradicting each other entirely. Logan was sitting on the far right, whereas Kendall was on the far left. The blonde kept shooting worried glances at the short brunette, pleading in his mind, 'I'm sorry if you're mad at me. I don't want you to be. We can talk this over later, right? It was a stupid accident and I was supposed to be careful.' He kept reciting this in his head subconsciously. But how could he apologize if there were no damaged feelings that he could repair? They were all inside Logan at the moment, compressed in a box of fury, ignoring the blonde's presence.
James and Carlos silently took their seats then; James next to Logan, and Carlos absentmindedly taking the seat next to Kendall. Before something else could happen, such as Logan yank on Carlos' arm and demand him to sit next to him (the same happened when they were entering Mrs. Knight's car) the entrance doorwas pushed forcefully. In came in another big man with a stylish hat and black sunglasses; his attire, mainly, intimidated Carlos to the core, though his emotions were soon mended when a woman with a pretty face, nice body and a genuine awkward smile that kind of pleased Carlos for some reason entered behind. Almost too quickly, the big man caught his eyes and scowled roughly, and it terrified Carlos a bit since he couldn't quite catch the man's eyes the same way he did to his since his sunglasses were dark, concealing his pupils.
"What are you looking at, dog?" the man's voice was deep with a rugged tone.
Carlos' head jerked down at the comment, and a red blush thinly coated his cheeks. He then felt something pat his back, and when he looked up to the side he noticed it was Kendall's hand, consoling him as he rolled his eyes at the man.
"Kendall!" the man shouted as he sat down, obviously catching the rude eye roll.
The blonde jumped, startled, which made his hand land roughly on Carlos' neck. The raven let out a squeaky cry at the unplanned contact.
Kendall, failing to listen to the tiny whine, looked absolutely embarrassed. At that moment, his fear was triggered on, and words fell out of his mouth like a fast-running river, "It wasn't me, Gustavo! I swear, I didn't know that lady–"
"Dogs, you will return Saturday here."
"–was there." Kendall stopped and blinked, Gustavo's recent words racing in a perplexing speed in his mind. "Huh?"
"'Huh' what? You heard what I said!" retorted Gustavo.
Kendall opened his mouth to speak, ran his thoughts over, then continued, "Wait… You didn't want to talk about…" His mouth opened in an 'o', eyebrows rising slowly.
"Talk about what?"
"Uh, never mind," answered Kendall almost too quickly in a high-pitched voice, rubbing his palms against his jeans nervously.
Gustavo was about to interrogate, then figured it would be something stupid. He searched the boy's faces with a final frown, analyzed their expressions, stood up and exited the room without another word.
"Oh, my God," Kendall breathed, settling his head on the desk.
James looked around, partly dazzled. "What just happened?"
"I don't know," Kendall's voice came out muffled.
"I know," came a soft, female voice.
Both boys turned their heads around. "Kelly?" Carlos' head turned around as well; Logan's face continued to blank out.
Kelly made a face, an open one that made it noticeable she was going to speak about something important, "You. Are. Lucky," was all she said, shaking her head.
"Lucky?" questioned James. "Gustavo doesn't really know about that?"
"Neither does he know about the credit cards."
The comment was uttered so fleetingly yet normally that it caused for James and Kendall to gasp, and then turn a bright red, a firm square of shame settling in their heads, completely dismayed at being found out. They thought they'd been sneaky and reserved about that whole plan—that now seemed absurd in some way—and it turned out that someone as simple as Kelly had found all about it, and not someone as aggressive and witty like Gustavo. It was astonishing, indeed.
"Nor…the trip."
"How did you find out?" questioned Kendall, looking at her with a half-sheepish, half depressed look.
She didn't answer him, and Kendall oddly preferred that. Maybe it was best he shouldn't find out how she did it, or else something might happen and they'd be kicked out by Gustavo—or worse, she'd be fired. As she smiled and stepped out, Kendall heard a small whine escape out of James' lips, sounding upset. He threw a half smile at the tall brunette, and James returned a dull look with scrunched up lips. The room was quiet now, and Kendall quickly took that opportunity as he remembered his most important thought. He spoke Logan's name with a moderate tone that expressed effort, and at the same time Carlos' familiar husky voice shyly spoke the blonde's. There was a pause; Kendall turned pink, took one last look at Logan and decided in a hurry he could apologize later. "Yes, Carlos?"
Between that, Logan got that same irritation from the car, stood up and stalked out of the room. They all blinked.
"Um… I'll leave you two alone. Gonna…go join him," said James as he rubbed his arm, and gently walked out of the room.
A minute passed. Kendall's eyes were shaking with anticipation. "Did you wanna tell me something, Carlos?"
The raven blushed. "Um…" He shifted his eyes, looking around as if he was making sure that they were the only two people in this room. "Can you tell me…what happened in the radio thing?" He was trying to be as subtle as he could.
"What do you mean—you didn't hear about it?" Kendall sounded utterly surprised.
Carlos shook his head innocently.
Kendall raised an eyebrow. "But Logan knows–"
"Is that why he's angry? With you?" His questions were innocent, also.
Kendall was now flabbergasted. "Carlos, what happened?"
"What happened of what?"
"I mean– Didn't you hear–"
"Who was that man?"
"What?"
"That fat man and the cute lady."
Kendall sucked in a breath. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"No. A joke?"
Kendall stared at the raven, having a hard time finding the right words; Carlos' last sentence alone had him shocked.
A few hours had passed; it was around six p.m. now. Outside in the hallway was James, who knocked on the door of Gustavo's office, but no one opened the door. He tried twisting the doorknob until he felt that natural budge, meaning it was locked. Curious as to why, he pressed his ear against the door, hoping to get some answers, and was immediately shocked by what he heard: soft sobbing followed by a bunch of undistinguished words and noises. James' throat went tight at that. He knocked on the door again, about three times, each knock getting louder.
He waited a few more seconds until the door seemed to open, slowly and eerily—then, in a flash, it opened widely and out ran Carlos, whipping pass him like a deer running from its predator. Having seen this in a split second, James stood paralyzed there until he regained the physical strength to move again. He took a step forward, one by one until he was inside the room. And what he saw left him with a chilly feeling; Kendall was still sitting on his chair with the whitest expression James had ever seen; he practically looked like a ghost, eyes blank and big, lips parted slightly, hands subconsciously gripping the edges of the chair.
"Kendall…?" James took a step forward. Slight colour returned to the blonde's face at the sound of the brunette's hushed tone. "Is everything all right?"
Kendall's lips pursed in a humourless smile.
Seeming as he wouldn't speak, James decided to share his news first, "Something happened."
Kendall looked at him as if James had spoken in Gibberish. His thoughts were in pain, and all he could manage to say without any logic at all was, "Okay. What the hell could be more important, James? See, this is the problem. We let them go. Smarty and Mr. McReckless. You think everything's going to be fine, but then–"
"Logan's missing," interrupted James.
ooo
Her eyes showed clear concern and some kind of unidentified fear; they were practically red from blinking excessively. Her hair swayed gently side to side or back and forth when she shook her head, desperately trying to organize her thoughts. Her hands were shaking occasionally, trembling as she gripped unseen air.
"Mom, you don't look so well," said Katie, a bit irritated.
They were in the Palm Woods parking lot, in the car still, with the engine running. Mrs. Knight remained silent. A dry lump caught in her throat that prevented her from speaking any reasonable, succinct answers to reassure her daughter that she was absolutely fine—which she was obviously not.
"Are you worried?"
"Worried for my boys?" said Mrs. Knight. Kendall and James had convinced her that the news had been false; but not about Logan and Carlos. "No. But I am worried about their parents."
"Why? I don't think they know."
Mrs. Knight sighed to herself, and settled her forehead against the wheel. "I called them…"
"And?"
Mrs. Knight waited a moment to answer. "They're coming," she mumbled with a tone of dissatisfaction.
ooo
"What?" Kendall frowned; not just any frown, but the one that only appeared at rare times when something bad was really going on. His mind hurt entirely, obsessed with the words Carlos had spoken to him in a never-ending line of muddled and guilty paragraphs. He looked at James, felt anger boil up inside him, and it took all his will to keep from knocking the brunette's teeth out of his mouth.
"Logan's missing," repeated James.
Kendall's muteness prolonged, his heart throbbing with new emotions—emotions he didn't like. "What do I care?" he said simply.
James' eyes opened wide. "I can't find him anywhere, Kendall. We should call your m–"
"No. I mean, what do I care?"
"Why are you so angry all of a sudden?" protested James.
"Go ask Logan himself," answered Kendall bitterly.
There was something about the tone of his voice that made James uncomfortable. "Did something happen when you talked to Carlos? Did he say something?"
Kendall looked at him gravely with extreme hurt in his eyes. "I don't damn care if he's pissed off because of the whole radio incident."
James stared at Kendall, feeling uneasy by the way his friend had cussed. By now, he'd forgotten all about Logan's disappearance, and just wanted to know what Carlos had done to make Kendall bipolar so suddenly.
Kendall grimaced then, choked back a cry, and ended up speaking softly in a hoarse voice, "Logan. I think…I think he raped Carlos."
A/N: … Yeah.
See ya next chapter. If I ever get there.
Okay, never mind. Ignore that.