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Chapter 21:

I didn't sleep at all last night. The whole night was spent staring out of the glass door to my balcony, or staring up at the ceiling. Today was the day of the ball. The maid delivered my breakfast, but I told her I wasn't hungry. It was true. I had never really realized what it felt like to lose your appetite. I faintly recalled when Jane used to say she had 'lost her appetite'. It always seemed like a means of escaping the dinner table. I didn't think it was actually possible to lose your appetite. But I felt it today. I had lost my appetite for anything and everything. It didn't matter if I was hungry, I just couldn't eat. Not even at lunch time.

I pulled out Wuthering Heights and began to read. I found myself getting easily distracted a few times, zoning out of what I was reading, and only realized a few minutes later that I had no idea what I had been reading for a few pages. I would go back and re-read that page, only to discover I had zoned out again. I was stuck on the same chapter for about three hours. I finally sighed and closed the book and placed it on my lap. The rest of the family was preparing themselves for the ball. The maids and servants of the household ran around, finishing up the last bit of work that needed to be done before it was time for the ball.

I felt indifferent about the ball. Zuko would be engaged after this, but I felt too numb from yesterday's happenings to feel anything towards what was about to happen. I imagined Princess Azula sitting in her room, ordering her personal maids to apply her makeup, wash her hair, clean her feet, and find her dress while she sat reading a book. And Princess Mai, probably acting a in similar way as Princess Azula. I didn't wonder what Zuko would be doing. He was probably still asleep for all I knew.

I was proved wrong when I heard him enter my room without knocking. He walked in wearing casual clothes, nothing suitable for a ball. He took a seat next to me and smiled when he saw the book on my lap. "You already read it?"

"Hundreds of times." I replied coldly, staring off into space.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a hurt expression catch Zuko's face. "Oh, I didn't think you would have read it before."

"What do you mean? Have you read it?"

"No. I'm just saying, I wouldn't have sent it to you if I knew you had already read it so many times."

My hand gripped the book on my lap. So it was him who had sent it to me. I turned to face him. "Why couldn't you just give it to me?"

"Huh?"

"Why send it, you could have just given it to me. I live in the same place that you do."

He rubbed the back of his head. "Ah, yeah. I don't know."

I sighed and stared down at the book. "Thank you anyways though."

He shrugged, "it was nothing." He then looked away from me and pulled something out of his pocket. "Here."

I stared at what it was. A train ticket. "I booked you a seat for tomorrow morning. I tried to get it today in the night, but it wasn't available." He sighed quietly, "At least you'll have time to rest. A carriage will be waiting for you tomorrow morning at the corridors. You can stay for four days at most."

I stared down at the ticket then back up at him. I outstretched my hand to take it but I paused. What he said yesterday was true. If I went to visit, I would visit when I had more than enough money to support them. "Thank you. But I can't go." I said firmly.

Zuko looked up at me. His mouth parted slightly as his eyebrows drew in. "What?"

"You were right. I will only go back when I have enough money to support my family. I will only be a burden on them if I go now."

"But-"

"Even after I get the money from going to today's ball, it won't be enough. Mother needs her own personal nurse and that costs a lot." I paused and took in a sharp breath.

Zuko shook his head slowly. "Katara, you should go. I can give you the money you need, but they're you're family, you have to go. I'll provide you with how ever much you need."

I tensed up and sat stiffly for a while. A painful silence between us. No one had ever offered me money before like this. I spent my whole life earning money myself. I was definitely not going to accept it from him, of all people. It was an insult, in fact. He thought I couldn't even earn money on my own. I looked away from him and straightened my back. I stared at the wall right in front of me. "Thank you Prince Zuko. But I am in no need of your pity or your money." I said rigidly, each word sharply pronounced.

"Katara, in no way am I pitying you. You obviously need the money-"

"You're wrong. I can take care of myself. I do not pride myself on being a burden to others, Prince Zuko."

"Firstly, don't use that name as a weapon against me and secondly you know for a fact it's not a burden for me."

I clenched my teeth together. "There is no use in insisting. I will not accept help from a stranger." I paused to see a look of anger flash in Zuko's eyes before I proceeded, "now if you excuse me I must be getting back to preparing myself for your ball." I stared down at the book in my lap. I stood up and held the book in front of Zuko. "I would have done this sooner if I knew who gave it to me."

Zuko scowled and stood up as well. "You're ridiculous." He said and he walked away from me but I grabbed his arm, just like he had done to me yesterday. I took a hold of his hand and placed the book in it. I let go of his arm and stood with a daring look in my eyes. I could see the resentment in his eyes, but I didn't care. "What is your problem?" He said suddenly in annoyance.

I shook my head and laughed dryly. "What's my problem? What's your problem? Do you think I can't take care of myself? Just because I'm a girl?"

He raised both his eyebrows. "Is that what you think? I know very well that you can take care of yourself, in fact that you always do take care of yourself. You being a girl has nothing to do with this. That's why I'm trying to help you. You obviously need the help, why don't you ever just take a break and let other's help you?"

I froze for a moment. He had me figured out better than I myself. I narrowed my eyes at him. "I am in no need of your helpfulness and hospitality."

He groaned loudly and brushed his hand through his hair. "Why can't you just let someone help you because you obviously need it?" He roared.

I was taken aback for a second, but my rage got the better of me and I walked right up to him so I was staring right into his golden eyes. "I do not need anyone's help! I am very capable of taking care of myself, by myself! I don't need you pity, your money, your hospitality. I don't need you at all! I am here to do my job as the pianist and that is what I will do to earn my stay here! I don't need anyone's help now and I never, ever will need anyone's help! Because I can take care of myself!" I screamed right in his face.

Zuko threw the book on the floor. It made a loud 'thump!' as he did so. His jaw tightened and he stormed out of my room, slamming the door shut. I picked up the book and threw it at the door, with all the strength I had left in me, and yelled loudly in frustration.

The time for the ball slowly inched closer and I stared down at my clothes. I was still wearing my night gown. I sighed I didn't want to change, but I knew I had to. I opened the closet and pulled out one of my own blue dresses. It was a simple blue dress, I had worn it before, but it didn't really matter.

I jumped when I heard a knock on my door. I quickly ran towards the door and picked up the book. If it was Zuko, it would be thrown as hard as I could throw it right at his face. I smiled mischievously as I realized it was a hard cover. "Come in!" I called out. I took my stance a few feet away from the door. The door opened and I quickly stopped my wrist from throwing when I realized it was a girl standing there. She flinched when she saw the book in my hand. I quickly placed the book on my bed.

"Sorry." I mumbled as I looked over at her. It was a girl that looked about my age. With short brown hair and brown eyes. She smiled widely at me. I had never seen her before. She walked quickly into my room and looked me up and down and then smiled wider, something I didn't know was possible. "You must be Katara, I'm Suki! My family came here early for the ball; they told me the royal pianist was about my age, because I was bored so I figured I would meet you. Anyways, we're staying here for two weeks or so, because, actually I don't even know why. But anyways, I thought you were going to throw the book at me when I came in here." She laughed and then her smile turned smaller as she saw the bewildered expression on my face.

"I'm sorry. Do I talk too much? Some people say I do. But I can't help it. Sometimes there is just so much to say you know?" I couldn't help smiling up at this strange girl. There was something very likeable about her.

I held out my hand, "well it's a pleasure to meet you."

She shook my hand quickly and suddenly sat down on my bed. "I love you room. How long have you een here for?"

I thought about it for a second, "About four or five months."

"Wow! Must be amazing to live in the same house as Prince Zuko!" She exclaimed so loudly, I felt embarrassed.

I sat down next to her. "Trust me, it's far from amazing."

Suki laughed. "Well, I'm sorry to have bothered you. You probably want to get ready for the dance right?" She stood up to leave.

"Oh no, I am ready."

Suki turned around and frowned. "Oh! You're wearing that dreadful thing!" I gave her a look but she shook her head. "Katara, you can't wear that! It's a ball!"

I looked down at what I was wearing. I couldn't help feeling a bit annoyed. I barely knew her and she was already criticizing me. I shook my head. "What's wrong with it?"

"Oh my! Come on! We need to get you into something nicer than that!" She grabbed my arm and pulled me towards my closet. She opened it up as if it were her own. She immediately lunged for the side of the borrowed dresses. She pulled out a dark blue one. It was beautiful, but I didn't want to wear it. "Try it on! Try it on!" She ushered me into the closet and I quickly pulled off my dress. I stepped into the blue dress and pulled it up.

I walked out and Suki smiled giddily at me. "You look beautiful! Katara! Look!" She pushed me towards a mirror. I scowled at her. My scowl turned into a smile as I looked in the mirror. It fit me as well as the emerald green dress had fit me. Suki clapped her hands. "Now you just need a little bit of makeup and I'll style your hair and then you're ready!" I froze. I was not going to wear makeup and I was not going to allow her to take my hair out of my braid.

A few minutes later, I was sitting in the guest room in front of a dresser piled with makeup and hair supplied. Suki was running in circles around me, doing my makeup and styling my hair as if it were the most important job on Earth. I had to close my eyes suck in my cheeks, raise my chin, and pull my head back. By the end of it, I had to push her away from me. I first looked over at Suki who had a satisfied expression on her face. "Let me see!"

Suki handed me a mirror. I looked into it. My eyes slowly widened with what I saw. My brown eyes looked larger and were outlined with some kohl. The kohl also traced my upper eyelid. There was a golden shadow on my eyes as well. My round face looked slightly slimmer and defined. My cheeks had a flush to them that looked so natural. I then looked down at my lips. My lips were traced over with a sheer red lip stain. I opened and closed my mouth. I pulled the mirror further away from me to take it all in. My usually braided hair was released from its braid and fell around my shoulders all the way down to my lower stomach. It looked so silky and smooth. It waved around my face, perfectly framing my face. "Wow…" I whispered watching as my red lips moved as I spoke.

"I'll say. You look beautiful!" Suki said as her head popped up behind me in the mirror. I put the mirror down and walked into the washroom to take the whole appearance in. She was right. For the first time in my life, I actually could stare in a mirror and say I looked pretty. For some reason that made me feel worse, if I couldn't look beautiful without having makeup on then I must be ugly in reality. I sighed and stepped away from the mirror.

"What's wrong?" Suki asked me. It was easy for Suki, she was pretty without any makeup on.

"Nothing. Thank you." I mumbled.

Suki and I talked for a while and then she left claiming she had to get ready for the ball herself. I watched her go and then leaned back in my bed. I knew I was probably messing my hair up. But I didn't really care. It was only then that I realized Zuko had left the train ticket here. I sighed and picked it up. I couldn't go. I definitely couldn't go anymore. I picked up 'Wuthering Heights' and placed the ticket inside of it. I then wrapped it in the same packaging it had come in and addressed it to Zuko I placed it in the small space that was made for mail and I wiped my hands on my dress.