April 2000
"Patrick went to School in Miami and was happy. Until my mother´s doctor called in May of 1996. She was in the hospital after drinking too much. She needed a new liver after drinking heavily for almost 10 years. The doctor said that she does not have a lot of time left. Patrick and I travelled to Louisiana and went to visit my mother. During our forth visit she suddenly died leaving back Patrick and me. She never recovered from Simon´s death." She swallowed convulsively and took a deep breath.
"After the funeral in Miami and after dad had returned home things slowly went back to normal. Patrick continued going to School. Sometime later he changed and he started having legal problems. Drugs, alcohol and other stuff. I did everything I could think of to help him. But it sometimes looked like he did not want my help, and other times he begged me to help him.
While I was at the university I went to the police academy and was a patrol officer now and had been for a while. Then one day when I came home from my shift in March of 1997 I found him passed out on my couch. Next to him was a syringe and empty alcohol bottles. I called 911 and waited for them to arrive and for the ambulance. They took him to the hospital where he died in the OR. He died the way Simon had died. Horatio he died under my roof and I was not able to stop him and help him. I was supposed to help him and protect him. He died while I on patrol. Patrick died on my watch Horatio. He was 17 years old."
Her tears turned into sobs now and shook her slim body. Horatio held her and stroked her back and held her head against his chest. When her sobs ebbed down he pulled back a little at looked at her intently. "Calleigh, it is not your fault. You did everything you could to help your brother but that he died is not your fault." "He died in my apartment." "I know but it still is not your fault. He was 17 years old and was old enough to make own decisions. That does not make it any better but you have to forgive yourself. He took drugs and drank alcohol and it was his responsibility. He was a troubled by with a troubled childhood just like you had a troubled childhood. You and your brother´s survived hell but it still is not your fault what they did or did not do."
He moved his face closer to hers. "I know you loved your brothers and I love you and our children. You have to try to forgive yourself and let the demons from your past rest." "I cannot do that Horatio." He looked at her and could see her hesitance. "I know that it will not happen in one day. It will be a process. Take your time and try to let go of your guilt. You know that I will do everything I can to help you." "I know." She looked up at him with puffy and red eyes and with a tear stained pained face. He moved his mouth closer to her face his breath fanning her face. When his mouth was close to hers he said "I love you Calleigh." He then gently kissed her coaxing her lips to open under his. He gently nipped her lower lip begging for entrance. She carefully opened her mouth under his giving in to the kiss. Their tongues dueled for dominance while he held her securely against his solid chest.
After a few minutes he could feel Calleigh go weak in his arms and start to relax and he knew that he was getting somewhere. He carefully pulled back in the need for air and stared down into her beautiful face with her flushed cheeks and into her tired eyes. He moved his one hand to massage her tense shoulder muscles causing her lay her head back on his chest. "Thank you very much for sharing this with me sweetheart." She pulled back and looked at him. "Thank you for holding me, comforting me and listening to my story." He kissed her lightly. "You are welcome sweetheart. How about we try to get some well deserved rest." She shrugged her shoulders and he carefully lied down with her in his arms well aware of the possibility of upcoming nightmares during the night.
He held her close to him and wrapped both arms around her. Calleigh pretended to be asleep while he kissed her temple and head every now and then until he fell asleep. After he was asleep for a while she carefully entangled herself from his arms and got up and put her robe on. She made sure he was asleep before she slid out of the room. She walked down the stairs and arrived in the living-room. She went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and went to the porch and sat down in an armchair under a blanket. She thought back about the things she told Horatio earlier and noticed that he had not asked one question and had only listened to her.
Telling him about everything brought back a lot of hidden memories, feelings and fears. She hoped that he would sleep until the morning and give her time to think on her own. She needs time alone to think and to process everything before she can face the world again. She got up and went to her purse and got her MP3 player and returned to her seat on the porch. She sat there and just listened to music. It was a spring night and it was way past midnight. She noticed when she looked at the clock. Horatio must have listened to her for about four hours since he had brought her to their bedroom at around ten p.m.
She suddenly realized that she did not tell him about the attempted rape but she knew that he would not ask if he did not have to. He would wait for her to tell him. At the moment she just enjoyed her peace at the early morning hour.