(Originally posted 14/08/14)
A/N Dear all many apologies for this latest delay, my writing arm is currently in a splint, so I'm tapping away one-handed at the moment. There may be typos ahead-sorry.
CHAPTER 20
-OOO-
THREE MINUTES LATER…
"How is that possible?" Ianto was aghast.
"I've been here a long time Yan."
20,576, truthfully?
"Yes." Jack could barely mount a whisper. "Although not all were one at a time."
In hindsight Jack saw that this statement was probably not the healthiest one he could have given.
Dumbstruck Ianto needed a moment or two to digest this stunning piece of information. He stared solidly at his untouched coffee that Jack had hastily placed in front of him, worried that he would need a crutch to cling to. Unused, the beverage wasn't even being given the chance to support him. He shook his head several times.
Suddenly animated he leant forwards.
"Answer me this - why?"
"Why?" Jack was confused.
"Yes why. I know it's a biological need, but seriously…"
"You've got to understand…."
Cutting in Ianto continued "I understand you got the gist of it and then you clearly got the taste for it, but good grief when did you sleep?"
Jack had the decency to look slightly sheepish. "When you average it out it's not really that many."
"In which universe? The one that doesn't have numbers?"
It was Jack's turn to lean forward and lightly cover Ianto's fluttering fingers around his mug with his own.
"In mine Yan, that's what I've been trying to tell you. I've been here a very, very long time and this was the most common language."
Ianto looked even more flabbergasted.
"This was just a chat for you? You don't have to sleep with someone just to say hello Jack. Have you ever thought that some relationships don't have to get as far as hello?"
Jack pulled back wounded.
Ianto pulled away devastated.
The den looked away, embarrassed.
-O-
The apprenticed air in the den was confused. Clogged with so many unspoken, unyelled emotions, it wasn't sure whether to revive the recipients within, or bloat their lungs until they were forced to scream for mercy.
He consulted time; but time had just stood still,
stunned.
-O-
Sighing loudly, Ianto Jones tried to unpeel his throat to allow the gusts of warm air that were trying to punch their way through to his gullet, greater access.
He didn't want to, but he couldn't help himself from raising his eyes to meet Jack Harkness'.
When he did, he saw a face he hadn't seen before.
A distraught Jack.
Normally a tall prouder than proud man, Captain Jack Harkness seemed to have shrunk. He seemed to have folded in on himself and become lesser somehow.
Slight almost.
Ianto's one and only heart lurched towards him, but his body did not. He didn't want to get close. Didn't want to touch.
He knew where he had been.
Silence was still his preferred companion; she and he remained close while Ianto Jones studied his former lover's deconstructed features. To his credit Jack Harkness didn't flinch from his lover's gaze. He took it on board as a form of penance. Baring your heart(s) had to have consequences, he knew that.
After what seemed like a lifetime, Ianto opened his now cleared throat.
"So they were all pastimes?"
"Yes."
"They meant nothing to you?"
"No."
"No-one special?"
"No."
"In all your lifetimes, no-one at all? I don't believe you."
Jack trod carefully around Ianto's insecurities. "There was no-one. Not one person Yan. I was waiting."
"For?"
"My special star."
Ianto snorted with disbelief.
"And did you find her?"
"Him."
"Did he make an appearance?"
Jack kept his true eyes trained on the doubting pair that faced his.
"He did but he refused to believe he was special. He doubted his true worth. His very being."
"He sounds like a sap."
"No Yan, just unable to trust his instincts. His core."
"Then why don't you tell this anointed one, this one that has your heart, this John Hart, why don't you tell him, he's more than the sum of his apprehensive parts?"
Stung, Jack jerked his head back.
"John Hart! No Ianto, you've got it all wrong, I told you that we're over, through, done."
"Yet you still have secret assignations with him."
"He tracked me down."
"To be with you again."
"To work with me again."
"He wants you."
"As a colleague."
"He wants you."
"For business purposes only."
"He can't let go."
"Of our team-work, nothing more."
"He won't let go."
"He won't work alone that's all Yan."
"If his intentions are all above board, then why slink around? Why hide behind smoke-screens?"
"As a favour to me. I asked him to."
"You wanted to cheat."
"No."
"You couldn't stop yourself from slipping back into your cheating ways; after all, not all of your cast of thousands were taken one at a time. Your words not mine."
Ianto was now beginning to shake with barely suppressed rage. Unnerved his coffee began to slop over the sides of his mug and trickle down his fingers, making a bid for calmer shores.
Jack stared at his partner, battered and bewildered. Realisation dawned for the first time at how much of the mountain he still had left to climb. He wanted to reach into his unique bag of tricks to help him, but his otherness told him, this had to be settled the twenty-first century way.
"I'm not cheating Yan. I never cheat. Everyone I've ever known has known there have been others, concurrently. It's never been an issue."
"So you say."
"I say what I mean and I mean what I say."
"Spoken like a true philanderer."
"I've never had any intention of hurting you Yan."
"And yet you do it so well."
"You're precious."
"Pathetic more like."
"Unique."
"Uniquely stupid."
"Don't ever say that. You're nothing of the sort."
"Did you laugh at me? Laugh at how easily I fell under your spell?"
"Of course not."
"Did you and Lover-boy wet yourself laughing at how naïve I was? At how nervous I was being?"
Ianto's rationale began to leave the building.
"Was I a game for the two of you?"
"No - how could you think such a thing?"
"A bet?"
"NEVER."
Ianto Jones began to slip-slide towards hysteria.
"Am I even here of my own free will Jack?"
"WHAT!"
"Or are you using some of your inter-galactic voodoo powers, to hold me against my will?"
"IANTO PLEASE."
"Is this really me Jack? Am I really here in this time-and-space with you?"
"Of course you are."
"Answer me this, am I really gay? Or am I just your latest mind-bended plaything?"
Jack Harkness was the most frantic he could ever remember being in his entire existence.
"I would never manipulate you in that way. I would never even think it."
"So you have manipulated me in other ways?"
Jack's immediate reply caught in his throat. The apprenticed air, no longer confused rushed to his aid. His purpose clear.
Jack gulped in his emergency help.
He spoke carefully.
"I have only ever had your best interests at heart Ianto."
"That sounds suspiciously as if it should house a but at the end."
Jack Harkness needed another helping of help.
He took it.
"I've always prided myself on my bespoke morals….."
"That no-one else could detect." Ianto heckled freely.
"I praised my ability to see things from an acute angle…"
"Self-praise is no praise." Ianto was fearless now.
"I've operated in difficult circumstances…"
"Get on with it Jack. Spit it out. Confession is good for the soul, they say."
"My methods have always produced results…"
"Mucky methods."
"I may have been unorthodox in some of my relations with you."
Ianto Jones immediately jumped to his feet, throwing the remnants of his coffee in Jack Harkness' face.
"I knew it. I knew it. I'm not myself and it's all your fault. I shouldn't be anywhere near you. I should never have touched you. I'm nothing but a homosexual house-pet.
I feel sick.
I feel violated."
"Ianto no, it was nothing like that. I didn't harm you, would never harm you. I only wanted to help."
Jack stepped forwards into Ianto's personal space, unperturbed by the cold coffee dripping from his face.
Ianto flinched and pressed his back against the previously uncooperative door. His left hand blindly searched for the knob. His right held Jack at bay.
"What can I say to make you trust me Yan? What can I do to make this right?"
Ianto twisted the wrist of his left hand. He heard a soft click.
"Trust you? You are joking Jack? Why would I trust you? How can I trust you, when your every waking word has been a lie?"
With that Ianto yanked the door open and strode through the waiting portal, into a Jack-free world.
The den slammed her own door shut behind him.
-OOO-
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