Chapter 21 – Do you hear the people sing, singing the songs of angry men?

Lauren left the arena after the bars medal ceremony exhausted. She was pleased with her gold and Kaylie's bronze medals and she was absolutely ecstatic for Nessie medalling at her first Worlds. But underneath the happiness she felt awful. She inexplicably felt like a failure and she felt incredibly lonely, despite the fact she spent the bars competition sitting next to Leo and her dad. She struggled through the press conference, plastering a grin on her face. That was one advantage of gymnastics, it taught you to bring your game face, no matter what you felt underneath. She felt close to tears, even though there was no reason for it. Almost a year of dealing with depression had taught her that people feel and should be allowed to feel. She pleaded a headache to avoid going out for a salad with her teammates and went straight to her room. She noticed their worried eyes following her, but she needed to be somewhere quiet.

She walked quickly to her room, and then closed and locked the door before practically collapsing on her bed. She took deep breaths, trying to overcome the feeling of desperation and helplessness that overcame her. She hated this. She'd just won a gold medal. She had no excuse for feeling like this. She opened her laptop and put her headphones and put some James Blunt music on, the maudlin sound helping her to realise that other people felt like crap too sometimes.

Lauren mindlessly went through her usual loop of websites before landing on her emails. She saw one from Emily and grinned. Emily described her rowing and classes and the interesting experience of living with Kelly. The Olympic bars champion gave many funny anecdotes backed up with photos of campus and rowing and general college antics. Lauren was so happy to have news from home that by the time she'd finished reading she felt much better.

There was a knock on her door.

"Come in" Lauren said tentatively. She smiled at Payson as the taller girl entered.

"You look a heck of a lot better than you did at the press conference" Payson said, relieved.

"Why thank you."

"Are you going to tell me what was wrong?" From the tone of her friend's voice, Lauren could tell that Payson wasn't accusing her of putting up a wall, she was genuinely giving Lauren the option of whether she wanted to talk or not.

"Nothing really, just end of Worlds tiredness. You know the deal."

"You sure?"

"Honestly Pay, I'm fine."

Payson smiled tiredly. "I'm glad. I think you've definitely earned a weekend off when this is over."

Lauren stared at her friend incredulously. "One weekend? I'm the freaking all around champion and I demand a week off!"

"And I'm your coach and what I say goes."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?" Payson was confused.

"Are you still going to be my coach when we get back from Antwerp?"

Payson didn't answer.

"Are you even coming back to Boulder after this?"

Payson stared intensely at her fingernails. Lauren wanted to butt in and ask her again, but something told her that Payson didn't need to be interrupted.

"Lo – I have no idea" Payson sighed "two weeks ago I got a text from Ike."

"Ike? As in stoner loser Ike at Taft High School."

"People change, and he was more than that."

Lauren snorted "come on Pay, he tried to get you drunk and discouraged you from trying at anything. He's not going to change"

Payson glared at Lauren "pots, kettles etc."

"What the fuck?"

"Lo, you weren't exactly the nicest person a while ago and look how far you've come now. I know you didn't like Ike but I believe in giving people second chances."

Lauren looked down, her cheeks burning with embarrassment she wanted to scream at Payson and call her a bitch. She couldn't believe that Payson would even think about speaking to Ike when she had such a good relationship with Sasha, when Lauren needed her so much, when things were finally ok between her and Kaylie and Payson. Suddenly Lauren felt like the little girl whose mother was leaving again. "That was low."

"Yes it was, I'm sorry. But Lauren I feel stuck just coaching. I love Sasha and you guys, you know that. I would take a bullet for any of you, but I've gone from being a gymnast to a coach and I need to do something different."

"And what exactly is Ike suggesting that could be better than coaching, let me guess becoming a professional gamer, or maybe working as a waitress at his cafe?"

Payson glared at her friend. "You are so judgmental."

"Well I have reason to be. I'm your friend and I don't want you getting hurt. And you haven't exactly been open with me. What does he want you to do?"

Payson's blue eyes met Lauren's brown ones. "He's volunteering for a year in Ghana with the Red Cross. He was wondering if I would be interested in joining him."

Lauren stared at her friend. That was the last thing she was expecting.

"Ghana?" Lauren said in a tiny voice. "That's so far away."

"Not really – not much further than London." Payson sat down beside Lauren and put an arm around her. Lauren leant her head on Payson's shoulder.

"Are you really going to go?"

"I don't know, it's just an idea at the moment. I'm going to take two weeks off after worlds to think about it and then decide."

"Two weeks? You're only giving me a weekend off!"

Payson chuckled "see you'll soon be begging for me to go to Ghana."

Lauren sighed "it's your life, Pay and I guess you have to do what you have to do."

"I want you to know, Lauren that you, Kaylie and the other gymnasts are one of my biggest considerations, after my family in making this decision."

Lauren looked at her best friend. She knew that Payson was telling the truth, but she was also fairly sure that Payson had almost made up her mind. She bit her lip and nodded.

"And I don't want this conversation to alter beam and floor finals, am I clear? You and I have worked too hard for too long for them to go badly."

Lauren nodded again. She didn't want to betray the lump that was rising in her throat.

"Good." Payson walked out of the room with her head held high. It wasn't until Payson had closed the door and walked down the hallway to her own room that she started to cry.

Lauren cried into her pillow for a while before realising that she was Lauren Fucking Tanner and that she had to find a way to make Payson stay.

XXX

Sasha couldn't help grinning as Kaylie and Lauren walked out into the arena with the rest of the beam finalists. They had decided to wear the leotards they had worn on a magazine cover they had done after the Rock rebels took on China three years ago. It was Lauren's idea. She wanted the other competitors to fear them and send a reminder that she and Kaylie were the favourites to take gold and silver in both finals. Kaylie had reluctantly agreed, mostly because all of the other leotards she had left were ugly, and this one suited her skin tone. Also she really, really wanted to beat Gengi Cho on the beam.

"And here we are folks, on the last day of competition. There are only two more WAG titles up for grabs and the USA girls are the favourites for both of them. Lauren Tanner is our new All Around Champion who has a higher degree of difficulty than her teammate Kaylie Cruz, but Kaylie tends to have better execution scores." Al Tralwig was amazed by how the USA team which had been a hot mess in 2011 had come out as the dominant country in WAG.

Sophia De Niro, an Italian gymnast was up first. She had a very pretty routine, with lots of leaps and fluid connections. Sasha wasn't worried. De Niro only had a 5.5 difficulty score, Lauren had a 6.9 and Kaylie a 6. fifteen year old dismounted with a double tuck, stuck cold.

Gengi Cho was next. The Olympic beam champion attacked the beam. She had suffered disappointment at the Olympics last year, and there were other Chinese gymnasts who were biting at her heels. She was fighting for her place here and it showed. There was a fire in the girl's eyes that had not been there before. Sasha didn't scare easily, but he was terrified. He whistled as the Chinese gymnast's score was posted: a 15.7. Lauren and Kaylie were going to have to be very good to beat her.

Kaylie was jittery, she noticed one of the Russian girls come off the beam and saw Ivanka absolutely nail her routine. Something was up with Lauren and Payson. Payson had taken them through their pre-competition warm up and she helped Lauren but was nowhere near as encouraging as usual. Lauren was cold as well, and Kaylie could tell that Lauren was plotting something. She had been friends with Lauren since she was five and she knew her as well as anyone.

Lauren forced herself to shut out the bombshell that Payson had dropped on her. A year ago she would not have been able to do that. Now she remembered all the times Payson had her back: forgiving her for sending the video to Ellen Beals, getting her through Olympic Trials, risking both her job and her relationship with Sasha to train her. She mounted the beam with her Alicia Sacramone mount and forced a smile onto her face. She focused on her elements, shutting out everything else. Finally she dismounted with her Patterson dismount.

Sasha hugged Lauren tightly "that was amazing Tanner." Lauren beamed, "thanks Sasha."

Payson stood behind Sasha uncertainly. "Well done, Lo."

Lauren's smile disappeared; she nodded curtly and walked over to her drink bottle. Payson grabbed Lauren's wrist. Lauren reluctantly looked at the taller girl. "What, you're going to tell me that you're going to marry Ike and never come back to the States again."

Payson glared at her friend. "Shut the fuck up! I have put so much effort into you and now you're acting like the brat you used to be."

Lauren returned the glare "for someone who puts so much effort into her gymnasts you sure don't seem to have a problem with leaving us, or telling me the day before finals."

"Well you managed to do your beam routine just fine without me. And I was going to congratulate you on that but you had to be petty and mean instead. Lauren I'm too tired for this. Please just get through floor and then we can yell at each other all we want. But I don't know what changed, you were so accepting last night."

"I was in shock."

Payson nodded, she understood that. "I was wrong to tell you last night."

Lauren shrugged "I forced it out of you, and at least you didn't lie."

"So truce?"

"For now."

Neither Lauren nor Payson noticed Kaylie standing nearby pretending to drink from her drink bottle and stretch, but really listening in on the conversation.

Lauren had scored a 15.45, it was a huge score and Sasha was proud of her. There was just one beam finalist left, Kaylie.

"Are you ready Kaylie?"

"I think so."

"Not good enough" Sasha said quietly. She was an Olympic Champion but Kaylie still lacked the confidence that all of his other elites had.

"Yes, I'm ready. I want to win" she said determinedly, thinking about Lauren and Payson's conversation. She used the hurt she felt by being left out of the conversation to focus herself. She brought to mind the conversation Darby had had with her at 2009 nationals, that she wasn't a champion.

Kaylie saluted the judges a smile on her face. This beam title was hers. She pointed her toes and fingers as far as she could, forcing her lines to be graceful and elegant. Her acrobatic elements were perfectly executed and she dismounted with a triple twist.

Sasha jumped and threw his fist in the air. He looked stupid but he didn't care. She picked up Kaylie and spun her around. "That is the best beam routine I have ever seen you do. In fact that was the best routine one of my gymnasts has ever done." He kissed her cheek. Kaylie rested her head on his shoulder. "I couldn't have done it without you Sasha."

Kaylie hugged Payson and Lauren, she wasn't going to give away how pissed off she was, not when the whole world was watching. The three Rock girls held hands, waiting for the beam score.

"Oh my goodness" Payson muttered.

"No fucking way" Lauren said.

Kaylie just stared at the scoreboard – somehow she had scored a 16.3 on the beam, and won her first individual world championship medal. Through her tears she searched the stands for her family. She blew them a kiss. Whatever happened with Payson after championships, whatever she decided to do – none of it mattered, not at the moment. She was going to hear the star spangled banner play in her honour.

XXX

There was a lot of reapplying of makeup before floor finals. Lauren's tears the night before and Kaylie's after beam finals had left them both looking a little tired. Normally applying makeup was a social occasion with lots of laughs and complements. Now there was silence. Payson gritted her teeth, angry at herself at her lapse of judgment for talking to Lauren about moving overseas the night before such an important competition.

Lauren gave her hair one more spray. "Ready."

Kaylie gave a smile that didn't reach her eyes and nodded. She left the room quickly, not waiting for the others to catch up. Lauren followed, not looking at Payson. Payson rolled her eyes. If Lauren wanted her to stay and coach, she had a funny way of showing it.

Payson watched as Xhe Zidan from China completed an exquisite floor routine. Normally she would be entranced, watching every move for ways to improve her own, and her athletes' execution, and looking for ideas for tumbling runs. But Payson didn't care. All she could think of was how tired she was and how she had spent so long and worked so hard for gymnastics that she had nothing left to give. She'd realised during her injury in 2009 that there was more to live than gymnastics and she was beginning to realise it again. And a tiny part of her resented her teammates for holding her back. She gritted her teeth and forced herself to live in the present. Whatever happened in the future she still had two athletes to get through a World Championship Final.

Payson clapped as Ivanka completed her routine. The Russian was the biggest threat to Lo and Kaylie, although if they both hit their routines they would almost certainly take gold and silver. The only real question was the order in which they would place. Each of the other competitors performed their routines. Finally it was Lauren's turn. Payson walked over to her friend, placed her hands on Lauren's shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"You are one of the best floor workers in the world. I want you to go out there and show everyone why you won the all-around and vault."

Lauren nodded.

"And I believe in you."

Lauren nodded again. "I know you do."

Payson smiled. "Well then, I suppose you have a medal to win."

Lauren grinned. Payson was humble but occasionally, just occasionally she didn't bother with false modesty.

Lauren saluted the judges and began performing her routine. She flew through the air. She was the strongest tumbler in the USA, and probably the world. Payson had chosen Verdi's requiem for Lauren – the 'Dies Irae' theme. The powerful, almost apocalyptic music carrying Lauren through the air. When she was finished there was silence for a full five seconds before the audience burst into cheers.

Lauren smiled at Payson. "If that was our last routine together, I want you to know that none of this" she motioned around the arena "could have been done without you."

Payson smiled tiredly "Lauren, it was a pleasure. I almost cry every time I think of how far you've come."

"Pay I would never have come this far, and I'm sure it's the same for Kaylie too, without seeing you battle past your injury and all the drama to get to the Olympics."

Payson hugged Lauren "does this mean we're good. You know about last night?"

Lauren rolled her eyes "no Keeler."

"Just thought I'd ask." Payson muttered before walking over to Kaylie: the last competitor for the 2013 World Championships.

Kaylie gave Payson a half-smile.

"Ready?'

Kaylie nodded "yes."

Payson hugged her briefly "you can do this, just remember –"

"I'm telling a story" Kaylie teased "I know Pay, I heard the first five thousand times."

"You've been around Lauren too much."

"Don't I know it."

Sasha and Payson had chosen Kaylie's music together and Darby had choreographed it. The three of them had coached, encouraged, badgered and pestered Kaylie with this routine to make sure it was perfect. They had Kaylie do many, many practice routines to prepare her for this moment. The music was a mash up of Adele's 'Rolling in the Deep' and Kelly Clarkson's 'Breakaway'. It was more mature than her Olympic routine but it still showed the girly side of Kaylie. Her routine was different to Lauren's in so many ways with perfectly executed turns and leaps and slightly less difficult tumbling.

When she finished her routine she went to hug Sasha and then waved at her family. She avoided Payson and Lauren. After what seemed like an age her score came up – it was a 15.9 - Kaylie had received a 9.8 execution score and won herself a second gold medal. Lauren had taken the silver and Ivanka the bronze. It was an amazing result for the USA, but Payson felt like crap. She'd ruined the moment by telling Lauren about her plans. She only hoped that her friends could forgive her.

XXX

After the medal ceremony and press conference Payson and Lauren went to Payson's room. Lauren showered and came out in one of Payson's dresses, brushing her hair with Payson's hairbrush.

Payson raised an eyebrow. "I see that the concept of personal property is lost on you."

"You once said you'd do whatever you could to help us."

Payson snorted "fine – I don't like that dress anyway."

Lauren dramatically threw herself on Payson's bed. "I can't believe Worlds is over."

I can scarcely believe my best friend is the all around champion and picked up three other medals for good measure.

"Neither can I" Lauren agreed, serious for once.

"Lo – I'm so so sorry-" Payson was interrupted by Kaylie entering her room.

"Kales! How is the beam and floor champion" Lauren asked cheerfully.

Kaylie glared at the two blondes "to be honest she's pretty pissed off. What the hell have you two been talking about behind my back? I'm not leaving until you tell me. And don't sugar coat it. I'm sick of everyone treating me like a little kid."

Payson gulped – she had never seen Kaylie this angry.

A/N second to last chapter! What did you think of Payson's epiphany? What do you think she should do? By the way, if you want to hear Lauren's floor music – YouTube Verdi's Requiem 'Dies Irae' even if you don't like classical music you should listen. It's 2 minutes and 28 seconds of amazingness! As always please let me know what you thought have a great week! X