I'm updating so all of you can stop hating me!

I own nothing. The Almighty Larson owns it all.

Maureen drags me and Angel along. She's notorious for draggin' people. One time a boyfriend of hers didn't wanna go to one of her shows . . . so she dragged him there . . . by his hair. And he had long hair. It was pretty goddamn hilarious to me! I laugh every time I think about it. But I digress.

We arrive at the performance space and see Mark looking at his watch and Roger sitting on the edge of the stage.

"MARKY!" Maureen yells, letting go of our hands, running over to Mark, and crushing him into a hug.

"Maureen . . . can't . . .breathe . . ." Mark chokes out.

"Oh sorry!" Maureen lets go of him and skips over to Roger. "Hi Rogey-Poo! It's nice to see you outside for once!"

"Don't. Call. Me That," Roger says through gritted teeth. I chuckle and receive a glare from him.

"That's a cute nickname, Roger," Angel says, giggling. She's so cute when she giggles.

"Maureen, where exactly have you been?" Mark asks.

"I was on my way to your place," Maureen explains. "I thought you weren't coming."

"Of course he was comin', Mo," I say. "He loves you." I watch Maureen's eyes widen.

"He does?" she asks.

"Oh yeah. Ain't that right, Rog?"

"Yup," Roger agrees. "He masturbates to your picture."

"He does?" Angel, Maureen, and I ask.

"Yeah."

"Shut up!" Mark demands, turning bright red.

"While moaning your name," Roger continues.

"SHUT UP!" Mark shouts, turning even redder.

"Whipped," I say in singsong voice. Mark glares at me.

"Did I forget to mention he does this with his eyes closed?" Roger asks. He's obviously tryna piss Mark off. Judging by how red he is right now, I'd say he's succeeding.

"SHUT UP!" Mark yells. Yup. He's succeeding.

"Damn, boy, you look like a tomato," I say, laughing and sitting on something I don't know what the hell it is, I'm just sitting on it. Mark growls.

"Mark, did you just growl?" Roger asks.

No shit Sherlock.

"Makry, it's not that bad," Maureen says. "Lots of people still love their ex-girlfriends or boyfriends."

"Yeah, but-" Mark stops in mid-sentence and we all hear a high pitched whining noise.

"What's that noise?" Angel asks.

"I don't know," Maureen replies. "Mark, what's that noise?"

"It might be-" Mark stops in mid-sentence again and stares at me. "COLLINS!"

"WHAT!?" I reply. Mark says nothing and tackles me off the thing I'm sitting on. "What the hell, man!?"

"SHUT UP I'M SAVING YOU! EVERYBODY GET OUTTA HERE!" We all run outside and not even a minute later . . . BOOM!

"Mark, what the hell just happened!?" Maureen asks in a panicked tone. Mark slowly opens the door and a bunch of smoke comes out.

"Collins just blew something up," Mark says, walking back into the performance space. We follow him. "Well, nothing's on fire, but-"

"COLLINS YOU BLEW UP THE THING THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE MY VOICE ECHO!" Maureen cries.

"I'm sorry, Mo!" I tell her. "I didn't know it would blow up!"

"I NEEDED THAT, COLLINS!"

"Maureen, honey, he didn't mean to blow anything up," Angel defends me.

"But he did!" Maureen whines.

"Maureen, I can fix it," Mark says. "Why don't you . . . rehearse or something?"

"Okay!" Maureen exclaims. She runs up on the stage, puts a microphone and a cowbell on, and clears her throat. "Last night I had a dream. I found myself in a desert called Cyberland. It was hot. My canteen had sprung a leak and I was . . . thirsty." Angel and I share a confused look. "Out of the abyss walked a cow. Elsie. I asked if she had anything to drink. She said: 'I'm forbidden to produce milk. In Cyberland we only drink . . ." she hits the cowbell "Diet coke . . ." she looks at me and Angel. "IT'S NOT THE SAME!"

"It'll be fine, Maureen," Angel says.

"It better be," Maureen replies, glaring at me. "I'm not afraid to kill my friend."

"Only thing to do . . . only thing to do is jump. Only thing to do is jump over the moon," Maureen sings as everybody cheers. "Only thing to do is jump over the moon. Only thing to do is jump over the moon. Over the moon. Over the . . ." she stops singing and puts her hands on the sides of her nose, "mooooooooooo."

"Did she just 'moo?'" Angel asks me.

"Took the words right outta my mouth," I reply. She didn't perform the whole thing for us, but the part she did perform didn't involve mooing. Seriously, I was with her with the whole Benny being a bulldog and I was even starting to like Elsie, but did the girl have to 'moo?' I know she ain't that strange. Well, this is Maureen.

"Moo with me," Maureen tells the crowd. Some random person moos. "Yes. Who is that? Come on. Moo with me." More people moo. "Yes. Come on, sir." And more people moo. "Don't be shy. Let it go. Moo with me. Let it rip! MOOOO!" She's lost her mind. "LET IT GO, NEW YORK CITY!"

"And I thought she was weird before," Roger says, laughing. I laugh with him and then hear a commotion next to us.

"There's cops here?" I ask rhetorically as some guy and a cop start arguing. Maureen tries to get 'em to stop, but the cop ends up hitting the guy with his nightstick. "Damn." More cops appear, causing a riot to start as Angel grabs my hand and squeezes it. "Let's ge-" Two cops grab me before I can finish my sentence. "Get off of me!"

"Let go of him!" Angel demands, trying to get the cops' hands off me.

"Collins!" I hear Roger say as I break free from the cops and two others grab Angel.

"Get off of her!" I demand.

"Get off of me!" Angel tells them. She kicks a cop that's coming toward her and I manage to get those damn cops off my girl and throw one of 'em on the ground while I'm at it.

"This way!" Roger calls. I run behind Angel, making sure nobody tries anything, and we make it out the door and around the block. "That was insane!"

"I know," Mimi agrees. "And to think it started out peaceful."

"I wasn't talking about the riot. I was talking about what Angel did."

"It wasn't insane," I disagree. "That was fuckin' cool!"

"I just noticed that ever since I met you, I've been in trouble with the law," Angel says, smiling at me. "I think you're a bad influence on me, Collins." I pretend to pout.

"Does this mean I'm not gettin' thanked anymore?" I ask.

"Honey, what you call 'thanked' I call 'fucked.'" My eyes widen and Roger raises an eyebrow as Mimi giggles.

"Chica, vas a trabajar él, ¿no?" she asks. AND AGAIN WITH THE DAMN SPANISH!

"Sabes que estoy, cariño," Angel replies, winking. Hmm . . . must mean something naughty. Who knows? I sure as hell don't. Angel walks toward me, puts her hands on my chest, and whispers, "En el momento que estoy acabado con usted, tendrá que gritaban mi nombre tanto, usted apenas poder hablar."

"I don't know what you just said, but I think I like it," I tell her. She giggles and kisses me. I feel that's kind of a bad move on her part. She knows I'm gonna deepen it and as soon as I do we'll be lost in our own little world. I gently push her off me. "Let's save that for later, kay?"

"Okay," Angel says, smiling. Oh now you wanna speak English! Angel and I look next to us and Mimi and Roger have started a make out session. "How come we have to wait and they don't?"

"That doesn't seem fair, does it?" I reply. "I guess the Life Café'll be waitin'." I pull Angel into a deep kiss . . .all the while thinkin' how weird it must be for people on the street to see two couples makin' out.

Well, I SAY TO HELL WITH 'EM ALL! If I wanna make out with my girl, damn-it, I'll make out with my girl!

WOO! THAT WAS MY UPDATE! HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT! Review please.

Translations:

"Girl, you're gonna work him, aren't you?" - "Chica, vas a trabajar él, ¿no?"

"You know I am, honey." - "Sabes que estoy, cariño."

"By the time I'm finished with you, you'll have screamed my name so much, you'll barely be able to speak." - "En el momento que estoy acabado con usted, tendrá que gritaban mi nombre tanto, usted apenas poder hablar."