Within the next couple days, they ended up in Cairo. Harry was amazed at how easily they were able to fall back into a comfortable rapport with each other. He was delighted that Sev approved of the new name, and Harry could set aside the doubts as they went back to enjoying life. They ended up getting a room together with separate beds, but it was close enough for both of them. The two of them were as awkward as high school students who were just starting to go out. Harry would brush his hand against Sev's, or he would lightly squeeze his arm when he passed him, but they never did anything blatant.
Severus was enjoying the new development. Things were moving slow, but at least they could both be themselves. However, he was itching to move things along at least another inch. They barely share personal space, and they hadn't danced since the night of the big exposure. What he really wanted was to be able to share a bed again, as inappropriate as that sounds. He satisfies himself with watching Harry as he sleeps. Sometimes he would sit on his bed, and run his fingers through his hair. He would eventually return to his own bed, but it still felt too empty and cold.
One night, Severus heard Harry get out of bed. This was the third night in a row. Harry never said anything, and Severus always pretended to be asleep. But as he watched Harry slip out onto the balcony, Severus got up and poured two glasses of firewhiskey. He knocked on the door leading outside so as not to alarm Harry as he carried the drinks out.
Harry looked guilty, as though he was ashamed for disturbing the man. He took the drink with a quiet thanks, if only just to keep his hands occupied. They stood in silence as they looked out on the landscape. The air was still very warm even though the sun went down hours ago. Their hotel faced the Nile, and the water reflected the full moon overhead.
"What's troubling you?" Severus asked at last.
"The fact that I don't want to be trouble."
"By that, you mean you do not wish to trouble me when something is wrong."
Harry took a drink of the strong liquid. He didn't really like the taste, but he dealt with it in order to sort his thoughts. "It's just… I'm having trouble sleeping."
Severus knew that the vague answer was perhaps 10% of the reason for his concerns, but he simply replied with, "Me too." He set his drink down on the railing, and moved closer to Harry. He reached up and lightly pulled Harry into an embrace from behind. He rested his head on top of Harry's, and just held onto his tense form.
"You don't need to do that you know." Harry said as his eyes drifted closed, absorbed in the sensation.
"I know I don't, but it looked as though you needed it." He was never really touchy feely with other people, but when it came to Harry, Severus wondered if he ever really knew himself. He'd been so wrong about so many other things, it wasn't an inconceivable notion.
"Even if I need it, I don't want you to feel obligated to do it." Harry pulled away, and turned to look at the man. "I know you watch over me at night, and I know you sift your fingers through my hair. I know you say you have your own reasons for being here, but I can't help but think I am at fault for… everything. I know I may sound like I'm repeating myself, but it weighs me down, and I don't know how to feel or act or…"
Severus interrupted him by grabbing him and pulling him close. He maneuvered the two of them into a silent stance. He moved, and Harry followed. "I've learned to just take things in stride. Like you taught me. Just go with it. If you do not want me to do something, or it makes you uncomfortable, just say so, and I will stop."
Harry swallowed, nervous. "…But I don't want you to stop. That's the problem…"
Severus smiled into his hair. As Terry, he's been close to Harry for several months. As Sev, it's only been the better part of two weeks. The real question both of them were worrying about was, 'How do we go forward?' They both want the closeness, and the possibility to be more involved. But something unnamed stops them from taking the final plunge into the unknown. He brought his face close to Harry's. "Would it help you if I let you into my mind?"
Harry tensed. "You don't have to."
"There's a lot of things that I don't have to do. But that wasn't my question. Would it help ease your worries if I let you into my mind?"
"No, not now. Please. I appreciate the gesture, really. It's just that… I'm still trying to figure it out. This problem. The new salve appears to be working fine, but nothing I've done ever seems to heal it… And as grateful as I am for you being so patient and thoughtful… I don't know. I guess I'm just expecting you to become like your old self, get sick of the sight of me, and start ridiculing me, or…"
"Stop Harry." Sev said gently. "I've been angry most of my life. I'm rather enjoying the reprieve. I'm starting to find the validity in the phrase, 'it's the simple things in life you treasure.' And as for getting sick of the sight of you, I have never been sick of the sight of you, and I very much doubt I could be. Instead, I'd like to see you in different sights. Such as how your face lit up when we saw the Sphinx, or when you smiled looking at the baby doing a little dance on the street yesterday. Or how about when you sleep, and you're face is so peaceful. I haven't seen enough of these yet. I don't think I can get my fill on all the expressions you have to offer."
Harry smirked as they continued to move. "You know just what to say to raise my spirits up. Tell me, is this why you've been looming over my bed at night?"
Sev felt guilty. "Is that a problem? I'll stop if it is."
"No. I'll admit your fingers feel nice when they run through my hair. I think I sleep better during those nights when I feel your presence. I don't know why."
"Well at least you don't feel creeped out or disturbed."
Harry risked tightening his hold on the man a bit. "I don't think I can ever be creeped out or disturbed by you."
In that moment, Severus felt that bubbling feeling at the pit of his stomach. The kind that only Harry can produce nowadays. Such simple praise has such a surprising effect on him. He decided to make a ballsy suggestion. "If you're having trouble sleeping, would you like me to remain close until you fall asleep? No funny business. I swear."
"But that's the sort of thing I feel guilty over. I want to say yes, but I feel like I'm taking advantage of your kindness."
"What if I was to say that it would help me as well?"
Harry stared blankly at him. "… Then… I suppose it's alright then."
"Are you sure?" Sev smirked. It felt like he was teasing the poor young man. "You seemed to hesitate there." There was definitely a blush on Harry's face.
"No, I mean, yes! I mean… It's fine!" Harry pulled away, and went back inside, and burrowed under the covers. Severus brought their glasses in and closed the door. He walked around the other side of the bed, and like a snake, he flawlessly slinked in, hardly disturbing the covers or anything around Harry. Though Harry soon found himself encased in warm arms. One above the covers, and one buried under the pillows under his head. The hand on the quilt pulled him closer as though he was a large comfortable pillow.
"Is this alright? I can move if you want me to." Harry huffed a bit, because they both knew Harry didn't want the man to go anywhere. He was comfortable and warm, and he felt at ease. More so than what should be possible. It took no time for them to drift off into a pleasant slumber.
That evening, they decided to go on a Nile River Cruise. It was a formal affair, and it gave them an excuse to dress in their finest again. They listened to a live orchestra as they enjoyed their meal. The lights were dim, and the gentle sway of the ship was soothing.
Severus watched as several couples stood up in order to dance. He wished he could ask Harry, but that wouldn't be wise. They stayed aware of what was appropriate in the places they've visited. They felt comfortable in India, because even male friends were comfortable around each other to hold hands and be close, even though there was nothing intimate between them. The same was true here in Egypt. Male friends could hold hands, but any further displays of affection could land them in trouble with the authorities. He was pulled out of his thoughts when a woman approached their table. "Excuse me. I hope you don't mind my forwardness, but I was hoping I could interest you in a dance?" She was clearly directing all of her attention over to Harry.
Harry looked a little unsure of himself, and looked over at Severus for guidance. Severus just smiled and gave him a silent indication that he should go have fun. Harry awkwardly got up. "Yes, I'd be delighted actually." They went off, and Severus took a moment to simply admire Harry's form and stance as he took the lead. He felt himself blooming with pride that he was the one who taught him that. He sipped his wine and just enjoyed watching Harry move, and was calmed with the fact that he wasn't jealous in the slightest. It felt strange to be so sure that the young man indeed felt affection towards him and no one else. Even with such a lovely dark haired beauty in his arms.
It seemed as though everyone had a partner for the dance floor, and the tables were shifted by the staff so that there was more room for the dancers. Severus watched as several older men moved outside with their drinks to continue with their discussions. There was a table close to his where a charming young woman was watching the dancers with barely disguised envy. She was heavy set, but not overly made up. Her golden hair was a nice contrast to her tanned skin. There were three men at her table, and they were ignoring her. He could tell they knew each other, since they all teased with each other, perhaps a little too immature for this setting. She threw in a comment here and there, but mainly ignored them to watch the dancing.
Severus had enough. He's been there all too often. Included, yet ignored, and feeling trapped in a group, and simply wishing for some modicum of compassion. She was clearly convinced that no one would ever ask her to dance, and she was too proud to do the asking, for fear of surely being turned down one way or another. He finished his wine, got up, and calmly walked over to her. His posture was straight, and his head held high as he pulled together all his gentlemanly charm. "Do forgive me, but someone as lovely as you should be enjoying this evening to its fullest. Would you do me the honor of having this next dance?" He gave a slight bow, and held out his hand to her.
She desperately wanted to take it, but hesitated. She was blushing quite fiercely, and seemed like she couldn't speak. One of her companions spoke, "Hey man, you might want to be careful. She's got two left feet." His friends laughed. She looked mortified.
Severus kept eye contact with her, and didn't give any indication that he heard them. He spoke softer, just for her to hear. "Do not let the words of others drag you down. I will show you how to forget your fears."
She seemed mesmerized by his words, and finally accepted. He led her to the floor, and pulled her close. "Even if one did indeed had two left feet, that shouldn't stop them from cutting a rug if they so desired it."
She finally found her voice. "Well, they're partially right. I have stepped on their feet before, but only because they deserved it. And I'm afraid I haven't done anything like this before, so I apologize in advance."
"Just follow my movements and you'll be fine. And your friends look as though they could benefit from some manners."
"We're here on a college grant and our professor arranged for this dinner."
"Well then you'll certainly have some stories to tell when you get home. I'm on a trip as well. My partner and I are somewhat on a prolonged vacation."
"Are they here tonight?" She was not offended, just genuinely curious.
"He's dancing with that lady over there. You should have a turn with him as well. He's very light on his feet. I taught him everything he knows."
She thought for a moment. "Sad that you can't dance with him here. I know those guys would throw a fit."
Very perceptive, Severus thought. "It's fine. But the whole reason for the evening is to enjoy ourselves, meet new people, and live for life's wonders." He twirled her around, and effortlessly pulled her back into the stance. She was laughing and glowing with happiness.
Severus showed her a few different moves for the new dances that came on, and it was clear she was on cloud nine. They were disturbed out of their moment when they heard a heightened shriek, "Get the fuck out of here you fucking queer!" Severus turned just in time to see Harry get slapped across the face. Severus tensed, and resisted the urge to get involved. If Harry needed him, he would ask.
Harry straightened his jacket, and held his head high. "Madam, I have never once given you the impression I was interested in anything more than a dance. The fact that you hurt yourself with your own expectations is your responsibility, not mine. And right now, you are the one causing an unnecessary scene."
Sev's partner let out a bit of a smirk. "I can see you've been giving him lessons." Then she raised her voice. "What's the matter Tasha? Couldn't snag your young rich millionaire with your feminine whiles?" Around them, people started to laugh. The young Tasha stormed out of the room, and everyone went back to dancing. Harry came over and joined Severus and his partner. "I feel like I should apologize for her. She's been going on and on about how she was going to nab some rich guy at this party, and she saw your clearly tailored suit."
"Well too bad for her, I already have a man." They all laughed.
"Her unfortunate loss. Harry, might I present a more pleasing dance partner. She's been an absolute delight."
Harry smiled at her and kissed her hand before leading her into the next dance. Severus found a different partner, and rest of the evening passed in joyful music and movement.
"So what exactly happened that cause that shrew to strike at you?" Severus asked when they were in a taxi heading back to the hotel.
"Well, it started out innocently enough. She was telling me a bit about herself, and what she was doing at school, and I told her a bit about our journey. And then she started to make fun of that poor girl you were dancing with. I knew that if you chose to dance with her that she was alright in your eyes. She didn't take too kindly to that. I don't think she even recognized you as being at the table when she asked me to dance. She then tried to, I don't know, seduce me, or something. Rubbed her hands on my arms, moan in my ear a bit. I felt uncomfortable, and she was shocked that nothing she did was getting me riled up. She even tried inviting me to her room tonight, and I simply said that I wasn't interested.
I was waiting for the dance to end in order to have an excuse to leave. But it was clear she was irritated with you and your partner having so much fun out of dancing. She was jealous. And she made a throwaway comment that you two fit together. The sparrow and the whale, she said. And I told her that you already had a partner, and she said that it must be someone equally hideous. And that's when I told her that I was the hideous partner. She freaked out as though I was the most disgusting creature, and that she couldn't believe she showed any interest in me." Harry sighed. "You were right though, your partner was more fun to dance with." They laughed. That girl clearly became the envy of everyone in her group, and she was beaming with pride by the end.
Severus took Harry's hand, and gave it a squeeze as they rode on into the night.
They settled down for the evening, and decided to watch some ridiculous movie on the television as they cuddled in bed. Since they both had such a good night's sleep the night before, they felt no reason why they shouldn't do it again. Both of them loved the feeling of being so close to the other. Severus could feel Harry's warmth as he perfectly fit like a puzzle piece in front of him. He buried his nose in Harry's hair, and was lulled to sleep by the scent. Harry felt safe and content, and happier in this moment than he's ever been in his whole life. He smiled as he too drifted off, barely having enough energy to turn off the TV.
After Egypt, they made a big loop passing through Ethiopia, Kenya, Tanzania, and then they headed back to the north-west. By the time they hit Morocco, they were both quite sick of the warm climates. Their last city they visited was Casablanca. From there, they decided to change things up a bit, and bought tickets to go on a cruise to Iceland.
Harry stood at the bow of the ship and simply felt the spray of the water mist over his face. Neither one of them got sea sick, thankfully. But Harry knew Severus didn't like coming so close to the rail. He could feel the man behind him, and he reflected back on the last couple of months together. They were close, but still shy around one another. They have a bit of an unspoken agreement on just how far the cuddling should go. Harry was not going to push it, because being anywhere near the man was enough to be a dream come true. They still danced together on occasion. Mostly in the privacy of their room. Harry has not had an attack since that one dreadful night. His chest isn't really any better. It just itches like hell most nights now. He humors Severus by downing any concoction he presents to him, and using whatever 'medicine' he's created. He never argues with the man, because he knows he is trying his best in order to be helpful. Even if his efforts are in vain. If anything, Harry relishes the attention. Severus is so different from the man he was, he was hardly recognizable. But to Harry, he's still the man he knew he loved. He was simply more.
"Your skin is permanently going to smell of salt water if you keep hanging your head over the side like that." Sev called from behind him.
"Don't worry, I'll use plenty of shampoo tonight to get it out." Harry chuckled as he turned around. He watched Sev's hair flow in the wind. In the late afternoon sun, he looked gorgeous.
"What were you thinking about so intently over there?" Severus asked as he walked over.
"Everything and nothing I suppose. How about you?"
"I was wondering why there weren't more people on this ship. It sleeps 24 families and 12 couples, but I've counted perhaps a quarter of that, and they're all inside."
Harry allowed himself to be a little bold as he came up and hugged the man. "Then we have the whole deck to ourselves." He leaned in close, Severus swallowed a lump in his throat, as he was frozen in place. Harry brought his lips close to the shell of his ear, "Race you to the back of the ship!" With that, he was off like a flash. Severus hardly had time to recover before he was in hot pursuit.
"You're not supposed to run on deck Harry!" He called out to him.
"Well then, you better catch me!" Harry threw back.
Challenge accepted. Severus took the narrow paths that cut his time in half than the direction Harry went. Harry looked behind him to see if he could see where the man was. He wasn't there. He felt slightly disappointed that perhaps he went too far with his joke… until Severus appeared right in front of him out of nowhere, and caught him around the middle. Harry yelped in surprise, and laughed at being so tricked. "Well, I've caught you. What's my prize to be?"
It was here where the passage of time slowed to a crawl. The waves dimmed in the distance, and everything was shut out as the two looked into each other's eyes. There are moments in life that change the course of your destiny, and this was one of them. Neither one of them could calm their breathing as the adrenaline flushed their faces. Severus unconsciously brought his hand up to brush Harry's hair out of his eyes, but his hand lingered, keeping close to his cheek. Harry decided to take a chance, and risk everything on a gamble. He brought his own hand up in order to pull Severus's head towards his own, so that he could plant a soft kiss onto the man's lips. He backed off slowly, with some nervousness returning. "Was that alright?" It was probably foolish to ask that after the fact.
Severus's eyes were still closed, and his lips were still parted. Before Harry could get any more nervous, he felt Severus tighten his hold. "Do that again." He whispered breathlessly.
Encouraged, Harry brought them back together, and gently kissed the man's lips. They didn't respond to the tentative touches at first, but then they started moving in the same motions, almost testing… experimenting… Harry's mind went blank at the feeling as Severus increased the pressure, and soon they were both lost to a full blown snog.
A door opened nearby, and the two pulled apart at last. Their breathing was still erratic, but this time it was for a different reason.
Severus was the first one to speak. "Merlin! Why haven't we done that sooner?"
Harry laughed. "You tell me. I've been wanting to do that for years!"
Severus couldn't deny that. "My fault then. I was under the impression you still weren't ready."
"I've been ready ever since I found out who you were. Though I'm glad we've had time to grow accustomed to one another. I think I would have been a nervous wreck and had the coherency of a babbling idiot."
Since there still weren't people around them, Severus pulled him back close to his body and rubbed his nose against Harry's temple. "Thank you Harry. You truly are a gift."
Harry smiled, and cuddled close. "I should be thanking you. For your patience, and for everything. Everyday."
"Everyday." Severus repeated as they held each other in the light of the setting sun.