COULD HAVE BEANS

Angels

a/n: It has been the longest hiatus ever, school is eating me alive but here we go!

The renewal of vows comes quickly, and Arrietty wakes up on the morning of her 27th birthday without the slightest recollection of her past life and its burdens she bears. In the recesses of her memory she's reminded of a borrower witch, someone—a deal, sometime—a real, Borrowers' home, somewhere. But none of it really bothers her much anymore.

On the day of the second wedding, she's not thinking about the possibility of suddenly returning to her smaller world, slipping back into the past. She's thinking of the bride and groom, those who desire to spend an eternity here together, and for them the possibility isn't so far away. Not for now, anyway.

The house sounds like it is in chaos from upstairs. Pulling her hair into a ponytail, it's fallen far past her waist in a red waterfall, Arrietty leans over the banister of the stairs to see Kazu dancing hyperactive all over the couches, formally dressed in a mini suit and tie. Then he looks up, spots her through the railing and the smile on his face could surely illuminate the city.

"Arrietty, Arrietty! Happy wedding—birth—renewal—honeymoon—anniversary—day!"

"Thank y—wait, what?"

"There's too much going on today, I can't handle it!" He bounces from couch to couch, and then Takeo's hands catch him around the waist and yanks out of sight, though he still squeals in delight. "Hurry and get ready!"

The feeling of a last goodbye is both nostalgic and content. She feels accomplished in some way, as if she's conquered something grand, an unprecedented Bean's world in a Borrower's boots. With no map and no guidance, she's made it round the spectrum in one piece and soon she'll be home again. Home—the word attaches itself to two different places now. Maybe even one more than the other, and it's not the one she would have anticipated in the beginning.

She slips into her red formal dress and powders her cheeks with the dusty pink blush Rena lent to her. Catching herself in the mirror, she probably wouldn't have seen the same reflection a month ago, she might've just seen a dark-eyed and empty, soulless shade of a person. It's both strange and refreshing to have escaped that shell of a reality. If only she'd realized earlier all she had to do was accept love in all its forms, not only for people but for places, lifestyles, whole worlds. Then that might've saved her half a lifetime.

Arrietty walks downstairs to see Rena, Takeo and Kazu all in the kitchen, demurely dressed for a wedding. Rena wears a velvet shawl to enshroud her thin frame and protect it from the cold, and the boys wear suits of navy and black. Takeo pushes his glasses up his nose a little further when he sees her.

He shoves his hands in his pockets as he walks towards her, but nonetheless, he says, "You look beautiful."

And somehow, she can tell he really means it.

"Thank you. So do you."

Takeo almost slips a laugh, nearly naturally, but he stops himself. They're still on thin ice. "Thanks. I really tried for the effortlessly pretty look for today."

Kazu's face is pressed up against the window, concerned. "It looks like it's gonna snow today, Takeo, isn't that bad for a wedding?"

Takeo approaches him from behind and peers through the glass. "Technically it's not really a wedding, remember, just a 'renewal of vows' and a second honeymoon after that, to keep the flame alive. So it doesn't really make a difference." He rumples Kazu's glossy mop of hair, but takes a second glance out the window. "Could be just foreshadowing winter though. Don't worry too much."

Rena stops tidying and nearly gasps in amazement when Arrietty approaches. "Oh. You look absolutely breathtaking, Arrietty. You really do." The lady puts both hands on her shoulders and rubs them affectionately.

"You too, Rena. You look brighter and healthier today."

"Thank you, dearie. It's a very special day, after all."

Piling into the car, their journey is long, and the further they get from home, the closer they approach the twinkling city, aglow with the daylight reflecting off towering buildings that kiss the sky. And their chatter is pleasant, they talk and bicker like a normal family. Rena unabashedly scolds Kazu in advance for any misadventures he might take upon himself at the event. Kazu retaliates, and Takeo just snickers from the driver's wheel. Every now and then he catches her reflection in the overhead mirror and they lock eyes—he always turns away first, Arrietty's heart cracks a little more.

But they finally arrive at the venue, a large hall decorated with balloons and gold ornaments, and there are tables teeming with fresh hors d'oeuvres, as she hears Takeo call them, a myriad of different people floating around in anticipation of the same thing.

Shō approaches the party with a smile and looking exceedingly handsome in his groom suit. He looks as he did years ago, trapped within a photo frame but having his youth preserved. His eyes linger on Arrietty for a moment before saying quietly so only she can hear, "Happy birthday."

"Thank you," she replies.

"You all look extremely well." Shō addresses the family.

"As do you." Takeo shakes Shō's hand with a tight-lipped smile, "Big day."

Shō exhales. "Yes, it is."

He steals a glance at her. "Aren't you freezing, Arrietty?"

"A little." Her response is uncharacteristically taciturn because since the phone call about the kiss, Shō hasn't made an effort to repair their relationship. Truthfully perhaps he's rightfully focusing on the one he has with Kana, but it doesn't mean she should be disregarded altogether. Still she remains civil. "Congratulations on today. Three years is a long time."

Shō nods and smiles gently. "It has been three years well-spent."

He hasn't broken eye contact with her, though Rena, Kazu and Takeo, having squeezed her shoulder, have wandered off to speak with the other guests. Arrietty inhales and returns the smile. "You should be overjoyed then, that it should last for another eternity with this renewal of vows."

Somehow the light in his eyes doesn't completely illuminate his expression like it usually does. "I am. But it's happening so quickly sometimes I wonder if I'm processing things too much in acceleration."

"I hope you're making the right decision then," was her reply.

Strangely, he also adds, "So do I."

One of the waiters taps her on the shoulder before she can eat.

"Miss Arrietty, aren't you? The bride wants to see you."

She looks pointedly at Shō, who seems just as ill-informed as she. "Sounds important."

Kana is waiting in a rather luxurious room, laden with small wrapped gifts, and everything, Arrietty notices, is white. The bed she sits on is draped with clean white linen, the curtains wash a white glow over the room and the winter sun frosts the glass of the windows, brightening the place with pure light. And Kana herself looks as if she's come down from the clouds, an ethereal pseudo-angel dressed in her white wedding dress and simply radiating as she's backlit by the morning rays. When she turns to see Arrietty, she crosses the room wordlessly and hugs her. Arrietty's startled but the moment passes and she gently pats the bride on the back.

"You look wonderful, Arrietty."

"So do you. Is that your wedding dress?"

Kana twirls. "It's the second and last time I'll ever wear it."

"It's beautiful. You look beautiful." Arrietty says it with a sincere smile.

Kana puts a hand to her forehead with an embarrassed chuckle. "You don't know how thankful, how eternally indebted I am to you, Arrietty. I didn't know if I'd be doing this until you stepped in for me and took care of me in that horribly drunk situation, dropped me back home. We worked it all out after that. This is what we both want."

Arrietty nods gently. "That's the most important thing."

"Now I think it's time we move forward in life together, as a husband and wife rather than two separate people. So, we'll do it in order. Marriage, now, then kids, then growing old together in peace and happiness. I think then I'll die content." Kana laughs lightheartedly but Arrietty hears the earnestness in her voice. "All thanks to you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You might find out." Arrietty murmurs, "Tomorrow."

"Wait, what—why?"

"I'm going home tomorrow."

Kana is near speechless. "Home?"

"Yes. To my…real home. I don't live with Takeo and Kazu, you know that. I have to go back tomorrow; I just wanted to see this happen, between you two."

Kana sits down on the bed and pulls Arrietty down with her. "Real home? Where is that?"

"Far from here."

"But why do you have to leave now?"

Arrietty laughs at the idea. "I've burdened their family for a month now. Rena can't possibly support another member of the family for any longer. She's ill and all. I can't be a liability to that family any longer, Kazu and Takeo. I won't have it."

Kana drums her fingers against her arm in thought and apprehension. "They won't want you to leave. Not Kazu. Not Takeo. I don't want you to leave. Rena doesn't. Do you have something to take care of at home?"

"It's something I need to deal with, family matters. There are people I haven't spoken to for a long time. Old friends who need to be remembered. I can't do that from here." Arrietty's sentence hesitates but it spills through convincingly enough.

The bride shakes her head. "And to think all this time, we weren't friends. Now I feel as if I've wasted a lifetime of not knowing you, Arrietty."

She puts a hand on Kana's shoulder and pats it in a manner that's meant to be comforting. "I think that's the nicest thing you've said to me, ever."

"I may start crying at the altar, and not just because it's my wedding day all over again. Stop me if it happens." Kana fans herself, and then exhales sharply. With a brightened expression, she says, "Alright, I think everything is in order now. And I think it is time that I get married, take two."

The wedding takes place outside, which doesn't grant the party any favors. Winter is on a plateau, perpetually cold, windy and diaphanous clouds fill the abyss between people and gods, to whom Arrietty prays for a clear ceremony. Takeo mentions there's very little chance of them staying outside, but Arrietty rebuffs the idea quietly, holding her scarf around her arms for warmth as they stand to watch Kana come down the aisle.

Borrower weddings are somewhat simple affairs in comparison to this. The woods don't hold much splendor and the ceremonies take place in between the nooks of old oak trees with petals in strings across the branches. Music is played on woodwind instruments whittled from pinecones and modesty is timeless.

But here, modesty falls to the floor with the thousands of rose petals skittering around their feet. Kana makes her way down to Shō standing out front, along a gold carpet laid out for her. She looks like an angel, but it comes at the price of decadence. Somehow it's so much glitter and so much gold that the happiness seems forced upon them, to compensate for something much less beautiful. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity though, Arrietty reminds herself, to see a spectacle like this; a suburban fairy tale. The groom doesn't beam nearly as much as the bride.

The priest begins, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to rejoin Shō and Kana in holy matrimony after three ardent years of marriage. Though their time together has not yet transcended lifetimes, the love they share is what is to be preserved during today's ceremony, a love that will be cemented in eternity."

Kana is to read her vows first. She clears her throat as Shō removes the veil from her face. Her beauty is unprecedented, Arrietty thinks to herself.

"Shō, you have been the biggest part of my life for these years I have known you. This love of ours, to me is like a journey. One that I hope will continue long after this ceremony is over, after we both grow old and weary, our love will never lose its youth." Kana's eyes are shining and for the first time in a long while, she looks genuinely blissful. "I know that we haven't always been smooth sailing, but the fact that we are here, together, here and now, means more to me that I can ever express to you in words. I love you, and I will love you for every day I am alive."

The party echoes with sounds of adoration. Shō's face is tinged with happiness but he looks nervous. Then he looks into his periphery to see Arrietty standing in the front row of the audience. For a split second, their eyes connect and suspend shape and time for that one moment.

He's in the middle of his vow renewal. He should be looking at his bride and only his bride.

Arrietty's eyes widen and she shakes her head adamantly. Shō regains posture and his eyes flick back to Kana.

"Kana, you are my angel sent from heaven above, and you haven't changed from the moment I met you. And that, among many others, is the reason I love you, because you have always been there. You always stay the same, never changing, always constant. I need constancy in my life." Shō's smile doesn't quite reach his eyes.

Then his eyes flicker back to Arrietty.

She refrains from cursing.Look back to your bride, Shō.

Shō's gaze returns to Kana. "You…have been there from the very beginning. I don't quite remember a time when you haven't been occupying a little bit of my mind. And frankly, I don't want to imagine a reality, an eternity, an infinity that I don't share with you…Kana." He adds, "I love you more than anything."

His eyes keep wandering to Arrietty. She has the urge to scream out.

Your bride, Shō—

Look over at her—

Don't do this—

Please—

The priest begins again. "Kana, do you retake Shō to be your lawfully wedded husband, being the only one in your heart, for now and forever?"

Kana replies with stars in her eyes. "Forever."

The priest turns to Shō. "And Shō, do you retake Kana to be your lawfully wedded wife, being the only one in your heart, for now and forever?"

Shō's gaze returns to Arrietty one last time.

She feels Takeo's eyes on her as the audience realizes that Shō's hesitation lingers a little too long, his stare is a little too open to be genuine. This isn't how the moment is supposed to pass. Shō is supposed to immediately accept his bride's vow with decisive arms, sweep her up off her feet like a princess in a fairytale and bring a close to this bittersweet narrative. They're supposed to work out like two halves of one heart, the road to a happy ending not always effortless but eternal, with Cupid working in their favor. This is what love is supposed to be, a reaffirmation of infinities spent together and lifetimes intertwined within each other.

Arrietty doesn't see love sweeping the couple into limitless happiness. She sees Shō looking at her, and she can hear his statement to her ringing like a bell in her mind—"I hope I've made the right choice."—she sees Kana's gaze following Shō's to her, she hears the words of the priest questioning the groom again and again, she hears the murmurs of the partygoers floating above the ceremony in anticipation for what could happen.

Then she sees Shō fall to the floor, coughing and grimacing, and the rest becomes a vision, made and sewn from the constructs of incubi and nightmares.

This is too much for one heart to handle, especially one that has already suffered through a lifetime of weakness. It weighs on them all.